by Erin Trejo
It’s a good start.
Chapter 26
Taylor
Asshole.
How dare he try to make me laugh when all I want to do is slit his throat? He is so annoying.
“I’d take you home, but I’m a little inebriated right now,” Mayhem says with a sexy grin.
“You use big words when you’re drunk,” I mumble kicking at the rocks under my boots.
“I’m a man of many talents.”
“I can see.” The silence is awkward. Neither of us knows what to say. I thought for sure that he would have known that Blu was making me come down here, but it was clear by the look in his eyes when he saw me that he wasn’t clued into that fact.
“I don’t know what to say here, Tay. Blu thought it’d be good for me to get away for a while. Clear my head and all that shit,” he says, his words slurred.
“Yeah. I can see how drinking helps with that.” What am I doing? Trying to piss him off? Possibly. Maybe he deserves it. He did say he wanted me to come down, and now he acts like I shouldn’t be anywhere near him. He’s such a contradiction in himself.
“Why are you fuckin’ with me right now?” he snaps at me. There’s the asshole I’ve grown to hate. “Shit! Sorry.” And there’s the asshole I’ve grown to care about.
“I just want to go home.” I stare down at my feet, not wanting to look at him. I just want this thing between us to be over. I just want out. I feel like I’m suffocating, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Before I can think any further, his fingers are lifting my chin. I watch his throat bob as he swallows hard.
“I didn’t know what to say to you. How do you tell someone that you feel things for them but don’t know what to do with it?”
Looking into his eyes, they are as clear as day. Sure, this could be a drunk Mayhem talking to me, but he seems to know exactly what he’s saying. Tomorrow could be a whole different story.
“Was that so hard?” I ask. Mayhem furrows his brows, confused by what I just said.
“You just said it. Was it that hard?” I ask once more. His hand slowly leaves my face, and the loss is more than I can handle. I want to crumble.
“It is that hard. I come with baggage, Tay. Not your typical ex-boyfriend type either. I come with death, destruction, mayhem. My life isn’t your life; I don’t know how to make the two of them meld together and work.” His eyes are dancing with unsureness. Mayhem takes a step back, but I take a bold step forward. I want him. If I have to grow up and take what I want, I will.
“I am not her. She might have been weak, but I’m not,” I state boldly.
His nostrils flare the closer I get to him. Is he mad? Is he realizing that I won’t break the way she did? Am I pushing him too far?
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re sayin’.” His chest heaves. He’s approaching a line that I don’t know if he can come back from.
“Yes, I do. I can handle your baggage. The question is, are you willing to let me?” The rapid rise and fall of his chest worries me. I don’t want him to have any setbacks. I don’t want him to have any more panic attacks either and I fear that’s where I’m pushing him.
“You can handle it, huh? You can handle that I kill people? That I fuckin’ like killin’ people?” he counters. His words sting worse than any blade could.
“You do what you have to do.” Is that something I can handle? He’s a killer. I’ve known it all along. At least in the back of my mind, I have.
“Why do you push me away, Mayhem? Why is it so hard for you to let someone in!” I scream. His eyes widen before refocusing on me.
“You wanna know why?!” He roars before he says, “Cause every time I let myself believe I have somethin’ good, it’s gone! It disappears from my hands.” Holding his hands out in front of himself, he exposes his truths to me. “My mom couldn’t handle life when I got older. She bailed on us! Do you know what that fucks up in a kid’s head? Do you!” He screams louder. My heart sinks. “My own mother couldn’t handle me. Then I found Becca. And what the fuck did that get me? More fuckin’ heartache, Tay! More than I can fuckin’ handle anymore.” The tears fill his eyes, and my heart breaks.
“I do know how that feels. My mom died when I was little or did you forget that little fact!” I scream back at him.
“She didn’t have a fuckin’ choice, Tay, and you know it. Mine did.” He huffs.
“And my dad? What’s his excuse?” I throw that in his face. Why? To prove that he isn’t alone. His mom may have walked and he may have lost Becca, but he has his dad. He has his brothers. He has his club. He has me.
“Your dad? That is just a waste of a fuckin’ life. He doesn’t deserve to be your father.” Mayhem grinds his teeth when I smile.
“And your mother didn’t deserve you as her son. You are better than that! As far as Becca, she made her own choices, Mayhem. She did what she wanted to do. You can go on blaming yourself for the rest of your life, but that doesn’t change a goddamn thing and we both know it.”
His head drops forward, defeat written all over his face. He doesn’t have the strength to fight me anymore, and frankly, I don’t either.
I’ve never been a quitter before. But I will be damned if I spend the rest of my life trying to be something I’m not for this man.
Chapter 27
Mayhem
How do we end up where we are? What kind of fucked-up world would want us to feel pain the way we do?
I lie on the soft bed with my eyes closed, her scent filling my nose. I don’t know how we got back to the hotel last night, but here we are. I woke up early this morning. Not wanting to wake Tay, I didn’t move. Her mouth is slightly parted, her shallow breaths sneaking through her lips. She’s beyond gorgeous. This woman is amazing, yet I can’t seem to get that through my fucked-up head. Do I want her? Fuck yeah, I do. More than I should for not knowing much about her. But damn, she draws you in with her beauty. Then she keeps you there with her mind.
No one has ever talked to me the way she did last night. Partially because I would have put a bullet between their eyes if they had. Tay is different, though. She hasn’t been tarnished by the outside world or the feelings that go with it. Sure, she had a rough go with her dad but she grew up sheltered by the school that she was sent away to in Rome. I checked into. I know what it was like. She was basically a fucking nun walking around that place.
The urge to run my fingers through her hair, to touch her, to know that she’s real is almost too much for me to bear. The sound of my phone vibrating pulls me from all the thoughts.
“What?” I snap into the phone in a harsh whisper. I look over as Tay stirs in her sleep. I slip out of bed and walk out the patio door in only my boxers. The sun will be rising soon.
“Haven’t killed anyone yet?” My dad’s voice is full of laughter. Glad this is funny to him.
“You think that shit’s funny sendin’ her in like that? You know what could have happened to her if I wasn’t there?” I snap. He’s crossed a line with that one. What if I would have been at the hotel? Then what?
“Monster had orders not to leave her with anyone but you.”
I sigh at his words. Not that they make me feel any better.
“Why are you doin’ this?” I ask wanting the truth this time. I want to know what he’s trying to prove with sending her here.
“You know why. I want my son back. I want the man who was fearless. The man who stood up for what he believed in. I want my son, Mayhem. I’ve watched you run yourself into the ground for years now, and I can’t take anymore. I need you all here, not this halfway shit.” My heart thumps in my chest. I knew I was gone but that far? So far that my own dad would think he was losing me?
“She isn’t like us,” I tell him.
“I know that. All your life you’ve looked for somethin’ that conforms to our way of life, Mayhem. It’s time you look for somethin’ that conforms to who you are as a man. She’s stronger than you give her credit for. She has a good head
on her. Let her decide how she wants things to play out.”
The line goes dead as I let his words linger. Let her decide. How can I when I know she could get hurt because of me? Soft hands wrap around me from behind. I suck in a breath at the warmth that encompasses me.
“It’s beautiful.” Her words are a whisper in the breeze. I look down at her where she comes to stand next to me, looking at the sunrise.
“That ocean is a lot like my life, Tay. It may be smooth one second, but a wave can sneak up and crash down on us at another. It’s not the ideal place to be. If you aren’t careful, you’ll drown in it,” I tell her gently. Her fingers slowly stroke across my abs. My heart thumps louder.
“When I was little, my dad sent me away. I never had choices. I was told what to do, when to do it, what to wear. I resented everything. Now that I can live freely out from under him, I want to make my own choices.”
Look at her! She’s being so fucking bold and standing up for herself.
“What do you mean out from under him?” I snap.
“I mean, I left. He wanted to send me back to Rome. I didn’t want that.” Her eyes dance with mischief. She is proud of herself for getting away from him.
I take a deep calming breath before I look out at the water and say, “I could give you the choice, Tay. I want to give you the choice, but I know the outcome if somethin’ happens.” Tay steps in front of me, her hands resting on my chest. I slowly let my eyes fall closed. I just want to feel her. Feel her warmth.
“Open your eyes, Mayhem.”
I slowly slide my eyes open and peer down at her.
“I’m real. I’m here, and I don’t want to go anywhere,” she says sounding so sure of herself.
I start to open my mouth but she isn’t done yet.
“I let you say a lot of things to me. I let you persuade me to a point. I’m done. I’m an adult, and I can make some decisions on my own.”
I love how she’s holding her ground right now. My dick does too. “Is that so?” I ask her. Tay nods.
“Yep. And right now, my first decision is to take you back inside,” she says. She’s full of power right now. A strength I didn’t know she had until this very moment.
“What do you plan to do inside?” I ask her smoothly. Tay licks her lips, making my dick jump in between us. She knows it, too. I can see the blush on her cheeks.
“First I’m going to kiss every inch of you.”
She almost looks embarrassed, but I don’t want her to stop. I want her to keep going. To break free of the chains that held her back for so fucking long.
“Don’t stop, Tay.” I urge her on.
“Mayhem, I-”
I grab her face in my hands, shaking my head no. “Don’t stop.” I growl.
“I want to kiss every part of you. I want to hear you moan and say my name the way you do. It makes me wet.”
Shit! She knows exactly what to say to fucking turn me on.
Chapter 28
Taylor
He studies my face as I speak. His dick is grinding into my stomach. He’s so fucking hard it has to be painful, but the more I talk, the harder he seems to get.
“Then what?” he asks huskily.
I slide my hand down his chest loving the way he feels beneath my palms.
“Then I want you to slide inside of me. I want you to fuck me harder than you have ever fucked someone in your life. I want it rough and raw.”
His eyes blaze with hunger. He reaches down, gripping me around the waist. “Do you know what you’re askin’ for, Tay? Have you really thought about it? About us?” he asks.
I know he has his doubts. I know he’s worried about me, but I can handle it. I know I can handle him.
“It’s all I think about, Mayhem. I know you’re afraid to lose yourself.”
He shakes his head no before grabbing my face in his hands. “Not myself, Tay. I’m not afraid for me; I’m afraid to lose you. Don’t you see that? I can’t lose anything else that holds meanin’ to me. I can’t lose you. If we do this, I have no fuckin’ guarantee that I won’t.” The fear is evident in his eyes. I know he’s scared, but he can’t let fear rule his life.
It’s not just him anymore. It’s me, too.
I take the first step for him and say, “I’m willing to take the risk.”
His eyes dart between mine before falling to my lips. The way he looks at me sends shivers over my body. He’s perfect. Whether he sees it or not, he is. Mayhem slowly lowers his head, his lips barely touching mine. “Say it, Tay,” he whispers.
I’m confused. What does he want me to say? “What?”
“Say you won’t leave me too, because I don’t think I can handle it.” His breath slips over my skin like a fine piece of silk. My heart leaps into my throat.
“I won’t leave you.”
Before the last word leaves me, his lips are planted on mine. His kiss is deep and scorching. His hands move around my waist, pulling me into him.
His dick grinds against me. In a matter of seconds, Mayhem lifts me in his arms. His tongue still stroking the inside of my mouth. He tastes like stale liquor and perfection.
Pulling away from me, he tosses me onto the bed. He looks down at me.
“Just a t-shirt, huh?” he says with that sexy smirk on his face. I reach for the hem of my shirt and slowly pull it over my head. His eyes track my every move.
“Is that better?” I ask softly. His hard on is evident in just his boxers. He reaches down and slides them down his muscular thighs. My eyes widen as I take in the man in front of me. The rock-hard abs, the colorful tattoos that dance so perfectly over his skin. Mayhem climbs on the bed between my legs, nudging them apart. He fits me. He’s the perfect fit to my world, and I want every last piece of him.
“I’ll only ask once more. Are you sure you can do this?” His eyes hold the key to my soul. The genuine way that he cares is overwhelming.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything, Mayhem.” I slide my arms around his neck, pulling his mouth to mine. I moan into his mouth when I feel his dick grazing over my pussy. I know he’s as ready as I am. I let my hands travel down his back, tugging him closer to me.
“You ready, darlin’?” he asks with his lips still pressed against mine. I nod once. Mayhem shifts, his hand sliding between our bodies. In one swift move, he’s buried deep inside of me.
He rolls his hips slowly as he gazes down at me. The moment is too perfect to let go of. I want to hold it in my hands. I want to capture it in my mind and never let go. Mayhem is giving me a piece of himself, and I want to hold it as gently as possible.
“You asked for it.” He growls. His hands grip my hips, lifting and positioning me like he wants me. The sweet burn of his intrusion is welcomed. My nails dig into his back. My legs hook around him, my heels digging into his ass.
“Goddamn, Tay,” he groans against my neck.
My pussy tightens around him loving the full feeling that he’s giving me. My body jerks the harder he takes me. I could be happy like this forever. Just me and him melded together with our limbs entangled. Wrapped in his arms and surrounded by his body, I have never felt so safe. This man has always made me feel safe.
“Jesus, Tay. I’m not gonna last long.” His hips pick up their pace. My nails dig in harder.
“Yeah! Fuckin’ mark me, baby.”
My mind is completely gone. I’m in another world. Being with him makes me feel complete.
“Come with me,” Mayhem commands.
Like my body has a mind of its own, it obeys.
I come hard with Mayhem right behind me. His head drops to my chest as his body trembles. I run my fingers up his spine, enjoying the little jolts from his body.
“You feel so right,” he whispers before kissing my chest.
“You do, too.”
Chapter 29
Mayhem
The break was a welcomed relief, but I’m glad to be home. I have some things I want to handle, and Tay’s dad is one of them. I hav
en’t figured out a full plan of action yet. However, I do know that I want him to stay the hell away from her.
“You talked it out with her?” my dad asks me after I ran my idea past him.
“Nope. Don’t need to. I don’t give a shit if she agrees or not.” I take a long pull from my beer before kicking my boots up on the table in front of me. “The way I see it? She’s mine. I can make those decisions.”
My dad cocks his head to the side, an amused look crossing his face. “That so? You claimin’ her the right way?”
I run my hand through my hair. I’ve thought this over. Long and fucking hard, too. “Not yet. She knows her place with me, Pop. I just need a little more time to adjust, you know?” I give him an honest answer. This is a hard choice for me to make. I didn’t know if I’d ever find a woman again. I wasn’t looking for one, but Tay just fell into my lap. I know I care about her. I don’t love her. I won’t lie and say that I do either. I’m just not ready to take her on as an old lady and all that it entails.
My dad sighs, running his hand down his face. “As long as she’s good with her place, so am I.”
I look up to see the smile on his face. He looks happy.
“I’ve missed you, Son. I mean that. You’ve always had a hard head, but for a while there I thought we were losin’ you. I don’t know if I can handle that.”
I throw my feet back to the floor and stand. I walk over to him and throw my arms around him.
“You’re never gonna lose me, Pop. I’m too much of an ass to just leave you.” He returns my embrace but laughs at the same time.
“Enough of this girly shit. Sit down and tell me what your thoughts are on her dad.”
Shit. I’m not even sure what my thoughts are on him. I know he doesn’t deserve her.
“I don’t know, man. He wanted to send her back to Rome. That’s why she called Brooke for help. After she told him no, he told her to get out.” I reach up and pull my hair back, tying it in place.
