This bullshit needed to stop. Following pack protocol almost got me killed, and not just this time. And for what? There was no reward, just more fighting. I preferred to be wolf, but I wanted peace when I was human. It wasn’t too much to ask. Most people in Granger Falls lived in ignorant bliss of the war that was about to erupt around them, but something haunted Kiera. I’d seen it many times before I shifted. She never had her back to the room, and she’d stare down things I couldn’t see. I’d never question her, because I understood. My sight was better than anyone else in any of the local packs. I had plenty of time to stand back and watch. But even I couldn’t see what Kiera did.
Tonight was my turn to invade the girls’ house. I didn’t expect to be met with a warm reception after my last visit. “Where’s Lyssie?” I asked when Kiera let me in. Frost crawled over the imaginary wall we’d built the other night, vaporizing all the things I wanted to say. But it wasn’t going to stop me.
“In her room, reading. Why?” Kiera narrowed her eyes, moving around the living room under the guise of picking up clutter that didn’t exist. Anything but look at me. Great.
“Just wondering.” It was pretty obvious Kiera didn’t want to talk to me, but with Lyssie as a referee, things wouldn’t be so fucking awkward. We could watch a movie and maybe laugh about something. Ease into being normal. “Hey, they’re opening night skiing on Baldy this week.”
“Oh yeah?” For the first time she stopped and smiled. “I’ve been waiting for that all year.”
“I’m going tomorrow. I’d love some company.” Every woman I’d ever met had been off-limits for me. Even if they were human and I spent the night with them, we had no future. I never fooled them by hanging around. Now I wanted to and I had no idea how to make it happen.
“That would be awesome,” she said, flopping down on the other end of the couch and picking up the remote. “What do you watch on Netflix?”
I was still buzzing from the fact she said yes to think about anything else. “Orange, and Arrested Development. What about you?”
“The same, and Grace and Frankie. I stick to comedy. When I want someone to tell me a story, I want them to take me out of my world. Not depress the hell out of me.”
Ouch. “Speaking of that, I’m sorry about the other night. I didn’t mean to be a disrespectful asshole—“
“You weren’t,” Kiera snapped, sitting bolt upright, irritation could shoot her straight into the sky. “I was tired and I wanted to go to bed, that’s all.”
“What happened to you in the army?” If it wasn’t there, it was somewhere. I didn’t want to keep guessing.
“Nothing happened to me.” Kiera paced in front of the TV, the opening scenes of Arrested Development playing behind her. “What, you want to say that a woman can’t handle combat? Or should keep the hell away from a man’s world? If it wasn’t for me...never mind. I’m here to get away from that.”
I got up, blocking her path. I took a chance, putting my hands on her arms. She could get away, if she wanted to. Kiera wasn’t that tall, but her presence filled every room she was in. Her shoulders rose and fell, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes. “If you tell me what’s wrong, I can stop doing it,” I said softly. “Instead of feeling like I’m dancing in a field full of landmines.”
“Touché,” her eyes flicked up, clouded with some emotion that threatened to break with the storm. “I never thought of it like that before. My strategy has been if I don’t talk about it, I don’t give it power.”
“You’re giving it all the power.” I caught her chin and tipped her face up to me. I wasn’t letting her run from this anymore. “You’ve let it chase you into a box, and it’s closed in on you. Sometimes you have to run to the enemy and call its bluff.”
It was so easy to give someone else advice, and hard as hell to put it into action in my own life.
“Sometimes when you run to the enemy, things blow up.” Kiera’s voice was dry, and I knew she wasn’t speaking hypothetically. “And they can never be the same again.”
She trembled under my touch. “Did you go to war?”
Keira nodded. “Iraq. Two tours.”
Holy fuck. I knew the answer was yes, but I didn’t expect her to say she’d gone back. I couldn’t imagine what that would be like. A taste of freedom then knowing exactly what Hell was like when she returned to it. “You’re a bad ass, you know that?”
Kiera’s face lit up. “I am pretty bad ass.” She motioned to the couch and sat back down, pausing the TV show. “I’ve never told anyone I went to Iraq without answering a ton of questions. Honestly, I don’t know how much I’m going to be able to tell you, so don’t give me a hard time if I have to stop talking about this.”
Everything was starting to make sense. “I’m honored that you chose me to hear your story.”
She sized me up. “I don’t think the two of us are all that different. Anyway, I told you the other night I grew up with four old brothers. We lived on a farm in Kansas, my mom homeschooled us. They were my whole world, and I would’ve done anything to make them think their annoying little sister was half as cool as they were. So when they all went into the military, it was the only answer for me, too. I wanted to be CIA. Because what’s cooler than that? Working as a spy, knowing the world’s secrets? Sign me up. After spending eighteen years in pretty much the same place, there was no adventure I wasn’t ready to grab by the balls.”
“That would scare the hell out of most people who’d lived such a secluded life.” I was in complete awe of this woman. I’d never met anyone like her. “But you were the exact opposite.”
“I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. I enlisted before I graduated from high school. In the army, I got assigned to the Explosion Ordinance Disposal unit, the bomb squad. Stateside, that’s the unit that makes sure big events are safe, and works with the president and other dignitaries. Secret Service, basically. In Iraq, there was no predicting what we’d find, because those guys aren’t playing by our rules. Here we get weeks of intel to work with—over there it would be minutes before we’d have to detonate a device. No matter where it was, lives were on the line. Soldiers and civilians. And the thing with bombs and homemade explosives is no two are exactly the same. They don’t come with instruction manuals.”
I knew she was as tough as nails, but she’d served in the most dangerous capacity. There was no reason for her to apologize that the memories haunted her. “Did you get hurt?” I asked.
She nodded. “I got burned pretty badly. A fireball exploded and I didn’t see it coming until too late. My left side is pretty messed up. But at least I didn’t lose my limbs. Or worse.” That look was back, the one where she saw things I couldn’t. Now I knew what they were, and they gave me chills. “I was lucky.”
Kiera wasn’t with me right now. She was back in the desert with her unit, reliving that awful day. All the color drained from her face. If it was a sheet of paper I would’ve drawn her a picture, written her a story, done anything to replace the vision she saw. But I could wrap my arms around her, so that’s what I did.
She didn’t know how to react. Her body stayed stiff as I guided her head to my shoulder. I rubbed her back and she relaxed, unlocking her arms from around her own body and reaching for me. Lightly at first, like she didn’t want to admit that she needed someone else for anything. After a couple minutes, she realized that letting someone in wasn’t a sign of weakness. I wanted to make her stronger.
She gasped when my fingers brushed against the skin between her top and her sweatpants. “What are you doing?” She jumped away from me, yanking her shirt down. “Don’t touch them.”
Her scars.
They didn’t feel different until she pointed them out, then I realized they were hard and smooth. I wanted to see them. It was a sick fucking thought, but I knew they’d be able to answer all the questions that Kiera couldn’t. And I wondered, if she freaked out over someone touching them, how long it had been since she’d let anyone really see h
er, offer her any comfort. All I knew was that the US pulled out of Iraq years ago. But a piece of Kiera had been left behind.
“It was an accident.” I tried to lure her back in with my hands safely on her back, but she resisted.
“Fuck it,” she said, peeling her shirt up over her head. “I’m sick of not being a whole person. And you...need to know what you’re getting yourself into if you want to spend time with me, Baron. I’m far from perfect. And this is always going to be a part of me.”
Her gaze locked with mine in challenge. She was completely bare under the T-shirt. I had to rip myself away from her gaze and take her all in. The scars rippled from her shoulder down the side of her arm. They completely covered her left breast, and dripped down into the waistband of her sweatpants. In their own way, they were beautiful. She wouldn’t believe me if I told her that, so I didn’t. They looked like lightning, the fire frozen inside her, earned from a place few were brave enough to ever venture to.
I don’t think Kiera took a breath while she waited for my assessment. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
“I was.” She chuckled. “Now I’m a professional dog walker.”
“You forget who you’re talking to.” I wanted to touch her so badly. Run my fingers over the lines of the scars. Kiss her lips. “If you weren’t a dog walker, you would’ve never saved me. I’d be dead or just waiting around for it to come. You’re still a hero. You’re my hero.”
Chapter Four
Kiera
I looked like a monster. Not one of those slick CGI ones that everyone laughed at, but a truly horrifying old-school, low budget one that hooked horror lovers on the genre. I wasn’t even a woman anymore—the fireball had scorched my left tit leaving me with an ugly lump of scar tissue. Still having one as a souvenir was even crueler.
Baron didn’t run. Part of me wanted him to, to justify my shame. Instead, he seemed to be a fan of the macabre.
His gaze had the opposite effect on me. Hot and slow, his eyes took in every inch. I never let anyone see my scars besides the doctors who treated them. I wore long sleeves on even the hottest days. It was easier that way. I didn’t have to answer any questions, or acknowledge the pity in someone’s eyes when they realized I’d been ruined. I could be reading this all wrong, but Baron’s heavy lids and parted lips weren’t saying eeew.
And he definitely wasn’t complaining when he traced his fingers along my cheek, steadying me before he brushed his lips against mine. Soft and gentle, it was everything my life had been missing. If I’d known anything about kissing when I drew my prince and princess wrapped in an embrace on the final page of my book, I would’ve described it just like this.
But our story was just beginning. Letting Baron come inside, I needed to show him my appreciation. He’d run toward the ticking bomb, detonating it before it exploded. We explored each other, using just our lips and tongues, hungry for things we’d never tasted before. Baron needed this as much as I did. I wasn’t the only one with something missing.
We parted with a gasp. Baron’s eyes fluttered like he’d woken from a dream. “Do they hurt?” he asked.
“Not anymore. The scar tissue is numb.” An absence of feeling. “Healing was excruciating.”
He pursed his lips together, pissed. “You won’t believe me if I tell you they’re beautiful, but I can’t keep it to myself.”
“No, I won’t.” But A for effort. “If you want to make me feel better, I really liked that thing you do with your mouth.”
“Which thing?” He narrowed his eyebrows. I wasn’t the only one who grew up in house full of rowdy boys. Two could play this game. “I’m not a one trick pony.”
Something I hadn’t let myself experience in a long time rippled through me. “First of all, you’re a wolf, not a pony.” I leaned back in. My one nipple could’ve cut glass when it grazed against his shirt. “And secondly, if you’re good at something, you should share your talents with the world. It would be selfish to keep them to yourself.”
“The world, or just you?” His lips curled up into a smile.
“Just me.”
“Who’s selfish now?” I didn’t have a chance to answer because those delicious lips were back on mine, not so gentle this time. I’d missed roughhousing, not being cut any slack. Baron nipped my bottom lip, catching me by surprise. Our teeth clashed together, tongues wrestling. His hands slipped into my hair, pulling it and caressing at the same time, guiding me in the frantic rhythm of the kiss. I gripped his shoulders, pushing him down on the couch. I couldn’t risk him changing his mind and trying to escape. Baron moaned, his head falling back. His stubble scraped my lips as I explored his face and settled on the warm, throbbing crook of his neck.
For the first time in a long time, the scar tissue wasn’t numb.
“Oh.” Lyssie broke the spell with a giggle. She’d come out of her bedroom, empty glass in hand. I gasped, covering my left side. Thankfully, it was against the couch and she wouldn’t see anything I didn’t want her to. “Don’t mind me. Keep doing what you’re doing.” She scurried into the kitchen.
No, my best friend and roommate had never seen my scars. I meant it. No one saw them.
“Do you want to go in the other room?” Baron asked.
If we went in the other room, I’d show him everything. I wasn’t ready for that. “No.” I slipped my shirt back on, not that it mattered because Lyssie covered her eyes she trotted back into her room. “That kiss was pretty epic, and I don’t want it to get overshadowed. You know how things have a way of trying to one-up each other.”
“I do.” Baron sat up, dragging his fingers across his lips and grinning. “And they will.”
THE NEXT DAY DRAGGED on forever.
“He’s not going to call.” Stupid me had blurted out that Baron wanted to go snowboarding but as time crawled and my phone stayed silent, I wished to hell I’d kept my mouth shut. The humiliation would’ve belonged to me only. But Lyssie wanted to know why I brought my snowboard with me to work, and I couldn’t keep my excitement in.
“Did you guys get in a fight after I saw you last night?” Lyssie’s cheeks burned at the memory. “Because that lip lock didn’t look like he planned on blowing you off anytime in the near future.”
“No, we didn’t.” I pouted. I knew better than that. I could still taste his kiss, and it made every second without a message from Baron a hundred times worse. “Let me tell you about that kiss.” I matched Lyssie’s color with a flush of my own. I didn’t have a chance to elaborate—a prospective couple returned to the lobby with the dog they were considering adopting. This looked promising. Dex, one of our Shepherds, had a bounce in his step and his tongue hanging out. No shame in his joy.
When my therapists at CAST suggested I come work at Forever Home Animal Shelter as part of my therapy for PTSD, I laughed in their faces. What the hell was working with a bunch of animals going to teach me about readjusting to everyday life in the civilian world? I’d been a fool to underestimate this experience. These animals had been neglected, abandoned, even tortured. Some of them didn’t know love existed. Others did and were recovering from heartbreak. But every single one of them had something in common; they were willing, no, scratch that, eager to try again. They still had hope, even though they relied on people that might not be so different than the ones that wronged them in the past. They made the decision to trust. Each one of them knew they deserved something better than what they had.
The connection was just there. That couple had no idea what they were looking for when they came in. They just knew they wanted someone to share their love with. Trina had a system, and it worked well. She liked to let the animals choose the people. The animals were smarter than us, they had a sixth sense that humans lacked. Trina would never tell the customers how she did things, she preferred to let them think it was cute when a cat or dog or even a turtle came up to them and just knew they’d found their person. The one who’d keep them safe and would love them foreve
r.
I’d been an arrogant jerk to think I couldn’t learn anything from a homeless animal. And now I wasn’t ashamed to admit I’d been humbled and on some occasions, awestruck.
“We’ll take him,” the man said. The woman had sunk to her knees, murmuring to the dog while he smothered her in kisses. When the man looked down at his partner, my heart threatened to burst at the naked expression of affection. It was hard not to cry every time this happened. “He’s all we’ve talked about since we met him.”
“He was hoping you’d come back. So, congratulations! To all three of you. Let’s get the paperwork started. I think Dex is anxious to see his new home.” Trina led them to a tiny room off the lobby. She looked over their heads and said, “Lemon crème.”
We celebrated every successful adoption with cupcakes. Lyssie and I always picked up a half dozen, because we liked to have options, and this bakery was the only place in town that made fancy coffee. My love of vanilla lattes was the girliest thing about me.
Lyssie waited until we got to the car until she said anything else. “Back to that kiss,” she giggled. Men made her nervous. Everything did, really. She practically shook out of her own skin the nights Dallas came over to babysit. I shouldn’t have kept trying to push the two of them together, but that’s what best friends were for. Dallas was just as gorgeous as his brothers, funny and outgoing. Exactly what Lyssie needed. “Why would you ever think Baron wouldn’t call you? You didn’t even notice me right away, you were so into each other. The way the two of you were touching each other was hot, Kiera. I know that sounds weird that I watched you guys, but some things you can’t look away from. Baron’s into you. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
Her Guardian Wolf (Sawtooth Shifters Book 2) Page 2
