My tempestuous soul mate. Irresistible awake or asleep.
I gently moved a strand of caramel hair away from his closed eyes. He stirred but continued to snore softly from slightly parted lips.
I smiled, pleased that even as a novice I had worn him out. I also found the snoring amusing. It made him seem more the mortal and less the inaccessible rock god. I wanted to touch my lips to his, but I didn’t want to wake him, not just yet.
I had a surprise planned.
I carefully slid his arm off my waist and scooted out of bed. I found my stockings on the counter in the bathroom where I had left them earlier. I took a few minutes to touch up my makeup. Then I took down my hair letting the long waves hang down past my waist the way he liked. I had just rolled up one of the stockings and donned the heels when I heard not one but two familiar voices raised in emotion.
My father’s and Warren’s.
Oh, no!
Hands shaking, I grabbed my robe and pulled it on, flying toward the living room as fast as I could in the shoes, my heart pounding as hard as it did whenever I performed in front of a live audience.
I skidded to a stop.
Clad in nothing but jeans, Warren was standing in the entry way blocking my dad from moving further into the suite. My dad’s eyes blazed with fire, his face shockingly red. My heart rate accelerated even further. I knew he took pills for blood pressure. My thoughts a frantic scramble, my mind cast about for a quick way to diffuse the situation before he had a stroke.
“Shaye.” My dad’s eyes met mine over Warren’s shoulder. I swallowed but couldn’t speak. My throat knotted in response to the disappointment in his gaze. He shook his head in disapproval, a muscle spasming in his clenched jaw. His hands curled into fists, the restraint of his full wrath apparent in every coiled line of tension in his body.
His frown deepened as he focused back on Warren. “Get out of my daughter’s suite,” he ground out, flinging open the door. “Don’t make me call security.”
“I think that’s up to her.” Warren turned to me, eyes narrowing when he rightly read the indecision on my frightened face. My eyes began to water. My heart hammered as if to escape the confines of my chest. I wasn’t ready for this, choosing between my father and Warren. Either way, I was going to lose.
Tension hummed in the air between the three of us. I dropped my chin to my chest, twisting the belt of my robe. I could feel the heat of Warren’s stare. Without looking I knew his oak colored eyes were on me. I could practically hear his voice in my head encouraging, maybe even pleading with me to make the right decision. And I wanted to, God how I wanted to. He was the one I wanted to please. I didn’t know exactly when his approval had become paramount. Maybe it had happened when we had danced together, maybe even much earlier when he’d held me and I told him the truth about Cass. Whenever it had occurred, I just knew that his opinion was the one that mattered most.
I looked up. War leaned in, his hand lifted, his arm outstretched just like at the graveside. I needed to speak. I needed to affirm him. To validate us.
It was a defining moment.
My dad cleared his throat. My gaze swung to him and I faltered, finding a lifetime of acquiescence too hard to overcome. Indecision stinging my cheeks, I took a step back tottering on my heels stomach unsettled as I swayed.
I couldn’t do it.
War knew before I spoke. A shield came up over his eyes. He dropped his hand, and just like that the beautiful dream slipped away and was lost.
“Maybe my dad’s right.” My voice wavered. “Maybe it’d be best if you go.” The flicker of disappointment in Warren’s piercing gaze convicted me, condemned us.
“Yeah?” His brow rose, his gorgeous oak eyes glittering with a thick glaze of disdain. “Fine. I was getting bored anyway.”
His cold words were meant to hurt and they did. Insecurities he had helped burn away came howling back. I felt the frost as he stalked past me. Time seemed to slow then, my heart plodding to the protracted beat of a funeral march. A march back to the lonely life I deserved for being such a coward. My arms hung at my sides my eyes following him as I watched him gather his things.
“Come here, Shaye,” my dad said softly. There was no mistaking the relief I heard in his voice. At least I had pleased someone. I shuffled to his side, swallowing as he placed his arm around me. I sucked in a shallow breath trying to inhale calmness to soothe the turmoil inside.
This was wrong, but I was too scared and too weak to change it. I sagged against my father, frozen by my indecision even as War returned to the foyer, his shirt back on though completely unbuttoned, his belt through the hoops though unbuckled, and his boots in his hand.
My mouth went dry. He was so sexy, so potently male that even though I knew he was leaving me I still wanted him. His eyes sliced in my direction, not a trace of softness in his handsome face, edges sharp enough to cut me the way I’d obviously wounded him.
“Warren,” I croaked as I felt cold fingers of regret tighten around my throat.
He turned away. He didn’t even acknowledge my plea. I had rejected him. He was just returning the favor. It was over, and it was all my fault.
The door clicked closed after him, and I was alone again.
Isolated at the top of my tall tower. Captive within a prison of my own making.
“Shaina, what in the world is going on?” My dad turned me by the shoulders, his grip tight enough to bite into my flesh though I didn’t acknowledge it. “One night I’m gone and look what happens.” His eyes narrowed on me. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you by yourself.”
I heard him but didn’t answer. I felt cold and empty, removed from my body, weightless, adrift, and lost as images and emotions pinged around trying to find purchase inside my mind.
Grasping my chin, my dad turned my face away from the door I’d been staring at and tilted it up toward him. “Shaina Marie Bentley.” He studied me. “What on earth possessed you to bring that guy up to your room?” His reproachful gaze drilled into mine. “My phone’s been ringing since I landed. Your email’s completely flooded.” “Being seen with that ruffian in public is one thing, but…” He seemed to stumble for the words. He trailed off grimacing as his gaze slowly traveled the length of me lingering on the red marks around my neck from Warren’s teeth and the abrasion on my chest from his stubble, the entirety of it all, the robe, the stockings and the high heels seemed to hit him all at once. His expression hardened as he got it, and it was obvious he didn’t like what he saw. “Oh, Shaye. Tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”
I numbly nodded.
“What were you thinking?” His voice cracked. “What if has a sexually transmittable disease? What if he got you pregnant.” My face flamed while his expression became more judgmental. I could practically see the gears moving inside his mind. He wanted to get me back under lock and key and was just trying to figure out the logistics.
I couldn’t let that happen again. “Dad, I’m twenty-one. I don’t need ‘the talk’.” I swallowed down a gulp of embarrassment. This was not a conversation I wanted to have with him. “I’m smart enough to use protection. I’m safe, Dad.” But I wasn’t I suddenly realized. Not in this life that already felt empty without him.
What had I been thinking? I needed him. My stomach rolled as the truth slammed into me.
I’d made a mistake.
A big one.
Given the betrayals and rejections in Warren’s past, maybe even an unforgiveable one.
Nausea washing the back of my throat like a recriminatory wave, I lifted my chin and looked my father straight in the eyes. “I don’t think you realize that I’m grown. You look at me and still see a little thirteen year old girl.” He started to speak, but I shook my head. “It’s my own fault. I let you do it. I didn’t care about moving forward after Cass either. I couldn’t before, but it’s time I did now.”
I shrugged free from my father’s grasp and took a wobbly step backward inhaling deeply for composure
before I lunged toward the door. My legs were shaky and unsteady in the heels as I clomped out into the hallway, but I managed.
“Shaina,” my dad yelled after me. “Stop!”
I ignored him, finally making the decision, the right decision that I should have made a minute earlier. I couldn’t afford to take the time out to explain everything to him.
In a panic I rushed down the corridor, a huge sob lodged in my throat making it difficult to breathe. I knew there was a very real possibility that I’d already blown whatever small chance I had for something more with War.
Holding the collar of my robe tight to my chest, I tried to keep my scattered emotions together wanting to scream when I arrived at the elevator just as it closed. A frustrated groan escaped instead. I repeatedly slapped my hand against the down button.
Shit. Shit.
My vision swam.
It’s too late, was the self-chastising refrain inside my brain. What the hell is wrong with you? Why didn’t you speak up for him?
After what seemed like an eternity and a half, the elevator doors finally reopened. It was painstakingly slow as it descended. I watched the floor numbers lighting up one after another willing them to somehow go faster, a near debilitating sense of foreboding fraying my nerves the closer I got to the lobby.
As soon as the doors slid apart I scooted through scanning left to right, right to left, ignoring the double takes and wide eyed stares my inappropriate half-dressed presence engendered, I looked for him. But far too soon I had visual confirmation of what my heart already instinctively knew.
He was gone.
I’d taken far too long to come to my senses. I saw his expression again in my mind, the disgust in the way he had looked at me before he had left said it all. You were either with War or you weren’t. He was very black and white about loyalty. I’d seen proof of that with Lace and Bryan. I’d been lucky he’d let me in at all after what they’d done to him. I wasn’t optimistic about him giving me another chance.
War wasn’t the forgiving type.
The door that had cracked open giving me a tantalizing glimpse of happiness slammed shut in my face.
I had no way to get in touch with him. I didn’t even have his cell number. A growing sense of helplessness swamped me, sucking me into its morass. It took me more than a moment to fight my way to the surface to get my bearings.
When I did, a warm solo tear tracked down my cold face. I absently swiped it aside, but I shouldn’t have bothered because soon that lone tear had plenty of company.
• • •
“Shaina, we need to talk,” my dad insisted as soon as I returned, closing the door carefully behind me.
“No, dad,” I mumbled to the wood that was just as solid and insurmountable as the task that lay before me. “Not right now. Please.” I exhaled my frustration and rubbed my aching temples. I needed to think. I needed to find Warren and try to make things right again.
“Yes now!” Brows snapped tight over eyes glittering with anger hit mine as soon as I turned around. “Dammit, Shaye.”
My eyes widened. My dad rarely raised his voice, and he never cussed. I was hanging on by a thread already. Could this morning possibly get any worse?
“Come and sit down.” He ran a hand through his hair and gestured toward the chair opposite him. “Please.”
I nodded and complied but perched on the edge of my seat, anxious thoughts making me twist my hands together.
“I want you to listen well to what I have to say,” he insisted in full out authoritative father mode.
I set my threaded fingers together on my lap, forcing myself to sit still, straightening my spine, resigned for the lecture he was so obviously prepared to give. I knew the sooner I let him say his piece, the sooner I could set out to try to fix things with Warren.
“I made a few phone calls trying to straighten out this mess.” He made a disapproving sound as he shook his head. “But you’re not helping matters running around the Mayflower Hotel in your robe, Shaina Marie.”
“Dad,” I started to protest.
“No, baby,” he interrupted. “You quiet down and hear me out. I don’t know what’s going on in your head right now, but I know every time it gets close to the anniversary, you end up doing irrational things like this.”
“Cassie,” I bit out. “Say her name for God’s sake, Daddy. She’s a person, not an anniversary.”
His body jerked. “Of course.” Now his spine was as stiff as mine and a defensive sheen brightened his gaze.
“And I wouldn’t call me being with Warren irrational, Dad,” I rushed on. “He needs me. I need him. He’s a good man.” One who felt things deeply, one I found fascinating, and one who had completely captivated me from the beginning. “I think if you gave him a chance you’d like him. And you will give him a chance because I’m in love with him.”
“Oh, Shaina, please. How can you know that? You’ve only just met him. Lust isn’t the same thing as love, Honey. It’s a fling. You’re too young, too trusting and naïve. Best if you put this whole deal behind you as soon as possible.”
I looked down at my hands. Maybe he was right. I probably was too trusting. But if I hadn’t been that way I would’ve never been able to get near to someone as closed off as Warren. Besides, my dad was wrong. It wasn’t a fling, at least not on my part. Despite his best efforts to keep me locked away, I worked in Hollywood. I’d had plenty of chances from an age young enough to be shocking, but I had turned them all down. I had never been the least bit tempted. When I’d said yes to Warren, my feelings for him had already been deeper. I recognized what he was, the cure to the loneliness that plagued me, a kindred soul who understood me better than my best friend, a man whose touch made me come alive, and in whose arms I felt like I was meant to be.
I knew the difference between love and lust. I was in love with him. And I still clung tightly to the hope that our two broken hearts melded together might form a whole.
“It’s ok,” he stated softly after seeing the resolve etched in my features. He scooted forward and patted my knee. “What’s done is done. Luckily nothing’s been broken that we can’t fix. I put out a release spinning the whole thing as a publicity stunt. Good girl takes pity on the mourning bad boy rocker. And Alex is jealous. Most of the media outlets are picking it up.”
My head snapped up, horror unhinging my jaw.
“TMZ already has a story up on the web and there’s going to be a feature on Entertainment Tonight thanks to a couple of well-placed follow up phone calls by your current director. He loves it by the way. Thinks the love triangle controversy will be good for the film. He says we should play up that angle at the press junket you have scheduled this afternoon.”
Every word he spoke made the cold steel clamps around my heart cinch tighter. I dropped my forehead onto my hands. Warren would hate me if he thought this was my idea. He would never believe I hadn’t planned it all along, especially after the dismissive way I had treated him just now. I needed to find him before the press did.
“No.” I lifted my chin, managing to bring enough air into my lungs to voice a soft protest.
“I talked with your mother this morning.” He forged on ahead, either not hearing me or acting like he hadn’t. “We’re both concerned about you, Shaye. I made an appointment for you with Dr. Rhonda next week.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, tears stinging behind my eyelids. “I don’t want to talk to her,” I mumbled. “She doesn’t understand.”
“She’s a psychiatrist, Shaina. It’s her job to understand.”
“Yes, but she can’t know what it’s really like.” I drew out the words, my eyes as bright as the intense emotion blazing through me. “Neither can you. No don’t.” I held up my hand to stop him as soon as he leaned forward. “It’s time I spoke my mind.”
His eyes widened.
“This is my life, Dad. You can’t keep me safe by locking me away from the world.” Now the tears fell, but I pressed on despite them. I had
to. For myself. For Warren. For my parents. For all of us. I had to put an end to this dysfunctional crap. Start acting my real age. Being perfect wasn’t going to bring Cass back. And it wouldn’t keep my parents together. That was up to them, and it was up to me to take charge of my own life before I lost it entirely.
“I’m sorry you’re disappointed in me. I’m sorry I’ve worried you.” I stood and looked down into his familiar green eyes, but didn’t waver. My path was finally clear. “I’ll take your advice about a therapist into consideration, but it’ll be one I chose, and I think you’ll agree that I’m not the only one who should consider talking to someone.” He winced, but I could see that he knew I spoke the truth. “Don’t take what I’m about to say the wrong way. I love you. I really do. It’s not that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for me, because I do. I never would have come this far in my career if it weren’t for you. But I don’t want you to be my manager anymore.”
“You don’t mean that, Shaye.” He shook his head. “This is because of his influence. You’re tired. You said so yourself. Take some time off. You’ll see things more clearly when you’re rested.”
“You’re wrong. It’s perfectly clear to me. Being with Warren made me see just how messed up things have gotten. We need to have some healthy distance between us. We need to figure out how to be daughter and father again. Grownup daughter to father,” I clarified. “So starting today, from now on, I’m going to make my own decisions about my career and about my personal life. Good or bad. Pass or fail. Sink or swim.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
War
I brought the half empty bottle to my lips and tilted it back for another long tug. The fiery alcohol burned like jet fuel going down, but it wasn’t enough to fill the cold void inside. Now that she’d opened up that empty space inside of me, I knew there wasn’t anything on this godforsaken earth that could possibly do that except her. Not that I hadn’t been giving it a good fucking try. But I knew it was pointless.
The Complete Tempest World Box Set Page 88
