“I don’t know. Because he’s an asshole and an idiot I guess. I’m so sorry, Simone. You never said you were coming back whenever we spoke. I didn’t expect that you would, neither did he. Maybe before the accident he would’ve believed you would, but not after. I told you once that Linc’s childhood was tougher than he let on and I wasn’t lying. The accident ripped more than just his flesh, Mona. It ripped right through his self-confidence. And it was already flimsy after all the years of listening to his old man tell him he wasn’t worth anything. I honestly think he’s convinced himself that you made the right decision leaving.” He gently turned me to face him, sympathy filling his eyes as he attempted to stem the flow of tears that were coming too fast. He smoothed my hair behind my ears. “He went nuts after you left and it got even worse after your mother told him that you had reenrolled at SDSU.”
“What?” My pale face went paler and my knees went out from under me.
“Is that not true?” Ash steadied me.
I shook my head a deep sadness and body numbing regret robbing me of speech.
“But when we spoke the first time you told me you were in the registrar’s office.”
“I withdrew from the fall semester and was setting up an escrow account with them in case I ever got the chance to attend in the future.” My voice was a low rasp.
I knew she probably thought she was protecting me but I couldn’t believe my mother had betrayed me with a half-truth.
But then how much of it was really her fault? I should have stayed. And Lincoln should have trusted me to return.
“Maybe you should talk to Linc,” Ash said softly.
Too late. It was far too late for that. The inevitable end had come and it was far worse than I could ever have imagined.
“No.” I lifted my hand and covered his mouth with my fingers. Something unidentifiable flared in his dark sapphire eyes. “Don’t say his name. Don’t talk about him.” My raw voice hitched. “Don’t. Just don’t.” I started to shake uncontrollably and felt weary to my bones as though I had aged a lifetime in a few moments. I dropped my pounding head to Ash’s chest.
A roar suddenly sounded from within the hotel that gave me a chill. My name immediately followed. Someone must have told Lincoln I had come and gone. I started to shake harder.
“Get me out of here, Ash. Please. Please. Please get me out of here. I don’t want to see him.” My chest burned as if it had been set on fire.
“Ok, Mona. Ok,” he soothed sweeping me up into his arms just before my wobbly legs went completely out from under me. I clung to him, not registering anything clearly. Him settling me into the van. Me crying even harder. A very short drive to another part of the hotel. Him carrying me across the pavement, producing a key to another room.
“Is this your room?” My teeth started to chatter.
“A friend’s.”
“But…”
He cut off my protest. “He’s a flight attendant. He’s gone until tomorrow. It’s the only place I could think of on such short notice. You can stay here tonight.” He set me down inside a cramped bathroom but I clung to his lavender polo shirt. “Don’t leave me alone, Ash.”
“I wasn’t even thinking about it. Only Simone, I’m afraid you might be going into shock. You need to get out of those clothes and into a hot shower.”
“Oh…kkk.” I lowered my chin my fingers trembling so bad I couldn’t undo the buttons.
Firmly gripping my shoulders Ash peered down at me his sapphire eyes somber. “Will you allow me to help you get undressed? I’ll try,” he swallowed as if his throat had suddenly gone dry, “I’ll try not to look any more than I have to.”
“It’s ok, Ash. I d.d…don’t care.” I covered his hands with my own. He was familiar, I told myself. He was safe. “I understand…”
“I don’t think you do,” he interrupted. “But we’ll talk later when you feel better.”
He turned on the water to get it warm and then he undressed me more gently than I would’ve thought a guy as big as Ash could. Not just the outer layers but my sexy see through bra and my matching panties, too. He avoided eye contact and I started crying again when he laid the expensive lingerie carefully on the vanity counter.
“It’s ok, Simone. It’s ok.” It wasn’t and it would never be but his voice and his manner soothed me. In the end I was too shaken to take care of myself. He had to take off his clothes, too. He held me close to his strong body in the shower under the warm spray until my skin turned red and I stopped shivering.
One muscular masculine arm around my shoulders, he leaned out, popped open the medicine cabinet and withdrew a new toothbrush and toothpaste. I took the brush and unwrapped it from the plastic while he uncapped the toothpaste squeezing a generous amount onto the bristles for me. Attending to me so tenderly.
“Brush,” he ordered and I did. I was so grateful to remove the horrible taste from my mouth. I tipped my face up to the spray to rinse and spit into the drain below my feet. “Good girl.” He reached over my shoulder to lay the brush and tube on the counter beside my underwear.
I noticed two things. My nipples puckering in response to the inadvertent glide of his forearm against them and the rock hard erection that was pressed against my rear. “Ash.” I turned around in his embrace, hand curling around his arm, fingers stroking the fine platinum hairs that covered his tan skin.
“Simone I’m sorry. You’re a beautiful woman and I care for you deeply. I can’t help my body’s response. You’re safe. I would never take advantage of you.”
“Even if I want you to?” I whispered loud enough to be heard over the running water while peering up at him through my lashes. I needed to be affirmed as a woman and I needed to forever purge the image of Lincoln and his betrayal from my brain.
He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as if he had to close them to resist me. “You don’t know what you’re asking.” His voice was strained and when he reopened his eyes there was a depth of pain within them that didn’t make sense to me.
I moved closer pressing my nipples to his chest and reaching up my hand to stroke his face. “It’s ok, Ash. I know what I’m doing. I want you. Do you not want me, too? Just a little?” I thought back to all the times he’d been around watching me and Lincoln. The longing looks I had intercepted but pretended not to see.
“I do.” He groaned. “But you’re too vulnerable right now. And I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about what this is, either. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than you’ve already been hurt.” He took my hands from his face and gathered them to his chest. “I love you, Simone.” My breath caught. “I was jealous at first but then I think I fell for you right along with him. But you need to know that I love him more.” His eyes were deep sapphire pools that I had to focus on to maintain my bearings within a world that he’d just completely rearranged with those words.
“You…you love Lincoln?” Saying his name made sharp pain slice through my heart. “Like you want to be with him…physically?”
“Yes.” His answer was immediate and sincere.
“But you’re his cousin.”
“His mother and mine were adopted. We’re not really related but we’ve grown up together so I would never betray that trust or his friendship by crossing any line. I just told you because I want you to understand why we can’t be together. It just wouldn’t be right. Not when I can’t love you fully the way you deserve.”
“Oh, Ash.” I framed his conflict ravaged face with both my hands finally understanding the sadness that always clung to him while the warm water continued to rain down on us hitting my back, cascading around my shoulders and sluicing down my legs. “I’m so sorry. I never knew.”
“No one does. You can’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t. I promise, but…” I was just about to tell him that I still wanted him to make love to me. That we could proceed as friends who understood each other’s pain and could give each other the mutual pleasure and comfort that I think we both need
ed, when there was a loud crash and the sound of splintering wood from the other room.
“What the fuck?” Ash grabbed two towels from the rack throwing one back at me while moving protectively in front of me. He had barely gotten the towel around his waist when Lincoln appeared in the doorway. Hair standing up all over the place eyes wild as they moved back and forth between Ash and me.
“You son of a bitch! I knew there was something going on between you two!” He slapped his hands against Ash’s chest shoving him hard. Ash rocked back on his heels but stood firm holding his ground.
“Stop!” I protested hating that I felt guilty as I held the towel in a desperate grip in front of my body. “It’s not what you think.” I didn’t want Ash to get hurt on my account. Lincoln looked like he wanted to murder him. His dark wrathful gaze sliced to me.
He made a hateful sound of disbelief in response to my clichéd excuse before he turned back to his cousin. “How could you do this to me?” The sting of betrayal brightened his eyes and fury mottled his face.
“You did it to yourself. After witnessing that scene in your room, what did you expect? You should be glad it was me and not someone else,” Ash said harshly. “Now turn around and get out.”
Lost within those memories from the past, in the present my heart raced and my stomach churned anew as I reprocessed the final events that had ruined everything for all three of us.
I didn’t even register my cell ringing next to Chulo until the missed call lit up the display.
Then my eyes glazed over one final time and I remembered the rest. How Ash had forced Lincoln into the other room and how their voices had risen in anger then fallen right before Ash had returned and pulled me into his arms.
“He’s gone,” he had intoned the words like whatever had gone down in the other room had broken him. We were both broken by our love for Lincoln. I threaded my arms around his waist and we clung to each other. “He hates both of us now. But he’s gone.”
Chapter Fifty-Six
* * *
Simone
My hands shook as I redialed the missed call. The emotions I had relived felt as raw and as incapacitating today as they had been all those years ago. Everything had ended that day. Not just for me and Lincoln but for me and Ash.
Ash and I still only spoke on the phone, brief conversations where we talked about things that didn’t really matter. I would often wonder if Lincoln was around listening. Ash invariably stumbled on his words, avoiding painful topics.
“Hey,” I greeted when Karen answered rubbing Chulo’s soft pink belly as he rolled over in his sleep as limp as a puppet. I had to steer my way clear of the past if only so I could be functional for him. At least somebody needed me, though if he could talk I think Chulo would have insisted that I needed him more. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much. I just got in.” Holy shit. It was late here. She was on the east coast. It was the wee hours of the morning there. “I thought I’d check up on you. We haven’t spoken for a week. How are things at the shop?”
“They’re ok.” I hadn’t admitted yet how tight finances were. She had run the surf shop so much more efficiently than I did when she had owned it. “Any extra overstock from last year’s line you can send my way?” I inquired.
When Karen left OB she had become a public relations rep for Roxy. She was a senior VP now, traveling all the time and was rarely home in her apartment in New York City anymore. I think she needed to stay that busy. Whereas she had run away from OB and her heartache, I’d run back toward it. But through the highs and lows in both our lives we had remained friends.
“Yeah I’ve got some good stuff. Backpacks. Jackets. A couple of dresses I think will move well there.” She paused and it sounded like she was taking a sip of something. “What’s new with you?”
“Lincoln’s back in town.” I dropped the news without any build up. She reacted much as I expected.
“What?” she screeched. “Back in OB?”
“Yeah.” I nodded my head even though she couldn’t see me. I was still off kilter and had been since he stepped out of the corner at the Tiki Bar and back into my life requesting the tune I’d been singing when we had met at the beach that first time. “He wants to record ‘Save Me’ for the next Donovan Blaine film. He’s going to produce it and split the royalties with me fifty-fifty.”
“That’s awesome I think. Sounds like you’ve already decided to do it. But how do you feel about it?”
“You sound like a shrink.” I felt my brows pull together.
“And that I do surprises you, why?”
It didn’t. She had spent a lot of time over the years with different ones trying to get the nightmares to go away so she could move on and let go of the past. Our circumstances were certainly entirely different but we both carried our share of pain.
“Is that all he wants…” She let her question hang meaningfully.
“Um, no.” My cheeks warmed. Remembering what had almost happened with Lincoln and me in the middle of the day at the shop where anyone could have seen us…Shit. I needed to clear the video on the security cameras. “He definitely wants a lot more.” And beyond the physical too if I could believe him. Which I wouldn’t. That would be crazy. Given our history, I needed to be solidly determined to avoid his advances.
“He still as good looking?” Oh yeah. More so. More confident. More cocky. More mature. Dangerously irresistible.
“Yeah,” I understated. Majorly.
“Then I say go for it.”
“What?” It was my turn to screech. “Are you insane! You’re supposed to be my bestie. You’re supposed to look out for me. Tell me to guard my heart and that kind of stuff.”
“You two had something incredible,” she stated softly, nostalgically in a way that made me think she wasn’t just remembering Lincoln and me.
“Yeah something that went incredibly wrong. You of all people know how badly he hurt me and how long it’s taken me to move on.”
“I do. You’re absolutely right.” I was a little surprised she pivoted to agree with me so quickly. “Though you really haven’t gone on have you, Simone?” That sounded like an admonition. “Listen,” she exhaled heavily, “if I could have one more day with Patch, even just one more hour, don’t you think I would take it?”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Yeah, Karen of course you would. I’m sorry.” My heart twisted for her. It always did and I was only a bystander to her pain. She had lived it and survived it. Just barely. “But you know it’s not the same. Patch didn’t fool around on you after letting you believe he was committed to you.” And after marking me so indelibly that now every time another man touched me, I thought of Linc instead and felt unfaithful to him.
“No. But what if he’s changed? What if he has regrets? Wouldn’t you want to hear about them? It was a crazy time. You were so young and had so much going against you. If your mother hadn’t interfered. If you hadn’t left. Mistakes were made on both sides. You said so yourself. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to see if there’s still something there, if maybe the love you once shared could be rekindled?”
Chapter Fifty-Seven
* * *
Linc
Standing on her porch early the next morning after I had kissed her before she kicked me out of her shop, I was as nervous about how she would receive me now as I had been fifteen years ago when I had entered Napoli’s after our chance meeting on the beach.
I waited a beat and knocked again hearing the sound of scrabbling nails on hardwood. Then the sound of snuffling leaked through the crack below the door followed by a squeaky bark. And then her beautiful voice.
“Who is it, Chulo?” she asked flipping on the outside light. The gauzy curtain on the window beside the door fluttered and went back in place. “Go away, Lincoln,” she ordered through the door.
“Not happening, Simone,” I said firmly dropping my forehead to the wood wishing it was her instead. I used to press my forehead to hers
when I had something important to say and wanted her to listen closely. I had been up all night thinking about her and remembering important details like that. Details I had never forgotten.
The dog barked again and scratched the door from their side. At least someone seemed eager to see me. “Open the door, gorgeous.” There was no answer for a long protracted moment so I threw down my trump card. “I’ve got churros in the jeep.”
The lock popped instantly, a flood of brighter light from inside blinding me for a minute. No that was a lie. It was she who blinded me standing there in an oversized surf shirt that gave an enticing hint of those luscious tits that I longed to rediscover and capri sweats that sat low on her shapely hips exposing a compelling swath of tanned midriff. My mouth went ‘I’ve been out surfing until midday in the sun without drinking anything but salt water’ dry.
A beach ball covered in white and black fur bounced nearly three feet in the air beside me, tongue hanging out, demanding to be noticed.
“Down, Chulo, baby,” she scolded her voice sounding husky. Things came together in a rush. That phone call that made me jealous. Had she been talking to the dog the other night and not a boyfriend? I tried to peer beyond her to see if there was any trace of a man in the house.
She scooped the dog up and put him under her arm like an accessory. He relaxed into her as if boneless. She giggled when he licked her and snuggled into her chest.
Lucky damn dog and apparently serious competition for her affection.
“You said something about churros,” she reminded me, eyes narrowing as she looked at my empty hands.
“Yeah in the car. Coffee, too. I thought we might go to Sunset Cliffs. Have a picnic breakfast together. Watch the sunrise. Talk before you go to work.”
(Complete Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances #1-5) Page 23
