“Nothing I really wanna talk about. Ok?”
“Ok, Ash.” She studied me a long beat. The crease between her brows deepening, she reached toward me, her tone as soothing as it had been during the night. “It’s ok.” I didn’t withdraw. I held my breath as her hands moved toward my face. I had touched her plenty. More than I should have. I couldn’t seem to help myself. Her fingertips lightly skimmed my skin. That felt so good I had to lock my muscles not to shudder. Her hands formed a tentative frame for my face. Her thumbs brushed back and forth across my cheeks. She stared deeply into my eyes. I returned her perusal. I could see my own longing in her gaze. Not surprisingly, I didn’t just indulge her touch. I reveled in it. But it wasn’t right. A dangerous delight. I brought my hands up to remove hers but instead pressed her fingers deeper into my skin. Her lips parted. She emitted a low sound of approval. Willing myself to remain in control, I curled my fingers around hers and removed her hands from my face.
“I’m not big on the touching thing.” My voice was gruff reflecting the effort it had been to stop her. I liked her touching me way too much.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I just wanted…I mean, you looked so sad. My apologies.” The disappointment in her voice, coupled with the look in her eyes hit me with the power of a punch to my gut. But it was necessary. Boundaries had begun to blur with her. I’d let them blur. I’d wanted them to blur. But some lines shouldn’t be crossed.
“My bad, not yours, little one. It’s me who needs to apologize to you. I’m sorry I gave you the wrong impression.”
Her eyes full of hurt, she nodded once and scooted ahead of me toward the building, her movements stiff. I had made things awkward, but I couldn’t explain it to her. She had her secrets. I had mine. While Karen’s news today was wonderful, it was also a grim reminder of a future I could never have.
Chapter Sixteen
* * *
Fanny
“Did you tell him who you are?” my sister asked.
“No, and I don’t plan to.”
“Then what the hell just happened?” Hollie and I stared at Ash as he emerged from the guestroom and stormed up the interior staircase to the roof with his drumsticks clenched in his fist.
“What exactly do you want to know?” I dropped down on one of the barstools and tried not to cry. “He knows who beat me up. He offered me a job after hearing me play Ramon’s guitar. Oh and Karen is pregnant.”
“Whoa. A lot happened in the last few hours.” She shook her head. “But none of that explains why he nearly bit off my head right now instead of sitting down with us and eating the lunch I prepared.” She frowned. “I might not be as good a cook as you are, but I don’t think turkey melts on rye are all that offensive.”
“I made a pass at him. He rebuffed me.” I blinked back the burn. You would think I’d experienced enough humiliation with him, but no. Stupid me. I just had to go there.
But not anymore
So not anymore.
“Let’s eat lunch,” I declared.
“Fanny,” she said softly, touching my arm. “Maybe I should say something to him.”
“No, Hols. Let him be. Let me be. Alright?”
“Ok.” She took a seat beside me at the table. We ate. She washed the dishes. I dried. I put Saran Wrap on his sandwich, put it on the middle shelf in the fridge and left a note for him on the bar so he could find it after he finished banging his drums one floor above us. Glancing one last time at the stairs, I grabbed my sister’s hand and let her know we needed to have a talk.
In his bedroom with the busted door providing zero privacy, I turned to her, brushed a strand of her hair over her shoulder and told her what I had decided.
“You think she’ll help us?”
“I hope so Hollie. She’s all we have. I’m not asking for his help. Not after what happened.”
“I don’t expect you to. But we don’t have phones. How are you going to get in touch with her?”
“I’m going to walk out the door and go to her surf shop and talk to her.”
“The hell you are.”
“Ash!” My hand went to my throat. I hadn’t realized the drumming had stopped, hadn’t heard him come in. “How much did you…”
“I heard everything,” he growled.
“Oh.” I turned to my sister. “Can you give us a minute alone, Hollie?”
“I don’t think so. He looks mad.”
“It’s ok, Hols.”
“But,” she protested.
“He’s just going to say what he needs to say, then I’ll do what I need to do, and we’ll all just go on with our lives. Simple. No need for drama.”
“Ok.” Hollie left the room slowly, glancing over her shoulder twice before disappearing from sight.
“What’s going on Ash?”
“You tell me, Frances.”
“Um, no. You’re the one who was eavesdropping on a private conversation. You go first.”
“You’re not leaving this apartment without me. It’s too dangerous. Those guys are still out there.”
“It’s just down the sidewalk, a couple of steps through the public parking lot, around the corner and up a half block. I think I can manage it alone.”
“Not. Without. Me.” His gaze traveled over my face. He looked sad, mad and frustrated. I didn’t understand it. I was the one who had been rebuffed.
“What do you need to talk to Simone about?” he asked in a gentler tone.
“Not Simone.” I scrunched my brow. Why did he assume I was going to talk to Simone? I had barely spoken a few words to her. “Karen,” I corrected.
“Alright, Karen then. But why?”
“I’m going to tell her everything.” I lifted my chin. “And ask her if she’ll help me.”
He looked surprised by my explanation. “What kind of help do you need?”
“A cash loan. So Hollie and I can go somewhere…somewhere safe.”
“To prepare for that fight you mentioned.”
“Yes,” I confirmed. He had been paying attention.
“Alone. Just the two of you?”
“Yes, of course just she and I.”
“No way. It’s too dangerous.”
“I don’t remember asking for your permission. And anyway, it’s not your concern.”
“You’re wrong. I told you how we all…”
“You pressed into my hand,” I interrupted him. It was time to cut to the chase. I didn’t have the time or the strength to argue with him anymore.
“What?” His brows rose.
“Twice you pressed closer when I touched you. Last night on the couch and just now outside, you pressed my palms deeper into your skin before you removed them.” He went completely still. Staring. Called out and put on the spot. Good. Now he knew how I felt. “I don’t know what your deal is, but you do like to be touched, or at least you do when it’s me doing it. So you lied to me, and you’re lying to yourself if you believe that shit you told me. So I don’t trust you. I’m going to Karen for help. The end. It’s over. Whatever this is.”
As I had continued my tirade Ash’s gaze had narrowed and narrowed and narrowed further. I backed up as he came stalking toward me. He wasn’t mad anymore. He was furious.
“The hell it is.” He stopped an inch away from me, his body overshadowing mine, the heat of his irritation palpable.
“Did you not hear what I just said?” I whispered.
“I felt it. Every word. Like the fucking slap you meant it to be. But don’t you want to know why.”
“Why you lied?”
“Yeah.”
“Do tell.”
He pressed his hand to my belly. He walked me backward until he had me against the wall. Then he slammed his other hand beside my head and moved in even closer until I barely had room to breathe.
His gaze moved up my body from where he was touching me to my face. “Because I like you way more than I should allow,” he announced huskily.
“What? I don’t understand. Why shouldn’t you allow you
rself to like me?”
“Because you deserve better.”
“That’s almost as cliché as its not you it’s me.”
“That works, too.”
“Let me get this straight. You couldn’t admit that you’re attracted to me so you thought it would be better to lie to me and hurt my feelings the way you just did because you think I’m too good for you.”
“The last thing I wanted to do was hurt your feelings, little one. It’s just that you make me forget myself…”
“Me? A nobody in borrowed clothes with a beat-up face, made you…a rich famous rock star…temporarily lose his mind because why? Because you were overcome with passion?”
“What if that were the truth?” He dipped his chin.
“But it’s not, is it? That’s just a bunch of bullshit deflection. The truth is you’re in love with someone else.”
His eyes flared. “Who told you that?”
“I heard you talking to Linc that day you chased me through the woods, and I’ve seen you with Simone. I know that you’re in love with her. But that doesn’t justify you lying to me, even if I am a nobody with nothing.”
“You don’t know jack.”
“But,” I clipped.
“How about you telling me what the hell is going on with you? Who you really are? Who you’re running from? Then I’ll straighten out all that convoluted crap you think you know.”
“You truly have no idea?” I bristled inside of my cage. “Even after all those hints I laid out today?”
He searched my features. A change came over him. Something flickered in his gaze. I swallowed as he withdrew his hand from my belly and lifted it slowly. He slid his fingers along my jaw line framing one side of my face. His eyes dipped to my mouth as he swept his thumb across my lips. My heart started to pound. “It can’t be,” he breathed. I couldn’t answer. Every part of my body was locked tight. His gaze left my mouth but only to follow his hand as he slid his rough fingertips along my smooth cheek then over my ear and higher until he encountered the edge of the beanie and removed it from my head. He drew in a sharp breath noting the ruby regrowth. His eyes hit mine. “It is. Little Rose.” He skimmed the palm of his hand lightly over the red fuzz. He made a keening sound as if mourning the loss of my curls. “Fanny Bay. Fanny Lesowski?”
“Bingo,” I confirmed.
“No.” He pulled back. “Fucking no.” He withdrew one step then two. Cool air rushed in to replace his irresistible heat, but my heart beat faster than it ever had before when I noted his expression.
Shut down.
Closed off.
And his eyes weren’t angry anymore. They were glacial blue.
Chapter Seventeen
* * *
Fanny
I suddenly didn’t want to know why he had never shown up at the coffee house or returned any of my texts.
After his prior rejection, this latest response had given me all the answers I could handle.
I hugged my arms around myself to ward off the chill.
“Let’s take this conversation to the other room. To a more formal setting so I can focus. And I think your sister should be present.”
I nodded, but he didn’t see it. He was already turning the corner into the kitchen by the time I got my feet unstuck from the floor and took the same path he had down the short hall.
1. Be brave, Fanny.
2. Hollie needs you.
3. Focus on that.
Spine snapped straight, fingers tightly clenched at my sides I kept my gaze straight ahead and moved to where Hollie stood in the living area ignoring Ashland and the clinking of glasses in the kitchen.
“You told him who you are.” A statement from my sister this time, not a question. She reached for my hand prying apart my fingers to thread hers into mine. “And he reacted like that?” Her gaze shot to the Dirt Dogs drummer then back to me. “Yikes. I’m sorry, Fanny.” Her grip tightened.
“Sit.” Ash joined us, inclining his head toward the dark chocolate leather couch behind us. We sat. His expression wasn’t just cold anymore, it was ominous. He held two lowball glasses a quarter inch full of amber liquid. “Take one.” I reached for the tumbler he offered me skittering my gaze away from his as soon as it connected.
“What is it?” my sister asked. “I don’t want any. I’m underage. I’m just asking for Fanny. I think you’re scaring her.”
“She should be scared. I don’t even know where to begin. I can only guess how bad things really are, and what’s involved if she felt like the streets were the best option for the two of you.” He lowered himself into the easy chair opposite us, knocked back his drink and then scooted forward his knee nearly bumping mine. “Drink,” he insisted, his unyielding gaze on me.
“I don’t think…”
It’s scotch, not poison, Fanny.” The first time he’d addressed me in nearly two years. It should have thrilled me. Instead the way he said it looking at me the way he was looking at me right now…well, I suddenly needed a stiff shot of something strong.
“Alright.” I took a measured dose that warmed my throat and chest considerably before I leaned forward and placed the heavy glass on the oak coffee table.
“Can you explain what you were thinking running around the streets of OB alone at all hours of the night?”
“I wasn’t out all hours of the night.”
He narrowed his gaze. “It was past two when I found you and brought you here.”
“Ok yes that time it was, but…”
“Truth or lie?”
“Truth but…”
“And where was your sister that time?”
“The sub-pump structure by the pier.”
“Alone?”
“Yes, but…”
“Not cool. Not safe at all. Is that where you two were sleeping?”
I nodded.
“Oh fucking hell no.”
“I don’t have to do this with you.” I started to stand. He grabbed my arm
“Sit down,” he ordered.
“Karen,” I sputtered.
“I’ll let you explain everything to her in good time. For now, you talk to me.” He scrubbed his face. I sat back in my seat, crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.
“You can’t turn me to stone with a stare, little one.”
“Doesn’t mean I’m not going to try,” I huffed.
“Here.” He took my beanie from his pocket and tossed it to me.
“Can’t stand to look at me like this, huh?”
“No, Fanny. The things I said earlier to you about the way you look were the fucking truth. But you’re shivering. You lose a lot of heat from your head. Would you like me to get you a jacket?”
“No,” I pouted. “I’m fine.”
“You’re far from fine. You could have been killed. Both of you could have.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that, right?”
“I’ve been called uglier things than that by men worse than you, I assure you.”
“I believe you. Recently, I’d bet. I can’t even begin to imagine what you endured out there.” His expression softened. “This has something to do with your stepfather, right?”
I nodded. “What is he saying?”
“What do you mean? I have no idea.” He gave me a blank look.
“In the press,” I prompted. “The last we saw he was offering a reward for our return. I’m sure he’s telling all kinds of lies about us to the media.”
“Why would he do that?” Ash asked.
“Because of me. Because he wants me back where he can control and manipulate me.” Hollie had an odd look on her face as she chimed in. “You’ve got no idea about any of this for real?”
“No, I don’t. Why should I?”
“My sister’s a big deal,” I explained.
“In what way?” he asked.
“She’s an actress. They call her Holliewood.”
“Oh. I don’t watch movies.”
“She does television, too. She had a miniseries that was really popular with her demographic. A reboot of a famous eighties movie.”
“I don’t watch TV, anymore, either.”
“Yeah, I noticed you don’t have one.” Hollie shook her head in disbelief. “Or a computer.”
“I stopped paying attention to all the celebrity stuff a while back.”
“But you run a record label. Don’t you need to be on top of all that? Spot trends? Do trailers for movies, commercials, video games, that kind of thing? Wouldn’t it put Outside at a big disadvantage not to have the big picture of the entire entertainment industry?”
“I’ve got little interest in the propaganda and agendas of the LA scene. I prefer to keep myself isolated from all of that. Linc and I had a conversation along these lines when we first formed the business. He handles that aspect of things. I focus on the music.”
“Still it’s weird not to watch TV any or movies,” Hollie decided. “Eccentric.”
“I’ve been called worse things.”
I smiled at his clever return. I couldn’t help it. And you had to admire someone who did their own thing their own way. “So you really don’t know anything about Hollie?”
“Not anything more than what you’ve told me.”
“Or me? Or about our stepfather looking for us?”
“I stopped keeping tabs on you about the same time you no doubt started hating my guts for standing you up that day.”
“Oh. Alright.” I didn’t know how I was supposed to measure that since I had never hated him.
“I still don’t understand why you’re hiding from your stepfather.”
“I guess we might have to start at the beginning. Do you have more liquor?”
“I do.” He grinned. And despite knowing I didn’t rate with him, it took me a moment to get my brain functional. He was just that handsome, and his smile was beyond phenomenal.
“My mother met Samuel when I was five. She had a role in one of his films. They got married shortly after. She was pregnant with Hollie at the time. Hollie and I always assumed she was Samuel’s daughter, but we don’t think that anymore.”
(Complete Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances #1-5) Page 68
