‘Thanks,’ said Sophie. They all cooed over the tiny baby in the overly large car seat. He was sound asleep, his rosebud lips pouting gently.
‘He’s beautiful,’ said Anna.
Sophie angled her head towards the baby. ‘Dave thinks he looks like Churchill.’
Dave chuckled. ‘All babies look like Churchill – it’s a well-known fact. He’s still beautiful though.’
Sophie mouthed, ‘At least he doesn’t look like the Kraken.’
Anna hid her laughter by pulling her into a hug. ‘How are you?’ she asked. Sophie was pale.
‘Okay,’ she said, but her expression told a different story. ‘It was probably the easiest of the births, certainly the quickest. But still, no walk in the park. Unfortunately, they had to cut my rings off.’ She waved her bare left hand sadly.
‘Drinks machine was better this time,’ chipped in Dave and he went to get the bags from the car. Sophie rolled her eyes.
‘He kept turning the radio up to drown me out,’ she said, although Anna could tell she wasn’t really cross about it.
‘Were you being a bit shouty?’
‘You would too if you’d almost delivered your child in a wheelbarrow.’ They both laughed.
Dave reappeared. ‘I’ll put this lot upstairs. You sit down,’ whispered Dave.
‘Not after what they’ve done to my undercarriage. I may never sit down again.’
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ Anna cut in, keen not to hear about an episiotomy again.
‘Lovely, and you can update me on everything. Still no caffeine for me, I’m breastfeeding.’ Sophie pulled a disgruntled face and shuffled off to the living room.
Anna was struggling to remember anything before the babysitting. Was this what it was like for parents?
She took the drinks through and joined Sophie and Dave in the living room. Anna scooched herself round and peered at the scrunched-up bundle who was now being cradled by his mother. ‘Does he have a name yet?’
Sophie smiled at Dave who was eyeing the scene fondly. ‘We’re thinking of Reuben.’
‘I like it,’ said Anna, failing to hide her surprise at liking the name. She’d been expecting something more obscure.
‘Reuben David Butterworth,’ said Sophie, glancing up and giving Dave an indulgent look.
‘It was my great-grandad’s name,’ said Dave proudly.
‘It’s lovely and it suits him.’ Anna stroked the baby’s cheek and he screwed up his face and for a moment she could see what Dave meant about the Churchill resemblance.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Anna strode into the nursing home day room. ‘Hi, Bert.’ Bert didn’t respond. He had his Mickey Mouse headphones on. She tapped him on the arm and he jumped. ‘Hi, Bert,’ she repeated.
‘Oh, Anna. Hello,’ he said, fumbling off the headphones. ‘Let me pause this,’ he said, running his thumb over the iPod until he found the home key. ‘Sit down,’ he said.
‘Actually, I’ve got someone to see you. Wait a minute.’ Anna put the coffees down on the table and nipped out of the room. A puzzled-looking Bert tidied up his headphone cable and put them carefully on the floor by his feet.
Anna came back in but before she could put the carrier down or explain, Maurice spotted Bert and let out a loud meow.
‘Maurice?’ said Bert, tears springing to his eyes.
Anna put the cat carrier on the floor, opened it up and Maurice leaped straight onto Bert’s lap taking him a bit unawares.
‘Hello, old fellow. How are you?’ asked Bert and Maurice’s deep purr seemed to ask the same question. Maurice resembled a soldier marching on the spot, lifting up his front paws in turn. Bert was trying to stroke him and wipe away tears at the same time.
Bert and Maurice seemed oblivious when other residents came over to see what was going on. A carer put her head around the door and gave Anna a warm smile at the sight of so many residents on their feet chattering excitedly and all trying to get a stroke of Maurice. Anna put the cat carrier out of the way – the last thing she wanted was someone tripping over it and breaking a hip.
Bert’s face radiated happiness and it cheered her deep inside. Maurice was soon over the initial excitement and was now stretched out on Bert’s lap rhythmically kneading his corduroy trousers.
‘Anna,’ said Bert, without looking up.
Anna went to his side and touched his shoulder. ‘Yes.’
Bert’s voice cracked when he spoke. ‘This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.’ He reached for her hand and squeezed it firmly. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome, Bert. Maurice is really pleased to see you too. I swear he’s grinning.’
‘I can imagine,’ said Bert. ‘I think I’ll have that coffee now, please.’
Anna and Maurice didn’t stay too long. If Maurice could have curled up and gone to sleep she was sure they could have stayed longer but it seemed all the residents wanted to come and say hello and eventually Maurice jumped off Bert’s lap and started to explore. Anna had agreed the visit with the care home’s manager and the friendly carer had made sure all doors and windows and any other possible escape routes were secure before Anna had brought Maurice in but they still didn’t want a nosy moggy on the loose.
‘Okay, time to go,’ she said, lifting Maurice into her arms and putting him on the arm of Bert’s chair.
Bert seemed to know he was there and gave him a good head rub. ‘Bye, Maurice. It’s been lovely to see you one last time.’
‘Actually,’ said Anna. ‘Because you’ve both behaved yourselves, they’ve said we can do this again.’ She leaned in conspiratorially. ‘To be honest they said it’s the first time they’ve seen some of the people in here smile for months.’
‘That’s marvellous. When do you think you’ll bring him again?’ Bert’s face was alight.
Anna mentally whizzed through her calendar. ‘Probably in a couple of weeks.’
‘After New York?’ asked Bert.
‘Err,’ Anna faltered, she’d pushed it to the back of her mind although her plan was to call in sick on the morning of the flight. It seemed the easiest get-out approach.
‘Anna.’ His voice was earnest. ‘Sometimes you need to be braver than you think possible. This is one of those times.’
Anna’s stomach lurched. It sounded like one of Roberta’s better quotes. ‘I guess.’
‘Then I’ll see you and Maurice after you’ve been to New York.’
Sophie looked at home in Anna’s kitchen eating biscuits while Anna went through her post.
‘I saw my GP today. He’s given me some medication in case I want to give flying a go,’ said Anna, feeling the familiar acidic flush in her stomach at the very thought of a plane.
‘That’s a hugely positive step. Well done, you.’ Sophie gave her a hug.
‘Coffee?’ asked Anna, discarding a pile of leaflets that had been put through with her letters.
‘I’m not stopping long but Dave insisted on doing bath time so I thought I might as well pop here for a quick natter and a catch up on all the office gossip.’
‘Of course, it’s always lovely to see you,’ said Anna. ‘Not much happening in the office though. Roberta’s still spouting Minnie Mouse’s best motivational quotes and Karl’s still walking up and down while he takes his phone calls.’
‘Why do men do that?’
‘I have no idea,’ she said, opening an ordinary white envelope and pulling out an invitation. For a moment she experienced a bubble of excitement but when she saw what it said a wave of nausea came over her. Everything that haunted her about the past rushed into her mind and she found herself gripping the card tightly.
‘You okay?’ asked Sophie, peering closer. ‘What is it?’ She took the card from Anna’s sweating palm and read it. ‘A university reunion?’
‘Is someone playing games?’ Anna searched Sophie’s face for reassurance.
‘No, you’re overthinking this. Unis have reunions all the time. People
love all the nostalgia it throws up.’ Sophie paused. ‘You know, maybe you should consider going. Lay some ghosts to rest?’
Anna felt giddy at the thought and had to take a deep breath to control the panic rising inside her. She shook her head. ‘I … I couldn’t. The thought of being there brings it all back.’
‘It’s all right.’ Sophie squeezed her shoulder. ‘You don’t have to do anything. But until you face it you’ll never move on. It’s like all the things that scare us in life. You can try ignoring them but eventually they rear up and …’ Anna was blinking rapidly. ‘Forget I said that,’ said Sophie. ‘What do I know?’ She dropped the invitation in the bin and Anna watched it tumble as if in slow motion. ‘Tell me all about your New York plans instead.’
Anna knew Sophie was right. How much longer could she go on being afraid of her past, ignoring the damage that still haunted her? She knew something had to change but for now Anna just needed to sit down.
Anna gripped her passport tightly. ‘You need to hand it over now,’ said Hudson, his voice seeming far away.
‘What?’ Anna snapped back to the moment. She was standing at the check-in desk at Heathrow Airport. This was her last chance to back out. She’d failed at all the other opportunities. Somehow she felt like she’d made Bert a promise. After this, she was getting on an aeroplane. Anna swallowed hard.
‘Anna.’ Hudson’s voice was firmer this time. ‘You need to do this,’ he said, before lowering his voice. ‘Because if you don’t there is now a long line of customers who will merrily lynch you.’
Anna nodded more times than was healthy in quick succession. ‘Right. Yes. I can do this.’ She forcefully thrust her passport forward, taking the zoned-out check-in desk operative by surprise.
‘Thank you, have you read the list regarding hand luggage …’ It seemed to kick-start him off on his recited piece, which he probably repeated hundreds of times a day. Anna answered the questions as if she were in court being charged with something. When the grilling was over he held out her passport and boarding pass and said in a singsong voice, ‘Have a nice flight.’
Anna was trying to form a reply when Hudson guided her away. ‘Next we are going through security check, then to the champagne bar.’
‘I’m going to need to score hard drugs before I can get on the plane. What am I doing?’ Anna spun around feeling disorientated by all the jolly people with brightly coloured cases.
‘You are getting on a plane to New York if it’s the last thing you do.’
Anna stopped walking. ‘It was the last thing my sister did,’ she said, her face serious.
‘What?’ Hudson looked shocked.
‘Lynsey, my sister. I told you she had undiagnosed epilepsy and had a seizure.’
‘Yeah.’ He gave a sympathetic head tilt.
‘It happened on the flight to Tenerife.’ Anna felt wobbly as a sick sensation washed over her.
Hudson rubbed his temple. ‘That’s why you have a fear of flying.’ It was a statement, not a question, but Anna nodded. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve pressured you into this. I didn’t realise …’
‘It’s okay. I have to face it one day. Why not today?’ She tried her hardest to sound positive.
‘Why not indeed.’ He linked arms with her and escorted her to security.
The business lounge was like a very swish hotel reception and Hudson checked them both in. Anna was still feeling a little flustered after the security check. She was sitting with an orange juice watching Hudson sip chilled champagne.
‘You’ve done this loads, haven’t you?’ she asked.
‘Yep, I’ve no idea how many times. It’s like taking the train to me.’
‘That’s good,’ said Anna. ‘I’ll remember that. It’s like taking the train … apart from being thirty-nine thousand feet up in the air!’ She took a gulp from her orange juice and choked.
‘Hey, slowly,’ said Hudson, taking the glass off her. ‘It’ll be completely fine. I promise you.’ The way he looked into her eyes as he said it made her insides turn to mush. ‘Let’s get something to eat and then I’ve booked us in for a massage.’
‘Booked us a massage?’
‘It’ll help you to relax.’ He tilted his head. ‘It’s not together or anything weird.’
‘Good. Thank you. Nothing weird is good.’
She drank plenty of water at Hudson’s instruction, took the medication her doctor had prescribed to help her stay calm and came back from her massage feeling like she couldn’t be bothered to do much at all. Before she knew it, Hudson was gathering up their carry-ons and ushering her towards the gate, which turned out not to be a gate at all but another less equipped waiting area.
All was well until Hudson took her over to where three small children had their noses pressed to the glass of a giant window. Anna saw what they were looking at – an enormous plane. Her knees buckled and at the same time Hudson’s hand snaked around her waist to keep her upright.
She looked up into his blue eyes. ‘I’ve got you,’ he said.
The tunnel down to the plane was the best part. The enormous plane she’d seen through the glass seemed much smaller on the inside. Their seats were near the front and as soon as she’d sat down someone was offering her a glass of bubbly, which she politely turned away.
Hudson made sure she had what she needed from her bags and then stowed them in the overhead lockers and began fiddling with a screen that seemed to have popped up out of nowhere.
‘You okay?’ he paused to ask.
‘Yeah. Are we taking off yet?’ She held her eye mask tightly in her hands.
‘No. About twenty minutes.’
It surprised Anna how much waiting around was involved. ‘It’s like airlines want to give you maximum opportunity to get as panicky as possible. If you checked in and went down a chute straight onto the plane it would be far better.’
He gave her a warm smile. ‘You could suggest that on your feedback form.’
Her eyes darted about agitatedly. Everyone else was either settling down to read a paper, getting out a laptop or fiddling with their screen. Nobody else was panicking.
‘Distract yourself with something. Watch a film.’ He pulled out the inflight magazine and handed it to her.
When the plane started to move she hadn’t expected it to go backwards. ‘What’s happening?’ Her voice was a squeak. ‘We’re going backwards.’ She didn’t remember this bit.
‘It’s called push back. We are up against the terminal building so they have to reverse away. We’ll soon be going in the right direction.’
Or straight to hell, was all she could think. And she closed her eyes and tried to stem the panic. It didn’t feel like the medication was kicking in yet. A loud noise engulfed the aircraft and Anna let out a shriek. Hudson’s warm hand enveloped her own. She opened her eyes and then quickly closed them. She couldn’t speak. Her shoulders were so high they were almost touching her ears. The noise increased and the plane started to speed forward.
‘It’s okay,’ said Hudson. His voice soothing and in total contrast to the unholy racket the plane was making. His thumb tenderly stroked across her knuckles and she fleetingly thought how nice that might be if she weren’t having a panic attack.
‘Is this normal?’ she managed to squeak out.
‘Completely normal. And here we go.’
‘Argh!’ Anna couldn’t halt the small scream that burst from her when the front of the plane came up. Her heart was racing. Her eyes were tight shut. She could feel sweat sticking her hair to the back of her neck. She gasped in some air.
‘Here, sip some water,’ said Hudson, prising her fingers from the arm of the seat and giving her a cup. She opened one eye and took it from him. ‘You did it. You’re flying. Well done.’ He pretend chinked his paper cup against hers.
She glanced over to the nearest window and nearly vomited as the plane banked, dipped down one side and clouds whizzed past to reveal green fields a very long way below. Hudson took back the
cup of water.
‘This was a very bad idea.’ Anna resumed clutching the seat.
‘Here’s what we’re going to do,’ came Hudson’s dulcet tones. ‘You are going to keep your eyes closed. Not scrunched up like used teabags,’ he said. His voice was low and methodical and almost a whisper, making her concentrate to hear him. ‘Okay?’
She nodded her reply.
She felt him lift the armrest between them and move his body closer. He was now leaning against her shoulder. He spoke softly into her ear. ‘You are doing great, Anna. I need you to concentrate on your breathing. We need to slow it down. Deep breath in …’ He paused. ‘And slowly exhale. That’s awesome.’ They did this a few times and she could feel her pulse returning to the right side of normal. ‘Now, let’s let the tension out of those shoulders. Imagine they’re a Lilo and someone is letting the air out. Let those shoulders drop down. That’s great.’ She could feel his breath on her earlobe and it made her shudder. ‘I want you to think about your favourite place to sleep. Picture it and …’ Hudson’s voice had a soothing rhythm to it and whilst Anna was listening she also wasn’t.
Before she knew it a sweet female voice was asking someone near her if the lady would like something to eat. She heard Hudson whisper a reply. Anna smiled when she realised the lady must be her. She opened her eyes and yawned.
‘Hello, sleeping beauty,’ said Hudson, his eyes twinkling.
For a moment Anna wasn’t sure where she was. It was a nasty reality jolt to remember she was sitting on a plane. Her mouth was dry but she checked it for dribble anyway. ‘Hi,’ she said, looking about her feeling slightly dazed. She was a lot better for her nap and not nearly as anxious as before.
‘About fifty minutes to landing,’ said Hudson, closing his book.
‘What?’ Anna was stunned. Had she really slept that long? She checked her watch – she had. ‘You’re like the horse whisperer but for phobic flyers.’
Hudson smiled. ‘Would you like something to eat? You’ll need to be quick before they start getting ready to land.’ He handed her the menu. It was like reading something from a posh restaurant.
Rooting for You! Page 2
