by J. J. Sorel
I plonked myself on the sofa and called my father. He would’ve been too stressed out otherwise.
“Clarissa.” My father’s voice was filled with concern.
“Hi.”
“Where are you, honey?”
“I’m at the apartment. Hey look, Daddy, don’t worry. I’m okay. I need a little time alone to think things through.” My voice was thick with emotion.
“Yes, of course. It’s all happened so quickly, hasn’t it? You’re still young.” His voice was gentle and understanding.
“I heard some disturbing things about Aidan. And I need time to process things.”
“He’s a good man, regardless of past misdemeanors. There aren’t many that compare to Aidan,” my father said soberly.
What had he learnt? “What has Greta told you about Aidan, Dad? Please tell me. Anything will help.” Out came the waterworks again. I couldn’t believe I had so many tears.
“Darling, she’s told me little. Only that he had a difficult upbringing, and that his hedonist mother put his needs last. I saw Aidan last night and today. He’s in a bad way. He begged me to speak to you on his behalf. Just speak to him, sweetie. He’s a decent man, a kind man.” Not one for interfering in people’s private affairs, my father had stepped out of his comfort zone to champion Aidan.
“I’ll talk to Aidan, but not today. I need a little time and space. I’ll see you soon, Daddy,” I said, my throat swelling with sobs.
Wallowing in gloom, I flinched at the knock on the door. I looked through the peephole and saw Aidan, keys jangling in his hands. My hair was a tangled mess, and I was dressed in an old tank top and shorts. I froze.
“Clarissa, I know you’re there. I’m sensing you,” said Aidan, raising his voice. “I won’t go until you open the door, even if I have to stay here all night.”
“Go away, Aidan. Not now,” I said. Hoping the neighbors weren’t in. We’d had a few of these standoffs in the past thanks to Tabitha and her tempestuous relationships.
“Just open the door. Talk to me, Clarissa. You owe me that at least. Please.”
I took a deep breath and opened the door. I stood away, allowing him passage.
Although Aidan looked scruffier than I’d ever seen him, he was still ruggedly handsome, his hair tousled and wild, his dark-rimmed eyes so breathtakingly blue my heart did a somersault. He was dressed in worn, ripped jeans and an equally worn T-shirt that showed off his sinewy, well-developed arms.
My heart instantly started arguing with my mind, insisting that I fall into Aidan’s arms and have hard sex against the wall. Instead, I remained icy and remote. My mind was winning.
Aidan stared at me for what seemed a long while. His eyes had that lusty glow, moving from despair to arousal in one breath. It was because I wasn’t wearing a bra.
I crossed my arms. “Aidan, you shouldn’t have come.” My mind had gone haywire. The apartment, as disheveled as I, was not in a fit state for visitors.
“I changed my schedule. I couldn’t leave without seeing you.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’m leaving tomorrow instead.” Aidan did a quick sweep of the apartment. “Why are you here? I don’t like you being here. There’s no security door,” he grumbled. “Just as I arrived, a bunch of guys were doing a drug deal downstairs.” His tone softened. “If anything happened to you, I…” Under the light, the dark rings around his eyes were visible. I could see he hadn’t slept.
He tried to take my hand. I pulled away. “I need time to be alone, Aidan.” I combed back my messy hair.
“You’ve been traumatized, Clarissa. I can see that.” Aidan voice was soft and gentle. “I hope you’ll reconsider pressing charges against Bryce.”
“I don’t want to, Aidan. It would involve court hearings. And with you being such a prominent figure, it would turn into a circus.”
Aidan sighed deeply. “You have a point. I’m so sorry about all of this. Clarissa, what made you run in the first place? I’m sure Jessica’s involved somehow.” Aidan cornered me with his dark-blue stare.
My mind went blank.
“Do you have anything to drink?” Aidan was pacing about like a restless tiger.
“Only cooking sherry,” I said with an apologetic half-smile.
He grinned. “I’m willing if you are.”
Ghostlike, I drifted off into the kitchen and poured some into a glass. Although I was about to abstain, I made myself one as well. My nerves needed something.
As I passed Aidan the glass, I said, “It will probably taste terrible, especially for someone like you.”
Aidan’s brow wrinkled. “Someone like me?”
“You know what I mean. You’re used to the finer things in life.” I took a sip of the liquor.
Swallowing the liquor, he winced. “It wasn’t always that way, Clarissa. I lived in a similar set-up to this with my mother.” Aidan remained standing, waiting for a response.
“Jessica told me everything,” I said, staring down at my feet.
His eyebrows drew in sharply. “Everything?”
I nodded slowly.
Aidan cleared his throat. “You may need to elaborate. Lying comes naturally to Jessica. I wouldn’t mind hearing which version of our fucked-up relationship she told you.” His tone was cold and acerbic.
I exhaled a staccato breath. The sherry had at least steadied my palpitations. “Jessica told me she caught you in bed with Amy. And that the shock was so great it caused a miscarriage.” I stared directly into Aidan’s eyes. “She told me the child was yours.” My voice broke up, and tears fell. I hated crying in front of people, especially in front of the man who had stolen my heart.
Aidan produced an unused handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to me. “Fuck. No wonder you ran.” His shoulders slumped. He looked crushed. “Clarissa, now listen. It was not—I repeat not— my child.”
“But how would you know that?”
“Because while Jessica was in the hospital, I ordered a paternity test.” His voice grew thick with emotion. Seeing Aidan in such a state felt like cold fingers scratching at my soul.
“Can they even do that? And why?”
“Why?” Aidan’s eyes widened in disbelief. “I’ll tell you why: because Jessica can’t go one night without having sex. She’s an addict. I was away often during our relationship. She fucked half of LA, Clarissa.”
“But how do you know?”
“Clarissa, this town is smaller than you think. And rich folk hang out in all the same places. And…” He finished off his drink. “She fucked Evan.”
“Evan?” That was Tabitha new man. “He’s dating…” I paused.
“Your roommate. Evan told me. He’s smitten. He’s also a close buddy. She’d better not fuck around on him.”
“She wouldn’t do that,” I snapped.
Aidan rolled his eyes. “Come on, Clarissa. Your friend gets around.”
My face reddened. “How do you know that?”
“By the way she checked me out,” he said coolly.
“Aidan, even a cloistered nun would check you out.”
His grave expression melted into a grin.
“Anyway, Evan’s not that much of a buddy if he had sex with Jessica.”
Exasperated, Aidan said, “Clarissa, to cut a long story short, at the time, Jessica told Evan we’d broken up. Please, will you accept my apology? I haven’t slept all night. I’ve had the worst night of my life, to be honest.” He rubbed his eyes.
“But it still doesn’t exonerate you from cheating on Jessica, despite her loose ways.”
“It should, because our relationship had ended. It’s even on the record—posted in those silly gossip columns. I can get Greta to source them for you if you like.”
Heaviness left my body. “No need, I believe you. Please don’t involve Greta in this.” I took a moment to process everything. “What about the school teacher? She told me you had sex with your school teacher.”
“Fuck, she got in your ear, didn’t she? No
wonder you ran away.” He touched my hand, his eyes glistening with regret. “I was sixteen going onto seventeen when she seduced me. She was beautiful and seemed younger than twenty-seven.”
A cold, jealous stake ran through me. “Go on.”
Aidan ran his tongue over his lips—unintentionally, surely, but it was still suggestive. My inner core fired up.
“What can I say? She seduced the shit out of me and”—Aidan sniffed— “I capitulated. Clarissa, my life was messed-up when she came along. Instead of doing drugs and liquor, like all my screwball friends, I had sex with my teacher.”
“What happened to her?” I asked, biting into a nail.
“She’s dead. Her brute of a husband killed her.”
“Shit.” I shook my head.
He exhaled slowly. “That’s when I joined the army.”
“Did you love her?” I asked.
He nodded. “I think I might’ve. I’d never known affection from a woman before. My mother had no interest in caring for me— only Greta.” Aidan was staring down at his feet. “I suppose I’m too fucked-up for you now.” Aidan rubbed his neck. His eyes met mine. He was shattered in a way I could never have imagined.
“You’re not, Aidan,” I said emphatically.
Aidan’s eyes sparked up. “Will you come back, then?”
I wiped my eyes. “I need time before I can answer that. This has been a huge blow.
Aidan sat next to me and held me. My body melted into his. Our lips met. Soft and moist, his hot lips ate my mouth with hungry ferocity. My body started to unravel. But mustering every bit of strength, I pulled away. “Aidan, I need time. Please give me that. This has been so overwhelming. Give me some space.”
“I’ve had the worst twenty-four hours ever, Clarissa. And that’s saying something. Afghanistan wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. I haven’t slept at all.” He combed through his thick hair with his fingers.
Oh God—I wanted to do that!
“I have to go away tomorrow until the end of the week. Please tell me there’s hope, Clarissa.” Aidan’s voice was weak and tired.
I’d never seen his shoulders droop. I’d affected him that much. His face was drawn and unshaven but yet he still looked sexy.
I let Aidan hold me again, his strong arms around my waist. His needy hands moved down to my thighs. Despite dripping with sweaty arousal, I broke away. “We’ll catch up when you return, Aidan. We can talk then.”
“Is there hope, Clarissa?” Aidan asked, his panty-wetting gaze searing through me.
I nodded. A faint smile grew on my lips. I let him kiss me again. This time, his tongue slithered in and took me with such force that I pined for his cock to do the same. I pushed that primal need aside and extricated myself from his hold again.
Dejected, Aidan followed me reluctantly to the door. Holding the door handle, he said, “Please promise me you won’t go out wearing those clothes.”
I nearly laughed—Aidan sounded so old-fashioned. “Oh Aidan, I would never be seen like this. No one has ever seen me like this, except you and Tabitha.”
He tucked an unruly strand behind his ear. “And will you promise me not to date another guy?” His eyes had a glint of insecurity.
“Aidan, you’re kidding me, aren’t you? My heart is filled with you,” I said with resignation.
His brows knitted. “Then why are you kicking me out?”
“Because I need time alone. Because the pain has been so intense that I need to trust again.”
“My darling, your pain is my pain.” His bereft stare burned into my soul, and then he left.
I stood by the door, listening to Aidan’s steps fade away. All the while, my heart screamed at me to call him back.
Resigned to a state of exile, I remained rigid on the sofa. Aidan’s scent clung to the air while sensations from his desperate caresses possessed me.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
“What’s your star sign, my lovely?” she asked, in a smoke-infused croak.
Incense and tobacco drifted through the air, threatening to make me sneeze as I shifted nervously in my chair. “Pisces,” I answered.
The morning after Aidan’s visit, I’d had an unshakeable urge to speak to someone. In many ways, I was glad Tabitha remained out of town. She would have just screamed at me to forgive Aidan in her typical race-through-life-head-on-fashion.
While I was out shopping for food, I passed a storefront. “Clairvoyant-Medium” was hand-painted on the window. Without thinking I rang the bell, and Mary answered.
She looked like anything but a medium. Disinclined as I was towards channeling angels that clinched the deal, and I entered.
In fact, Mary was very down to earth. She swore like a sailor, chain-smoked—much to my discomfort— and had a maternal, straight-to-the-point way about her.
After I handed over all the money I had on me, she sat me down and closed her eyes. For the first time in two days, my mind stilled.
Mary handed me a pack of standard playing cards. They were so haggard and overused that as I shuffled, I thought they would disintegrate.
“Cut them in three, love,” said Mary, lighting another cigarette. “Mm… let’s see. You have an excellent life ahead. But first, there’s work to do. You must trust in life’s many gifts. Let go of fear. The pain you suffered in the past will not be repeated.”
Mary then handed me enormous cards with eye-catching geometric designs. I shuffled them awkwardly. They kept falling out of my small hands.
“Cut in three.” Mary puffed smoke as she spoke.
As she turned over the first card I shuddered at the gloomy image of the Grim Reaper.
“Don’t fret. It’s in your past,” Mary said without looking at me. She turned over another card, which depicted a woman in a shroud. “A woman died. She was close to you. She’s now your guardian angel, my love—your protector, bringing you luck.”
I sat forward. “Could that be my mother?”
“She passed away?” Mary tapped the death card.
I nodded.
She closed her eyes. “That’s her indeed. I feel her presence around you. You have a very strong aura, my dear. I felt it as soon as you stepped in.”
My body stiffened. How did she know this? Spooky.
The next card showed a king on a throne, holding a cup. “Ah… lovely. A water-sign man.” She turned two more cards, one big cup and then another with many cups. “He’s in love with you, deeply and with his soul. The best type of love.”
Warm fuzziness swamped me. I had to remind myself to breathe. A cynical party-pooper chimed in, however, suggesting that Mary probably told everybody the same thing.
“Water-sign?” I asked. Aidan had told me his sign, but I’d forgotten.
“Pisces, Cancer, or Scorpio. What’s your lover’s birthday?”
“I’m not sure,” I said, recrossing my legs. “We weren’t together for long.”
Mary studied me with her piercing dark eyes. “Were?” She frowned. “This is happily-ever-after love. I rarely get this configuration, to be honest.” She turned another card, a giant radiant sun. She tapped the card. “Look at this. I mean, this is about abundance, love that is flourishing. No, my love, it has not ended.”
“Maybe it represents a new person.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s in the present. This man is in your life, my dear. You are already with him. Look here: your heart is taken, as is his. It’s so perfectly balanced. It sends a shiver through me.” Mary cast me a smile before turning over another card.
A freaky image of a devil character appeared, followed by a body breaking out of a tomb. Eek.
“He’s had a difficult past and is trapped by secrets. But he is a kind, generous soul. Always has been. His intentions have always been honorable. Others have wronged him. There’s danger around him. His past is still casting a shadow over his area of happiness.”
My heart was gripped. “Danger?”
“No need to concern your pretty hea
d, he’s protected enough. But there are those who wish to harm him. He must watch his step. You’re in his area of protection. As long as you’re in his life, no harm can come to him.”
“And if I weren’t?” I asked.
Mary’s dark eyes scrutinized me. Her lips curled slightly. “That’s not what I see.”
I left Mary with my mind in a fog. I even forgot to buy food. Instead, I headed straight home and googled Aidan, hoping to find a date of birth. Frustratingly, there was nothing. But I did encounter images of us together. I was in the green dress while Aidan had his muscular arm protectively around me. His eyes radiated that recognizable devouring glint, and my face had a heavy-lidded, blissed-out expression, the look of someone drugged. Mm… yes, drugged on Aidan.
A long, wistful sigh escaped my lips. I couldn’t take my eyes away from the computer screen. We looked so happy together. And photogenic Aidan was magnetic. His presence seemed to radiate off the screen. I saved the images for a screenshot.
For the next few days, I stared at the walls. My tears had finally dried. I was in zombie mode as I recalled over and over again Mary’s predictions. In those words, I sought nourishment, and I seriously regretted that I hadn’t recorded the session. Had I done that, I would have had the happily ever after bit on replay.
A skeptical muscle would twitch every now and then, however, dousing all hope by suggesting Mary had read the prediction from a script. But then, my soul kept asking my mind how was it that Mary had seen my mother’s death?
CHAPTER FIFTY
It was Friday, and I was a million miles away when the doorbell sounded. I jumped up off the sofa. Could it be Aidan? The very thought of that impelled my heart to beat wildly. I headed to the door and stared through the peephole. Greta stood there, holding a box.
I opened the door. “Greta,” I said with wide-eyed surprise.
“Clarissa, I hope you don’t mind me arriving unannounced like this. Your father was worried. And so was I.”
