by Holly Hook
"Why are you asking me that? It's not something I want to relive."
"Because it might be important. Dominique said something about you needing to see the truth, whatever it is. And she hasn't killed you."
"I know what the truth is!"
We were shouting at each other and in that moment I imagined we'd never get together again. I swallowed hard, unable to keep the thought down. "I threatened Dominique for answers. I wanted her to confess what she'd done. Held my dagger to her throat, too. She said something about you not remembering the event right. What if Natalia could help you?"
"What are you saying?" Ronin softened. "Of course I've blocked it out. Except for my mother's screaming." His knees trembled the slightest. He was trying to hide his wound but it would always be obvious to me.
"I'm saying maybe there's something to what she said. Worst case, you get closure and you can hate me all you want for this."
Ronin worked his jaw. "So you're going to keep working with the Order."
"Right now Maria and Mikey are on the line. And if I keep having to work with them it'll be better if you go to Natalia, have your memories confirmed, and decide to hate me." I could barely keep the dam of my own emotions back. To destroy Olympus, I might end up destroying myself. There would be no immortal survivors in all of this. "I can't face your demons for you. You have to do that yourself."
He balled his fists. "Fine. I'll go to Natalia in the morning. Make her summon my worst memories. Just show me the way off campus when the time comes."
* * * * *
I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or upset that Ronin did not follow me up to my dorm, but rather stayed on his cot in the now-open cell. How would Dominique react to that? I didn't care. What had I even done? Instead of comforting Ronin during the second worst part of his life, I'd told him to put on his man pants and suck it up. How nice of me.
Maybe the darkness was getting to me.
I couldn't focus much that night. After waiting for him to knock, I got off my bed and headed downstairs. Maria, Cal, and Mikey were still playing that board game with Wendy when I walked into the dining hall.
"We got you a coffee," Mikey said, pointing. "Might be cold by now. How's Ronin?"
"He's Ronin," I said in a tone that I hoped communicated it all.
"Oh," Maria said.
Wendy rolled the dice and moved her plastic spaceship piece five spaces, which depicted a black hole that led to another part of the galaxy map.
I shuddered.
Black holes destroyed everything. Maybe they were actually gateways to Chaos and everything in the universe would be inside them one day. Scientists just hadn't had a chance to study them closely enough yet to figure that out.
"Wormhole," Wendy grumbled. "Back to the beginning."
I tried to join in on the game, but couldn't stop looking at the holes on the map, which distorted the starlight around them. People cleared out around us as I tried to play, leaving the dining hall empty. Only Prometheus came in and grabbed some food before disappearing into his office. He hadn't spoken much to me lately. He must know the truth. I was here to destroy Olympus and then sacrifice myself in the process, and he couldn't bear to utter that fact out loud.
Ronin wasn't waiting at my dorm when I went up. I of course had the only key, and I flopped down on my bed, alone that night.
And he didn't knock on the door, either, in the morning.
I woke an hour before classes were due to start, so I decided to go and find Ronin. Maybe the night had helped both of us cool down.
But he wasn't in the basement, though his cot was ruffled. At least Dominique wasn't here to spit in my face. I had a brief rush of satisfaction that maybe I had scared her last evening, but worry about Ronin chased it away. He was so strong yet so fragile.
And once again, I had to find him.
He must have gone out to the Sorting Temple and asked for Natalia's newfound dark powers to lift the curtain on his repressed memories. Or he had run away. I'd left the barrier open for him.
I rushed out of the main building and down the steps.
Now I could run much faster than before--it seemed all immortals could--but getting out to the Sorting Temple would take time I didn't have. I needed a car. Ronin could start them with his electric touch, but what did I have?
Celestus.
He walked from the main building to his white car, keys jangling in his hand, which he'd parked near the fountain. "Giselle. I sent you a text." Relief spread across his dark features. "I was wanting to go pick up some breakfast for me and Natalia, something that'll clog our arteries, but the barrier was completely up over the drive when I checked."
"I'll open a hole," I said, circling around to the passenger side and thanking my stroke of luck. "I let Ronin out last night."
"I noticed," Celestus said.
"You've been checking on him?" I waited until he unlocked the car and got in. Poor Celestus had to sit in closed quarters with me. But he took it like a man, got into the drivers' seat, and started the car. I could only imagine the dread I was giving off in my heightened emotional state. I'd gotten better at holding my atmosphere back, but I wasn't perfect, especially when I got upset.
"Well, yeah. I think we're becoming friends." Celestus offered a rare smile. "Rough start, though."
That was a shocker. "Does Dominique know he left?"
"I'm not sure yet. So far as I know, they're still camping in the woods. They can't risk being seen by Prometheus. If the titan spots them, he will have to take action or he'll fall into a dormant state before the time is right."
"Before the time is right?" What did he mean?
Celestus shot me a grave look, frowning. "He's been talking a lot about personal sacrifice lately. Nothing specific. He's driving me nuts because he won't just tell me what he's saying. Even Natalia's visions are more specific than what he's giving out."
"You're friends again? Wow."
Celestus accelerated through the metal gate, which closed behind us, and now trees passed on either side. "Yes. I guess working for Apollo blinded me to what was really going on. Wasn't an easy pill to swallow, but a necessary one. Apollo's not that bad of a guy. He's not the problem. Maybe if I'd been working for Athena or Hera or Zeus, I like to think I would have figured out the truth. Pride thing."
This was the most animated I'd seen Celestus in a while. "Drop me off at the Sorting Temple."
He did. We didn't speak much on the mile and a half journey there, but we'd said all we could say. I got out of the car and ran into the Sorting Temple. Despite its new roof, the place sent nausea through me. The memories of Zeus's attempted attack would stay with me forever. And I'd made Ronin come and face his worst fears here.
Natalia was seated inside, in her new black robe which now had golden and silver stars sewn to the front. Despite the beauty of her new garb, Natalia sat with her head down, staring at the marble.
"This place has an effect on you, too," I said. As I approached, Natalia looked up and a few candles went out, casting the marble room and its pillars in gloom. The fountain at the end of the room was full of blood--probably Ronin's. But where was he?
"Ronin was just here," Natalia said. "And yes, being here is tough, but I'm getting better. If I can get over my fear of being in a car, I can do this. You have it far worse than I do."
"At least Celestus has been cloaking you."
"Yes. Nyx has been helpful."
I couldn't contain why I was here anymore. "Where's Ronin?"
Natalia looked up at me. "He asked to see his last memories of his mother. I didn't see what he did, but it was distressing. I tried to talk him out of it, but he insisted."
I wanted to throw up. I'd pushed Ronin into this and now he was gone. Why was I such a horrible person? "This...this is my fault."
"I guess Ronin needed some kind of closure. I don't know what's come over him?"
I did. "Where did he go?"
"Into the woods. Giselle, you know ho
w Ronin is. When he gets his moods, he gets his moods."
No kidding. I'd pushed him into this. Why? Was our relationship worth his sanity? "I have to find him. Which direction?"
Natalia got up. "I'll go with you. I don't know what he saw, but he was muttering something about broken promises."
That wasn't good. Natalia had seen my own distress and guilt over this. We left the Temple, which she probably wasn't supposed to do, and I let Natalia lead me into the woods, through a patch of poison ivy and then an open area I'd never explored. Natalia moved quickly, as if the gods themselves could find her and take revenge at any moment, and thankfully no one came down to destroy her.
"Ronin!" I shouted, letting my voice sweep through the trees. Birds took off in panicked flight. Even the crows fled, not wanting to be anywhere near me.
"Ronin!" Natalia joined in, cupping her hands over her mouth. She was shaking and almost as concerned as I was. I had the sense she'd been waiting for me before starting the search. Natalia needed my protection. Maybe Celestus's magic didn't work too far from the Sorting Temple, or he had to renew it every so often, because I couldn't see it.
We found Ronin sitting on a large boulder, facing away from us and into a thick gathering of trees. "Ronin. You're doing it again."
"I should have seen it."
His words hung over the foliage and fallen pine needles.
"You were right that I needed to look. I...I'm sorry I got angry with you. It was wrong and I broke my promise."
Hunched and with his chin on his knees, Ronin suddenly looked much younger than his nineteen years. I slowed and Natalia stood behind me, silently giving me permission to let her stand there and let me deal with this super awkward situation. Ronin let out a breath, heavy with regret.
"Stop beating yourself up," I said. What if...what if..."If you don't want to tell me what you saw, you don't have to. It was wrong of me to tell you to do this. I was a major ass last night." I circled the boulder, waiting for Ronin to hike his shoulders, indicating that he wanted to be left alone, but he faced me. His eyes were red with distress and bags hung under them. But something had fallen away. A stony mask I hadn't realized he'd been wearing before. Maybe even a shield. This was Ronin, newly born and raw. His pupils were clear and dilated.
And then he spoke again, "I made Natalia show me. Hera killed my mother, not the Lower Order. I'm so sorry I dealt an ultimatum, Giselle."
Chapter Thirteen
Ronin refused to share the details. All he shared, as I stood there in shock, was that some hired monsters were involved and that he never wanted to view such a thing again.
What could I do but climb onto the boulder, sit beside him, and wrap my arm around him?
"You're forgiven," I choked out.
Dominique had been right. In this case, at least, she hadn't killed any civilians. She hadn't even been involved. Even if Ronin's mother had been involved with Zeus willingly--and it sounded as if she had been--the Lower Order hadn't killed her. Why would they? There was no motive, other than to get back at Zeus, but it wasn't as if Zeus was committed to any woman. He could replace whenever he wanted.
But Hera had a motive.
And Ronin needed to see the truth.
"I'm sorry," I continued.
Ronin sucked in a breath. "It had to be done. Or we would have kept fighting and not gone anywhere. Well, we would have kept fighting about one thing." He forced a smile at me.
"Do you guys need to be left alone?" Natalia asked.
I wanted some alone time with Ronin but it felt wrong to make Natalia walk all the back to the Temple on her own. "You can stay. We won't linger out here. Not safe."
Ronin stood and his joints popped. "I should have seen this a long time ago. Hera always had it out for me. Never subtle. Shit. Only Zeus stopped her from killing me. If we'd ever been left alone, I doubt I would have made it this far."
I shuddered when I thought of what Ronin must have seen and what he could never erase from his mind. As I watched, his fists closed. And I knew that the Lower Order was no longer an issue between us.
But one other thing was.
And I wasn't sure I could stop it. This revelation had, in a way, made our situation even harder than it had been before.
He extended his hand.
I swallowed, pausing, and took it. He needed me right now.
"You need to get to class," he said. "Let me walk you."
I forced a laugh as I jumped off the boulder. "Who's going to give me detention?"
"You need to practice in Combat Training. Off campus. Anything. You need to figure out how to harness your powers without destroying yourself in the process." His eyes begged.
"Do you think I have a chance at, you know, not getting sucked out of existence?"
"Maybe. We have to hope."
This was the Ronin I loved. He tightened his grip on my hand, sending electricity up my arm. He was back. Ronin had been forced to open a wound, but hopefully the infection could drain and it could heal instead of festering under his skin.
And hopefully I could face down my own darkness and survive it.
"What are you talking about? I might be an oracle, but I don't know everything." Natalia circled the boulder, forcing a grin. "Do I have to egg your cell for answers, Ronin?"
* * * * *
Ronin was back.
Mostly.
We went to my classes together now. All meals. He even hung out with us at night and held my hand.
But he went no further.
"Do you want to come up to my dorm?" I dared to ask after dinner that first night. I had pulled Ronin into the empty corridor.
Ronin swallowed and crossed his arms. "I don't know if intimacy is a good idea right now. We don't know what'll happen."
I might have matured, but my body had the same wants, the same needs, as before. Eyeing Ronin's chest, ass, and thighs was almost painful now. I was asking him to have sex with a dark being. And that was a lot to ask. What would he go through if we got that close again? We always felt each other's magic when we did the deed, like energetic ecstasy, and now just being around me was hard enough. I no longer amplified Ronin's electricity and gave it back to him. The experience would be completely different.
"Yeah. We don't. Baby steps?" I asked, feeling stupid and gross. Tears threatened to spill and my throat started to close. Why would Ronin want me in that way now? I'd been stupid to even think of it.
Longing filled Ronin's eyes. "I'm not worried about your magic, Giselle. I know I can survive it. I'm worried about, well, if we're even going to make it through this."
I let out a breath. It wasn't because he didn't want to touch me. He didn't want to get too close when we were so near the end. Ronin didn't want to repeat of a pain he knew all too well. Despite the truth, he hadn't yet healed from his vulnerability.
"And if we get through this?" I asked.
Ronin trembled. He reached out. Seized my hands. "Then maybe...then maybe we should get married. I know we're young, but life's short. For me, at least. Giselle, will you?"
I could live forever.
Ronin wouldn't.
But if he was willing to risk it all, so was I.
"Yes," I said. "Yes. We should."
* * * * *
Ronin and I stayed beside each other during the days. Dominique, of course, wasn't going to appear during class time at Cursed Academy. If anyone but me and my inner circle saw her, she'd get reported to Prometheus. And I knew plenty of first, second, and even third years would gallop to his office to tell. That meant Ronin was safe to stay with me during class time. He seemed to get completely used to my presence quick, too. He no longer flinched when we approached each other and to be fair, I focused on not giving off too much of an atmosphere when he was around. Or when anyone was around.
Ronin, though he was technically graduated from Olympian, even got to teach Combat Training again. I talked to Prometheus that week about reinstating him. If I had to go through the hell
of waiting for the attack on Mount Olympus, at least the titan could give Ronin an actual job with pay.
The titan didn't give it up easily, though.
"Ronin is a son of Zeus," Prometheus said, slamming his coffee mug down on his desk.
"I know he is. But he's seen what his father is trying to do. If he didn't want to help us, he would have left by now," I said, taking up the doorway. I put both hands on the door frame, blocking him in so I could make my point. At least I couldn't feel the hot, angry atmosphere the principal gave off anymore. Maturing seemed to have shielded me from that part. "He would have gone off and told Zeus. And I've let him off campus several times so he could go pick us up some pizza. Sorry, but the cafeteria pizza needs to improve."
Prometheus leaned forward in his chair, which squeaked with age. Since my maturing, the Olympians had cut down funding for Cursed Academy, and the school was now running on fumes, according to Celestus. The Olympians couldn't cut off the cash flow completely, Celestus had told me, or it would be considered an act of war and would break the Oath. And the fact that Prometheus now ran Cursed Academy again was the reason Zeus hadn't sent another storm at us. The Oath was both hurting and helping us.
"I can't believe you are still with someone who came from the enemy."
I thought of Hades, who hadn't asked to become Lord of the Underworld. Who actually wasn't that bad of a guy, anger issues aside. "Well, did any of us pick who we are?"
He said nothing to that.
"My point exactly," I said, glowing inside. "Ronin knows how to teach Combat Training. And I work well with him. Don't I need to hone my powers to fight whenever we get to Olympus?"
"Yes. You do," he grudgingly said.
"And didn't a son of Zeus free you? What happened there? You can talk to me."
Prometheus swallowed. "Hercules freed me from the mountain. He unchained me. Zeus left me there even after he warmed up to humanity and their advancements a bit. Well, so long as they worshipped him. He never wants to admit when he's wrong."
