by Wendy Hudson
“Aye, they came out this morning to take a look. We went through the usual motions, although they seemed to take it more serious. Now there’s been actual threats.”
“Are you sure it’s the stalker? I mean, how well do you really know her? She could have her own enemies.”
Darcy stood hands on hips and gave her a look that conveyed exactly what she thought of that theory. “Anja, c’mon.”
“Okay.” She held up a hand in defeat. “I’m just saying.”
“Well, don’t.
“Does this mean you’re getting serious, then? I can’t help but notice you haven’t talked about her much to me.” Anja climbed down from the boat, and they both watched as Eilidh unpacked her gear from the boot.
Darcy couldn’t hide her grin. “Maybe. It got very serious last night, that’s for sure.”
Anja rounded her stare on Darcy. “I really don’t need to hear about that.”
It was said with a level of harshness in her tone that Darcy wasn’t used to, and she couldn’t place the reasoning behind it. It irked her that Anja showed no shred of happiness that she’d found something great to hold on to, given everything she had been through. Everything she was still going through.
“You could sound a little more pleased for me. I know you have your issues, but I’m happy, Anja. This could really be something. And if you really want to know, your attitude is exactly why I haven’t talked about her.”
Anja sighed. “Does she even sail?”
“Don’t be snarky. But no, not really. Although I’m sure she can help out.”
“Well, that’s great.” Anja threw her hands up before heading to climb back aboard. “I’ll just ferry you two around. What a romantic time it’ll be for you both.”
“Hey, don’t be that way, An. Why’re you making this so hard? We’ll muck in together and you know it’ll be fine. Please be nice. For me.” She put on her best begging face and saw Anja’s soften.
“All right, you can quit it with that face. So long as she doesn’t get in my way.”
Darcy headed across the carpark towards Eilidh. Trussed up in a wetsuit and life jacket, she looked ridiculously cute and also a little nervous. Any guilt over Anja’s displeasure disappeared at the sight of her.
Eilidh greeted her with a quick peck and then eyed the boat and Anja warily. “How did she take the news that I’m crashing your mate date?”
“Don’t worry about her,” Darcy reassured. She took Eilidh’s hand and led her to the boat. “I think a day on the water is something we all need. Let’s make it a good one, yeah?” Her question was aimed at them both.
“Aye.”
“Yeah.”
Both women agreed sheepishly.
“Today’s about you,” Anja said. “We’re going to get you back out there and blow away some cobwebs.”
Darcy smiled at her gratefully. “Sounds good. We almost ready?”
“Yip. Go grab the cool box and I’ll give Eilidh a few pointers before we launch.”
From the vantage point of the car, Darcy watched as Anja gesticulated and demonstrated some of the basics for Eilidh. She was excited now to be heading out on the water again with her best friend and, dare she say, her girlfriend? It felt surreal to have reached this point after the trauma and subsequent difficulties since the accident.
She felt her worries melt away and set her shoulders. To have these two amazing women in her life filled her with hope and gratitude, a sense of optimism for the future. Stalker be damned; they weren’t going to take this away from her. She refused to allow them any measure of control over her life.
As the wind whipped her hair across her face, Darcy grinned and threw her hands in the air. Eilidh and Anja laughed at her exuberance, but she didn’t care. There was nowhere else she would have rather been in that moment.
Eilidh had proven a handy captain’s mate, which Anja had admitted to Darcy quietly, and with obvious reluctance. They tacked through the Moray Firth with ease, swapping places regularly so Eilidh could learn to both steer and control the sails. Eilidh was a quick study and clearly comfortably on the water. Although modest herself, Sam had once told Darcy she was an expert kayaker and could read the conditions well.
The walls of Fort George rose in the distance as they approached Chanonry Point. Darcy’s attention was caught by movement in the water, and she called out to Eilidh and Anja excitedly.
“Dolphins!”
Anja was straight in to action. She commanded Eilidh’s attention and called, “Ready about.” They tacked to close reach, and Anja luffed the sail fully, slowing them down and bringing them closer to shore. The bottle-nosed dolphins frolicked close by, as if putting on a show. It was a well-known spot for catching sight of them, and the three women grinned at each other and watched in awe. They eventually left the coast and followed in the wake of a trawler, no doubt after some easy lunch.
“Am I doing all right?” Eilidh flopped down next to Darcy and slung an arm around her shoulder. Darcy caught Anja side-eying them and tried to ignore it.
“You’re doing great. Although the test will be mastering the gybe on the way back. That can get tricky if you’re not quick enough.”
“Don’t panic me.” Eilidh’s eyes widened. “I was thinking I’d got it sussed.”
Darcy chuckled. “Long way to go yet, I’m afraid. But you have a great teacher.” She raised her voice for Anja to hear. If she did, she didn’t acknowledge the compliment.
“Is she always this bloody hard work?” Eilidh muttered close to Darcy’s ear.
Darcy nudged in to her. “Give her a break. She wasn’t expecting you, and we’ve not exactly spent a lot of time only the two of us lately. It was naughty of me to invite you without asking.”
“Still, we’re here now. I’d have thought she’d have loosened up a little.”
“That’s not about you,” Darcy reassured. “You can’t arse about on the water, as I’m sure you know. She’ll be worrying about something happening and ruining this for me. Don’t be so hard on her.”
“Okay, sorry.” Eilidh held up her hands in surrender. “You know her best.”
“I do, and she’s amazing. So please, keep making the effort and I promise she’ll come around.”
Eilidh saluted her before planting a kiss on her cheek. “Yes, ma’am. I better return to my post.”
As they took the stern through the eye of the wind, Anja took control of the tiller and was patient as she taught Eilidh to gybe. Firm in her commands and assured in her manoeuvres. Eilidh kept looking back at Darcy, full of smiles and clearly enjoying herself.
Darcy closed her eyes and tipped her head to the sun. The wind rolled over her face, invigorating and revitalising. The water lapped satisfyingly around her, and she heard Eilidh laugh. She didn’t look, for fear of breaking whatever small moment Eilidh and Anja might be enjoying. Instead, she kept her eyes closed and allowed her body to relax and sway with the movement of the boat.
She heard Anja call, “Boom coming across.” It was followed by a thud and a yelp that brought Darcy rapidly back to attention. She caught a flash of red as Eilidh sprawled sideways and the boom swiped her into the frigid water with a sickening slap.
Darcy was instantly on her feet and yelling Eilidh’s name. She watched as a small wave ducked Eilidh under the surface for a moment, but the buoyancy of her life vest brought her quickly back up spluttering water. “Relax and stay calm,” Darcy shouted as the boat moved away from her. “We’ll come back around for you.”
She saw Eilidh raise a thumb in the air but could tell by her expression she was unimpressed with the situation. Whilst Darcy fretted and kept her gaze pinned on Eilidh, she took control of the tiller as Anja trimmed the sails and they turned in to beam reach. The beam reach-gybe was the simplest manoeuvre to get them back to Eilidh, and Darcy was in autopilot as she willed them bac
k to her as quickly as possible. It didn’t matter that the water was relatively calm, that they had her in sight: every worst-case scenario still spun on an out-of-control wheel through Darcy’s mind.
“How the hell did this happen?” she yelled.
Anja shrugged. “She’s an amateur. She wasn’t ready.”
They gybed and headed back on the reciprocal course. They swapped positions, and Darcy braced herself on the port side as Anja eased them towards Eilidh. She was skilled and accurate and brought the boat alongside Eilidh with ease. Darcy caught hold of her lifejacket, and Anja joined her in pulling Eilidh back aboard.
“Are you all right?” Darcy flipped a seat cushion and dug inside the small storage space for a blanket. She wrapped it around Eilidh’s shoulders and rubbed vigorously, holding Eilidh close.
“Aye. I’ll live. That water is bloody Baltic though.” She clutched at the blanket and shivered furiously. “What on earth happened?” Her question was directed at Anja who once again shrugged.
“You called ready, so I gybed. You weren’t quick enough when the boom came across.”
“I didn’t call ready.”
Anja looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have started the manoeuvre. You definitely replied.”
“I asked you to wait, because I wasn’t ready.” She spoke angrily through chattering teeth.
“Ah, sorry about that. All I must have heard in the wind was the word ready.” Anja moved to the stern and made to drop the outboard. “Probably quicker getting you back to shore with the engine.”
Darcy guided Eilidh on to a seat and kept her tucked under an arm. “Not far and we’ll get you warmed up.”
“She did that on purpose,” Eilidh mumbled.
“What?” Darcy couldn’t be sure she had heard Eilidh right.
Eilidh looked towards Anja, then back at Darcy. She held Darcy’s gaze a moment, sorrow in her eyes. “Never mind.”
Darcy didn’t want to believe what Eilidh had said. No matter how reluctant Anja seemed to be to welcome Eilidh, there was no way she would be so reckless or intentionally put a person’s life at risk. Anja would never be capable of that; it didn’t make sense with everything Darcy knew about her.
The day which had started with such promise ended abruptly back in the car park. As Anja took down sails and secured the boat, Eilidh headed straight for her car. She angrily stripped off her wetsuit whilst Darcy looked on, unsure what to say.
“You don’t really think she would put you in danger on purpose, do you?”
Eilidh yanked a jumper over her head and threw a glance in Anja’s direction. “I really don’t know what to think.”
“C’mon, Eilidh. She’d never do that. I know her.” Darcy pleaded for Eilidh to trust her, but it seemed to be falling on deaf ears.
“Do you?” Eilidh slammed the boot shut and pushed past her to the driver’s door. “Because I haven’t seen a single moment of this wonderful person you profess her to be.”
Darcy caught her arm. “Wait. Don’t leave here mad with me.”
Eilidh sighed heavily. “I’m not mad at you, Darcy. I just don’t want to be around the two of you right now. You need to talk to her.”
“What about? I not going to accuse my best friend of knocking you overboard, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Eilidh shook her head and smiled sadly. “Maybe if you two could see past each other for even a second, you’d be able to see what I see. You and Anja are not just friends, Darcy.” She stepped in to Darcy’s space and left the faintest of kisses on her cheek before murmuring in her ear, “Unfortunately for me, only Anja’s realised that.”
Before Darcy could protest or respond, Eilidh had started the car and was gone. Darcy stood rooted to the spot, Eilidh’s parting words echoing in her mind. She turned and studied Anja as she focused on releasing the sails. Are we more than friends?
It wasn’t the first time Darcy had considered the question, only before it had been Joe that had planted it. Daft, immature, wind-up merchant Joe. This time it was Eilidh, someone close to her, someone special. Eilidh who had something to lose if the answer was yes.
Since the accident, she hadn’t considered it again. The status quo had resumed, but with the added element of Eilidh, who she knew she was falling for. Everything up to and including their night together had felt so wonderful. So perfectly right in every way.
So why was she even entertaining Eilidh’s statement? Why hadn’t she dismissed it immediately and chased Eilidh down, told her she was the one Darcy wanted?
Anja looked up and smiled her way, and Darcy automatically returned it. Her heart thumped, and she pressed a hand against her chest, willing it to stop. It beat faster at the thought Eilidh might be right.
Fuck.
They really needed to talk.
Chapter 49
They sat in the front of Anja’s car with a view of the Moray Firth before them. Anja offered her another sandwich, but Darcy shook her head.
“It was an accident, you know,” Anja reiterated.
“I believe you.” Darcy sighed. She couldn’t meet Anja’s eyes. Eilidh’s words continued to tumble around in her head but wouldn’t quite fall in to place. “I’m not worried about that. She’ll be fine.”
“What are you worried about, then?” Anja packed the last of the food away and turned towards her. “I know that look. It’s not a good look.”
Darcy couldn’t help but smile because Anja was right. She knew all of Darcy’s looks, how her mind operated, the right thing to do and say at the right time. She knew Darcy inside and out, and Darcy was the same when it came to her. They were bonded in so many ways, it was frightening to imagine losing her. Was this something she could lose Anja over?
“Eilidh said something before she left that got me thinking and I’m really not sure what the hell to do or say about it.” She turned to look at Anja then, in some vague hope that Anja could actually read her mind and she wouldn’t have to say the words.
She simply reached for one of Darcy’s hands and held it tight. “You can talk to me about anything, you know that.”
“I could say the same to you, but it seems it’s one thing knowing it and another thing acting on it.”
Anja looked rightly confused. “Darcy, I’ve no clue what you’re on about. So spit it out.”
Darcy took a breath and let the words fall out in a rush. “Eilidh thinks we’re more than friends, but says we haven’t realised it yet.”
She felt Anja’s grip tighten a moment, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she looked back out to sea, and Darcy watched as she took what seemed to be a few steadying breaths. Darcy could tell she was shaken by the words, and that unnerved her more. She had expected Anja to laugh or dismiss Eilidh’s theory as daft and tell her not to worry.
“Anja. Talk to me. Because now you have that look.”
She met Darcy’s gaze. “I’ve very much realised it.”
Darcy didn’t know what to say. It seemed absurd, yet deep down a small part of her wasn’t surprised. There’d been so many signs that had made her wonder, but something had always helped her shrug them off, refuse to acknowledge it.
“You like me?” Her tone was incredulous. It still made no sense. She was going to need Anja to spell it all out exactly to avoid any danger of misunderstanding. “As more than a friend?”
Anja hung her head. She let go of Darcy’s hand and twisted her fingers together, clenching until the knuckles went white. “Don’t be mad at me.”
“Mad?” Darcy shook her head. “Why would I be mad? I’m confused, and I won’t lie, really fucking shocked. But also strangely not shocked. Either way, I’m not mad.” She heard a small laugh escape Anja and realised it had broken through tears. Darcy tapped her finger under Anja’s chin and forced her to look up. “Talk to me.”
&nb
sp; Anja wiped at her eyes and took a steadying breath. Darcy offered her hand again, and although tentative, Anja took it.
“I wasn’t sure how to talk to you about it. I’ve been afraid you’d think it was some kind of rebound thing after Jason. But it’s not, Darcy. I promise.”
“Okay.” Darcy nodded. She was determined to hold it together and wasn’t sure what else to say. The last thing she wanted was to freak out and scare Anja into silence again. This didn’t have to be a wedge between them. “What is it, then?”
Anja rubbed her thumb over Darcy’s, and Darcy stared at it, at how naturally tactile they were. She didn’t pull away, didn’t shrink at the contact. It was reassuring, exactly how Anja had always been. Did it mean more to Anja than that?
“It’s as if I’ve always seen you in this one particular way, and I knew what our relationship was, who we were to each other. Then things began to change, and it became something more for me. I’ve only really been able to admit it to myself recently. Since Jason left and gave me the space to consider it properly.”
“What things changed to make it more?” Maybe if Darcy knew what it was for Anja, she could hold it up against herself. Figure out if she was in complete and utter denial about her own feelings as Eilidh seemed to think.
“It was small stuff at first. I’d catch myself daydreaming about you and realise I couldn’t wait to see you again. When you walked in to the office in the morning, I would feel this lift that was, like, mental as well as physical. Every time I saw I had a message from you, I’d get excited. I realised having you near me automatically made me feel amazing.”
Darcy thought about that because seeing Anja walk through the door was always a cause for smiling, and it was true that a message from her always perked Darcy up. “I do that too. When you arrive after me. I guess I notice if you haven’t texted or called in a while and I’m always a bit miserable the days you’re not in the office. It feels as if all is not what it should be, but I don’t know if that means any more than friendship, Anja.”
“I know and I understand that. So often I’ve wished for you to feel the same. That it would eventually click, and you’d see me differently. Lately I’ve found myself making excuses to stand or sit close to you. To hug you. To touch you. Even though I would have done those things without even thinking in the past because they were natural. Then I was suddenly hyperaware of every movement I made around you, and that made me feel awful because you were unaware of what it did to me. I felt as if I was betraying our friendship somehow.”
