She nodded, though actually she wasn't particularly hungry. She was more afraid of what his kisses might lead to. She was more confused than ever despite his plain speaking. Of course he was marrying her to provide a home for Alexander, just as she was marrying him for the same reason, but why then should he kiss her? Was it just to demonstrate his masculine superiority? She seized on this explanation with something like relief. Once he was sure of her compliance when it came to observing Greek customs, he would leave her alone to get on with the task of looking after Alexander. He couldn't want anything else from her, for he didn't love her, and he had never pretended that he did. So, in a way, she would have a life of her own after all. The only trouble was that she didn't want it.
They went to the car hand in hand. Loukos opened the door for her and shut it on her with a sharp click. She watched him as he walked round the car and her heart turned right over. The fact was, she thought, that she had agreed so tamely to marry him for Alexander's sake because she hadn't the courage to seize hold of her own life even when the opportunity was presented to her. She might have done if she had not fallen in love with Loukos
She stared at him as he got in beside her as if he were a stranger. He didn't want her love! If she were wise she would back out now and leave Alexander to him. She knew now that she would never marry Colin and, once she was back in England, she would be free. She would have only herself to please for ever and ever! She licked her lips nervously, tearing her eyes away from his face, and knew then that she would never do it. She was committed to Loukos by something stronger than herself. He had only to beckon and she would follow.
She sat up very straight, deliberately analysing the relief that assailed her because she didn't have to worry any more. His support wasn't the kind that would crumble away at the first sign of adversity, as all the other supports in her life had done. She took a deep breath and gave him an insouciant grin, feeling suddenly very pleased with herself.
'You must love Alexander very much,' she observed.
His smile warmed her, giving her pleasure because she liked the way his mouth kicked up in the corners. 'Oh, I do,' he said.
Charity knew she was flattering herself, but it really did seem as though Alexander recognized her and was glad to be nursed by her while he had his midday bottle. Even Electra recognized that there was some kind of tie between aunt and nephew, and was glad of it. Charity supposed that she shouldn't have been surprised by that, but she was a little.
'They are afraid that I shall grow too fond of the baby,' the Greek woman confided with a sad smile. 'They are always afraid for me, but there is no longer any need.'
Charity smoothed the carroty fluff on Alexander's head with a loving hand. 'Why should they be afraid?' she asked.
Electra's black eyes opened wide. 'Have they not told you?' Charity shook her head. 'I thought Loukos was sure to tell you,' the older woman went on. 'After a time it is so much a part of one that one thinks people know just by looking at one. I am growing foolish, no? It must be that I am growing old! Sometimes I look at my sister Xenia, and I think she is old, so I must be growing old too.'
'You seem much younger than your sister!' Charity exclaimed, and then wished that she hadn't. Xenia was Loukos' mother, after all.
''I am a little younger,' Electra admitted. 'We both married very late for this country'
'I didn't know you had been married?'
'It is seldom spoken of now. 'I was married before my sister. Two years later I gave birth to a son. He must be thirty-three now. It is all a very long time ago.'
'But he is alive?'
Electra shrugged. 'Who knows? I have not seen him since he was four years old. It was not easy to be in Greece in those times. There were the Communists - and the others. Many people disappeared. Many children were taken into Bulgaria to be brought up as Communists. Dimitri, my son, was taken too, by his father. I have never heard of either of them again.'
'But how dreadful!' Charity exclaimed, appalled.
'It was very bad. I would see a child running in the street and I would think it must be him. It never was. Sometimes the mother would complain that I was trying to take her child away from her and my family became afraid to let me go out by myself. It was hard to see so many beautiful babies and to have my own arms empty. But I was younger then. My son is now a man and I know, even in my heart, that if I saw him in the street he would be a stranger to me. But the family is still afraid for me. They are afraid that I shall grow too fond of Alexandros and come to believe that he is mine. They forget that I am long past such foolishness; that a baby's cry no longer rejoices my heart, but only serves to remind me that my joints are growing stiff and that I sleep too badly now to enjoy having my slumbers disturbed. I want to be a grandmother now, not a mother!' Her staccato English died away into silence. Charity's eyes filled with tears as she looked at her, her unspoken sympathy too deep for words.
'You can always be Alexander's grandmother,' she said gently.
Electra shook her head. 'Xenia is the boy's grandmother. Nikos was her son, just as Loukos is.' 'But Faith's mother' 'It was a son I had, not a daughter!'
Charity chose to ignore the elder woman's protest. 'You might have had a daughter later on. Besides, children ought to have heaps of relations to love them and spoil them a little. We haven't anyone in our family to do that, so Alexander will need you as well as Xenia!'
Electra gave her a sharp look. 'You are not afraid that I will be bad for the boy, smothering him with too much perverted mother-love?'
'Certainly not!' Charity smiled a little. 'I am expecting you to tell me when I get too sentimental about him. You see, he is so very like Faith!'
Electra sniffed. 'But you will be back in England with that Colin of yours!'
Charity felt herself blushing. 'I - I'm staying in Greece,' she stammered. 'I'm going to marry Loukos'
'For the sake of your sister's child?'
'Yes,' Charity said, feeling like a traitor.
Electra laughed softly. 'Oho, you think that now, but how will you feel when Loukos makes love to you? He will not be content with a half-hearted woman in his bed! Nor is he a man you can stay indifferent to for very long, no?'
The colour surged up Charity's face. 'It won't be like that!' she said quickly. 'It's - it's a matter of convenience, to give Alexander a home'
'No man would be content with that for long!' Electra stated with contempt. 'And you? Will Alexander make a woman of you? You will want more than he can give you long before the honeymoon has ended!'
'I -Ishall be content'
Electra uttered a sound of complete disbelief. 'I give you a week of marriage, if that, before you are head over heels in love with him. Loukos will see to that!'
'Perhaps,' Charity hazarded with a humility that hurt her pride but which she couldn't help, 'perhaps Loukos will fall in love with me?'
Electra gave her a kindly smile. 'In a marriage that is less
important. Loukos will be kind to you, you can be sure of that! But love? No doubt he loves, or loved, Ariadne. Who can say? But if you are his wife, he will keep such things away from you and his children. You need not know what he is about unless you wish to, and why should you want that? You will have an importance in his life that no other woman can achieve. It is best to be content with that.'
It was probably very good advice, Charity conceded, but she felt chilled by it. If she felt like that now, how would she feel in the years to come? she wondered helplessly, if he didn't come to love her - not as she loved him, she didn't expect that, but she wanted him to be glad that he had married her because he loved her better than anyone else, better than Ariadne!
Charity sighed audibly. Alexander had finished his feed and was already dropping off into a deep slumber. It was time for him to go back to his cot, but she put off the moment of getting up, holding him close against her.
'Will Xenia be very angry?' she asked suddenly.
Electra held out her hands for the bab
y. 'Loukos will be waiting for his lunch!' she declared. ''I can't wait here, gossiping with you. I have other things to do!'
'She will be disappointed, won't she?' Charity insisted.
Electra made an impatient gesture. 'If she is, it will be because your sister never felt at home here. She despised our Greek ways and despised her husband because he was Greek. Xenia did not dislike her, but neither did she welcome her as a daughter-in-law. There was no respect between them.'
Charity bit her lip. 'And she thinks I will be the same?'
Electra's black eyes snapped back at her. 'You are Faith's sister. But Loukos is very different from Nikos, although they were brothers. If you marry a man from another country, you cannot expect him to become English!' She laughed shortly. 'Xenia will welcome you as Loukos' wife if you do the things she expects you to do and respect our
customs.'
'The woman of his house,' Charity said dryly.
Electra bent over Alexander's cot, a smile softening her face. 'There are worse things, such as those that I have suffered. Loukos is not Nikos. You will be a Greek wife in the end, whatever you may think now. Poor Faith could never admit that she was a Papandreous, but I think you will not deny it?'
'I suppose not,' Charity said. It was another sign that Apollo had failed her, and that she would never be a person in her own right.
CHAPTER NINE
'You're going to do what?Are you stark, staring mad?'
Charity pursed her lips together in a mutinous line. 'It isn't as though we're in love with one another' she began.
'What has that got to do with it?' Colin broke in. 'Use your wits, girl! What possible chance of happiness have you got with him?'
'I'm not thinking of my own happiness,' Charity declared. 'I'm thinking about Alexander! It isn't myfault that you made such a bad impression on Loukos that he won't let you have anything to do with Alexander's upbringing. I have to marry him if I want Faith's baby. And I do!'
Colin shook his head at her. 'So it's a big sacrifice to you, is it?' he asked nastily.
Charity licked her lips, uncertain as to how to answer that. 'N-not exactly,' she compromised. 'It's - only a convenience to make a home for Alexander. I'm sorry, Colin. I know I misled you. I should never have asked you to come'
'I'm glad you did!'
She stared at him in astonishment. 'Why?' she asked abruptly.
'Perhaps I don't consider you quite lost to me,' he remarked. 'Not yet, at any rate. I have big plans for the two of us, Charity. We're going places, and I know how we're going to get there! It's going to be quite something, carrying off the prize and getting the better of Loukos Papandreous, all in one fell swoop!'
He sounded as though he hated Loukos. Charity felt afraid, but she didn't really believe him. She knew now that Colin was ineffectual and felt that the world owed him
something, but the world seldom paid up to that kind of person. And Loukos? Loukos could look after himself - and he would look after her too. She knew that without being told, and the comfortable feeling it gave her made her feel better. She looked up at Colin and smiled. 'What are you going to do?' she asked him. His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. 'It's better if you don't know. Be quiet a minute, Charity, I'm trying to think about this marriage of yours. It may be just the thing to keep our Greek friend busy, too busy to keep an eye on what I'm doing! Yes, I think it may do very well.' He bowed towards her, smirking a little. 'All right, my dear, you have my consent to play along with him until I'm good and ready. You'll enjoy that, won't you? I've noticed that you like his kisses better than mine, but I don't think you'd really like being married to him. He would own you, body and soul, and you wouldn't like that at all! So I'm afraid you'll have to put up with marriage to me in the long run.' He laughed without humour. 'But you'll have young Alexander to console you. And me? I'll have Ah, but that would be telling! I'm not going to tell you anything in case you think it your duty to run off to Loukos with the information! You're a loyal little puss,but I'm not sure that your Greek god hasn't blinded you as to your best interests for the moment.' He laughed again. 'It will be something of a relief to get you away from this pagan land, really it will. You're too susceptible to the games they play, as mere mortals always were, ' believe, but then I'm not very well up in that sort of thing!'
'I think it's you who's gone mad!' Charity observed. 'Though he islike Apollo, isn't he?' she added dreamily.
'Have you fallen in love with him?' Colin demanded.
Charity pulled herself together with an effort. 'I'm quite serious about marrying him. And I don't believe a word of all that rigmarole you've been telling me either. You don't want to marry me, we both know that if we're honest. If you had wanted to, you would have asked me, but you never
have, not even in the last few days!'
'I like you well enough,' he protested.
'But I don't like you well enough, Colin. I'm awfully sorry, but I don't. I'm going to marry Loukos and be the woman of his house'
'What about Ariadne?'
She flushed. 'What about Ariadne?' she countered. 'That's all finished, if you must know' 'There'll be plenty of others!'
She couldn't hide the hurt his words caused her. As if she didn't know that anyone as attractive as Loukos could have any woman he wanted, married or not! I'll have Alexander,' she said doggedly.
His laughter mocked her. 'You'll have me too! But you may as well pretend that you're going to marry him in the meantime. I'm going away for a few days,' he added, 'so feel free to play your part convincingly, my sweet. You won't find me a jealous husband'
''I wish you'd listen to me!' Charity burst out. ''I mean it, Colin! I'm going to marry Loukos and nothing you do is going to stop me!'
'That's what you think,' he returned with a smug smile. 'When the time comes, you'll fall into my hand like ripe fruit! By the way, I don't think I can quite cover my bill here - do you think Apollo will pay it for me?'
'I shan't ask him!' Charity retorted. 'I'll pay it myself!'
He smiled and nodded. 'Just as you like. I'll be seeing you, Charity my love'
'No, Colin! Please don't come back!'
'Now that is too much to ask, my dear. I'll be back in a day or so and you'll find you'll be quite pleased to see me after all, so don't look so tragic, my sweet. It'll all come out in the wash. And what a wash!' he added with a gurgle of laughter.' 'Bye, Charity. Look after yourself!'
Charity watched him go down the steps into the foyer of the hotel. Part of her mind was aware only of relief that he
was going. Another part was busy wondering if she hated him, or if it was just a strong spasm of distaste for him brought on by his ridiculous posturing about their future. She thought it might well be hatred. She thought it quite objectively, as though it were not her emotions she was examining at all. If she did hate him, it was because he made her feel that what she felt for Loukos was somehow cheap and temporary, and because he had sneered at Loukos. That had made her truly angry! He could say what he liked about her, but not about Loukos! Why, Loukos was worth ten of him! He wasn't fit to clean Loukos' shoes!
The barman came over and asked her if she would like a drink. She looked up at him vaguely. 'N-no, thank you.'
'The gentleman is coming back?'
She shook her head. The barman picked up Colin's empty glass and went back to the bar. A whole lot of other people had come into the bar in the last few minutes and Charity realized that she could hardly go on sitting there if she didn't have a drink. She rose wearily to her feet and went down to the reception desk, determined to clear up Colin's bill before she did anything else so she wouldn't have to think about him again. He might have said he was coming back, but why should he bother? It had all been hot air, all that he had said, but it had been unpleasant all the same. She wished Loukos had been with her. Indeed, she wished he were here now. Her spirits rose dramatically at the thought of him. He was Coming to take her to visit his parents that afternoon and she would
tell him then about Colin. Her hands shook a little and she pressed them down on the desk in front of her and smiled deliberately at the hotel clerk.
The Tower of the Winds Page 14
