She stepped off the elevator and in the next moment, she saw him. He stood in the hallway wearing his turnout pants and boots, soot all over his handsome face. A small group surrounded him. Ryan Davis and some of the other deputies.
“Hud,” she whispered.
Before tonight, Joanne thought she’d understood relief. Comfort. But this moment was different. This was joy and emotion wrapped up so tight in her soul that it wasn’t going to be able to stay inside. He turned, and his gaze swept over her in both surprise and worry, his brow creased. In two steps, he was at her side, taking her into his arms.
He smelled like smoke and fire but thank God, by some small miracle, her Hud was alive. Breathing. Now she could breathe.
“Hud, Hud, Hud,” she said over and over again, sobbing, every single fear for him slicing through her, cutting her to the quick. With it came a storm of tears she didn’t know how she’d ever be able to rein in.
She was vaguely aware of being carried somewhere, and after being set down, noticed that they were in a private waiting room. Alone. A TV was set to the local news, and a reporter broadcasted that several Fortune Valley firefighters had been hurt and in critical condition. They reported the fire was now 90 percent contained after several hours and hundreds of acres lost.
“I’m okay, baby. Listen. I’m okay.” Hud just kept saying the words, calmly, like he hoped she’d eventually hear him through her fog. He pulled her down in his lap and rubbed her back until her sobs slowed. “I’m not hurt. It was J.P., our probie. He’s badly hurt.”
“What h-happened?”
“One of the trailers on the ridge exploded. There may have been gas inside or some other type of accelerant that caught. J.P. was closest when the blast hit. I don’t know much about his condition. They won’t tell me because I’m not...family.” Those last words were said with an edge, as though he disagreed.
“I h-heard someone downstairs say that he’s being taken to the closest burn unit.”
“Yeah,” Hud said. “Airlifted there.”
She framed his face. “I was afraid they were talking about you.”
“There was a lot of confusion when it all went down. Remember I talked to you about misinformation? The chief sent me in the ambulance with the EMTs to assist. I had firsthand information on his injuries, because I...found him.”
There was a note of pain and despair in Hud’s voice that she’d never quite heard there before. He was hurting, too, because this man was his friend and Hud hadn’t been able to save him from being terribly injured.
She buried her face in his warm neck. “I’m sure there wasn’t anything you could do. You always do your best.”
“And sometimes it’s not good enough.”
“No. Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
“Where’s his family?”
“On their way.”
Joanne was afraid to ask the next question, but she did anyway. “Do you...have to go back out there?”
He took her hand and rubbed the back of it, looking at the ground. “I might have to. I don’t know yet.”
* * *
When Hud was informed that J.P. had been transported to the burn unit, he finally felt able to leave the hospital. He needed a shower and some rest before he’d have to get back out there again tomorrow. Even if the fire was contained, and he believed now that it just might be, there would be more to be done. There was also some damage control to do at home. He didn’t like bringing his work home with him, but this was inevitable. The look on Jo’s face, like she’d seen a ghost, might stay with him for a while. She’d worried over him before, of course, but everything had changed. They both now stood to lose much more.
Never before having been in the position where a woman mattered this much to him, he didn’t know how to handle her meltdown. He’d simply comforted. Assured her. Held her while she cried. But though he was okay, J.P. wasn’t, and if he realized how easily that might have been him, he could only imagine the thoughts running through Jo’s head.
She’d already had enough loss and turmoil in her life. Hud didn’t want to add to it, but he was never going to be the one to walk away from her again. It might be selfish, because, sure, she might be better off with an accountant or a lawyer. Theoretically that was true, but one plus one didn’t equal two in this scenario. He figured that was how it worked when a man was crazy in love. He was illogical enough to believe that he’d keep himself alive because he loved her.
When he walked outside the hospital, Rachel was waiting for him too, leaping for joy to see him and licking the soot off his face. Zoey dropped them off at Jo’s house. He carried Rachel and slung an arm around Jo.
She stopped suddenly in the driveway. “The groceries. I left them in the car.”
He took care of that, then he picked up the tools he’d left all over the kitchen floor. Regret spiked through him. She’d walked into this scene, knowing him and realizing something had to be terribly wrong. It struck him that, had he been home instead, he wouldn’t have left this evidence everywhere.
“I need a shower.” He came up behind Jo and squeezed her shoulders.
“Okay,” she said, not moving, not turning like she usually did to kiss him.
“Baby, this doesn’t happen very often. J.P. was a rookie. Young and inexperienced.” He bent and spoke soft words brushing the shell of her ear.
She seemed to accept that. “I see.”
“You’ve already looked up the statistics of firefighters who die in the line of duty, and I think you know the odds are in my favor. Long as I keep eating plenty of fish.” He turned her in his arms and tried a smile, but it fell flat when she didn’t return it.
Hud headed for the shower where he soaped up and let the water pound on tired muscles, taking away some of the aches. He waited, but Jo didn’t join him as he’d hoped. This was definitely out of character for her lately, when she took every opportunity to be with him.
He dried off and stepped out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel around his hips, and was encouraged when he found Jo sitting on the bed. Her bare legs dangled from the side. She’d changed into one of his tees, the Giants one. He’d bet, as usual, there was nothing underneath.
“Are you hungry? I just threw a bunch of food away because it might have been in the car too long. Can’t risk it. But I was going to make Chicken Florentine tonight.”
He came to her side. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not your fault.” She stood. “But if you want to eat, I’ll find something. You must be so tired.”
With a palm, he pushed her gently back down. “I was but I rallied after I saw you.”
“You’re lying.” She pulled on his towel. “But I want to believe you.”
He removed his towel with a smile, because apparently, he had something to prove. Then his T-shirt came off, and as he’d suspected, nothing was under it. Nothing but bare sweet smooth breasts, creamy skin and sexy curves. He made love to her, taking his time, exploring every inch of her soft warm body. Just when he’d believed he had memorized the landscape of her body, what she liked and what turned her on, he discovered something new. He sank his teeth into her earlobe and felt her muscles clench around him as she moaned and climaxed.
“Hud, oh, Hud. Baby, I love you,” she said into his neck.
And that was all he needed. The rest they could work out.
* * *
A while later, Hud rolled over in bed and reached for Joanne. Her side of the bed was empty. Normally after a day like the one he’d had, he would be tossing and turning all night. But he found he never had nightmares sleeping next to Joanne.
He found her in the kitchen, back in his T-shirt, opening cabinet doors and then bending down to write on a slip of paper.
“What are you doing?” he asked groggily.
“I’m writing a grocer
y list. Hunter comes home Monday and I want to make sure I have everything he likes to eat in stock. Or, everything he will eat, anyway.”
“Baby, it’s three in the morning.”
“Did I wake you? I’ll try to be quiet. Go back to bed.” She bent to scribble on the paper.
“Can’t you do this in the morning?” He came up behind her and nuzzled her jaw.
“No, I want to do it now. Anyway, I couldn’t sleep.”
Great. He’d somehow transferred his nightmares to her. “You should have woken me up.”
“Why? You need to rest in case you have to...to go back up there tomorrow.” Her voice shook.
“If you’re not coming back to bed with me, I’ll help.” He glanced at her list, picked up the pen and added corn nuts. Hunter loved those things.
“They’re bad for his teeth.” She crossed it off, then bit her lower lip. “I can’t think of the cereal he likes that’s good for him. He’s been gone a month and I forgot? What’s wrong with me?”
Nothing a little sleep won’t cure.
He kept quiet, going through her cabinets, not knowing what to look for, or what could be missing. But he didn’t want to leave her.
She threw the pen down. “I can’t do this.”
“It might be easier in the morning.”
But then she was crying, so he doubted she meant the list. His heart felt as though a thousand daggers had struck him at once. He took her into his arms. “Tell me.”
“I love you. I don’t want to lose you. Ever.”
“You won’t.”
“Tell me the truth. Did what happen to J.P. have anything to do with his inexperience, or was it just bad luck? Being in the wrong place at the wrong time?”
He didn’t want to answer the question, but she already knew. Jo was smart. Capable. She was simply waiting for him to confirm the truth so she could make her point. “Mostly...bad luck.”
“I thought so. It could have been you, Hud.”
He pressed his forehead to hers. “But it wasn’t me.”
“This time.” She wrapped her arms around this waist. “It’s one thing for me to lose you. But it’s another for our children to lose their father. I will not raise a child without a father. And I won’t do this alone again.”
Shit, well, he hadn’t seen that coming. He was both flattered and hurt. She was already picturing their family, with him missing. Gone.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I love you, but I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to live with this fear. I don’t know if I can.”
“Jo, this is my job. My calling.” Frustrated, he squeezed her arms and made her face him. “What you’re really saying is you don’t love me enough. Isn’t that what you’re saying?”
“Don’t love you enough? How much is enough? I have never loved anyone like I love you. I loved you through our break-up, your car accident, through my accidental pregnancy, and you insisting on going to war!”
She looked pissed, like he had no right to live his life the way he wanted to. Not the way she insisted. Safe, when there was no such thing. He’d made a lot of stupid choices in his life, but every one of them had led him to where he was right now.
“Want to know what’s enough? I loved you enough to give you away at your wedding, because I thought that’s what you wanted.” He pulled away from her then, angry and crushed beyond words. “I should go.”
He found some clothes, grabbed his turnout gear and boots and left without another word. She didn’t try and stop him. He couldn’t believe they were ending like this. He’d just proven to himself his own sad theory. If Jo couldn’t love him enough, maybe no one could.
Some freaking wonderful day this had worked out to be. J.P. was injured and Hud had no idea how badly, or if he’d ever make a full recovery. He was young. Too young for this to happen to him. When he was outside Hud realized suddenly that he didn’t have his truck, since he’d been taken by ambulance with J.P.
With nothing but early morning dark and smoky skies for company, Hud walked all the way home.
Chapter Nineteen
The next morning, Joanne woke with swollen eyes. Crying all night could do that to a woman. Hud hadn’t come back. She’d fallen asleep with her phone in her hands, expecting a text all night. He didn’t even have a way to get home. She’d waited for him to walk back inside once he realized, to talk some more, and... What? Promise he’d never get killed and leave her alone for the rest of her life? He couldn’t make that promise and Hud would never lie to her. Promise he’d give up his job for her? She would never ask that of him.
He had a friend in the hospital seriously injured, had been through hell himself, and she’d chosen that night to tell him that she couldn’t do this anymore. Oh God. Hud. She hated herself right now. She’d never stopped loving him, but simply taken all that love and tucked it away somewhere deep inside of her, punishing no one but herself. For years. Then she’d taken a huge risk. Told him how she felt. He’d confessed his love for her. Now she’d screwed it all up and not only missed her lover but her best friend. She’d have to call Nora and Eve to cry and bitch over her latest man disaster. Hud was her disaster, because it seemed she couldn’t yet figure out how to behave in a grown-up relationship.
She got out of bed and went through her morning routine of shower, brushing teeth, putting on the outfit she’d laid out the night before. Routine. It was important. She’d have to keep busy. Maybe invite Nora and Eve over for dinner. Hunter would be home soon. She had so much to do.
Thankfully, with two dresses to make in the coming months, Joanne would be busy with work, too. Which was good, because she didn’t want to feel anything. Numb was all she wanted. She was done with love, done with all this emotion and fear of loss that wrapped around her heart and squeezed tight.
Having given Nora the day off, Joanne opened up the boutique late morning and tried to keep busy until time for Leah’s appointment to be measured. When she arrived, she chatted happily about the wedding venue she’d secured, and her excitement over seeing her fiancé in “a short” six months. Joanne didn’t know how the young woman did it. She was terrified to love a firefighter, but loving a military man came with its own set of pressures and risks. Leah seemed immune to them.
Either that, or she was just moving forward. One foot in front of the other. Loving him anyway because what else could she do? You couldn’t always choose who you loved.
Shame did everything but cloud Joanne’s vision, and after Leah left, she started to close up the boutique. She’d go home and work in her sewing room, where if she burst into tears at any moment, there was no risk of being seen by anyone. But then the door to the shop opened and there stood her mother, holding two cups of coffee from The Drip.
She smiled. “It’s back! I’ve got my pumpkin spice, and for you, a mocha latte.”
Joanne burst into tears.
“What’s wrong?” She set the cups down. “I’ll go get you the pumpkin spice instead, but I thought you hated it.”
Joanne nodded but couldn’t catch her breath.
Mom rubbed her back. “Yes, I should go get you a pumpkin spice, or yes you hate it?”
Joanne shook her head and staggered over to the sofa, grabbing a box of tissues on the way. She plopped down, covering her face.
“No, I shouldn’t get you a pumpkin spice, or—?”
“Hud,” Joanne managed between sobs, pulling out a handful of tissues.
“Oh God, no! Don’t tell me he’s been hurt. Someone at The Drip this morning said a firefighter had been killed!” Ramona covered her mouth.
Why wasn’t Joanne better at charades? It would come in handy right now. Instead of waving her arms around to indicate a heart being pierced and shattered into a million tiny pieces, Joanne managed to say, “N-no.”
“Oh thank Go
d!” Ramona seemed to fall more than sit on the sofa next to Joanne. “What’s wrong, then? Oh no! Is it—”
To end twenty questions, the ridiculous version, Joanne held her palm up in the universal sign for Stop. Composing herself, she dabbed at her eyes. “I broke up with H-hud.”
“Oh boy. Why? Did you catch him cheating on you?”
“No!” Joanne glared at her mother and clutched the box of tissues on her lap. “But thanks for that image.”
“Well, what on earth could it be? You’re obviously crazy about him.”
“Did you ever think maybe he’s not that crazy about me? Huh? Huh?”
“Actually, no. I never considered that. You were busy on your wedding day, but I got to watch Hud pace. Every time he looked at you it was with longing in his eyes.”
“W-why didn’t you say something?”
“On your wedding day?” She went hand to chest. “It was a little too late. Besides, it really was no different than the way he’s mooned after you since you were both sixteen. I really thought you saw it, too. Just figured you were ignoring it.”
“Maybe I did, for a long time. Until I couldn’t. And now... I’m too afraid to lose him to even try. I’m such a coward.”
Her mother reached into her big hobo bag. “I think I have a book on fear in here. It’s my latest bedtime reading.”
“Can’t you just give me the CliffsNotes version when you’re done reading?” Joanne sighed.
“Fine.” Ramona crossed her arms. “But is this about your father?”
The Right Moment Page 18
