by Ivy Asher
Ryker and Valen watch me while I stare at everything dumbfounded. I run my hands over some of the clothes closest to me and marvel. I catch my reflection in the mirror on the far wall. I’m in a towel that’s covering the important bits, but not by much. My wet hair is dripping down my back and shoulders, and Ryker is watching the trails of water as they make their way down my body.
He looks up, and something happens inside me. I meet his bright blue eyes in the mirror, and the memory of his hands on me flashes through my mind, making me feel instantly flushed. We watch each other, and it’s like Ryker’s having the same flash of memory. I turn around to face him, and Valen surprises me by stepping determinedly towards me. I feel pulled to both of them in a way I can’t understand or explain, but I’m okay with that.
I sandwich myself between them as they press in against me. Valen traces a finger along the runes on my shoulder, and I shudder with weighted anticipation. A palpable lust fills the room and my breaths quicken as it soaks into my skin. Valen cups my cheek in his big hand and runs a thumb across my lips.
Ryker grabs my hips and nuzzles up against me. His long blond locks tickle my cheek and shoulder, and his arousal fits nicely against my ass. I close my eyes and revel in the feel of them. I reach back, wrapping the palm of my hand around the back of Ryker’s neck, pulling him into me even more. His breathing hitches and then his lips connect with the runes on my shoulder. I tilt my head giving him better access.
I open my eyes and get sucked into Valen’s molten hazel gaze. His thumb still rests on my lips, and I lightly lick the pad of it when he makes another sweeping gesture. I don’t know who the self-assured wanton woman is that just slipped into my skin--but I like where she’s going with this--as Valen groans, and his eyes blaze even brighter. I tilt my head back, inviting him to bring his full lips down to mine and Ryker nips at the speeding pulse in my neck.
I want them both so badly, and I don’t care if it’s magic, or me, or anything else that’s fueling this because it feels so fucking right. Something clicks together inside of me, but I can’t focus on what. I watch Valen’s lips draw closer, and Ryker’s hands start pulling up the hem of my towel.
“The showers are free, guys. You can hop in and get cleaned up," Sabin shouts, and his heavy footsteps clomp toward us from my room.
His voice shatters the moment, and both Ryker and Valen withdraw from me. I glare at their speedy retreat. Sabin walks into the closet, oblivious to his unwanted intrusion. Is he really that dense, or that intent on getting in the way?
I let out a frustrated huff and watch Sabin coldly. He doesn’t say anything, but it’s clear he’s not going to leave until Ryker and Valen do. Ryker relents first and walks out. I feel like something in me goes with him.
Valen moves in behind me, skimming my back with his chest and runs his hands up my arms. He leans down his lips achingly close to the shell of my ear.
“I can think of a couple uses for these," he tells me, running his index finger over the pink lace lingerie still clutched in my hand.
Valen places a lingering kiss on my neck and then leaves. Their absence tugs on me, and I feel unfinished and empty in a way that’s crushing and painful. I look at Sabin, and his disapproving and judgmental mien makes me snap.
“What? Are you still of the delusion that my vagina makes me too fragile and feeble minded to make decisions for my fucking self?”
I can’t help the disdain that takes over my face as I bark out the question. Sabin’s attitude is starting to get old. At first, it felt protective, but right now it feels controlling, and I’ve had enough. I like the look of shock that sweeps over Sabin’s face at my accusatory words.
“No, I don’t think that because you are female you can’t make decisions for yourself. I just think you don’t really know what you’re getting into.”
“Is that why you’ve taken on the role of Captain Cockblock? You won’t allow them to touch me or interact with me the way they want, and now you think you get to make my decisions, too? Someone thinks very fucking highly of themselves.”
“You have no idea about how our world works or where you’ll fit into it. I have every right to be protective of them, and of you,” Sabin defends.
“If that’s really the issue then enlighten me, Sabin. Tell me what I need to know so I can make more informed decisions, but stop trying to control me.”
He sweeps his hand through his hair and sighs.
“All of you are pushing too far, too fast.”
“And again, I ask, who the hell are you to make that decision for me, or for them?”
“I’m a member of their coven. Someone who cares about them. You’ve been a caster for all of a week, and you’ve known them for less than half of that.”
“Fuck you Sabin and your misguided protection. It’s sex, not torture. We’re having fun and getting to know each other. Get over yourself and whatever god complex you’re obviously suffering from," I fume at him.
Sabin steps towards me, and I can’t tell if it’s heat or anger in his eyes.
“You think all of this is so simple and innocent, but the reality is you don’t know anything. You don’t know what your magic does or what direction it will force you in. You might not end up being compatible with the coven. What happens then? All of you are playing with fire, and I’m trying to keep everything from burning to the fucking ground!”
“I’m not the villain here. I know you don’t know me, and clearly don’t like me, but I’m not trying to fuck with your coven, or hurt anyone.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel like a villain, and I don’t dislike you.”
I scoff at the declaration. “Oh yeah, you’re just overflowing with acceptance and support.”
He takes another step towards me, but my glare stops him in his tracks. He looks torn or maybe regretful, I’m not sure, but I just want him to leave. I’m so tired of people trying to convince me that I’m not good enough, or trying to make me feel wrong or less than simply because I exist.
“I’ll stay the fuck away from all of you, now get the fuck out of my room.”
Sabin hesitates. “Vinna that’s not--”
“Leave!” I shout, and I feel pieces of me fracturing.
Sabin stares at me, and I meet his gaze with venom. The door clicks shut behind his exit, and I slide to the ground, putting my head in my hands. He’s a dick, but he’s right, I don’t know anything, not really. I don’t know how to be a caster or why I’m so fucking different. I don’t know what’s happening to me and why I feel the way that I do about practical strangers. I don’t know shit about where I come from and I sure as hell don’t know where I’m going.
21
I find everyone around the huge table outside. It’s been a week of mostly avoiding everyone who lives in this monster-mansion of emotional torture. I’ve ignored the knocks on my door, and I’ve been doing my best to sneak around unnoticed. That is until today when Lila made me promise to come down for a BBQ. To add to my misery, none of the sisters are even here.
Keegan is manning the grill, and I give him my best attempt at a smile as I make my way over to where everyone is sitting. The paladin are talking about the last case they had, and it seems like there’s a Q-and-A session going on between them and the guys.
Surprise-filled eyes watch me as I make my way down the patio stairs. I take a seat at the long wrought iron table and try to follow the conversation. I’m completely zoned out when a tap on my shoulder pulls me from my confused thoughts. I look over, and everyone is staring at me.
“What?” I snap a little harsher then I mean to.
“You okay?” Aydin asks me.
“Yeah," I say unconvincingly, even to my own ears.
He looks at me curiously, but I don’t answer the questions in his eyes.
“Any update on when the reader will be here?” I ask monotone.
“He should be here next week," Lachlan answers, just as short and terse.
Ryker asks L
achlan if it’s Tearson who’s coming, but I don’t focus on what they are saying beyond that. After I catch a couple more curious looks aimed at me, I decide I need to try harder to snap out of my pissed off funk.
“So, when do I get to start kicking your ass, I mean training?” Aydin asks playfully.
I take a minute to think about his question. Maybe this is exactly what I need right now. I’m used to training hard and fighting harder, and I miss it.
“Whenever you’re ready to be humbled, I’m good to go. Should we start tomorrow morning?”
“I can’t do the morning, but I could do late afternoon,” Aydin replies.
“I’m watching this," Bastian declares, giving me an excited smile. I try to match it but fall short, and Bastien’s smile dims.
“I think we all want to see what Vinna can do. Be prepared for an audience you two,” Lachlan tells us, and I try not to frown at what sounds like more of a threat than an effort at comradery.
I’ve watched my uncle this past week, and he’s completely different with the boys than he is with me. He’s invested and warm with them, and their dynamic is easy and seamless. It shows me the guy that the sisters insist he is.
But watching him with them doesn’t give me hope that someday he’ll turn the warmth of his smile my way. It just crushes me in a vice of cold indifference, pulverizing any longing I have to be worthy of his affection.
It’s as if I can see everything I’ve ever wanted through a window, but as soon as I manage to get inside, everything’s rotted and wilted to nothing. Things will never be for me like they are for them. I will never have what they have, and it makes me rethink what I’m doing here.
I came to learn about magic and what I can do. Instead, I’m trying to untangle myself from useless attraction and mooning over why my uncle doesn’t care about me. I’ve been here for only a couple of weeks, and I feel more confused and lost than I ever have before.
I stay quiet throughout dinner. I answer a few questions and make a couple of comments, but aside from that, I tune the others out and try to focus on the setting sun, instead of the biting jealousy and loneliness I feel.
I give myself a mental slap to rein in the pity party I’m currently attending. I’m not here for this; who cares if any of them like me. It’s time to get what I came for and get the fuck out of here. Let the reader come and tell me all about what I’m working with. And if these paladin won’t teach me, I’ll find someone who will.
I push in my chair and retreat inside before anyone can stop me. I flick the lock on my bedroom door behind me, and I grab my phone to call Talon. It goes right into his voicemail, just like every other call has. I stare at my phone for a moment, missing him, missing his protection and the easy way we were around each other.
I grab one of the books I stole from Lachlan’s office and slip under my covers. The binding creaks as I open it and the smell of old paper wafts up to my nose. A tentative a knock sounds on my door.
“Vinna can we talk?” Sabin asks.
I don’t answer. I have no desire to hear anything he has to say. I roll to my side giving the door, and him, my back, and I delve into the fine print about offensive magic. The doorknob jiggles, and I stare at the lock to make sure it holds.
“Is she still ignoring us?” Valen questions and Sabin mumbles a response. “What the fuck did you say to her?” Valen demands.
Their argument grows muffled, and I can’t make it out as they move away from my room. Other voices join them before a door closes, and their voices are cut off. I could use my runes and listen to what they’re saying, but I don’t have it in me to care right now. I fluff my pillow and turn the page of the old book, refocusing on what I’m doing here.
Aydin’s back hits the mat again after I catch him with a low kick that sweeps his legs out from underneath him. I back up so he can get on his feet and engage again, but he stays on the mats breathing hard, drenched in sweat.
Looking at him now, I’m sure he regrets the massive amount of shit talking he did before we got started hours ago. There was excited anticipation floating around before. Bets were made, egos were stroked, and my bloodlust was itching to be fed. But it didn’t take long to realize that Aydin was no match for me and what I can do.
I started to hold back after our second match, not finishing moves or being half as aggressive as I’d normally be. I like Aydin, and I figured breaking him wouldn’t be the solid foundation to a lasting friendship. It’s been fucking torture for me to hold back. I was counting on a serious fight to help release the shit storm of feelings I have swarming inside of me, but I’ll have to figure out another way to deal with all of that once Aydin’s decided he’s had enough.
Aydin pats the floor twice indicating that he’s done, and I relax my stance and put my hands down.
“You were getting better that time. You almost caught me with that knee.”
“I’m pretty sure you were two feet away from me before I got my foot off the floor," Aydin chuckles and grabs his side. He raises an arm silently indicating that he needs healing.
Evrin comes over, and before he can even ask where Aydin is hurting, Aydin starts pointing to all of his injuries. Watching others use their magic is something I don’t think will ever get old, and I become completely engrossed in watching Evrin heal Aydin.
“You’re incredible, Vinna. I’ve never seen anything like what you can do," Evrin tells me as he heals Aydin’s ribs.
“Right, and she’s totally holding back too," Aydin tells Evrin, and I can’t help but smile at the pride in his voice.
“We finished?” I ask Aydin, desperate to be done so I can move on to something else that will help me quench the bloodlust and aggression I’m still battling. It has me feeling anxious and twitchy, and I need to run my body into the ground to help relieve it.
“Oh, we’re done. I can admit when I’m out of my league. I mean really, you’re not even sweaty or winded," Aydin laughs and offers me a fist bump.
I give him my knuckles and thank him for the warm-up, which has him bellowing with laughter and earns some snickers from Evrin. I tuck earbuds into my ears and nod at Keegan and Silva as they leave the gym. I pull up my playlist and select “I Hate Everything About You” by Three Days Grace. By the time the chorus hits, I’m running full out like my life is on the line.
Over an hour later, Breaking Benjamin’s “I Will Not Bow” is filling my head and I turn the treadmill off and climb down. I use the hem of my tank top to wipe sweat off the back of my neck as I try to ignore the aggressive itch still skittering inside of me. I immediately become aware that the guys are waiting throughout the gym, watching me and making it clear that I’m not leaving this room without acknowledging them.
I move to the pull up bar refusing to give into their demanding presence. I grip it and easily muscle my chin up and over. I’m on my third set of twenty-five when a pair of arms clamp around my waist and pull me away from the bar. I consider for a minute getting out of his hold, but maybe it’s best to get this over with.
I reluctantly pluck out my earbuds and tell Knox to put me down. He lets me intimately slide down the front of his body. Irritated that I’m completely turned on by the contact, I try to get as much sweat on him as possible before stepping away.
My traitorous body immediately rebels against the separation and starts to crave him. Knox sighs like he’s fighting the same battle. The sound pulls at me as it fans my own dissatisfaction. I want to lick his creamy, coffee-toned skin and find out if it tastes as good as it looks.
I run my gaze appreciatively up his thick muscled body until I land on his stormy gray eyes. Maybe sex is the answer. I can’t fight to get the rage and aggression out of me, so maybe angry sex will do it. Sabin’s voice shatters my thoughts and drenches me in cold reality.
“We were going to wait until you were done, but at this rate, we’ll be here all day. By the moons, are you even mortal?” Sabin asks.
I meet his awkward chuckle with an unamus
ed glare. Sabin releases a defeated huff.
“This isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t mean for you to stop talking to everyone, to avoid us, to turn cold.”
I study him for a long moment.
“This is exactly what you wanted. You didn’t want them to get attached, or for me to push things. I’ve backed off.”
Sabin tries to respond, but Knox cuts him off. “I know Sabin talked to you about how he felt, but the rest of us don’t agree with him. Sabin’s opinion shouldn’t be the only one that matters here.”
“I get that, but if he’s giving me a warning, who the hell am I to dismiss him? He’s part of your coven. You’re all connected. Despite what some people think, that does matter to me," I tell Knox, and narrow my eyes at Sabin.
Sabin runs both hands through his ash brown hair. His tattoos ripple over the muscles in his arm. “I feel like I’ve fucked everything up and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m sorry.”
I don’t know if he’s apologizing to me, the guys, or both but as far as I’m concerned, it’s pointless.
“Like you said, I am new to this world. I have no idea where I’m going or what my magic can do. I have no business dragging you guys into all my uncertain variables. I’m doing what you asked. Deal with it.”
“You said that to her?” Valen snaps at Sabin.
He doesn’t wait for him to answer before turning back to me. “Vinna you are paladin, not only is it in your blood, but I just watched you crush one of the best fighters the paladin have like it was nothing. I don’t need a Reader to tell me that you’re one of us," Valen declares.
“Well, I guess we’ll find out in a week when the Reader comes. Then Sabin can decide if I’m worthy.”
“I’m going to fucking throttle you, Sabin. I can’t believe you said that shit to her,” Bastien seethes at his friend. I try to leave, not interested in getting any more in the middle than I already am, but Bastien steps in my way.
“Bruiser, I know what’s going on with you right now isn’t just about us. I heard about all the shit that’s been going down with Lachlan and the coven. I’ve watched you withdraw more and more every time Lachlan shows interest or affection to one of us but ignores you. It has to be fucking with you. By the stars, it’s pissing all of us off, for you. Please don’t keep us from being there for you. We care, and it’s killing us to watch you suffer in silence.”
