by S. K. Lessly
“How do you know this?” George asked
I looked at my boss. “Because she told me at dinner that second night I met with her. Check the tapes of our conversation. Also, check her medical records. I’m sure she’s been to the doctor’s numerous times over the years for migraines. She can only handle a glass of wine, if that, not a bottle.” I glanced over to Billy. “Billy, get the wine bottle and have it tested for every sedative ever created. When we picked her up, she was confused and groggy, but no way was she sick.”
I stood and took in my team with tired eyes. “If my suspicions are right, we don’t have much time. We need to locate Lionel Stevens and get him in here ASAP. We need to have a talk with him and get to the bottom of this. There’s a team on him. Tell them to pick up Mr. Steven’s for us.”
Billy nodded and went to his laptop. I left the room, needing some air.
I stepped outside and headed for the back of the building. It was quiet out here except for the unidentified insects singing in the night. There was a hint of fall on the breeze. The dark sky was clear, with billions of brilliant stars and a full moon lighting up the night.
The location of the warehouse was secluded and far away from civilization. There was one road leading to this place with motion sensors and cameras everywhere. Tall trees surrounding the area acted as a barrier between us and the outside world. It didn’t keep people from entering onto the property, however we had about ten security guys armed with M5s as a deterrent.
I leaned on the side of the brick warehouse and stared out into the dark, wishing I could go back in time. Yet what would I change? The time I spent with Lexie was… magical. She had managed to bury herself under my skin when I wasn’t looking. She beat back my defenses and tore down my walls. She made me feel things I never thought possible and I fucked that all up. I didn’t believe in her when she needed me the most. Against all odds, I should have been by her side.
I felt the rage sparking to life, and I welcomed it. I deserved it. I—
“What are you doing?”
I sighed loudly at the sound of Jessica’s voice coming up beside me and pushed off the building, wanting to create space. I took a few steps away from her and continued to stare out into the night, giving her my back.
“You can’t tell me you believe this shit?” she accused scathingly.
I turned to face her. “Why can’t I? We fucked up, Jess, admit it. Don’t you think we owe it to her to make shit right?”
She frowned and stepped closer to me. “I’m not admitting anything! Why don’t you admit you’re too close to this? Think about it. If you didn’t know this girl, you’d be all over this like I am. You wouldn’t be giving up and claiming she’s innocent. You would be still in there interrogating her to no end. You’re fucking losing it.” She frowned and backed away.
Rage surged through me with her remark, and I stalked toward her, my hands balled into fists, my muscles tense ready to strike. Jessica smartly backed up, but she didn’t back down. She hit the building, and I caged her in with my arms on either side of her head. I slammed my fist against the wall, needing to hit something, to feel something other than self-loathing.
Jessica stiffened but didn’t flinch. She met my heated eyes with rage of her own. I saw defiance in her stormy irises too along with fear, uncertainty and doubt. I was hoping the doubt was directed at herself, but I knew better. It was directed at me. That thought didn’t stop me from putting her in her place. I leaned in close until there was a breath of space between our noses. I lowered my voice to a tone that left no doubt about my intentions.
“I’m not losing shit but my patience. Don’t ever question me like that again. Believe me, I know exactly what I’m doing.”
“Do you?” she challenged, but her tone was soft. “You were willing to run away with this woman, to give up everything you worked your entire life for in a blink of an eye. All for what? For love?”
I backed away from her but kept my hard stare on her. “You think I want to do this my entire life? Just because I’m good at killing doesn’t mean this is something I want to do forever.”
“You think you have a choice?” she countered. “You’re a well-oiled killing machine, Ethan. You aren’t capable of doing anything else. What were you planning to do? Get a real job? Be a stay at home dad? Be reasonable.”
I ran my hands over his head and rested them on the back of my neck. I breathed in and out, trying to calm down. I tilted my face to the black sky for a few silent minutes before I looked back at my partner.
We continued to stand there, staring at each other before something clicked in my tired brain. Why hadn’t I seen this before? I glanced meaningfully at Jessica as my mind raced. Jessica was seeing the plans I’d made to run away with Lexie as a threat. I would be leaving her, leaving the partnership we had. Even though she and I hooked up from time to time, we didn’t have a label. We weren’t a couple. However, if I analyzed our partnership, she and I were more than just partners. Much more.
“Do you want a family?” I asked suddenly then added. “Kids, the whole nine? And be honest.”
She looked at me, her brows furrowed in thought. “I don’t know, maybe, but it doesn’t matter. I’m not built for that and neither are you,” she said finally.
“Just humor me, alright. Look, I’ve been thinking about that lately,” I shared solemnly. “I know the life I lead isn’t a good one, but I don’t plan on doing this type of thing all my life. Before I got into this business, I used to think about having a family all the time, Jessica. And the woman that I thought about having a family with was Alexis.”
Jessica crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked away from me.
I stepped closer. “I know what you were trying to do. This case is all kinds of fucked up. There were pieces to the case we had no clue existed. Hell, did anyone even look at those damn tapes we recorded of her apartment? No. We had been too focused on Alexis to see anything else, anyone else. We should’ve known everything before we addressed Lexie with this shit, and we didn’t. The crazy thing is, I want to blame you for everything and I can’t.”
Her eyes jerked to mine. “What do you mean by that?” she started haughtily but she quickly dropped the act. She knew exactly what I meant. She was trying to save me. From what, I had no clue. Maybe from myself. She and I stared hard at each other before I took in the sudden acceptance that creeped in her eyes. The tension in her body ebbed away, leaving just as much uncertainty as I felt.
“Okay, fine. You may be right about all of this,” she began. “We fucked up. Dropped the ball, whatever. We all should’ve done our due diligence and looked more into the information I discovered. But you went MIA for weeks. You weren’t returning my calls. You hadn’t returned George’s calls. Your nose was so far up her ass, you couldn’t smell the bullshit.” Jessica narrowed her eyes and pointed to herself. “I’m your partner. I’m the one who’s been with you for years. I know you better than you know yourself and I’ve had your back this whole time. You needed me to reel you in and it was my job—”
“It’s not your job, Jessica,” I quipped, glowering down at her. Then frowned as another thought hit me like a .50 caliber bullet, shredding me. “Wait. Do you have feelings for me?”
“What?” She scoffed and looked away. I didn’t let her off the hook.
“You heard me.”
She paused for a minute, her body suddenly relaxed, the heavy bravado gone. When she turned back to me, her face softened and my heart clenched in my chest.
“Shit, I don’t know. For a while I thought I did, I guess,” she admitted finally. “We have so much in common, you know. I envisioned us fighting bad guys together like a married duo or something.”
“What changed your mind?” I asked soberly.
She shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you are a great guy. And the sex, damn… it’s out of this world.” She paused a beat then added, “I think I just want something dif
ferent for forever, you know? Not someone who is exactly like me, but someone that isn’t. Someone that would reel me back in when I fly off the deep end, not join me guns blazing.”
I looked at her and nodded my understanding. I felt the same way and hoped, at that moment, she understood me and why I made the decisions I did.
She said, confirming my thoughts, “I don’t understand fully what you see in her, but I understand why you were willing to drop everything for her.”
Jess let out a resolved sigh then the side of her mouth quirked up a bit. “So, you really love her, don’t you?”
Now that was the million-dollar question wasn’t it? Before today I would have answered yes to her question. I had been ready to leave my life, one I’d known for years, for an uncertain life with Lexie. I didn’t hesitate.
Wait, that wasn’t true. I had hesitated. The moment I was presented with evidence that went against Alexis, I changed my mind immediately. Fuck! I had no idea what I was doing or what I felt for her. But I needed to figure that shit out.
I confessed to Jess, “I’ve been in love with Alexis ever since I could remember and I failed her.”
“What are you talking about?” Jessica frowned up at me.
“Think about it, Jess. The moment you told me what you found, I dropped her like a bad habit. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. She mentioned something about loyalty and she’s right. I blew that big time.”
“Come on, Ethan. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The evidence was pretty overwhelming. I was damn convincing too. You had no choice but to believe me.”
“No! You’re wrong about that. The shit you brought to me shouldn’t have mattered. I’ll tell you right now if the roles were reversed, she wouldn’t have given it a second thought. She would’ve been with me all the way.”
Jessica grew silent knowing what I said was true. I looked away from her ready to head back inside, when she spoke. “So, what do you want to do about it?”
I looked at her surprised but didn’t reply right away. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I plucked it out and answered, “Wolf.”
“We’ve got'em.” Church informed me, a smile in his voice. Church Dunkin was part of a team stationed here in Dover. He and his partner had had eyes on Lionel for weeks. Actually, ever since I met the bastard, I’d put a team on him. I didn’t trust the fucker and after seeing the video of him cheating on Lexie, I was glad I did.
“What’s your ETA?”
“Forty-five minutes.”
“Okay. Ping me the minute he arrives.”
“Will do,” Church replied and I hung up.
Jessica looked expectantly at me. “Who was that?”
“Church.”
“What did he want?”
“He’s bringing Lionel in. They’re on the way.”
She smiled slightly. “Good, Let’s nail this son of a bitch!”
I smiled for the first time in two days. “It will be my pleasure!”
I began making my way back inside, Jessica beside me.
“You know,” she added, shaking her head, “I really don’t see what you find attractive about her.”
I glanced at her. “And I don’t see what you find attractive about Billy.”
She stopped abruptly and grabbed my arm, halting me. Her eyes were wide as she looked up at me. “What! How did you…?” she trailed off panic laced all through her voice.
I shrugged and bit back a laugh. “Well hell, Jess. After the foreplay you two had a minute ago in front of me and George, and the jealous tone in your voice, how could I not know? Does he know you have the hots for him?”
She shook her head. “First of all, I’m not jealous of tinker bell.”
“Uh-huh,” I replied, not buying her bullshit.
She hit my arm. “I’m not. And to answer your question, no, he doesn’t know and I’m not telling him.”
“Why not?” I asked.
She thought a minute and then smiled. “How about this, let’s make a pact. If you tell boring upstairs how you feel, kiss and make up, I’ll tell Billy about how I feel.”
I thought about taking her bet. My hesitation didn’t have anything to do with being afraid. It didn’t matter that she probably hated my guts and never wanted to see me again. If I wanted to, I could march upstairs, confess my shit and that be that. My hesitation had to do with my worthiness.
I didn’t deserve her, plain and simple. What I had built with her over the weeks was a lie. I manipulated my way into her heart, into her world. I had no genuine intentions except gaining her trust just so I could solve this case. I wasn’t honest with her nor was I honest with myself.
Alexis didn’t know shit about the real me, how could I actually believe I could build something with her this way? Not to mention the way I treated her these past few hours. I humiliated her, I treated her like shit, fuck I pulled my gun on her. What kind of shit was that?
Yeah, the best thing I could do for her was let her go and disappear. She’d get over me just as she did years ago.
Finally, after reflecting on everything, I said to Jessica.
“Well, I guess they’ll never know then, huh?”
She gave me a small, sad smile and shook her head. “It’s for the best.”
***
Alexis
I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling of my cell. I tried and failed to get some sleep. My body was exhausted but my mind was running on empty. I had so many feelings and emotions running through me, I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything. Anger, fear, and frustration were natural reactions to my situation. They were prevalent, strong and overwhelming. What wasn’t present was hate.
Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to hate Ethan, to be bitter and wish him ill will for how he treated me. Sadly, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hate him. Once I saw all the evidence against me, I understood how he could think I was guilty.
From the picture I saw, I could see how the woman on the front porch favored me. For one, the lighting on my porch wasn’t ideal. There was no way you could correctly identify distinct features. Even if they zoomed in on the figure’s face, you wouldn’t be able to tell. Facial rec wouldn’t have worked either.
Whoever set me up put a lot of thought into it. The woman dressed the same way as I was, same color and everything. She and I were roughly the same height, and weight. Even our hair was styled the same, a dark, messy bushel of hair on top of our heads.
Despite the darkness and no identifying features, there wasn’t a reason to believe it wasn’t me with my laptop on my lap. I mean who else could it have been? Who would walk around pretending to be someone like me? A nobody?
And the hacking thing, I didn’t get into it as a sport. I really did it to find him. I learned so much so quickly that the hacking thing got out of control. I hadn’t done it in a long time, however, and I wanted him to know that. I had planned on confessing everything before we ran off together, but I never got the chance.
The crazy thing about all of this, I felt like I betrayed him in some way. I know I shouldn’t feel that way. After all, I wasn’t the one who lied about what they did for a living, made me fall in love with him only to pull a gun me and accuse me of treason. But, besides all that, I felt bad for making him feel he couldn’t trust me.
I tossed and turned all night, my mind replaying everything. Any way I looked at it, this was my fault. I should’ve been honest. I should've sat him down and told him everything a long time ago or at least when he mentioned running away together. I shouldn’t have waited.
Now I could lose the only man I ever loved. Too much history, not enough truths, has condemned us. We couldn’t remain friends after this. It was sad, but so true. He could barely look at me and the self-loathing I felt was insurmountable.
There was no way he and I could work things out. Fate and my stupidity have led me on a path of loneness. I would never fall in love again. No one would ever capture my heart or own my soul like Ethan. No one.
> The door to my room, or cell, however way you looked at it, opened and one of the big guys from earlier stepped inside. He carried a tray in his hand consisting of a small box of cereal, a bowl, a plastic spoon and a small carton milk. He sat the tray down on a small side table next to my bed, turned around and left. I stared hard at the closed door for a long moment before my eyes gravitated to the tray. Paranoia began to surface in my mind and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a trick. They hadn’t been nice to me all night, or morning. Why would they all of a sudden decide to be nice to me now.
I decided quickly to skip breakfast. I was starving but my paranoia won out.
Not long after they gave me breakfast, someone appeared at my door and escorted me to a bathroom. I was given some toiletries, a towel and wash cloth, and decent clothes to put on— a pair of black sweatpants, a matching zip up sweatshirt, and a white tee. They also gave me a pack of underwear, and a pair of sneakers and socks to put on.
I washed the necessary places, brushed my teeth, and dressed in the warm clothes provided. I tried to do something with the tangled mess of hair but gave up and put it all in a messy ponytail on the top of my head. I took a look at myself in the mirror. I still looked haggard, but I felt a little better. Unfortunately, all that changed when the other big guy came to collect me.
He didn’t take me to back to my room. Instead, he led me back to the interrogation room I had been in before. I started to panic, wondering if this was part two of operation tear down Alexis. Did they prefer their victims to be clean before they shot them in the head?
I wanted to turn around and make a run for it, but I didn’t. However, when the door opened and I saw its lone occupant, I kicked myself for not trying to escape when I had the chance.
Lionel…
