“Can I get you anything?” Luciana broke the silence. “Anything at all?”
“You could pour me a glass of wine and then join me over here if you wanted to?”
“I’d like that.” Luciana smiled, pushing off the window frame and heading into the kitchen. “You mind if I help myself to a glass?”
“A glass of wine is the least I can offer after my outburst before.”
“Not an outburst.” Luciana shook her head. “Just…a moment. One that you’re more than entitled to.”
“So, you’re Italian?” Sam watched Luciana moved around the kitchen. A hint of a smile played on her lips.
“My dad, yes. My mum was born and bred here in the northwest. Manchester.”
“I just didn’t expect it,” Sam said, running her fingers through her hair. “Still, I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”
“I was worried about you.”
“That’s really very sweet but I’m okay. I promise.”
“I saw it in your eyes,” Luciana said, handing Sam a glass of wine. “The fear.”
“It was a moment of weakness. I don’t have many of them, but it does happen rarely.”
“You really don’t have to explain yourself to me…”
“I know that.” Sam patted the seat beside her. “Sit with me?”
“Of course.” Luciana sat down, sipping her wine before setting it down on the glass coffee table. “Seriously, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Sam took Luciana’s hand. “Thanks for coming back.”
“I needed to see for myself that you were okay. I didn’t want you to ask me back here because you felt bad.”
“I do feel bad, but that’s not why I asked you back here.”
“Then why did you?” Luciana asked the question, but she wasn’t sure she’d like the answer.
“Because I need you to know that I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. More than I thought I would.”
“Why do I get the impression that this is a final goodbye from you?” Luciana’s forehead creased, her hand trembling as she settled it in her lap. This wasn’t supposed to end like this, not when she’d just been made aware of Sam’s feelings for her. “Sam?”
“You know I think you’re beautiful. I find it hard to take my eyes off you.”
“But?” Luciana’s voice wavered.
“But this…us, it would never work.”
“How can you know that? Nobody knows what the future holds.” Luciana gripped Sam’s hand tighter, their fingers laced together.
“And I know that better than most.” Sam nodded. “The woman you were with tonight? Your date…”
“Hardly, but yeah.” Luciana snorted.
“You looked good together.” Sam smiled. “You looked like you should be together.”
“I don’t even know what that means…” Luciana frowned.
“I’m turning thirty-eight in a few weeks. You’re twenty-five, Luciana.”
“So, you’re telling me that we can’t date because I’m too young for you?”
“I’m telling you we can’t date because I’m realistic.” Sam squeezed Luciana’s hand. “I’m not prepared to get into something with you, only to hurt you down the line.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“To you, perhaps.” Sam sighed. “But to me, it’s inevitable.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Luciana wiped her hands down her jeans. “Really sorry.”
“Hey!” Sam’s hand clung to Luciana’s knee. “You’re great. Stunning. I’m shocked you ever agreed to take me on as a client, let alone all of this.”
“But it’s not enough for you.” Luciana dropped her head on her shoulders. “That kinda hurts.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t even know you and it hurts.” Luciana laughed. “I don’t do this. I don’t fall for women I shouldn’t.”
“I’m sure you haven’t fallen.” Sam squeezed her knee.
“And I’m sure that given half the chance… I would have.”
“Luce…” Sam grimaced.
“There’s not even a chance I can prove myself to you? Take you out to dinner?”
“You have nothing to prove. Trust me.”
“I think I should leave.” Luciana climbed to her feet, Sam’s hand dropping from her knee. “If you ever want to grab a drink or you need some company, you know?”
“I’d love to… I want to, but it’s not a good idea.”
Luciana glanced down at Sam. Everything about this woman was what she never imagined she needed, but she did. She needed more. It was evident how torn Sam was, stuck between wanting to say yes and believing it couldn’t be, but Luciana didn’t know how to change her mind. She didn’t know how to show Sam that she could be whatever she needed. A friend. A lover. Everything.
“It was great getting to know you, Sam.” Luciana leaned down, pressing a kiss below Sam’s ear. “Really great.” Her lips lingered. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you need.”
“You’re everything I need,” Sam whispered. “But I can’t accept this. You.”
“Why?” Luciana’s lips continued to hover around Sam’s ear. “Would it really be the worst idea in the world?”
“For you, yes…”
“All I’ve wanted to do since I met you is kiss you…” Luciana’s eyes closed, that faint hint of Sam’s perfume still present. “So much…”
“I know that feeling.” Sam leaned into the sensation created by Luciana’s breath. “But you should go now.”
“If that’s what you want…”
“I don’t know what I want.” Sam pulled back, meeting blue eyes once more. “You spend your life running towards danger.”
“I think about you all the time.”
“And I’d forever wonder if you were alive.”
“For you, I’d fight.”
“I don’t want you to have to fight. I just want you to live a full, incredible life.”
“And what about you?”
“I had it and lost it.”
Luciana’s heart shattered in her chest as Sam’s admission reached her ears. She could never be what Sam wanted and needed in her life, that much was clear from her words, but she wished things could be different. How could Luciana ever compare to the wife Sam lost? She knew, in this moment, that she would be second best. As much as she wanted Sam, Luciana knew she couldn’t spend her life being second best. When she fell in love, she wanted it to be completely. Wholeheartedly. Forever.
“Goodbye, Sam.” Luciana offered a half-hearted smile. “Take care, okay?”
“Yeah, always do.” Sam stood up, moving across the open space towards the door. “I lost her. I can’t lose someone else I care about.”
“I don’t plan on going anywhere.” Luciana smiled as she stepped out into the corridor. “Not anytime soon.”
“She told me the very same thing.” A tear slipped from Sam’s eye, caught by Luciana’s thumb. “You run into fire. She tried to escape the very same thing.”
“O-Oh.” Luciana lowered her eyes. “I didn’t know…”
“Neither did she until she was engulfed by it and the ceiling collapsed on her.”
“Sam…if you ever need to talk.” Luciana’s heart weighed heavy in her chest. “As a professional or as a friend. Any time, okay?”
“Thank you.” Sam nodded, closing the door. “I’m going to miss you…”
“Yeah, me too.”
***
Sam found herself lying awake at six am, Luciana and her words playing over on repeat in her mind. She knew she shouldn’t think too hard, it never did her any favours, but that voice…her breath, everything felt like it should in the moments before she left. Sam never wanted to ask her to leave, knowing how much she wanted something more, but doing so was the right thing for them both. She knew it deep down, and one day, Luciana would realise it too. At least, that was what she hoped to be th
e outcome. She would go to the office today and Luciana would forget she ever existed. It couldn’t be that hard, right?
Rolling from her bed and slipping her robe on, Sam moved into the kitchen, a desperate need for caffeine relief required this morning. As she turned the coffee machine on, the beans automatically grinding, she felt a sense of sadness settle in the pit of her stomach. Luciana’s scent remained, her impossibly blue eyes, too. Whenever she closed her own, blue was the first image. Followed by that, impeccable, honey-coloured hair. As the moments passed throughout the night, Sam wondered if she’d made a mistake in asking Luciana to leave, but in the cold light of day, she still thought it was the right decision. Their ages still remained… Sam’s worry about Luciana’s job. The only reason she had not to ask her to leave, was selfishness. That connection. Intimacy. The thought that perhaps she could feel another woman’s hands on her skin for the first time in two years. As much as Sam wanted to feel that once again, terror tore through her.
Thinking about calling Lindsay and getting her own back on the recent early morning calls from her sister, she lifted her phone from the counter, smirking. When she unlocked the screen, she found something she hadn’t expected.
L: I’m lying in bed thinking about you. Sleep well.
Time stamped 4:54 am. Sam glanced at the clock.
S: We shouldn’t do this. Don’t put yourself through it. I’m not worth it.
Sam busied herself in the kitchen as she slid her phone into her robe pocket, preparing a cup of coffee and moving into the living room.
Her phone buzzed, surprisingly.
L: I’ve lay awake this entire night. Don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. If I want to spend my time thinking about you, I will.
S: But what good is it doing?
L: More than you think.
S: I’m sorry.
L: Stop apologising. It loses its meaning after so long…
Sam locked her phone and set it down beside her. She didn’t have the mental capacity for this today, she knew that much, but she’d also spent the night thinking about Luciana. Whatever she decided, she couldn’t win.
S: Do you want to meet for lunch?
L: I can’t. I have to be at the station in two hours.
S: Oh.
L: You may think I’m going to die, but I’m really not. I have plans. Big plans.
S: Well, I hope for your sake, that works out for you.
L: Could have worked out for the both of us. I’m just a kid though so I don’t suppose you take anything I say seriously.
S: Luciana …
L: Yea?
S: Stop!!!
L: You are so fucking gorgeous. I hope you know that! Pull them in and then tear them apart…
S: You’re the first woman I’ve looked at in two years. That’s not fair.
L: Then you should meet me tonight when my shift finishes.
S: We shouldn’t.
L: We should.
Sam smiled at the persistency of this woman. Not only was it refreshing, but it made her feel good too.
S: I have a lot of work on. What time do you finish?
L: I’m on an 8-8.
S: Come over when you finish.
L: Yeah? You really mean that?
S: I don’t say anything I don't mean…
L: So, you still mean everything you said last night?
Sam pondered their previous conversation, her heart breaking in her chest. To an extent, she meant it all. That didn’t mean she didn’t want to see Luciana again though. She may have said she didn’t, but this woman had an effect on her that she’d never expected. Would it really be such a bad idea to just go with it, and see what the outcome was?
S: Just come over. I’ll have dinner ready for you since you’ll be working a bitch of a shift.
L: I make the fire my bitch, baby!
Okay, that’s hot. Sam released a deep breath, typing out a response.
S: I’m sure you do. I don’t doubt it.
L: Better believe it. X
Sam smiled, her gaze following the early morning clouds as they rolled in off the river. Another sun-filled day was beginning outside, and the temperature was rising in her life for the first time in two years. Could it be that Luciana was the one to bring something out in her? An intensity for life that she hadn’t felt since Lucia took her last breath? As the seconds passed, Sam was beginning to wish she’d never asked her to leave last night. Her emotions got the better of her, her fears for the future too, but now…as she watched the morning flourish outside her window, she felt an energy for life. A potential love for everything it brought. Lucia would always remain in her heart, but Sam knew her friends and family were right. She had to move forward.
S: I’m sorry I asked you to leave last night. X
Sam toyed with her phone, praying Luciana wouldn’t leave her hanging for a response all day.
Her phone buzzed, sending her heart rate through the roof.
L: It’s okay. I’ll let you make it up to me. X
What the hell have I got myself into?
Draining the contents of her coffee cup as she moved through her apartment, Sam refilled and disappeared into her bedroom. I'm a thirty-seven-year-old woman who is thinking about a twenty-five year old. I’ve lost my fucking mind. Sam laughed. Who cares. I lost my mind a long time ago.
The buzzer of her apartment sounded, causing Sam to freeze.
Surely not…
It couldn’t be. Could it?
She rushed through into the kitchen and lifted the receiver. “Hello?”
“Hi,” a soft voice said, lulling her into another world. “Are you busy?”
“N-No,” Sam said, her voice low. “Why?”
“Are you hungry?”
For you, yes. “I could eat.” Sam smiled.
“Me too.” Luciana’s voice was like syrup.
“So…”
“So, let me up,” Luciana whispered. “I’ll make it worth your while…”
Sam braced herself against the kitchen counter as she unlocked the apartment block door. She stood in nothing but her robe, the inability to move from her position leaving very little time to change. Should she? It was barely morning, so she had every right to be standing in the bare minimum, right?
A light knock jolted her from the thoughts running through her mind, her feet taking Sam to the door immediately. Unlocking it, she prepared herself for the vision she was about to be met with.
Oh, wow. Her hand gripped the door as her eyes trailed Luciana’s body. A tight, navy-blue T-shirt tucked into her tight, navy-blue combat pants was finished with a black belt and a pair of black heavy work boots. “H-Hi.” Sam’s voice betrayed her. “Come in.” She opened the door fully, breathing in Luciana’s scent as she brushed past her. “I didn’t expect you to come by right now.”
“I’d offer to leave but I really don't intend to.” Luciana turned to face her, her blonde hair pulled into a tight, low bun at the back of her head.
I never thought I'd be attracted to a woman like this. Sam’s entire body throbbed for something more than what it was currently receiving.
“I made breakfast at home and decided to bring you some.”
“That’s sweet.” Sam’s face flushed, her eyes closing momentarily as she attempted to remove her aroused thoughts from her mind.
“Are you just going to stand at the door until I leave?”
“What? No!” Sam closed the door, flicking the lock. “Just…surprised to see you here.”
“A good surprise, or?”
“A very good surprise,” Sam admitted. “So, what’s for breakfast?”
“Food…and me.” Luciana winked, placing the paper bag down on the kitchen worktop. “My company.”
And if I wanted more? “The, uh…” Sam calmed her nerves, trying again. “The plates are in the cabinet above the dishwasher. I’ll be back in a few.”
“Wa
it!” Luciana gripped Sam’s wrist. “Where are you going?”
Sam glanced down her body. “To change.”
“Don’t.” Luciana took her bottom lip between her teeth. “I’m the one who showed up here unannounced. Stay as you are. This is your down time.”
God, she’s too much.
“It will take me two minutes…”
“And that’s two minutes less with you before I have to leave for work…”
“Okay.” Sam smiled. “If you insist.”
“I do.” Luciana released Sam’s wrist. “I really do…”
“This really was a nice surprise.”
“I wasn’t even supposed to be working today.” Luciana groaned. “I made the mistake of lying to my date last night…then one of the lads called me when I got home.”
“Lied?”
“It was just easier than explaining how I was feeling.” Luciana held up her hand. “I don’t make it a habit to lie.”
“No, you don’t seem like you do.” Sam took Luciana’s hand, guiding her further into the kitchen. “So, what did you bring me for breakfast?”
“Bagels. Fruit.” Sam turned, leaning against the worktop, pulling Luciana against her. “Why don’t you just open the bag and see?” Blue eyes focused on Sam, darkening as the moments passed. “I don’t even remember what I brought.”
“A forgetful firefighter?” Sam teased, arching an eyebrow. “Doesn’t bode well…”
“Not forgetful.” Luciana tucked Sam’s hair behind her ear, smiling. “Preoccupied.”
Sam closed her eyes, the sensation of Luciana’s fingertips on her skin setting her on fire. This woman may be significantly younger than her, but it felt right. In this moment, Sam could get used to having her around. How the hell did I ask her to leave last night?
“B-Breakfast,” Sam said. “We should have breakfast…”
“Mm, I suppose we should.”
The Arrangement Page 10
