‘Oh, get lost,’ Diane replied. ‘You self-righteous bitch.’
This stopped Hannah in her tracks, as she couldn’t believe what her sister had said out loud in front of her young daughter. Clearly Frank thought the same, as a moment later he stood up and turned off the television – despite Mia’s complaints – telling her he needed her help with something. Leading her away, helped with the promise of a piece of chocolate, he scowled at the sisters before closing the lounge door and mouthed: ‘Sort this out!’
Then they were alone again.
‘So where is it?’ Hannah demanded, still standing while Diane remained on the sofa, arms folded across her chest.
‘What?’
‘You know what: the bracelet, of course.’
‘Um, it’s at home somewhere, I guess.’
Hannah knew her sister well enough to be able to recognise she wasn’t telling the truth. Her body language was way more defensive than it ought to have been.
‘Where is it?’ she demanded again. ‘It means so much to me. That bracelet is the one item of Mum’s jewellery I really had my heart set on.’
‘You never mentioned it to me before.’
‘No, because I know what you’re like, Diane; if I’d told you I wanted it, you’d have wanted it too. Where is it?’
Diane kneaded her hands into the fabric of the sofa on either side of her legs, refusing to meet Hannah’s eye, even though she was now standing right in front of her. It was a weird physical reversal of how their last confrontation in the bedroom had begun.
‘What have you done?’ Hannah asked. ‘Look at me and tell me. And while you’re at it, you said you were just getting started when we were arguing earlier. You know, before we got interrupted and after your bitchy comment about me not having children, which is ironic considering you’ve asked me to look after your daughter if anything happens to you. So please, do carry on. I’d love to hear what you really think.’
‘Oh, here we go again,’ Diane said, standing up. ‘You love to paint me as the villain, don’t you? As I recall, you were giving as good as you got, accusing me of stealing all Dad’s money and being a crap mum.’
Things carried on like this for a while, the insults and language getting progressively worse and the volume creeping louder and louder. Years of unresolved, bottled-up conflict spilled over as the pair faced off against each other – toe to toe and nose to nose, insults and accusations flying fast in both directions – the row teetering once again on the brink of a punch-up.
‘I’m going to ask you one more time: where the hell is Mum’s bracelet?’ Hannah bawled.
‘I don’t know, okay? I lost it.’
‘You what?’
In a suddenly quiet voice, Diane explained: ‘I wore it on a rare night out. It was that summer ball I told you about at the Midland Hotel. The bracelet must have slipped off at some point. I didn’t realise until the next day.’
‘Bloody hell, Diane! Did you even bother to try to find it?’
‘Of course. I phoned them a couple of times, but no one had handed anything in like that.’
‘You phoned them? You didn’t even bother to go back?’
‘What difference would that have made?’
‘And you never thought to mention to Dad, or to me, that you’d lost it?’
Diane shrugged. ‘I didn’t know what to say.’
‘Oh, that’s all right, then. I guess you hoped no one would notice, didn’t you? You stupid, careless cow! You don’t have a clue what that meant to Mum, Dad and me.’ Feeling herself start to cry, Hannah fought off the tears by channelling her emotion into more angry words. ‘You really don’t give a toss about anyone or anything apart from yourself, do you? I pity Mia growing up with you as her mother. I really do.’
‘Screw you, Hannah! God, I hate you.’ As Diane said this, her hand swept up and slapped her sister hard on her left cheek. It caught Hannah unawares, stunning her and causing her to step backwards, stumbling on a discarded doll belonging to Mia and landing on her bum. ‘You’re going to regret that,’ she growled, still catching her breath on the floor. ‘And trust me, I hate you more. I wish it was you that had died, instead of Mum. The world would be a better place without you.’
She was about to get back up and throw herself full force at Diane when the door swung open and Frank bellowed: ‘What in God’s name is going on here?’
‘I’m leaving, that’s what,’ Hannah replied, jumping to her feet and bustling past her father into the hallway. ‘I can’t spend another minute here with her. Ask her what happened to Mum’s bracelet, Dad. Ask her.’
And with that she stormed out of the house. Her whole body was buzzing with adrenaline as she slammed the front door behind her. And then, through the glass panel next to the door, she glimpsed Mia’s scared eyes, wide like CDs, silently watching her from further down the hall. And she felt awful for her. But still she left, not realising she wouldn’t see those eyes again in person – the beautiful light-green eyes of her beloved niece – for more than a decade.
CHAPTER 26
Now
Neither of them had said a word for nearly fifteen minutes, Hannah noted, looking at the clock on the wall above the serving counter at the café. Mark’s eyes had landed on her occasionally as he patiently did as she’d asked and stayed silent, offering no more unwanted apologies or appeals for her to give him another chance.
They’d both finished their drinks and, since neither of them had resorted to looking at their smartphones to keep occupied, they were now literally twiddling their thumbs. Hannah had read the menu from top to bottom at least ten times, in between eavesdropping on nearby conversations, none of which had proved very interesting. The young couple in the booth behind them were looking through wallpaper samples, trying to make the right choice for the lounge in their new flat; to their right were three female friends catching up on each other’s latest news, from one of their cats being run over by a bus to another’s racy dating experiences.
Hannah was actually impressed that Mark had done as she’d requested and stopped talking for so long, not that she had any intention of telling him. But it made her decide to give him another chance to say his piece.
‘Right,’ she said with a sigh. ‘Let’s try this again without the bullshit. What do you want to talk to me about?’
Mark nodded slowly. ‘Thank you. I’ll cut to the chase. I received something in the post from Diane. She must have sent it just before she—’
‘What the hell? When was this? What is it?’ Hannah suddenly felt out of breath; her heart was hammering in her chest. There was no way she could have seen this coming.
‘Do you remember that small padded envelope that arrived for me on Thursday?’ Mark asked.
‘Yes, vaguely.’
‘That was it. There was a USB stick inside containing two short video messages – one for you and one for Mia. There was also a text file containing a short message for me. Diane had written that it was my choice whether to show the videos to you both or not, and that these were the only copies. I think she must have recorded the videos that night I stayed down in Bournemouth – after I’d gone to bed. She was wearing the same clothes anyway.’
‘And you only told me this now?’ Hannah said, for want of anything better springing to mind. She still couldn’t believe what she was hearing and it was like her mind had split into two camps: one part that had no interest in learning what that husband-stealing bitch had to say; another part desperate to understand why her sister had killed herself after leaving Mia in her and Mark’s care.
Again she thought back to that awful row they’d had in 2008 in Southport, surprised Diane hadn’t let it slip then about her and Mark. She’d been over every nasty little thing they’d said to each other that day countless times in her head, particularly in the immediate aftermath of the fight, when she still had no idea how long a feud it was going to spark between them.
Diane’s words about Mark not giving her any chi
ldren were even crueller in light of what Hannah now knew. And when Diane had told her that was ‘nothing’ and that she was just getting started, she must have been considering telling Hannah the terrible truth about what she’d done with her husband and the child he’d given her. Goodness only knew what had held her back from doing so. It must have been more about protecting Mark and Mia than her, whom she clearly hadn’t cared about in the slightest. Or perhaps it had been about hiding the truth from their father for fear of him cutting her off financially as a result.
Anyway, days of not speaking to each other had quickly turned into weeks, months and then years. Frank had tried at first to mediate between them, even splitting Maggie’s jewellery in half and distributing it between them himself. But neither twin had been open to any kind of meet-up or conversation to try to resolve matters. Following previous fallings-out, which had admittedly been far less severe, Hannah had usually been the one to offer an olive branch, knowing how stubborn Diane could be. But this time, still grief-stricken following her mum’s death, she’d stuck to her guns. Then she’d had her meltdown at work and slipped into a vast depression, which had incapacitated her until she’d sought help through counselling. When Diane and Mia had made their surprise move down south, this had more or less sealed the sisters’ fate.
Back in the present, Mark hesitated before replying to Hannah’s comment about him not mentioning the USB stick previously. She could tell he was treading carefully. ‘I’m sorry, but this is the first chance I’ve had to speak to you. Mentioning it by text hardly seemed appropriate.’
He had a point. ‘So what do they say?’ Hannah asked ‘Have you already shown Mia the one Diane made for her?’
‘No, not yet. I wanted to talk to you first. I wanted to let you see both videos for yourself.’ Mark reached under the table, pulled out his tan leather briefcase, opened it and removed Hannah’s laptop followed by a white flash drive and a pair of headphones.
‘You want me to watch the videos here? Now?’
Mark held up his palms. ‘Not if you don’t want to. You can watch them wherever you like. They’re only short – it won’t take long. Come back to the apartment, by all means, or watch them somewhere else. It’s totally up to you. I didn’t want to make any assumptions. I’ve, er, made a backup copy of the files, which I’ve left at home, but that’s the original. That’s the USB stick she sent me. The password to access it is, um, “Lowry”.’
Hannah didn’t reply for some time. She was weighing up her options. Should she go back to the flat or to Laura’s house, or should she watch the videos here in this public place? Eventually, curiosity got the better of her and she made a decision. ‘Fine. I’ll watch them here, but first I want you to order me another drink, so no one bothers me, and then leave me alone here to do it. I don’t want you staring at me the whole time.’
‘Okay,’ Mark said. ‘Can I speak to you afterwards, though?’
‘Yes. I’ll call your phone when I’m done; then you can come back.’
He slipped off to order her another tea, brought it over and, leaving his briefcase with her, said: ‘Goodbye. I won’t go far.’
She watched him leave the café. Pulse racing and shaky of hand, she gingerly opened up the laptop and slid the stick into the right slot. She typed in the password ‘Lowry’, and first selected the text file Mark had mentioned. It was just two sentences, stating what he’d already told her: that it was his decision whether or not to show the videos to them and that there were no other copies. Well, that last part was no longer true, since Mark had now backed the files up. But at least it meant there was no chance of her dad or nosy Joan coming across the messages while rooting around Diane’s house.
Next Hannah clicked on the video file with her name and, a moment later, her dead sister appeared, staring right at her out of the screen.
She was in a bedroom – presumably her own in Bournemouth – and judging by the closed curtains and artificial light it was night-time. Diane, wearing an olive tank top and no make-up, had dark bags under her eyes; her short, bottle-red hair only served to emphasise how pale and drawn she looked. She appeared to be lying propped up with a couple of pillows on her bed, recording herself from the webcam of a laptop or similar device. So only her upper half was visible, including her bare arms, which were painfully thin.
‘Hello, Hannah,’ she said into the camera with a tired smile. ‘If you’re watching this, I’m most likely not around any more and, well, you’ve probably received this from Mark. I wanted to give him the choice of whether to show it to you or not. That’s the very least I owe him, considering everything I’ve done. Whatever you know so far, it’s probably not the whole truth. But that’s what I want to give you now. You’ve little reason to believe anything that comes out of my mouth. I know that. But I swear from the bottom of my heart, based on all the good times we shared before things turned sour – one twin to another – that everything I’m about to say is absolutely true. Consider this my last promise to you.’
Hannah reached forward and stopped the video. She felt like she could hardly breathe. It was too much, considering everything she’d already discovered and knowing what Diane had done after recording this; knowing she was gone forever. Seeing her late sister brought back to life on the computer screen was like looking at another version of herself: a desperate, more broken version. And how come, despite everything, she felt something more than hate for Diane? There was still love there too; sorrow over her death; emptiness, knowing that she would only ever be one now, when she used to be one of two. Had a part of her died with her twin? It felt that way.
Conscious of the tears welling up in her eyes and the overwhelming strength of her emotions, Hannah looked around the café, fearful that everyone might be watching her. But it was pure paranoia. No one was even looking her way. They were all too wrapped up in their own issues. Even the customers sitting alone were more likely to be checking the weather or playing some mind-numbing game on their phones than watching her.
Still, she didn’t feel ready yet to watch the rest of the video, so instead she opened the one created for Mia.
The scene was identical. Diane must have recorded it immediately before or after the other video. However, as soon as Hannah saw her twin’s misty-eyed gaze into the camera, heard her hesitant, wavering first words, she knew the tone was going to be very different. This was a mother saying goodbye to her daughter. It felt wrong for her to even be watching it, but she couldn’t stop herself.
‘Mia, my darling girl, I’m so sorry I’ve left you. I can’t expect you to understand why, but please know it’s not because I don’t love you. I love you more than anyone else in the world and, although I’m sure it doesn’t feel like that right now, my intention is to spare you pain; to leave you in the best possible place, which I firmly believe is with Hannah and Mark.
‘The fact is I’m dying. I have pancreatic cancer. I’ve only known for a short time, but it was already incurable when I got the diagnosis. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I wanted to spare you the pain. I know it must seem like I’ve caused you more of that now, but having watched my own mother die a slow and painful death from cancer, I didn’t want you to have to go through the same thing, Mia.
‘I did hope to end things in a more, um, civilised manner. My plan was to go abroad, to a place where they’d let me die on my own terms with dignity, but as it turned out, there was too much red tape involved. It would have been impossible to make it happen in the timeframe I needed and without informing you and other family members first, which I never wanted to do.
‘Gosh, that must sound terribly cruel, my love. I meant it to be the very opposite. I wanted to spare you all of that. I know we lost our chance for a proper goodbye this way, but sometimes as a parent you have to make difficult decisions you feel are best for your child. That’s why I left you with Hannah and Mark, so you’d have a chance to get to know them beforehand. I want them to be your guardians – something I asked of them a
long time ago when things were very different between us, but which I hope they’ll honour. I can’t think of anyone better to bring you up in my absence; I know they’ll do an amazing job of it. The truth is that they’re both far better people than I am, which leads me on to something rather difficult I need to tell you …’
Hannah paused the video, taking a moment to absorb everything she’d just heard and to compose herself. She took a big swig from the cooling tea in front of her on the café table, followed by several deep breaths. Then she pressed play again.
‘I’ve never really told you anything about your father. I encouraged you not to ask about him and, on the few occasions you did, I always painted him in a bad light, as someone not interested in being a parent, so not worth bothering about. I thought I could be enough for you, but obviously that’s no longer the case.
‘Anyway, the truth is … well, let’s say it was unfair of me to present him in that way. He’s a good person and the reason he hasn’t been in your life is purely down to me. He didn’t even know he was your father until very recently. I hid it from him until I found out I was dying. Now he does know, it’s clearly a big shock. I wish I could tell you who he is, but things between us are, um, complicated, and I’m the one to blame for that. I’ve left the ball in his court. It’s the only fair thing to do in light of the way I’ve treated him. He and I are the only ones who know, so there’s no point in asking anyone else. But I’m confident he will come forward when the time is right. And in the meantime, you have your aunt and uncle, who I’m sure you’ve already discovered are wonderful people, plus of course your grandad, who loves you dearly and will always be there to look out for your best interests.
‘You’re probably wondering about why Hannah and I kept apart from each other for all those years. Trust me when I say I wronged her infinitely more than she ever did me; I treated her terribly. I won’t go into details. The past is the past. But I’ll let you into a secret: I always thought of Hannah as the good twin and me the bad one. Ever since we were children. She has a heart of gold; I don’t. I always envied her that – wished I could be more like her – but jealousy made me worse rather than better. Anyway, what I’m saying is please don’t let our falling-out colour your view of Hannah or Mark. Leaving you with them and sparing you the pain of watching me die is meant as my final gift to you, Mia, and to them. Somehow, you’re the one thing I got right in this life and I hope you’ll understand my actions one day, even if you don’t now.’
My Sister's Lies Page 25
