by Lori Wilde
Following the doctor’s directions, Dan disappeared around the corner. Raleigh was supremely glad to have Dan here, but at the same time, she longed to deny it. She could handle this on her own. Caleb was her brother. She didn’t need Dan’s help. Didn’t need anybody except Caleb.
“When can I see my brother?” she asked Dr. Gilford.
“In a few minutes. They’ll wheel him by on the way to the OR.” He gave Raleigh an encouraging smile, and then he was gone, swallowed up by the imposing double doors separating her from Caleb.
Clasping her hands together, Raleigh sat back down, grew restless, then stood up and paced. An elderly woman sitting across the room smiled at her. Raleigh shook her head, unable to smile back.
The doors swung open again, and a stretcher popped through. Caleb lay on it, looking pale and frightened. The sight stabbed at her heart. Springing to his side, Raleigh grasped her brother’s hand as the nurse and an orderly pushed him down the hall.
“How you doing, honey?”
“Okay,” he whispered. His lips were cracked and dry.
“You’ll be fine,” Raleigh reassured him. She wanted to cry, to throw her head back and howl, but she knew from past experiences with death that the tears would not come. She’d been unable to cry for either of her parents or Jack. If only she could have cried, maybe then she would have felt cleansed, healed. But nature had denied her even that small release.
“Everything’ll be all right, Raleigh,” Caleb said, trying to comfort her. “I’m not going to die.”
“Excuse me, miss,” said the nurse. “You can wait right over there.” She pointed to another waiting area in the alcove next to the operating suite.
And then Caleb was gone, trundled through a similar set of double doors and out of Raleigh’s sight.
Alone.
How empty the word sounded, and how awful it felt. Alone, she sat down in the waiting room, stared at the pale beige wall, and steeled herself against the avalanche of feelings spinning inside her. First, she felt guilty, then anxious, then an overwhelming melancholy, and finally, her old standby, anger.
She was mad at herself for having left Caleb to go on the hayride, and she was mad at Daniel McClintock for coaxing her into it. Anger. An emotion more easily expressible than grief. She might not know how to cry, but she sure as heck knew how to get mad. Jumping to her feet, Raleigh viciously kicked a nearby chair.
“Hey, what’s going on here?”
Raleigh jerked her head up and found herself staring at Daniel McClintock.
The cause of all her problems.
He held his cowboy hat in his hands, worrying the brim with his fingers. “I made the arrangements for Caleb’s hospital bill.”
“I’ll pay you back every penny,” she vowed.
“You don’t owe me anything,” Dan interrupted. “Your ideas for the ranch will make enough money to cover the costs, and I set up monthly installments with the hospital. So, I don’t want to hear any more about it.”
“Caleb and I don’t take handouts,” she said, desperate to hide the pain and sorrow welling up inside her. She couldn’t let Dan discover the truth about her.
“Simmer down,” Dan said. “Everything’s going to be all right.”
“Ha.” He couldn’t understand the utter terror she felt at the thought of losing her little brother. He wouldn’t understand about Jack or why she believed herself jinxed—especially when it concerned her love life.
“I care, Raleigh. Why are you so afraid to let anyone get close to you?”
Why? Because, except for Caleb, everyone she’d ever loved had died tragically. She could not allow herself to care for Dan.
She folded her arms across her chest, felt her anger dissipate as she looked into Dan’s concerned eyes. He’d shown her nothing except kindness, and she had repaid him with the sharp edge of her temper. Chagrined, Raleigh dropped her gaze. Dan deserved better.
“Let’s sit down.” He inclined his head toward the bench. “I want to talk to you.”
She settled into the seat, and he eased down beside her. Laying his hat on the empty spot next to them, he steepled his fingers. “Do you know what I said to myself the minute I first saw you?”
“No.”
“I thought, now here’s a woman who could help me make my dreams come true.”
“Did you?”
“Yes, I did. I recognized your strengths. You’re one heck of a woman, Raleigh, but why do you fight so hard to hide your weaknesses? Everybody needs help sometimes.”
“I don’t.”
“Who are you lying to, me or yourself?”
Raleigh stared down at her dusty boots, her wrinkled gingham dress. He was right. She longed to lean on him, to relinquish control and let him soothe her aching sorrow, but she didn’t dare risk the luxury of his sheltering arms.
“Stop running away and talk to me,” Dan insisted.
“I’ve never run away from anything in my life!”
“You’re kidding yourself. You might not run from hard work or responsibility, but you sure as heck run from personal involvement with people.”
“People only hurt you in the end; why take the chance?” she asked.
“May I sit here and wait with you? Be your friend? I care about Caleb, too.”
His question took her by surprise. She hadn’t expected him to settle for friendship.
“I don’t know,” she told him truthfully. Even friends caused pain.
She almost told him to leave, but the truth was, she wanted him to stay. Passing time alone in the forlorn waiting room, anticipating bad news, held little appeal.
“All right,” she agreed.
“Thank you,” he said simply and leaned back against the wall.
They lapsed into an awkward silence, Raleigh acutely aware of him. She couldn’t stop thinking about their encounter in the back of the hay trailer. How long had it been since a man had shown an interest in her as a woman? More to the point, how long had it been since any man had been willing to chip past her mounted defenses and really get to know her?
Shifting his weight, Dan restlessly cracked his knuckles.
“You sure do that a lot,” she commented.
“What?”
“Crack your knuckles.”
“Oh.” He shook his fingers. “Sorry, bad habit.” Dan looked down at his hands and didn’t say anything else.
Raleigh turned her face away and studied the clock on the wall. Three fifteen a.m. She’d been up since before dawn, and her body was feeling the effects of emotional stress and long hours. Her feet ached. Her eyes itched. Her muscles knotted. She blinked and yawned.
“How about I go find us a cup of coffee?” Dan asked.
“Sounds good,” she said.
“You take it black, right?”
“Yes.”
“See.” He smiled. “I remember everything about you.”
The second he was gone, a strange emptiness settled over her, as if the sunlight had been drained from the universe.
12
Dan wandered down the winding corridors searching for the cafeteria. He couldn’t stop thinking about Raleigh and the events of last night, from the party to the hayride, to the very intense session they’d shared in the back of the tractor-trailer rig.
The memory stirred him. What would have happened if Caleb hadn’t gotten sick? Would he and Raleigh have consummated their lust? Would he have finally ruptured her bastion of defenses and unearthed her buried emotions? He didn’t know.
After many false turns, Dan finally found several vending machines. He fed quarters into the slots, listening to them clink as they fell. He pushed buttons and waited for the paper cups to fill with wicked-looking coffee.
It didn’t matter what might have happened between him and Raleigh. It was a moot point. Now they were back to where they’d started—Raleigh aloof and distant, pushing him away, erecting her angry barriers once more, keeping him at arm’s length.
Dan sighed. He lon
ged to hold her, comfort her, fortify her with his resilience. She desperately needed someone to lean on—he could see it clearly in her misty gray eyes—yet she didn’t want his help. She resisted him. Resented him even.
Balancing the coffee cups, he ambled back down the corridor. What to do? Force the issue and maybe send her flying from the ranch? She teetered on the brink of surrendering to him. Dan had felt it in her famished kisses. But he also knew she perceived her body’s needs as weakness, and that was the reason she’d reverted to her old stance. She hated being dependent.
No, Dan decided. He couldn’t force her to admit her true feelings for him. If he tried to ensnare her, she’d disappear. So, he would wait like a rock—quietly, solidly, eternally, whatever it took to win her trust. The next move belonged to Raleigh.
He returned with the coffee to find her sitting hunched over, her face buried in her hands. Her vulnerable posture stoked sadness inside him. How he longed to protect her, to take care of her. If only she would let him into her heart.
At the sound of his footsteps, she lifted her head and gave him a tired, worn smile. “Thanks,” she said, taking the cup he offered.
“Any news?” He inclined his head in the direction of the operating suite.
“No.”
Another long hour passed. They sat side by side, fighting back yawns and watching the hands on the clock inch slowly forward.
It was four thirty when Dr. Gilford came to speak to them, his green hospital scrubs blood-splattered and his eyes red-rimmed. The minute she spotted the doctor, Raleigh scrambled to her feet.
Dan rose beside her, resisting the urge to put his arm around her.
“How is he?” she squeaked.
“Your brother is doing just fine, Miss Travers. We’ll be taking him to the recovery room in a few moments. You can visit him there.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” She clasped the surgeon’s hand. It troubled Dan to see her trembling. He wanted to soothe her, but if he tried, he feared she’d bristle like a porcupine.
“Caleb’s going to be all right,” she whispered to Dan as the doctor exited.
“Of course, he is. Did you really doubt it?”
“Yes. I was terrified he wouldn’t make it off the operating table alive.”
“Oh, Raleigh, come here. You look like you could use a hug.” He couldn’t hold himself back any longer. He had to hold her. If she rejected him, then so be it. He held his arms wide and, to his surprise, she launched herself into them.
Her head pressed into his chest felt so damned good Dan could scarcely breathe. She rested there a moment, then quickly jerked back and stepped away.
“I need to see Caleb.”
“Let’s go find the recovery room,” he said, taking her hand, reluctant to relinquish contact with her. “It’s got to be around here somewhere.”
They walked down the silent corridor until they found the recovery room. Raleigh knocked on the door, and a nurse answered. She led them to a small cubicle where Caleb lay sleeping.
“Five minutes only,” the woman instructed, then left them alone.
Raleigh leaned over the stretcher and took her brother’s hand. “Caleb? It’s all over, honey. The surgery is finished. You came through with flying colors. It’s me, Raleigh. I’m here.”
Caleb’s eyes fluttered open. “Am I supposed to feel better now?”
“Not for a while, I don’t think.” Reaching out, Raleigh gently ruffled his hair.
“That’s good, ’cause it hurts like the dickens,” he said, solemnly smoothing his hair back into place.
Dan had witnessed that affectionate gesture between sister and brother a dozen times, and it left him smiling.
“I’ll have the nurse bring you something for the pain,” Raleigh promised.
“Hey, Dan.” Caleb wriggled his fingers, and Dan waved back.
“You better get well soon,” Dan said. “We’re planning another party for Halloween, and we can’t do it without you.”
“You guys aren’t mad at me, are you?” Caleb asked.
“Why on earth would we be mad at you?” Raleigh asked.
“Because I spoiled your evening.” Wincing, Caleb clutched his abdomen.
“Shh. You stop worrying about us.” She leaned over and kissed her brother’s forehead. Dan shifted his weight. He felt uncomfortable, intruding on the tender family scene.
Caleb’s eyelids, heavy from the effects of anesthesia, shuttered closed.
“We gotta go, honey,” she said. “They’re only letting us stay five minutes. But we’ll be waiting right outside.”
The nurse arrived at the bedside with an injection for Caleb. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to leave now.”
“See you later,” Raleigh whispered.
Caleb nodded, too drowsy to speak.
Dan took Raleigh by the arm as they left the room. “Come on,” he said. “I’m taking you out for breakfast, and I refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer.”
Raleigh felt tired, cranky, and more than a little vulnerable. Her hair hung limp, her eyes ached, her stomach grumbled. More than anything, she wanted to be at her brother’s bedside, holding his hand. Instead, she found herself sitting in Dan’s pickup, staring out the window at the brightening morning sky.
She’d been very grateful for his company during Caleb’s surgery. His calm, quiet manner soothed her like a balm, but it also scared her. She was in too deep, and she knew it.
“You okay?” he asked, slipping the truck into gear and turning out of the hospital parking lot.
“Yeah.”
“You can cry if you want. I’ll understand. It might make you feel better.”
Violently, she shook her head, disheveled hair tumbling around her shoulders. She pressed her palms to her burning eyelids. She’d love a good cry, but she knew from experience that the tears would not come.
“You’ve been through a great deal in the last twenty-four hours,” Dan said.
“Yeah,” she agreed, her voice cracking.
“Where would you like to go for breakfast?”
Raleigh sighed. “I’m not up to tackling a restaurant. Besides, I don’t feel right leaving Caleb all alone.”
“The nurse gave him a shot. He’ll sleep for hours. Relax, Raleigh, they’ll take good care of him. You need to eat and get some rest.”
“I suppose you’re right,” she mumbled, unable to shake the nagging guilt.
“Easy now.” Dan spoke as if talking to a skittish horse. “Why don’t we just go back to the ranch? You can take a shower while I make breakfast. Maybe I can even persuade you to take a nap.”
His plan made sense. She was tired, rumpled, and hungry. “Okay,” she agreed. “For a little while.”
Dan turned the pickup in the direction of the ranch. Raleigh had almost nodded off by the time he pulled into the driveway. They trudged into her log cabin, not wanting to disturb Pete asleep in the big house. Raleigh went to shower while Dan rustled up breakfast.
Several minutes later, she sat down at the kitchen table, wrapped in a terry-cloth bathrobe, the smell of bacon and eggs filtering throughout the small cabin.
“I thought you might want to talk,” Dan said, sliding a plate in front of her.
“What about?”
He settled in across from her with a plate of his own. “Your feelings.”
“I’m scared,” she said before she even knew what she was going to say. Why was she telling him this? Hadn’t she always kept her problems closely guarded? She feared opening up to him more than anything. Revealing her true feelings made her too vulnerable to pain.
“Of what?” Dan asked, his chocolate-brown eyes prying and curious.
“Losing Caleb.”
“Why?”
“He could have died last night.”
“Not very likely.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him.” She swallowed hard, the thought too terrifying to entertain. “Have you ever lost someone you love?”<
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“No, not by death.” Dan sipped his coffee and waited for her to continue.
“Then you can’t know what it’s like.”
“I know what it’s like to have a broken heart.”
“It’s not the same thing.” She shuddered. “Not at all.”
“You hold on to Caleb too tightly. You’ve got to let him grow up, Raleigh.”
“How can I let him go?” Her voice climbed an octave. “He’s all I’ve got.”
“You could have me,” Dan murmured. “If you wanted.”
Raleigh glared at Dan. Was her panic reflected on her face? “I’ve tried to tell you again and again, I’m not looking for a man. I don’t want to fall in love. Don’t you get it?”
“I don’t believe you.”
“There is no such thing as happily ever after, Dan. It’s a myth. A fairy tale for children.”
“What did he do to you?” Dan asked.
“Who?”
“The man who broke your heart.”
Raleigh glanced down at her untouched plate, trying to escape Dan’s penetrating stare, “You can’t understand,” she whispered. “It’s not what you think.”
“Try me.” He reached across the table and took her hand. “I’d like to know. Please. I want to help heal the wounds.”
“No,” she rasped. “It’s not possible.” She couldn’t allow him to know her tragedies, then he would pity her, and she couldn’t stand that.
“Please share with me,” he coaxed, his thumb rubbing her palm until tingles rushed up her arm.
“I can’t!” She tugged her hand away, felt distress constrict her throat.
“I’m not letting you off the hook. You’ve kept things hidden too long. Talking about it is the only way you’re going to get over it.” A determined set to his jawline.
She kept staring at her plate.
“Look at me, Raleigh. I have to know why you won’t let yourself be loved. I think…we could… I’m falling in love with you.”
Gasping, she felt her eyes widen. “What?”
“I’m falling in love with you.”
Her pounding heart filled her chest, and her hands trembled. “Dan, please.”
“I can’t hide my feelings anymore, and the only thing I can see standing in our way are your fears. Trust me, Raleigh. Give me a chance.”
