by Chloe Carley
Deciding she needed to make conversation that didn’t include anything about her, she gave him a puzzled look. “What were you doing up there?”
Carl motioned her to follow. “I’ll show you.” He quickly climbed up into the loft, waiting for her at the top and even offering her a hand until her feet were firmly planted on the floorboards. “Shh,” he placed a finger over his lips before leading her over to a small pile of loose hay.
They had been moved to form a small enclosure, and in the middle, lying on an old shirt, were six of the tiniest kittens she’d ever seen.
“Oh! They’re so little.” Sara Jane sat down and crossed her legs. She looked up at Carl and he joined her. “Their eyes aren’t even open yet.”
“No. I figure they’re probably only a few weeks old.” They were both talking very quietly, lending an intimacy to the moment.
Sara Jane brushed a gentle finger over the kittens’ heads. There were three black kittens, two white and black, and one very tiny kitten that was pure white. She looked around the loft and then whispered, “Where’s the mama cat?”
Carl pointed to a beam overhead. “She’s up there, watching us.”
Sara Jane couldn’t see where he was pointing and leaned forward, bringing her head and shoulders very close to Carl’s back. She smiled when she spied the large green eyes sparkling back at them. “She doesn’t seem upset.”
“That’s because we haven’t tried to take them from their present location. She’s a very smart mama cat, to place them someplace where they can’t wander off and get hurt. We’ll need to move them down before they start moving about, but that won’t be for a few weeks yet.”
Sara Jane nodded and then stroked the kittens a few more minutes. “It will be fun to watch them grow up.” She stood up and dusted off her trousers. “I should get back to Shiloh. She’s probably wondering why I put her saddle on and then abandoned her.” She took a step and then remembered their conversation from the night before.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she turned and asked, “Would you like to go for a ride with us?”
Carl stood up and dusted his own pants off. “I was hoping you’d ask. I’d enjoy that. Let me get Thunder saddled up.”
Sara Jane headed down the ladder. Fifteen minutes later, they were both in the saddle and headed away from the buildings.
The sun was still shining, although it was already starting to descend toward the western mountains. “It will be dark soon,” she called to him.
“We have time for a short ride. Where did you want to go?”
She hid her surprise when he asked, used to him always trying to dictate and direct her actions on the ranch. “The pond?” Sara Jane suggested.
“Lead the way.”
They rode in silence for another ten minutes before they came upon the pasture and iced over pond in the distance. Large willow trees, with their naked branches and icicles, stood like sentries around the pond. Sara Jane directed Shiloh toward the edge of the water, stopping a safe distance away and then dismounting.
She headed for the water’s edge, only to find Carl’s hand stopping her. “Where are you going?”
“I was just going to check the thickness of the ice.”
“You know that’s not very safe. If you misjudge where the ground ends, and the ice cracks, you’ll go plunging into that freezing water.”
Sara Jane opened her mouth to demand that he stop telling her what to do, when a little voice inside her head kept her silent.
He’s right, you know. It hasn’t been cold long enough for the ice to have formed other than on the surface. You’re going to fall in, and he’ll have to rescue you. Again. Is that what you really want?
Sara Jane closed her mouth for a moment and then tried again. She smiled and nodded her head. “You’re probably right. Taking a swim in icy water doesn’t sound at all pleasant.”
Carl looked at her with surprise in his eyes, and now his mouth was hanging open. She giggled and then told him, “Don’t be so shocked.”
“You agreed with me!”
She shrugged her shoulders. “What you said made sense.” She walked back to Shiloh and started checking the mare’s legs for sign of strain or injury. There had only been a few places along the trail where the mud had been slippery, and Shiloh had handled herself extremely well, but Sara Jane still felt the need to check her out before heading back.
Carl followed her, watching as she performed her check. Once she was finished with one side, she walked around and began to check the other. Carl stood to her right, leaning one arm across her saddle. She could feel his eyes on her, and it made her stomach feel all fluttery inside.
“What’s gotten into you?” he asked quietly after a long moment.
She asked, “What do you mean?”
“You’re not fighting with me.”
Sara Jane gave a small laugh and commented, “You make it sound as if I wake up each morning and go looking for a reason to argue with you.”
“Don’t you?” he asked, a note of teasing in his voice.
Sara Jane finished checking Shiloh’s leg and then turned toward him. “No. Just like I don’t go looking for problems; they just seem to find me.”
“You have a knack for finding problems,” he agreed with her. “No, I guess you just seem … I don’t know … more at peace. I don’t think you’ve ever considered something I’ve said before and then agreed with it.”
“Maybe I’m trying to not be so impulsive,” she countered back.
Carl came around the horse and lifted a hand to wipe a smudge of mud off her cheek with his fingertips. “I like this new you.”
She sighed and then told him, “So do I. Believe it or not, I don’t like fighting with you and my brothers all of the time.” She shrugged and then stated, “It’s always been that way.”
“Not always,” Carl reminded her.
Sara Jane gave him a puzzled look and then nodded. “Yes, it’s always been that way. Competing with one another. I can’t remember anything else.”
“Are you sure?”
*****
Carl watched her expressions as she tried to find a different memory. He gave her plenty of time, hoping she’d realize the error in her statement on her own. After a few minutes, she shook her head. “I can’t ever remember a time when I wasn’t trying to outdo everyone around me.”
“How far back can you remember?” he inquired.
“That’s a strange question.”
“Not really. Do you remember when I came here to live?” She nodded and he pushed for a further memory. “What about before then?”
“I guess,” she shrugged. “Why does it matter?”
Carl answered her question with one of his own, “Do you remember what it was like before the Indians?”
He watched her face blanch and debated the wisdom of continuing this conversation, but he also knew he might never have another chance like this one. “You were five.”
Sara Jane slowly nodded and then asked, “What do you know about the Indians?”
When she shivered, he looked around and realized this wasn’t the place to have this conversation. The sun was almost behind the mountains and it was getting colder by the minute. “Let’s go back to the barn and talk about this.”
“I don’t like to discuss that time.”
“I heard that, but don’t you think it’s time you put this fear behind you? You’re wearing a bracelet from Wenaka.”
“Why does it matter to you?” she asked, her fingers going to her gloved wrist encircled by the leather bracelet.
Carl reached for her hand, stopping her from worrying her wrist. “Sara Jane, you don’t really need me to answer that question, do you?”
After a slight pause, he lifted his free hand and touched her cheek again. “It matters to me because you matter to me. I don’t ever want to see that kind of fear in your eyes again. You need to talk about it, if not with your family, then with me. I’ll even promise to keep
whatever you say just between us, but it’s been eating you up inside for long enough.”
Her eyes showed the battle she was fighting inside her mind. “Come back to the barn with me and let’s talk.”
She didn’t reply, simply stepped up into her saddle. Carl mounted Thunder
And they rode back to the barn. Carl was relieved when he found it empty of other people. They took care of their mounts in silence and then Sara Jane grabbed the lantern and headed for the loft ladder.
“Sara Jane, where are you going?”
“I wanted to check on the kittens again.”
Carl took the lantern from her. “Do you really think taking an oil lantern up into a loft filled with hay, when it’s almost dark, is a wise idea?”
Sara Jane immediately shook her head. “No. No, that’s a really bad idea.” She backed away from the ladder and then told him, “I wasn’t thinking … I’ll check on them in the morning.”
Carl nodded in approval and then gestured toward the back door. “Come sit outside with me.”
“I …” she paused, as if trying to make up her mind, and Carl feared his opportunity was about to slip away.
“Please? Come talk with me for a bit.”
She gave one last look at the barn doors and then nodded once. Carl smiled encouragingly at her and led the way to the back door.
There were several wooden benches and tree stumps situated behind the barn, where the ranch hands often gathered during nice weather. A large fire ring sat in the midst of them, but it was now covered in snow.
Carl swiped the remaining snow from the wooden bench and then waited until she sat down before joining her. He looked up and watched the stars begin to come out. Sara Jane did the same thing as the quiet peace of the coming night settled over the land. Her hands were tucked inside her duster jacket and a scarf was wrapped around her neck. A hat sat upon her head, but she tipped the brim back so that she could look up at the darkening sky.
Winter was almost fully upon them and it got dark earlier each day. Carl liked the easy pace of winter on the ranch, but he missed the long days and warmth of the sun. All too soon, Christmas would be here and then a new year would begin. The weeks and months would go slowly, but he also knew that spring would arrive and then there would be days of little sleep as calving season arrived and the ranch came back to life.
He glanced over at Sara Jane and watched her gaze up at the sky. Her features were relaxed, and she looked so peaceful; he almost hated to disturb that, but it needed to be done. Sooner than later.
“Talk to me,” he whispered.
She began to speak in soft tones. “I overheard everyone talking about the Indians. I’d never met any up close and I wanted to see them, but I knew that if I asked to tag along, they would tell me I was too young, and it wasn’t something girls did.”
She turned her head and gave him a rueful smile. “Even then I hated being told I was too young or too little to keep up with my brothers. They got to ride out with Pa to check the cattle and the fences, and I had to stay home and help Ma with the garden, the laundry, and the cooking.”
She sighed and added, “Pa had snuck me out of the schoolroom a couple of times, taking me up on his mount and letting me spend the afternoon out in the pastures with him. Ma was always upset when he brought me back to the house, but he’d just chuckle and tell her to let me be.”
“So, you were always a little rebellious,” Carl murmured.
She frowned and then shook her head. “I don’t think it was so much rebellion as it was wanting to be outdoors. I was already learning to ride Shiloh and I was always sneaking out to the barn to see her. I even fell asleep in her stall a couple of time.”
“That could be dangerous for a young mare and a little girl,” Carl informed her.
“I know. Believe me, I heard it from everyone each time it happened. Anyway, that day I could sense something was happening.”
“They didn’t tell you what was going on?”
“No. They made sure I wasn’t in the room, but they didn’t know I was sitting on the stairs listening. When it came time for them to head out, Ma settled me in the back room with a needlepoint sampler. Once I heard her leave, I snuck out and convinced Ralphie to saddle up Shiloh.”
“Who’s Ralphie?”
“Ralphie was one of the new ranch hands. He was kind of young and treated me like his kid sister. He was always helping me, and I told him that I just wanted to take Shiloh our for a small walk in the corral.”
“I don’t remember ever meeting a man named Ralphie,” Carl told her.
“That’s because he got gold fever shortly after that and left.”
Carl nodded. “Okay. Go on,” he encouraged her.
Sara Jane took a big breath. “I hid in Shiloh’s stall until everyone left. Men came from town and they all rode out together. I waited a while and then followed them.”
Carl already knew the story, but he wanted to hear it from her perspective. “Did you catch up to them?”
“No. I’d only been riding for a short time and, while Shiloh is a wonderful horse, she was very young and didn’t understand that I needed to hurry. We followed their tracks for a long time, but we never caught up to them.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t get lost,” Carl commented.
“There was half a dozen or so men from town, plus the men from the ranch. They trampled the grasses down pretty good.”
“And you followed their trails. Smart thinking.”
“Thanks. Pa didn’t think it was so smart.”
Carl asked, “So you lost the riders, but you still managed to find the Indian camp?”
“I did. I was very quiet, and I watched them from a hiding place for a long time.” Sara Jane shook her head and then told him, “I remember being jealous of the way their horses were decorated and the fancy beading on their clothing. They had feathers and other things braided into their long hair, and even their teepees were colorful.
I watched them for a long time. They had their faces painted, and I could hear them speaking and it sounded so interesting.”
“So, you wandered closer,” Carl finished for her.
She nodded. “Just a little bit. I was trying to stay quiet.”
“Your pa said he rescued you from their camp.”
“Something spooked Shiloh and when I tried to calm her down, I stood up and gave away my hiding place. She took off for home and the Indians took me back to their camp.” She stopped talking and Carl saw that she was gripping her hands hard.
He reached for them, holding them gently but firmly. “It sounds like you were very brave for being so young. Did the Indians hurt you?”
“They taunted me. They had these spears and bows and arrows. They were practicing with them and I wanted to know how they worked. I guess they thought I was a boy because they were angry when my hat came off and they saw I was a girl.”
“What happened then?”
Sara Jane’s body froze and then she softly replied, “Pa came and rescued me.”
Carl raised a brow at her and asked, “That’s all that happened? That doesn’t sound very scary.”
She took a shaky breath. “It was terrifying. They sounded so angry and they pushed me around a bit. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but they kept pointing at me and then laughing amongst themselves. They pulled on my braids and poked me a few times.”
“What else?” he asked, sensing that there was something else she hadn’t told him.
“I tried to get away from them. They didn’t like that very much. They shook me and one of them threatened me with a bunch of leather strands. I wasn’t sure if he was going to tie me up with them or hit me with them. Another one of them pulled a long stick from the fire and waved the burning end of it toward my person.”
“What did the Indian do with the stick?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” he inquired with a frown between his brows.
“I thought he w
as going to touch me with it, but I didn’t have to find out because Pa came riding into the camp with his rifle drawn and a bunch of armed men behind him.”
