by Chloe Carley
“I’ll take it up …” he began, only to have Sara Jane shake her head at him.
“I don’t think that would be wise. Lily is still abed.”
“Okay, I’ll wait down here for you, but be careful and don’t trip.”
She made sure her skirt was free before she lifted the pot again. She entered the bedroom and set the water down next to the bed.
“Thank you, Sara Jane,” Tara told her. “Laura has decided to wake up again. Lily has already fed her. Would you mind taking her downstairs and keeping her quiet so that her brother doesn’t wake up until we are finished here?”
“I can do that. Carl is downstairs and I’m sure he’d love to see her.” She scooped the infant into her arms, holding her close as she left the bedroom and shut the door behind her. She carefully made her way down the eight steps, loving the feel of the baby in her arms.
She entered the sitting room to see Carl standing before the hearth, waiting for her.
“Who do you have there?” he asked, coming forward and indicating she should sit down in the rocking chair.
“This is Laura. She was trying to wake up her brother.”
“Something tells me Jace and Lily are going to have their hands full with these two.”
“I agree. Would you like to hold her?” Sara Jane offered.
“No. She looks mighty content right where she is.” He squatted next to the chair and touched her tiny fingers with one of his own. “So little.”
“It’s amazing, really. I’ve never been around human babies before. I mean, I’ve seen them in town and such, but this is the first baby we’ve had here at the ranch.”
She looked down into the deep blue eyes of the infant and gently touched her cheek. She watched as the infant yawned, her little fist raising up before dropping down once more. After a long pause, Laura closed her eyes and moments later she was fast asleep.
“I wish I could fall asleep that fast,” she murmured, amazed at the tiny human in her arms. She glanced up at Carl who was now watching her instead of the baby. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for you and figured you might be over here admiring the babies.”
“You were right. Why were you looking for me?”
“We were talking about a hunting party and I remembered you said you wanted to go with us.”
“I do,” Sara Jane told him. “When are you leaving?”
“Easy, darlin’. No one’s going anywhere for a while. A couple of the men are going to go see if they can spot the herds, so we know where to go. Christmas is still a few weeks away, but we were thinking we might go out a day or two before Christmas.”
“Maybe the snow will have melted a bit more,” she suggested.
“Or maybe more will have fallen. Did you see the sky over the mountains? Those dark grey clouds are heading this way. It’s December and the weather is only getting started.”
“We should go today then,” she told him.
“No, we’ll wait. Besides, Sunday church services are tomorrow and hopefully the storm will pass us by before Tuesday morning gets here. That’s when the men are going to go out and scout around.”
“Are you going with them?” she asked.
“Maybe. We’ll probably split up into several groups, to cover more ground in less time.”
That was what her pa had always recommended, but these days he rarely went out on these types of hunts. His knees tended to swell up when the weather turned cold and riding for more than a few minutes on the back of a horse left him unable to walk correctly for days afterward. “That will work. What are we going to be hunting for? Deer? Elk?”
“And maybe a turkey or two,” Carl suggested. “Shawn said he saw some turkeys earlier this fall down by the creek.”
“We haven’t killed any turkeys this year. That sounds like a good Christmas supper to me.”
“We should also find out what kind of things your ma wants to decorate with. There’s too much snow to venture up into the dark timber for pine boughs.”
“Maybe we could find a few smaller trees in the foothills,” Sara Jane suggested, knowing how much everyone enjoyed the smell of fresh pine boughs during the holidays.
“We’ll see. We have to make sure it’s safe for both the horses and the riders,” Carl cautioned her.
“I know!” She started to get irritated with his comment and then checked herself. Thank you, God. I asked for Your help and I guess it’s working.
“I know,” she said again, without any irritation or fight in her voice.
The sound of a baby crying filtered down the stairs and before she knew it, the little baby in her arms woke and began crying as well. “Guess that was a short nap,” Carl told her with a smile. He stood up and then took hold of her arms and pulled her to her feet. “Best get that little one back to her ma before she screams the house down. She has a good set of lungs on her.”
Sara Jane’s ears agreed. Laura’s face was turning all red as she screamed for something Sara Jane couldn’t provide. “Just hold on, I’m taking you back to your ma.”
She returned the baby to the bedroom, where Lily took her screaming daughter, talking softly to her as she prepared to feed her. Sara Jane left the room, pausing for a moment to collect herself and let her ears stop ringing. For a tiny baby, Laura sure could scream.
She headed back downstairs to find Carl standing at the front door, his hat on his head and his gloves in his hand.
“I’m going to head back to the barn. Wanna go for a ride later?” he asked.
“I want to, but I should probably wait until Ma gets back with Polly and make sure she doesn’t need my help.” The words sounded somewhat foreign coming from her mouth. In the past, Sara Jane wouldn’t have really considered whether Ma needed her help. She tried to tell herself that she was just helping out, since it was winter and ranch work was almost at a standstill. But a little voice inside her head told her that she was just finally figuring out that she could do whatever she set her mind to. Even if that was household chores and learning how to cook.
She glanced up to see Carl watching her with a bemused look.
“What?” she asked.
He straightened his lips and shrugged. “Nothing. If you change your mind, come find me in the barn.” He turned to leave, one hand on the handle, but then he paused. He turned around and without a word, he slipped one hand around her waist and pulled her to him for a quick kiss.
When he stepped back, he smiled and pulled his gloves on. “Now, I can go finish my chores.”
He was whistling when he stepped through the doorway and Sara Jane could only stand there and stare. Part of her wanted to be upset with Carl for taking such liberties with her person, but the other part of her acknowledged that her tummy was all bubbly feeling and that she wanted him to kiss her again.
When she heard Tara open the bedroom door, she headed for the kitchen and busied herself stirring the coals in the hearth.
“Lily has fed both babies and is going to try and take a nap. You can head home now. Thank you so much for your help.”
“It was fun getting to see the babies. Is someone staying with them tomorrow during church services?”
Tara nodded. “As much as I will miss attending church, I feel I should stay here. One baby is a challenge for a young mother, but two babies … it is exhausting, and Lily needs as much help as we can give her right now. Would you please tell everyone I miss them and hope to see them soon?”
“I’d be happy to, but you won’t have to wait very long. Ma is going to invite them all to join us for Christmas supper. Pastor Russell does a Christmas Eve service instead of doing one on Christmas Day.”
“I remember noticing that there was no one at the church last Christmas. I look forward to attending that service.”
“Do you think Lily will be up to attending as well?”
“Possibly, but with the cold weather and the babies being so small, I think it would be wise for her to wait at least
a month before she ventures into town with them.”
That made sense to Sara Jane and she nodded. “I’ll tell them all you send greetings. Ma will be over when she gets back.”
Sara Jane headed home, using the ropes to keep herself from slipping in the snow that was beginning to melt in places. She pondered the responsibility of having a tiny life completely dependent upon her for everything. It was a concept she’d never considered before and one that came with a healthy dose of fear and trepidation.
I’m not ready to take care of another human. Not one that small. What good is being able to outshoot everyone going to do when I can’t figure out how to calm a crying baby down?
That thought stayed with her into the afternoon when Ma returned with Polly. Sara Jane waited until Ma had taken Polly over to Jace and Lily’s house, and then she offered to help with fixing supper. Ma looked momentarily surprised, but then she nodded and helped teach her everything she was doing.
Sara Jane appreciated the fact that Ma didn’t ask lots of questions. She was still trying to figure out how to deal with the day’s revelations. Sara Jane didn’t like knowing there were things she couldn’t handle or deal with. In her pursuit of all the things she thought would make her stronger where the ranch was concerned, she’d forgotten that at some point in time, she was going to have to leave her folks’ house and keep one of her own. A house she now realized she was ill-prepared to take care of. That problem needed to be corrected right away.
Epilogue
December 23rd
Carl pointed to the trees at the far edge of the pasture. Gideon was on his left and Sara Jane and Shawn on his right. He made sure they had all seen the small deer herd and then he quietly dismounted. The others did the same, removing their rifles and extra bullets before walking a short distance away.
“I don’t think we can sneak up on them without giving ourselves away,” Shawn whispered.
Carl nodded and then he turned to see Sara Jane hadn’t joined them. Instead, she was standing behind a small, bare bush, her rifle held up in firing position, but her finger wasn’t anywhere near the trigger. He came to stand beside her and, once she lowered the gun down, he whispered, “What are you doing?”
“Seeing if I could hit one of them from here.”
Gideon and Shawn shook their heads, but Carl kept his gaze on her. “And?”
She raised a brow. “You aren’t going to lecture me on getting closer to make sure the shot can be made and not missed, scaring the herd off?”
“Do you think you can make it from here?” Carl answered back.
Sara Jane gauged the distance once more. “I might be able to make it, but I might miss. I’ve never shot anything that far away before.” She looked at the others and then added, “Maybe today isn’t the day to try.”
Carl smiled at her and then leaned forward and whispered, “You’re not only beautiful, you’re smart, too.”
Sara Jane couldn’t stop the blush that crawled into her cheeks and she exchanged knowing looks with Shawn and Gideon who hadn’t missed that small exchange. “Maybe if I could get twenty or thirty yards closer?”
“That sounds good.” Gideon indicated a small path that would take them behind some bushes and trees, giving them a better chance at hitting a deer. Carl indicated Sara Jane was to precede him and she noticed that while the three men carried their rifles, none of them had bothered to load them.
They reached their destination and the men held back, allowing her to go first. She had a perfect shot at a large buck and she quietly raised her rifle. Once she had the animal in her sights, she gently pulled the trigger. The deer jerked and before it could try to rush off, a second bullet took it to the ground.
Carl’s hand landed on her shoulder and he squeezed. “Nice shot.”
She smiled at him. “Thanks.”
They all worked together to retrieve the deer and get the animal ready to transport back to the barn. They were almost halfway back when the sound of wild turkeys caused them to pause. Remembering her conversation with Carl, she met his gaze and nodded towards the nearby woods.
Carl looked up at the sky, frowning at the gathering storm clouds, but the turkeys had sounded fairly close and Sara Jane convinced him they should at least try. Gideon had the deer on the back of his horse and he and Shawn agreed to head back to the barn and start prepping the meat. Carl and Sara Jane headed off into the woods, returning twenty minutes later with a big fat tom turkey to add to their Christmas supper. They also found a few small pine trees and stripped some of the lower branches to use for decorations over the mantle.
Once back at the ranch house, Sara Jane joined Ma and Riley in placing the boughs on the mantle and then adding a few simple decorations Ma stored in a basket kept high on a shelf in her bedroom. Some red ribbon, a metal angel and some stars that Pa had fashioned from dried vines, looked perfect nestled in the pine boughs.
“It looks really nice, Ma,” she told her as they stepped back and observed their handiwork.
“I think so, as well,” Riley told her. She was still feeling a bit sick from time to time, but that wasn’t stopping her from getting into the Christmas spirit.
*****
Christmas Eve
“As you all travel back to your homes, I pray the true meaning of Christmas will reside in your hearts. Remember the gift that was given so that we might all have the opportunity to spend eternity with Christ. Let us pray.” Pastor Russell said a brief prayer and then invited the congregation to stand and greet one another as they left.
Sara Jane had enjoyed the Christmas Eve service, even though her mind was going in many different directions. She’d finished the final row on the second baby blanket late last night. She’d wrapped them both in brown paper, and they were ready to be given the next morning.
“Daydreaming again, darlin’?” Carl whispered to her as everyone began to file from the pews.
He’d taken to calling her that endearment weeks earlier and she’d never actually told him to stop. She spied Mark Lawry standing across the aisle, trying to gain her attention. She wondered how she would feel if he were to call her darlin’ and immediately rejected the idea. She wouldn’t like it at all and would demand he stop. But with Carl … it just seemed appropriate.
Truth be told, she liked the way it made her feel. Cherished. Special. She looked back up at him, still seated on the pew, so many thoughts running through her head. Life on the ranch had been confusing for her of late, as if she truly didn’t understand where her place was. She loved spending time with Lily and the babies, and she was even becoming more comfortable in the kitchen.
But she loved working on the range with the cattle as well. How was she to do both?
She felt Carl sit back down next to her. “Sara Jane?”
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.
Carl looked confused. “About what?”
“Me. I know what I want to do, but I also know what I should do … how do I choose? How does anybody choose?”
“Sara Jane, what are you talking about?” he inquired softly.
She glanced around to see that most of the townsfolk had exited the pews and were headed back out into the cold. “I saw Lily with the babies, and it’s impossible not to love them.
“But Lily is their ma. She’ll cook for them, and clean their clothing, mend it when it gets torn, keep their house clean, and grow a garden. She won’t be out mending fences or branding cattle or hunting for their supper.”
Her fears and concerns spilled forth like the tears that threatened to spill over her cheeks. “She wouldn’t have time to do those other things if she wanted to.”
“Like you do.” Carl tipped his head and met her eyes. “Are you questioning whether or not you should be out mending fences and hunting for food? Or whether you would make a good mother?”
Sara Jane nodded, unable to find more words to express what was bothering her most. “Married women have babies and take care of the house and lau
ndry and cooking …”
Carl reached for her hands. “Sara Jane, I told you once before, I don’t care if you do all of those things, or if we share them. If I was rich enough, I’d pay someone else to do them for you. I want you, just the way you are. If you learn to cook your ma’s chicken pie, that would be nice, but it’s not why I want to marry you.”
“You keep saying that, but what about children?”
“I expect we’ll have several,” he answered back.
