by S. K. Lessly
I didn’t tell Ethan the entire truth about my mom yesterday. She was worse off than I mentioned to him. Her health was a tough subject for me, and I didn’t want to bring down our reunion talking about it.
My mom had been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer last year. Because of her illness, she suffered from memory loss and seizures. In the beginning, she had small episodes of memory loss. Now, I’d be lucky if she recognized who she was much less who I was. She also had at least four very bad seizures this year alone. The last seizure she’d had caused me to drop everything and come down here was a few weeks ago. No one was here when it happened. She fell and stayed there for hours before a neighbor found her.
I had been frantic the day I learned what happened. It actually scared the bejesus out of me. If she hadn’t made plans to go shopping with her neighbor, there was no telling how long she would have been lying there on the floor, alone. This illness was taking the very essence of my mom away. I couldn’t allow her to go through this alone. It was the reason I was here. Well, one of the reasons.
At first, the purpose of me coming down here had been to find a private assisted living place that could provide the utmost care for patients like my mom and move her to the facility or set up twenty-four-hour care for her.
Moving back to Dover had been out of the question, and I knew she wouldn’t move to Philly. She loved living here. I had prepared to fight tooth and nail about her either moving to Philly with me or Florida with Dad. But we lucked up and I had found an amazing nurse named Emma.
Emma worked part time at a private assisted living facility located on the shores of Woodland Beach. I had visited the place and it was beautiful. It didn’t look like your typical assisted living place, which I knew my mom would enjoy. Plus, it was by the beach. She could take walks along the shore and enjoy hearing the waves crash from outside her window.
Emma hooked me up with the owner and I put everything in motion for my mom to live there. What also sold it for me was Emma telling me she would be the one to handle my mom’s care, which was a load off my nerves. I trusted her and so did my mom. I’d rather have my mom feel safe and secure than worry about my own selfish needs. I would just have to visit her more often than I had been, that was for sure. I had everything set and ready for her to move; even my mom was excited.
However, after her last doctor visit, things changed. Her prognosis was worse than I could have ever imagined. She was no longer moving. Instead, I took an extended leave of absence from work to spend as much time with my mom as I could.
I also took this opportunity to, well, get her affairs in order, her house being the biggest thing I needed to settle. Just thinking about the work ahead of me gave me a headache.
I glanced over at the clock again and groaned. I didn’t want to get out of the bed, knowing that I had to go through my mom’s things and start packing her up. My mom was a borderline clothes hoarder. The woman had dresses and shirts in her closet with the tags still attached. Too bad she and I didn’t wear the same size. I could’ve kept her clothes for myself. But my mom had lost a lot of weight in a matter of months. I figured she had gone shopping to find clothes that would fit her instead of wearing baggy clothes. She hated baggy clothes.
Before I started my day of cleaning and going through my mom’s things, I decided to call my fiancé, Lionel. The first time I called, his voicemail came up immediately. I waited a beat and called him again. This time he answered but sounded breathless, like he was running to the phone or something.
“Hey, what’s up? Are you okay?” I asked, falling backward onto the bed.
“What?” he responded, breathy.
“You sound out of breath like you were running on a treadmill or something.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I was just trying to get the phone. What’s up? How was the party?”
I got quiet and listened to him try to catch his breath. Something was off; I could tell. But I knew if I questioned him further it would turn into an argument, and I wasn’t in the mood for an argument.
So, I ignored that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach and answered his question. “It was okay. Hey, remember my childhood friend I told you about, Ethan?”
“Hmmm,” he replied, but I could hear the distance in his voice. I waited and when he fell silent for longer than ten seconds, I snapped.
“Lionel!”
“What Alexis, damn. I’m listening… so you saw your geek friend from high school. I’m happy for you.”
“I never said he was a geek,” I said defensively.
“Well, whatever. The point is I heard you.”
I sighed heavily, already done with this conversation. “I’ma let you go.”
“Alright,” he said all too quickly. “When are you coming home?”
“I don’t know. Probably in two weeks to pick up some clothes or something.”
“Oh okay,” he responded, a little too excited in my opinion.
“Well, I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”
“Yup, me too,” he answered, then he was gone. He hung up just like that.
I sighed again and got up out of my bed. My mom’s things wouldn’t pack themselves, and I needed a distraction before I did something stupid…like call him back and tell him to go to hell.
Lionel and I met three years ago. I had been in need of a lawyer for a, um, minor infraction and he represented me. He was a good attorney and worked his magic to get me off. I had been grateful and well, one thing led to another. The next thing I knew, we were dating. He wasn’t my dream man. But he was stable, a provider. It was what you needed to sustain a healthy relationship. I didn’t need the fanfare of love or sparks or happily ever after. That was overrated. All I needed was a good man to take care of me and I had that in Lionel.
Except, lately things with us had been a little…rocky. Okay, a lot rocky, and I couldn’t pinpoint where things had gone wrong. I had thought things with us were great. My expectations weren’t too high. I didn’t expect Lionel to give me the world; however, I also didn’t expect to be treated like a second-hand citizen.
Pushing Lionel aside, I stepped into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I threw on a pair of shorts and a ratty shirt, and made my way to my mom and greeted her for the day.
I had transformed the dining area into a makeshift bedroom for my mom. The location of the room made it easier for the nurse to come in and get my mom cleaned up and dressed. Plus, I could wheel her outside to get fresh air whenever I wanted, which my mom loved.
There was a hutch with drawers on one side of the dining room that I used for some of my mom’s clothes. A hospital bed was positioned opposite the hutch, allowing the nurse to easily get her in and out of bed. I also put a tv and lounge chair in the room for times when my mom wanted to sit in the chair instead of lie in bed.
“Morning Mama,” I greeted and kissed her cheek.
My mom was out of her bed and sitting in the lounge chair. She was facing the television heavily engrossed in the BS weather report from Al Roker.
She looked up at me and gave me a small smile. “Morning,” she returned then pulled her eyes from mine and rested them back on the television.
I looked up at Emma to gauge how she was doing today, and she just gave me a slow shake of her head letting me know my mom wasn’t having a good day. I swallowed the lump in my throat and kissed her cheek again. “Mama, are you hungry? Do you want some eggs and toast?”
“Oh, that would be lovely,” she told me, giving me another friendly smile before returning to her program.
Effectively dismissed, I sauntered to the kitchen to make Mama a quick meal consisting of scrambled eggs and toast, before starting my day. I set the plate in front of her and Emma, moved closer, and helped her do something she had known how to do for over thirty something years, eat. Feeling my nose begin to tingle, indicating more waterworks, I decided to eat in the kitchen before I started my day.
I spent most of the day cleani
ng and going through my mother’s things, packing up what I could. My mom had had her furniture for a very long time, but everything was in decent shape. A plan popped into my heard. I probably could have a garage sale and get rid of most of this stuff in one night. What I couldn’t sell, I’d donate. With a new plan and pep in my step, I started to work out the logistics of a yard sale.
As my day wound down, I heard the doorbell ring. I went to answer it and found Ethan standing on the porch. I smiled. Goodness, he looked good enough to eat. He was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a button down shirt, but it looked good on him. His sleeves were rolled to his elbows revealing sexy muscular forearms. His hair seemed to shine in the sunlight behind him and those jeans fit his thighs masterfully.
When my eyes finally met his, I saw a huge grin on his face and that was when it dawned on me that I had been staring at him for at least a full thirty seconds.
Good lord, Alexis.
I blinked and shook myself out of my embarrassment. “Hey, I didn’t expect you here so early,” I told him, wiping invisible dirt off myself. I looked down at what I was wearing and realized I probably looked a hot mess in my shorts, dingy t-shirt, and the scarf on my head. I didn’t look very desirable, but this was Ethan. He didn’t think of me like that. He and I had been friends and that was a very long time ago.
“My meeting ended early,” he informed me. “Is it okay that I came by?”
I stammered my apology and moved so he could come inside. “Oh wow, sorry about that. And yeah, you’re good. Come on, my mom is up. She’s towards the back of the house.”
I walked past him and guided him through the living room towards the dining area.
“Wow, I haven’t been here in years. Everything still looks the same.”
I knew at that point I should warn him that not everything in this house was the same. I stopped abruptly and turned to face him. “Listen Ethan, I need to apologize to you now. I didn’t tell you everything about my mom.”
He looked at me puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“Look, she’s a little sicker than I told you. She’ll probably look a bit different than you remember, too.”
He shrugged me off. “I’m sure it’s okay.”
I nodded and led him from the living room to the dining room. When we walked in the room, I heard Ethan catch his breath behind me. I looked back at him and saw the shock that overcame him and softened his dark features.
“You okay?” I leaned into him. He simply nodded but didn’t move.
I turned back and looked at my mom. Miriam “Millie” Morgan Stone had been a stout woman all her life. She had prided herself in her looks, was always put together and well dressed. When I looked at her now, I could tell why Ethan reacted the way he had. The memories Ethan had of my mom wasn’t the reality before him. She’d changed drastically.
My mom was about half the size she had been when Ethan saw her last. Her hair was short and wild instead of long and tamed. And her brown eyes were empty, void of the fire and energy she always possessed growing up. She had lost all the fight in her a long time ago. It was a sad sight to see, especially through Ethan’s eyes.
It took me a few to get myself together and speak. I plastered a smile on my face and addressed my mom. “Hey Mom, look who came to see you.”
She followed my voice and when she settled on my face, she smiled. “What did you say?” she asked me.
I walked closer to her and pointed to Ethan. “I said, look who came to see you.”
She followed my finger and settled on Ethan’s face. It took her a minute to focus and when she did, she sat up straighter and a beautiful and rare smile spread along her tired face. Emma, who was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, smiled and asked my mom, “Ms. Millie, do you know who that is?”
“Why of course I do, dear,” she replied in a tone that told us she didn’t care too much for the obvious question. “That’s my son.” She reached out a shaky hand, her eyes dancing with joy. “Hello, Ethan.”
I looked over at Ethan, my heart welling with emotion, and gasped. Man, the smile Ethan wore on his face melted my heart. It also made my ovaries spasm.
Ethan moved to my mom and took her outstretched hand in his. He bent and kissed her on her cheek. “Hey, Mama Millie. How are you?”
Emma brought a chair from the kitchen and handed it to me. I placed the chair behind Ethan so he could sit next to my mom.
“Oh, I’m doing well. Lexis is making such a fuss over me.”
He chuckled lightly and kissed the back of her hand. “Oh, she just loves you that’s all.” He leaned back and took my mom in. “It’s been a long time but you’re still killing them aren’t you. Is that a new dress?”
She looked down at her dress and beamed up at him stronger than the summer sun. “Why yes, it is.”
My bottom lip dropped to the floor watching the exchange between my mom and Ethan. Honestly, I could have kissed him right then and there. My mom had her days, but the last few days, she’d been withdrawn and quiet. It was great to see the life in her eyes now, and it was because of Ethan.
I found a seat of my own and watched as Ethan talked and listened to my mom go on and on about nothing in particular. She was so engaged and focused on Ethan it was unreal. She told him stories that were true and some that weren’t or didn’t make sense, but Ethan never showed he noticed. He gave my mom his undivided attention, which again had me wanting to jump his bones.
When my mom tired herself out from talking and drifted off to sleep, I took Ethan out to the covered back porch, grabbing a couple of bottled waters as I moved through the kitchen. We sat down and I handed him one of the bottles. He drank it in like two gulps before he spoke.
“Wow, I just can’t believe it,” he mumbled softly, shaking his head. He looked over at me. “What happened? I mean, I know you said she was sick but shit. She seems more than just… sick.”
I squirmed a little under his gaze. The emotions I had tried to keep trapped away were beginning to take shape. I took a deep breath and tried to tell Ethan everything without falling apart. “Yeah, you’re right. There’s more. She was ummm…” I paused, breathing through the pain in my chest and found the way to continue. “She was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer last year.”
“Oh shit,” he said softly.
I just nodded. “Yeah, the doctors prolonged her life a little with chemo and radiation therapy, but last week I found out it didn’t work. She’s been having seizures and the last one she suffered was very bad. She needs twenty-four hour care now.”
I could feel the sting in my nose and eyes signaling an impeding cry fest. There was no way I was crying in front of Ethan. I quickly drank some water in hopes to ward off the tears.
“I’m so sorry, Lexie.”
He touched my arm and squeezed. I risked a glance at him but couldn’t take the sympathy swimming in his dark eyes. I looked away.
“So, did you decide to come down to spend some time with her?” he asked.
“Well, sort of.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I came down to be… here… when… she...” I paused and breathed out, feeling those pesky tears filling my eyes. I continued softly, knowing I was about to break. “She doesn’t have much time left. It could be any…”
I couldn’t finish. I buried my face in my hands and let the tears fall. I felt Ethan put his arms around me and I reached for him, letting him pull me into his arms as I cried.
He held me tight to him, whispering, “It’s okay… I got you. Shit, I’m so sorry, Lexie.”
Hearing the sincerity in his voice had the tears flowing, the snot running, and the gasping for air deepening. I cried hard. I mean, really hard.
I had gotten the news from her doctor that she had days left, if that, last week. That was the worst day of my life. I was losing my best friend, the woman who had been by my side through thick and thin. She was my rock, my lifeline, and now I was about to lose her and there wasn’t anything I could do
about it.
Needing to gather myself before I completely fell apart, I pulled back and wiped my face on my shirt. “I’m sorry.” I sniffled. “I just can’t believe—”
“Hey, don’t worry, okay?” Ethan gave my arm a rub and a tight squeeze. “I know how hard this must be for you. I know how much your mom means to you.”
I nodded and looked out in the darkening backyard.
“Does your dad know?” he inquired after a few minutes had passed.
I nodded and sniffed. “Yeah, I told him. He said he would come home as soon as he can.”
“Do you know how long she…?” He didn’t finish the sentence, but I knew what he was asking.
“No, not really. I could lose her any day.”
He simply nodded and lapsed into his own silence. After a few minutes, I found myself admitting, “I’m scared everyday that I may not be here when it happens, so I’ve taken an extended leave from work to make sure I’m here or as close as possible.”
“What if it happens like a month from now?”
I shrugged. “Then so be it. I can quit if I have to. I’ll be okay financially for a while. I know I can’t be here twenty-four hours a day, but just being this close to her instead of hours away is enough for me. Plus, I have Emma so…yeah, it's all good. She won’t be alone and that’s all I want.”
Ethan was silent once again. He then looked at me and said, “I’m sorry this is happening to you and her. I know this must be difficult for the both of you.”
“It is, believe me. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. But this is the hand I’m being dealt so…”
“Well, at least you have help.”
I nodded and glanced behind me. “Yeah, Emma is God sent. I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s there when I need her and has my back. Anytime I need to go to the store, or just, I don’t know, take a break or get something to eat, she’s there for me.”
Ethan was silent for a few moments before he hit me with a side grin and began, completely changing the subject. “Remember that day your father started a fire in the garbage can outside? He thought the coals from the grill were out when they weren’t, and it sparked the trash inside?”
