by Erin Trejo
“Oh, you are going! You are going to school, and that’s not up for debate,” I snap at her as tears trail down my cheeks.
While I spoke with Angel, Declan moved off to the side using his phone, but I can still feel his presence. Just having him near helps.
“I don’t want to leave you, Brooke,” she says, wiping at her own tears.
“I’ll be fine. I’m a grown woman. I have the club to get in order.” I don’t know what else to say. She isn’t putting her life on hold for me. That’s not an option.
“She’s right. I’m here, she’s got me,” Declan says, his hands landing on my shoulders. He stands behind me, his hard chest pressed into my back. He’s quietly giving me strength. I’m thankful for it at the moment; I need it.
“I really don’t want to leave you, Brooke,” Angel cries again before throwing her arms around my neck.
“I know, but you have to. You have school. I’ll be fine. I promise. Just go with Ash and get on that plane,” I whisper in her ear.
“He was all we had left,” she whispers between the sobs.
“I know, but we still have each other,” I remind her. This is killing me. My pain is more for her than me.
Our uncle took care of us when no one else was there. When my dad was killed, he took us in. He raised us as his own. Angel doesn’t know any different; she was too young to even remember our dad.
“I’ll call you when I land,” she says pulling away slowly. I let her go with a nod and watch as Ashley pulls her away. My heart sinks in my chest.
“I’m sorry, butterfly.” His voice is as soft as silk. I turn to look at him. He opens his arms, a somber invitation that I accept. I step into them and fall apart as he holds me tightly.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeats as he runs his hand down my back. Soothing me.
“He was it. Aside from Angel, I have no one left.” I cry harder at that thought.
“No,” he snaps harshly. He pulls back, gripping my face in his hands.
“You have me, Brooke.” His eyes hold so many secrets. Secrets I want, but I know I can’t have.
“What are you doing here anyway?” I swallow hard and try to reign in the tears, but it hurts.
“I was ridin’ when I saw you standin’ there,” he admits with a half-smile on his face.
“How did you know it was me?” I ask a little confused.
“I know that ass of yours – I would know it anywhere. I wanted to ask you somethin’,” he says, swallowing hard. His jaw tics as he looks at me. He looks so unsure of himself. This is not the Declan I know, but I like seeing this vulnerable side of him.
“What is it?” I ask when he doesn’t say anything.
“We have a thing up north. We have to ride out to our sister chapter for a member drive. It’ll take a few days. I want you to go with me.”
My heart hammers in my chest. I can’t go. I have the club. My uncle just died.
“I can’t. I’m sorry. The club. My uncle.” The words tumble from my mouth before I can think or stop them.
“The club’s taken care of and your uncle didn’t want a funeral,” Declan says softly. My eyes jerk to his. How the fuck did he know that? How is the club taken care of?
“What?” I ask not believing him.
“Tic and Rico are gonna handle the club while we’re gone. Your uncle didn’t want a funeral. It was in his will,” he says as if that makes anything better. I’m so confused.
“How the hell do you know that?” I ask. How the hell does he know what’s in my uncle's will?
“I have my ways. Will you go with me?” he asks again.
“I can’t…I just…I don’t know.”
His hands pull me into him. Everything that’s happening is all too much, too consuming. I’m overwhelmed. I surrender to the enormity of my new reality and sob into his chest, inhaling the smell of leather and man that I’ve come to know with Declan.
“Just say yes. It’ll all be ok, butterfly, I promise.”
I pull back and wipe my eyes. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I need this break.
“Ok. Yeah. I’ll go.” The smile that crosses his face is priceless. I’ve never seen it before, and I think I might just like it.
“Yeah?” he asks as though he didn’t hear me the first time.
“Yeah. I think I need this.”
He nods, pulling me back into him. “I need this, too.”
Chapter 23
Declan
I came back to the clubhouse to get a few things packed up. Brooke sits in the corner in her own little world, completely lost in thought. My heart breaks for her. Her world is slowly coming down around her, and she has nowhere left to turn. Except for me. And that thought scares the hell out of me. I made sure to call the guys after she said her uncle was killed. It took Mystic all of thirty seconds to pull his information and find out he didn’t want a funeral. I don’t know if I should have let that fact slip in front of her because it is her family but it was the truth. As far as the club goes, the guys wouldn’t hesitate to step in and help out while we’re gone.
“Let’s go get your stuff,” I say softly. Her eyes come to meet mine, and it’s only then do I realize just how lost she truly is. Her eyes are vacant, nothing more than a shell of the girl I first met.
“I don’t know how to do this alone, Dec.” Her words come out so softly they are almost a whisper.
“You don’t have to, Brooke.”
She shakes her head before looking away from me. I walk toward her, determined to make her understand me. Dropping to my knees in front of her, I take her face in my hands.
“I may not be a good man, but I care. I can see the world in those eyes of yours when you aren’t sad. You shine brighter than any fuckin’ star at night, Brooke. Your attitude, the way you carry yourself - you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, darlin’.”
She studies me with an intent gleam in her beautiful dark eyes. Each second of silence is like a stolen breath. It’s suffocating.
“I don’t know that I am anymore. I used to be strong. I used to want to take on the world just because I could,” she says with the hint of a smile.
“You still can, sweetheart. You know deep down that this world is still yours to take. You just have to reach out and grab it.”
Her eyes water with unshed tears. “Are you sure you want me to go with you?” she asks as though that is even a possibility.
“Damn right I do. You think I would have asked if I didn’t?”
She smiles and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth before looking back at me. “Thank you, Declan.”
“For what?”
“For being who you are.” The air is knocked from my lungs. No one has ever said that to me. No one aside from this club has respected me for who I am, and now she’s thanking me for it? I don’t know how to respond. So I don’t.
I grab her hand and pull her to her feet.
“Let’s go pick up your stuff now,” I tell her as I lead her out of my room.
“Brooke! Are you going?” Cherry yells as soon as we step into the main room. Her eyes light up when she sees Brooke. Brooke gives her a small nod.
“She’s off limits to you.” I point at Cherry, making my warning clear.
“She isn’t into me anyway.” Cherry smirks and makes Brooke giggle. It’s the best sound in the world right now.
“Wait. What?” I look down at a now laughing Brooke. “You ain’t into girls?” I ask her.
Brooke looks up at me and shakes her head. “No. We were just fucking with you.” She laughs again.
“Way to ruin my fuckin’ wet dreams,” I say.
Brooke punches me in the arm before laughing harder. “I needed that laugh. Thank you.” She smiles up at me again.
“You have got to stop thankin’ me for things I want to give you.”
Her smile slowly fades. I drop my bag to the floor. I can see the wheels spinning in her mind.
“You don’t even know me,” she whispers
.
“I don’t care, I know enough. I know that I love your heart. I know that you can fight like a goddamn man. I know that you will fight like hell to get what you want. You take care of those that you love. You have a light that can brighten even the dark days. There’s so much more to you that I want. I’ve never wanted to know a woman, not unless she was in my bed, and that’s as far as it went. You…fuck, butterfly. You make me see things in a different light, and I’m not sure how to handle th-”
Before I can even finish the sentence, she pushes up, pressing her lips to mine. The taste of her salty tears still lingers. I take them all. One by one, I kiss them away until there’s just her.
“Fuck me! I’d like to get behind that.” Mayhem’s voice comes out of nowhere.
“Let me touch it.” He steps up behind Brooke, his hands roaming closely to her ass. I cut my eyes at him, but I don’t need to do anything. Brooke spins around, slamming her fist into his stomach. I watch him gasp and cough.
“Now that’s my girl!” I roar with pride. She can handle herself pretty well. This week is going to be all about us, getting to know each other. I want to know her. I want to know why fighting is her thing. Hell, I want to know where she learned it.
“If that wasn’t so fuckin’ sexy, I’d be pissed.” Mayhem stands up and grins like a fool at her.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Brooke says with a smirk.
“Oh, baby. You can hit me, kick me, beat me - I don’t give a shit. That was sexy as fuck.”
I roll my eyes at Mayhem. He’s such a loose cannon you never know how he’s going to react to something like that.
“Let’s get the fuck outta here. I’m ready for this member drive,” I say, grabbing Brooke’s hand. I lead her outside when Tic looks over.
“She goin’?” he asks, and I nod in response.
“What the fuck? I gotta get left back, and she gets to go?”
I almost laugh at the motherfucker.
“You the VP?” I ask him. He shakes his head.
“Then you follow orders, princess. You don’t like it, step the fuck down,” I growl. Tic may be Blu’s son, but he doesn’t get treated any differently. He knows his role here just like any of the others do.
“Have a good one,” he says over his shoulder.
“He’s friendly,” Brooke mocks.
“He’s a good guy. He just gets tired of his daddy tellin’ him what to do.” She looks up at me when I say that.
“Blu’s his dad. He and Mayhem are brothers. Different moms.” Her mouth drops open much like everyone’s does when they find that out.
“They are so different,” she says in astonishment.
“Oh, yeah. A hell of a lot different. Mayhem is out there. Well, you see that shit. Tic, he’s a little more reserved than his brother.”
“That’s by a long shot.”
Chapter 24
Brooke
The ride to Northern California was nice. We stopped a few times to take a break, but I’ve loved being on the back of Dec’s bike. It gives me a sense of freedom I’ve never felt before. It makes me feel alive when everything inside of me wants to shut down and give up.
Declan went to check us into the hotel where we will be staying. He said the clubhouse the guys have up here is smaller than theirs and wouldn’t accommodate everyone. I stand here on the beach looking out at the crashing waves. The colors are bouncing off the water. A peaceful feeling surrounds me.
“I know you’re always with me,” I say mostly to myself, hoping my uncle is somewhere out there in the clouds. My chest aches from the loss of someone as special as he was. He was everything that we needed for so long, and now it’s just me.
“Your uncle would want you to be at peace, not crumblin’ into pieces.” His voice is warm and soothing. I was so lost in my own thougts I hadn’t heard him come out here.
“I know. I’m trying Declan. I never had to do anything alone before. If I didn’t have my uncle, I had Angel.”
I glance over my shoulder, watching as his eyes glistening in the sunlight. He knows about me, but I still don’t know much about him. I want to know what makes him tick, about his past, about his life, about his mom.
“Tell me about her.”
I take him in. He’s beautiful. He’s perfect, a big heart hidden from the rest of the world. So why would he even care about someone like me?
“Why me, Declan?” I ask because I need to know. I don’t see it. I can’t. Declan licks his lips before moving to stand in front of me.
“My mom was a good woman. Loyal to the club and my dad. She was like you. She was a light. She was a leader. She didn’t take anyone’s shit.” He looks off to the side for a second like he’s remembering her. “She made her own path no matter what people said. People would tell her she wasn’t worth shit bein’ a biker’s wife. She proved them all wrong. I see that in you. No matter what people tell you, there’s more in there. Not everyone will get to see it. Not everyone will care that it’s in there.”
Declan looks back over at me, and I raise my hand to stop him. Because I know what he sees. And I can feel it.
“You see it.” It isn’t a question. I know he can. Whether I like it or not, Dec pushes me. He pushes my limits, my boundaries to see how far I can go.
“Yeah. I see a lot in you, butterfly.” His eyes move between mine before he leans down, capturing my lips with his. It’s the softest of kisses that makes my knees weak. Declan’s hand wraps around my waist, pulling me closer. His kiss intensifies. I’m a panting mess when he pulls away from me.
“There’s a lot of things that happen in my world that I don’t want you to be a part of…” he starts but doesn’t finish.
“Your world isn’t mine, Dec. You are though. You are a part of my world.” My words must surprise him. He stands there staring at me like he has more to say, but no words form.
“You can’t have me without the club. The club is who I am. I’m afraid that what you might see and learn about me will scare you off. That’s the last thing I want to happen,” he admits, causing my heart to swell.
“I don’t think you can scare me that easily.” I wrap my arms around his waist and hold on tightly. Declan sighs before pressing his lips into the top of my head.
“I’m gonna hold you to that, darlin’,” he whispers into my hair.
We stand there holding each other for a long time. Neither of us speak, but I don’t think that words are needed. We have an undeniable connection. One I want to explore, but the fear of losing anyone else holds me back. Fear that I may screw up something so good. I’ve become so focused on taking care of the club and Angel that I don’t know how to deal with a relationship.
“Let’s go get some dinner. I wanna feed you, and then I wanna fuck you,” Dec says with lust in his voice. I pull away and look up at him.
“You’re amazing, you know that?”
My words elicit a good laugh from him before he kisses me again. He grabs my hand and pulls me toward the hotel.
“I don’t think I’m that amazin’. I’m just me. I am what this world made me, and if you can accept that, then I’m happy,” he admits but won’t look at me. I know that had to be hard for him to share. He keeps his emotions under tight control, never showing anyone too much.
“I think I can handle you. I mean, I did kick you that once,” I say with a coy smile on my face.
“Yeah, about that. Payback is a motherfucker. And you haven’t been on the recievin’ end of that yet.” He chuckles.
“Oh, I don’t think you have the skills to take me, my VP.” His eyes find mine, and that’s where they stay.
“Say it again,” he says softly.
I furrow my brows and repeat it. “My VP.” His eyes glisten as he stares down at me.
“Can we go swimming?” I ask when his stare becomes too much to handle. The intensity makes me too uncomfortable. I want to throw myself into his arms. Hold him tighter than I should. Declan blinks rapidly before shakin
g his head with a smile.
“Of course. We can do whatever you want.”
Chapter 25
Declan
When we walked into the in-house restaurant I noticed it was nice as hell. We are in a fucking five-star hotel so I expect as much. We don’t fit in here, which is why most of the guys went out to eat. It makes me feel a little on edge. My body is a little tenser than usual, but I wanted Brooke to have a good time, and I knew they were having live music here tonight.
“You look so different,” she says as she keeps smiling at me. I love the way her eyes light up, the way her smile has brightened.
“Was I so bad before?” I asked giving her a smirk.
“No. You know you’re hot. I’ve just never seen you without the cut and all that.” Her eyes travel over my plain black button-down shirt. What? I can’t go all preppy on her! This right here is something I reserve for funerals.
“You look good too,” I tell her. Her cheeks flush at my compliment. She’s not usually like this. She doesn’t always let her emotions show on her face so I blame it on the amount of wine that she’s already consumed.
“Thank you. For all of this.”
“I said no more thank yous. I’m glad you’re here,” I tell her honestly. I was hoping she’d come. In fact, when I went to ride around town I was thinking of how to ask her. Saying the words out loud was harder than I thought it would be but I knew I wanted her to come along. I’d never had a real relationship before Brooke. This is all new to me.
“What was your mom like?” she asks me. My heart leaps a little. It’s a strange concept for me to talk to someone else about her. She knows some minimal details about my mom, but I want to share more with her. That’s the kind of person Brooke is; she makes you feel safe. You want to tell her things because you know you can trust her with it.
“She was a great mom. She did everything she could for me. She tried to raise me to be a better man than my dad wanted to.” Brooke watches me, her glass of wine in her hand. For some reason, looking at Brooke makes it easier for me to talk about my mom. The pain and loss seems much less when she’s close.
