by Cydney Rax
“Issues? What issues?”
“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.” She stopped talking. It was so hard to talk about “it,” the awful “thing” that had apparently happened between her husband and Elyse. She hated him for it. And she felt caught in the middle.
What should she believe, what could she ignore?
“Nate, I am going to ask you something and I want you to be honest.”
“All right.”
“Did you ever . . . do you recall ever forcing yourself upon . . .”
“No. Never. It was always consensual.”
Burgundy sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy. “If it was consensual, why are people trying to put you in jail, huh?”
“Because they are either money hungry or they are ignorant and prone to exaggerate. I know that Alita is behind all this. She is the most foolish family member you’ve got. Nothing she does stems from a place of logic. She is emotional, judgmental, thinks that only what she says is the truth. She’s a nut job. C’mon, Burg. You know this.”
“I know, but still . . . Elyse has told Alita a few things. Very detailed incidents. Is Elyse a nut job too?” She thought a second about the girl who spent a lot of time going to see therapists.
“Never mind,” Burgundy said out loud.
“There you go. You already know neither of them is wrapped too tight.”
“But still. I don’t know what the truth is. What’s a lie . . . ?” She paused. “I want to believe you, Nate, but some of things I’ve heard simply don’t add up.”
“Such as?”
“I was told that you were parading around our house wearing only your sleeping pants. And Elyse was wearing your matching top. No bra on at all.”
“She wanted to do that. It was all her idea. She thought it was funny, but I just ignored her.” Nate’s penis was getting harder and harder as he thought about Elyse. She was getting sexier and sexier these days. He’d noticed it. It was almost as if she was teasing him. Like she was throwing her newfound sexual liberation in his face. He wondered if she was screwing that Gamba guy.
“So there,” he said. “No more questions, okay? I’ve done nothing. In fact, if I’m guilty of anything, it’s being a man.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You don’t understand, Burg. Men get horny. And when a woman walks around half naked, when she does things with her lips . . .
“Elyse did that?”
“Yes! And since she did, in my head she was asking for it.”
“Seriously? I don’t know what she was doing, but no woman asks to be raped.”
“It wasn’t rape.”
“No? Someone is lying then.
“Who?”
“Alita told me—”
“Here we go. Your sister is an unreliable witness or whatever you want to call it.”
“Nate, you need to take things seriously. Because if you catch a case that goes to trial, a jury will decide your fate. The judge will decide the punishment. And if he doesn’t think you’re remorseful, it won’t help you.”
Nate’s jaw remained rigid with stubbornness.
“This is not a game, and the casual way you’ve gone about it is very disheartening. This is a very serious issue—almost more than I can bear.”
“What do you want me to do, Burg?”
“Apologize. Confess. Act sorry.”
“For what?”
“Nate, even though you deny it, I believe you share some of the blame for the events that happened. Okay? For example, you went out of your way to lock her door when you entered Elyse’s room. That act was totally unnecessary, yet you did it.”
His face whitened when his wife said that.
“Locking a door sounds so shady. Like you didn’t want her to escape. And don’t tell me that she locked the fucking door because I won’t believe it.”
He fell silent.
“And, Nate, if you did that even one time, you owe Elyse an apology, because you trapped her in her room. You violated her body and thought nothing of it. You forced her to kiss you when she did not want you to. You stuck your—” Burgundy’s cheeks got splashed with sudden tears. She closed her eyes and tried to block out the horrible mental picture of her husband’s penis entering the girl.
“Your actions hurt Elyse . . . they hurt me. You haven’t even apologized to me after all the stress this entire situation has put me through.” She opened her eyes and stared at her husband. But he still seemed emotionless. She had one more weapon in her arsenal that needed to be used.
“I’m saying all this to tell you that if you won’t apologize then you’re going to pay. Believe me, you will pay in one way or another.” She began to tell him what the DA suggested about setting up the trust fund for Elyse.
“That’s millions of dollars, Nate, don’t you get it?”
This time he stood up and paced around the patio, swearing and cursing and throwing up his hands.
“That’s insane. Why I gotta give that . . . that chick millions? For what? If you ask me, this whole thing is a setup. Your money-hungry sister put Elyse up to this.”
“Not only that, Nate. In order to avoid jail time, you need to go to counseling.”
“Me? See a psychiatrist? That’s crazy.”
“But that’s part of the deal presented by the judge and Randall Burkett. And I have to agree with them.”
“You trying to say I’m crazy?”
“I’m saying that you need help. You do. We all do. If something doesn’t give, who knows what the fallout will be. And I’ve been doing some research, Nate. I don’t want to pay, believe me, I don’t.”
“Paying means you’re guilty. Like I said before, I’m guilty of nothing except being a man.”
“Wait. I’m not done. You are my husband, and I care about you, but I do not agree with any perverse behavior toward any woman. Any woman, you hear me? It’s disgusting and wrong. You ought to know better, Nate. You of all people ought to know.”
Her grief ripped a wide hole deep inside of her heart. Her soul felt like an endless pit of sorrow. The reality finally caught up to her. In her mind, Nate could possibly be a rapist. He could be hauled off to jail. He could be registered as a sexual predator. And if that were to happen, their marriage would be in jeopardy. And perhaps paying the money was an important step that must be taken to get past this situation.
But what if it happened again? What if Nate served his sentence, was released, and next time became involved with a “new” Elyse?
Now, after talking with her husband and getting nowhere, Burgundy had an awakening, a reinvention of sorts that would change her attitude.
“You know what, Nate? Never mind. Do whatever you want to do. ‘Do you’ when it comes to not apologizing and thinking that all you were doing was just being a man. And ‘do you’ regarding that new restaurant venture. Because I’ve decided that I’m about to ‘do me.’ You can believe that.”
“What are you saying?” he asked.
“Since we are now into only doing whatever pleases us with no remorse, I’m about to take a break.”
“Meaning?”
“I’d been debating about whether or not to attend that restaurant convention that’s coming up next weekend in Seattle. I registered for it a while ago but was going to cancel. But no, I’m going. I need to get away. Need to destress. Need to be alone.”
“Alone?”
“Yes. I need to take some time out for myself . . . go on a retreat of sorts. The pressures of life have finally spoken to Burgundy Taylor. And she is listening for the first time in a long time.”
Chapter 17
The Weary Blues
The next day, Dru and Alita were hanging out. Alita needed to sort through some recent developments.
“I don’t know what to do right now,” she said. “And poor Shade. I know I’m ’bout to drive him crazy, and that’s the last thing I want to do.”
“What do you mean?”
“Thank G
od he let me shack up with him. Anyway, when we lie in bed at night, I know he wants to make love but all I can do is talk about my problems. And he is listening at first. But after a while, I’ll look over and Shade is snoring.”
Dru laughed out loud. “Whoa. Not a good sign.”
“Who you telling? I feel damned if I do, damned if I don’t. He’s been so good to me, Dru. And I don’t want anything to mess up what I have right now.”
“It sounds like if you keep holding on and staying strong, things will get better.”
“Not so fast.” Alita paused.
“What do you mean?”
“Sis, first of all I’m glad you getting back to talking to me and putting up with me after what happened. But I need you to know, it’s still happening.”
“Jerrod?”
“Yes.”
“I wonder if there’s anything I can do.”
“No! The only thing you can do is avoid him at this point. Unfriend him and block him, Dru. Please.”
“Okay, I will. But I don’t quite understand why my ex started to harass you, Alita. It doesn’t add up.”
Alita told Dru that Jerrod was still harassing her, but she did not disclose the true reason.
“I dunno, Sis. Some men are strange like that. And some of ’em love the fantasy about smashing their ex’s sister.”
“That doesn’t sound like him. I never would have believed it.”
“I can’t half believe it myself.”
“What does he say exactly? And how?” Dru asked. “Do you still have any of his threatening texts?”
“Um, no. I deleted them.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. So.” Alita paused. Lying to Dru felt terrible. The woman had been so forgiving to her after she knew Alita withheld information from her. Was Alita’s attempt to further protect Dru going to make things worse?
Alita took a deep breath. “Look, Sis,” Alita told her. “I feel I need to come clean with you about something.”
“What?
“The baby that I gave birth to . . . is Elyse.”
At first Dru was silent. She stared at everything except Alita.
“I-I-I don’t blame you if you’re mad at me. I should have told you a long time ago, but it was so complicated. Our mother wanted it to be that way. I was young. I didn’t know what else to do except go along with it. And it’s the secret I’ve been keeping all her life.”
“Look, don’t blame yourself for what happened.”
“Really, Dru?”
“No, because I don’t.”
“You don’t?”
“No. Because logic suggests that I ought to hate you, but I don’t. I envy you, Lita.”
Alita was stunned. She blew out a big sigh of relief. Her mind whirled with thoughts. Dru didn’t look or seem angry. But she did resemble something that Alita couldn’t describe.
“Anyway, all of this shit hopefully explains why I am the way I am. I’ve been holding all this in for a long time.” Alita laughed. “My ‘sister’ is my daughter. Any woman would go crazy behind that. Plus all the other things that have happened lately. Everything feels so fucked up.”
Dru nodded. She really did not hold anything against Alita. In fact, it felt good to finally put together the missing pieces of a complex puzzle.
“I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through, Lita.”
“This year hasn’t been the best year, I don’t think, for any of us.”
Dru allowed herself to gaze upon the troubled face of her sister. She did not want Alita to be overly worried about anything. She wanted to see her the way she was when they were in New York: happy and smiling and loving her life.
“Hang in there, Lita. We are all going through something that we wish would just go away. I mean, it’s good that those legal papers were filed against Nate. But the next step is to physically get Elyse, get your daughter, from that terrible situation.”
“I’m already ahead of you. I’ve been checking out job openings for her,” Alita replied.
“You have?”
“Yeah, Dru. I thought you were so busy and all with your work, plus you’re studying for your master’s, but if you’re not as busy anymore . . .”
“I am very busy, Sis. That hasn’t changed. And if you’re trying to ask me if Elyse can come stay with me, sorry, but the answer is still no.”
“You don’t trust men at all, do you? My attitude must have rubbed off on you. Damn. I’m sorry, Dru. But if you think that—”
“No, Alita. Nice try. My concern has nothing to do with the fact that I live with my man. But maybe that’s also why you haven’t let her stay with you and Shade.”
“Huh?”
“I did not stutter, Alita. You seem to care very much about Elyse and I’m glad that you do. You’re doing certain things to help her out, but still it’s not enough.”
“Not enough? I’ve gone to the ends of the earth to help that girl. I think about her day and night. I drive all the way to the restaurant and will eat that food and sit up in that cold-ass restaurant to watch over her just in case he comes around. I think I’ve done a lot.”
Dru just frowned at Alita. “I suppose you’re doing your best. But I just think more could be done.”
“That’s it. I’ve had it. Only so much I can take. And on many days, I get tired. I am exhausted. Do you understand all the shit I’ve been through this year, last year, the past few years?”
“Here it comes,” Dru murmured.
“You damn straight it’s coming. And if I have to keep reminding you and every other person in our family what I have to deal with, then I will. Do you know that when I take Elyse to those psychotherapists, that they encourage me to seek therapy too? Me?” She laughed out loud. “That’s a damn shame when a professional can spot a crazy person just that fast.”
“You’re not crazy, Alita. You’re passionate and maybe a little bit overwhelmed. And when I really think about it, I apologize for even judging you. My life isn’t like your life.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“No, I didn’t mean that in a derogatory way. It’s easy for me to sit on the sidelines and be the armchair coach that tells others what to do.” Dru’s eyes blazed with a fiery look. “In fact, the more I think about it, the more I know that I owe you an apology. I’m sorry for everything, Lita. I am.”
“Oh, stop. It’s no big deal.” Dru’s contrite attitude made Alita feel uncomfortable.
“No, you need to hear me out, Lita. I was on a break at my job the other day. And you know we only get so much time to eat or take care of personal business. And I decided to walk around to the food concourse. And when I got there, a long line had started to form. No big deal, right? But I heard the murmurs, the sighs, the impatience of the people who were standing behind me.”
“Girl, what in the hell are you talking about?”
“Hold on. There’s a point if you would just shut up and listen.”
“All right. Go on.”
“And there at the front of the line was a patient in a wheelchair that the salesclerk was waiting on. Only one salesclerk to help customers during the height of the lunch hour, right? But still. The person that was mostly complaining in line behind me was dressed in a nurse’s uniform. The woman was able-bodied. Her wrists were adorned with nice jewelry. She had a Mercedes medallion on her key chain. Maybe she was married to a doctor. You could tell she had a good life from all outward appearances. But the crude remarks, the evil looks she was giving because she was forced to wait in a long line? Oooh, I wanted to tell her off.”
“Don’t tell me. I’m the patient in the wheelchair, right? Or am I the one married to the doctor?”
Dru began to snicker at her sister’s silliness; then she grew serious.
“I’m saying that everything is a matter of perspective, depending on where you are standing. And so, I offered to let the impatient lady get in front of me.”
“No!”
“Yes, because I was sick of her g
riping about how bad customer service is, etc.”
“You’re too much, Dru.”
“But you know me, Alita. I tried to engage the lady in conversation so she could see that the person in the wheelchair needed extra assistance. But it was like she did not get it. And I got disgusted with that well-to-do person that had the smug, proud look on her face. Because some of us are so insulated from the feelings of others that we cannot imagine how it feels to walk in their shoes. Walk in, live in, and breathe through someone else’s nostrils. I’m saying all that to say that no matter who we are or how good we have it, we are our brother’s keeper. And if we aren’t our brother’s keeper, then why are we on this planet?”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m here to pay a ton of bills I can’t afford.”
“Lita, be serious for a change.”
“How? And for what?”
“Because then you can gain a new perspective, Alita. An important one. One that goes beyond your believing that the only purpose you have in life is to pay some bills.” Dru’s voice sounded incredulous.
“See, Sis,” Dru continued, “there has to be more to life than worrying about our own situations. And even though it is hard, my dear sister, that’s why I endeavor to try and understand. To walk in your shoes. To feel what you’re feeling, to love you as if you never hurt me. Because one thing I know for sure. You got hurt and it spread to two families. And for that I really cannot blame you.”
“You are a saint, Dru. A pure angel, Dru.”
“I wouldn’t say all of that.”
“That’s ’cause I can say it for you. You’re amazing. And you missed out on the crazy DNA that the rest of us got cursed with.”
“I wouldn’t say all that either,” Dru said, not wanting to joke around with her sister. “You, Alita, did something that came natural. Being raped. That’s not natural. But being able to give birth? That’s God’s doing. And if he did not want that child to be on this earth, she simply would not have even taken her first breath. That child was meant to be here and she came through you. She wasn’t conceived in love, but at least she has love now. And at least you got to know how it felt to carry out God’s plan.”
