He hoped she hadn’t gone to sleep, that he hadn’t worn her out. “Liv?”
“Hmm?”
“Is there anyone else?”
“Ben—”
She sounded exasperated, and he couldn’t let her dissuade him. “Tell me I’m the only one.”
“You’re the only one.”
“Say it again.”
“Stop it, Ben.”
“I need to know.”
Liv sat up and pulled the sheet over her. “What’s going on?”
“I want to know.”
“I answered you, but you haven’t answered me.”
“Why didn’t you ask me to come, Liv? Why did Paige have to do it? Didn’t you want me here?”
“Because we promised not to do this. Not just me, both of us. You promised not to ask me to give up my dream for you, and I did the same. That’s why, Ben. I didn’t think it was fair to ask something of you that I couldn’t give you in return.”
“Is this enough for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Seeing each other once every three or four months?”
She got up and grabbed her clothes.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m getting dressed.”
“Why?”
She turned and glared at him, dropping her clothes back on the floor.
“You tell me why, Ben. Why do you keep asking if you’re the only one for me? Jesus! Isn’t it enough that you’re the only man I’ve been with in twenty years? You need constant reassurance that as soon as we’re apart, I didn’t fall in bed with someone else? Why, Ben? Is that what you did?”
“I just want to know why it’s so easy for you. It’s killing me not to be with you, yet you seem fine.”
“Fine? I seem fine. Really?”
When he nodded, she picked her clothes back up, but he yanked them away.
“Don’t hide from me, Liv. You either run, or you hide, and tonight I’m not going to let you do either. Talk to me, tell me how you feel.”
She reached out and grabbed the sheet, yanking it hard. It came off the bed and she wrapped it around her.
“You always do this.”
“What do I do, Liv? Is it so bad that I want to know you better?”
“It isn’t that you want to know me better, it’s that whatever you want, you have to have right now. You push too hard. You decided you wanted to know more about me, so you followed me around and asked me questions, endlessly. You wouldn’t stop, Ben. You forced it. Let’s go back further. You came to my house. You showed up there. You didn’t even call. You came. And you didn’t ask. You just stayed.
“You insisted I tell you about my life, whether I was ready to or not. Then, worse, you made me, forced me, to listen to yours. I wasn’t ready for that.
“I asked you to give me time to follow my dreams. One rodeo, Ben. That’s all I’ve done. Competed in one rodeo. Is that all I get before you swoop in…” her eyes filled with tears.
Ben watched her pace back and forth next to the bed, trying to hold the sheet up as she did, but it would slip, and she would trip on it. And every time she did, she’d glare at him, as though it was his fault.
And he, asshole that he was, thought it was the cutest, sweetest, craziest thing he’d ever seen. She tried to be mad at him, but she sucked at it. It was harder than hell for him to fight the smile trying to escape his lips. She was adorable when she tried to be mad.
When she growled at him, he couldn’t help it…he laughed, and she stopped moving. She stood next to the bed, holding the sheet up with one hand, glaring at him.
“I’m sorry,” he said, but he couldn’t stop laughing.
“No, you’re not. You’re not sorry at all. You think this is funny.”
“Liv. Olivia. Olivia Fairchild. It isn’t funny.”
“Then why are you still laughing? You can’t stop, can you?”
He couldn’t. He tried to, but he couldn’t. Maybe if he didn’t look at her. But where else could he look? He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her on top of him.
She smiled, not mad anymore. He hoped what he was about to do wouldn’t make her mad again.
“Liv.”
“Ben.” Her eyes softened, her lips still smiling. She was being silly now, but he had to do it anyway.
“I love you.”
18
Ben held his breath. Her expression didn’t change, and she didn’t say anything. Nothing. Had she heard him?
Finally, she moved. Her hand came up and her fingers stroked his cheek. Then she licked her lips. Twice. She put her hand on the back of his neck, and pulled herself up, so her lips were closer to his.
She kissed him, softly at first. Lips brushing lips. Then she went deeper, her hand pulled at him, her fingers dug into his skin.
“Liv—”
“Shh.” She unwrapped herself from the sheet and threw it to the side. Her hands pushed at his shoulders, forcing him to lie on his back.
“Skin on skin,” she murmured as she climbed on top of him and rested her body against his.
In the night they turned, still holding each other, face to face. Ben opened his eyes. Liv looked peaceful, and breathtaking. He traced the curve of her jaw, once again moved by how deeply she affected him.
He glanced at the clock, it was a little after seven. If he woke her now, they’d have time to have breakfast together before she had to be at the barn. It would be a normal, everyday kind of thing, and it would be about her.
He’d listened last night. He pushed too hard. She said it to him that day in Vegas. When he asked if it was too much, she answered too soon.
“Hey, cowgirl, time to wake up.” He kissed her eyelids, then moved down to the tip of her nose, then each soft cheek. “Wake up, baby.”
“Hmm, what time is it?”
“Early enough for you to have breakfast and still be on time.”
“Good,” she groaned, and when she stretched, the sheet fell away from her body. “I’m starving.”
Ben needed to get out of bed now, right now, while they still had time to have breakfast. They hadn’t had dinner last night, and he had to make sure she ate this morning. If he got lost in her body again, they wouldn’t have time.
“Come on,” he said, pulling her arm. “I’ll start the shower for you.”
She pulled him toward her. “No, come back. We have time.”
It would be so easy to climb back in bed and take what he needed from her, but she needed nourishment more than she needed him.
He let go of her arm, bent down and put her over his shoulder. “Shower, baby, let’s go.”
“Nooo. What are you doing? Ben, stop!” Her fists pounded at his back.
Ben reached in and turned the shower on. Ice cold water. Perfect. He climbed in and set her on her feet. Liv screamed when the frigid water hit her back and started pummeling him. And laughing.
It was going to be a good day.
“Pancakes. Wait. And sausage. Or bacon. Just bring both. And eggs, scrambled. Oh, and toast. Don’t forget toast.”
The waitress stood with one hand on her hip, waiting for Liv to finish. “Anything else? Hash browns?”
“Oh yes, hash browns, that sounds good. Thanks.” Liv turned to Ben. “What are you having?”
Before he answered, she started talking to the waitress again. “Oh, and coffee. And juice. Um, do you have tomato juice?”
“Yep, got it. Coffee and tomato juice.” She continued to look at Liv, expectantly.
“That’s it for me. What are you having Ben? Come on, order. We need to be quick, so I’m not late.”
“I’ll have what she’s having.”
That got a laugh out of the waitress, who seemed as amused by Liv as he was.
Liv read the program for the rodeo she picked up on their way into the diner.
“Whatcha’ lookin’ for?”
“Nothin’,” she answered absentmindedly, as she hurriedly flipped through pages. She stopp
ed, set the booklet down, and folded her hands on top of it.
“I’m sorry. That was rude.”
“It’s okay, you can read if you want to.”
“It’s not very polite,” she murmured.
“I don’t mind.” Ben took her hands in his. “Relax. I can be with you without having your undivided attention.”
She raised her eyebrow. “Can you?”
“I can do whatever it takes, baby.”
“Whatever.” She grinned and rolled her eyes at him, and then went back to reading her program.
“There you are.” Renie plopped down on the bench seat beside her mother. “Check your phone much?”
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
“Where’s your phone, Mom?”
Liv reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone. “Sorry, I must’ve turned it off.”
“No kidding. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you since last night.”
Liv squinted at Ben.
“What?”
“Did you turn my phone off last night?”
“No idea what you’re talking about.”
“What if something had happened to Micah?” Her tone changed.
“Everyone knows where we’re staying, Liv. They would’ve come and knocked on the door.”
“My daughter tried to reach me. What about that?”
“If it had been an emergency I would have done what Ben said. Don’t be upset,” Renie answered for Ben.
The waitress, plus a helper from the kitchen, set plates of food down on the table.
“Who else is having breakfast with you two?”
“You are,” Liv answered, her mouth terse as she spoke.
Yep, he screwed up.
Liv was distracted the rest of the morning. She knew it and so did Jolene.
“Get him out of here. Send him home.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ben. Send him home.”
“I can’t do that, Jolene. It’s one more race.”
“I don’t like having him here. You aren’t focused.”
“That isn’t fair.”
“It’s a simple rule, Liv, and one that’ll make you win more often.”
What was Jolene talking about? Was she suggesting that Liv not allow Ben to come to the rodeos she competed in? That sounded ludicrous.
“Mark my words.”
“Jolene, come on, what would Larry have said if you told him not to come and watch you.”
“He never did.”
“He never came and watched you? Seriously?”
“I wanted to win more than you do.”
Liv still thought Jolene unreasonable, but that night, when she knocked over not one but two barrels and rode herself out of the money, she started to think Jolene might be right.
“I don’t care if you didn’t place, we’re going out and celebrating tonight.”
“Dottie, I appreciate it, but I’m not up for it tonight.”
“Buck up, buttercup. Never been a day since I’ve known you that I haven’t been proud of you. Don’t make the first time it happens be tonight.”
Liv felt five years old, between Ben turning her phone off last night, and Jolene telling her that she shouldn’t let Ben watch her ride. Now Dottie told her she was behaving badly. Liv wanted to load Micah into her trailer and drive home. And not to Texas, to Colorado.
“Don’t do it,” Paige said.
“I didn’t see you standing there.” Liv ran her hand through her hair and bit her lower lip. “Don’t do what?”
“Leave.”
“What the heck, Paige?”
“Tell me that wasn’t what you were thinking about.”
“Doesn’t mean I’d do it. Hey, where is Ben?” She realized she hadn’t seen him.
“He’s with Mark. Thought he’d give you space.”
Liv told Paige what Jolene said, about Ben not being there when she rode.
“Sounds like a load of crap to me.”
Liv laughed. “Yeah, well, there’s that. But also, I was distracted today. I was mad at him.”
“So learn how to be mad at him and still stay focused. Practice that instead of keeping him away.”
Ben was nursing his second coke when Liv walked into the bar, her entourage in tow. Jolene walked by and glared at him.
“She doesn’t like the balls,” Mark snickered. “If she liked ’em better she might not be such a bitch.”
“I heard that,” said Dottie, tweaking Mark’s cheek. “We’re gettin’ a table. You fellas gonna join us?”
Mark stood to follow, but Ben stayed seated.
“What are you doing? Come on, we’re gonna get something to eat.”
“Give me a minute.”
He watched as everyone else walked into the other room. Everyone but Liv, who walked toward him.
“You hidin’ from me, cowboy?”
“Am I in trouble?”
“Nah, you’re not. But here’s the thing, is this about you, Ben? Or is it about me? You’re not used to things being about somebody other than you. You might want to consider that.”
She turned on the heel of her fancy cowboy boots and walked off in the direction of the table. When she got two feet away from him, she turned and looked back over her shoulder. It was the first time he’d ever seen her look back. He got off the bar stool and followed.
Before they got to the table, Ben put his hand on Liv’s waist and she stopped walking.
“This is what I’m talking about. This is my time, Ben. I’ve never had that, never let myself. Before I can give myself to anyone I have to fill myself up. Do you understand?”
He was working on it, he just needed to try a little harder, not for just a day, but every day.
Liv almost wished she’d left yesterday. She wouldn’t have to say goodbye to Ben now if she had.
She had the trailer hooked up to the truck and was ready to get on the road. She decided to go home for a couple days, regroup, and then get herself back out there. It was a seven-hour drive, but instead of driving, she wanted to sleep. Thank goodness she’d have Renie with her to keep her awake.
Ben insisted she let him load the last of her stuff into the back of her truck while she said goodbye to everybody else.
“Ready?”
That wasn’t what she expected. She’d expected at least a little drama from him. If she was learning anything, it was he was unpredictable.
He walked to her passenger door and held it open, as if he expected something from her.
“What?”
“Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, I guess I am. Does Renie want to drive?”
“I’m gonna drive the first leg so you can rest.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ll drive for a couple hours, or I can drive the whole way if you want me to.”
“Who’s driving your truck?”
“Bill.”
“Ben—” She sighed heavily and closed her eyes. “Oh, hell with it. Never mind. Let’s go. Where is Renie,
anyway?”
“She’s riding with Billy. We’re caravanning, baby. At least until Walsenburg. This’ll be fun.”
It occurred to Liv that perhaps she had as many control issues as Ben. After all, she was furious that all of this had been decided without a single one of them asking her opinion.
“Hard, isn’t it?”
“What?” she barked at him.
“Lettin’ go.”
“Shut up.”
Ben put his arm around her waist and swung her up into the truck. “Use the time to figure out which events you’re gonna enter between now and Las Vegas.”
“As if I had a prayer of making it this year. Get real.”
“Gotta dream, baby.”
Liv hadn’t gotten a penny of the purse in Woodward, not that she’d expected to. She’d be lucky if she’d earned enough to get her membership card before December.
“Wha
t do you want to listen to on our ride, baby?”
“Who’s my favorite band?”
“CB Rice.”
“Um, no. Isn’t that weird, to listen to your own music? What do you do, sing along?”
Ben laughed. “Kidding, Liv. So, who?”
“Let’s listen to a country station for a bit.”
Ben hoped she didn’t see him roll his eyes.
“I saw that.”
Liv mapped out the events she’d compete in for the rest of the season. There were a couple of events in Colorado in August, and one in Idaho. In September, she’d be in Albuquerque and Salt Lake City.
“Is that it for September? If it is, you could come see me for a couple days.”
“Well, there’s another event, in Kansas City, but it’s cards only.”
“You’re speakin’ a foreign language now, sweetheart.”
“I’ll be on a permit until I win a cumulative total of one thousand dollars. Then I’ll get my membership card.”
“Yeah? I’m sure you’ll win that much before Kansas City. Aren’t you?”
Liv turned her face toward the window, and Ben put his hand on hers. “Scoot over here, closer to me. That’s what bench seats are for.”
She did, and he put his hand on her thigh. “You can do it. I believe in you. You gotta believe in yourself if you wanna fill yourself up.”
“Okay, I hear you.” Liv stared out the window, quiet for a few minutes. “In October I’ll be in Tulsa, and then the second half of the month there are two events in Texas. One is top thirty only, in Waco. And then Rock Springs is top twelve in the Mountain State Circuit.”
“There you go. See? You believe in yourself.”
“What’s your schedule?”
Ben’s eyes got wide and he stared at her with his mouth open. “What? You haven’t been on our website? You haven’t memorized our schedule?”
She couldn’t remember the last time she had.
“Pull it up on your phone.”
Ben would be on the east coast until the middle of September, and he didn’t have more than one day off at a time between now and then. The second half of September he had three days off, before they went to Texas and back to Denver. After that, he left right away for the west coast, where they’d be until the end of October. They didn’t have any tour dates scheduled in November, and they wouldn’t until after Christmas at the earliest.
Fall for Me (Cowboys of Crested Butte Book 1) Page 17
