“Hey, Baby Blue.” My dad. His slurred voice came from behind me. His words were barely distinguishable. He reeked of booze. We hadn’t spoken since I had left the house. I wondered if he even noticed my absence. Most likely he had been drinking the whole time since then.
“What do you want?” I spun around shrugging out of his awkward attempt at an embrace. “I’m sure you can see that I’m in the middle of a conversation with my friends.” At least, I hoped they were still my friends.
“I heard from Dalton that you were cutting an album with the Jones twins.”
“Nothing’s set in stone yet.” Mary hadn’t signed off on it. But we were having a good time brainstorming together. I liked Avery a lot. She was kind and supportive and optimistic, everything my father had never been to me.
“Avery’s a real big deal, Melinda. Don’t blow it with her. Not a lot of other options out there for a blind girl.”
My stomach rolled. “Daddy,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Yeah, baby?”
“I have lots of options. So what if I can’t see? Maybe you should stop trying to define me for the things I can’t do. You make me feel like I can never measure up to your expectations no matter what I accomplish.”
“That’s not true.” He sputtered as if he had choked on a bottle of the whisky he had probably emptied tonight. “I’ve taken care of you every single day of your life. Your useless mother certainly wasn’t any help. Who put these crazy ideas into your head? It’s these Tempest guys, isn’t it? You really think you should listen to anything Sager has to say. He’s the reason you can’t see any more, baby.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Daddy. He is the reason I get up every morning and make myself put one foot in front of the other. He’s the reason I don’t miss one single appointment with the psychiatrist. He’s the reason I keep pushing with the rehabilitation therapist well beyond when my arms and legs are shaking with fatigue. He’s the reason I want to learn to take care of myself. The reason I want to be independent. I want to be a better person. It’s his approval that I need, not yours.” My eyes burned and my hands tightened into angry fists. “Do you understand?”
“I understand that you’re a fool, Melinda.”
“No, Daddy.” I dropped my chin. “You are. Maybe I wasn’t always the best daughter in the world, but I loved you. Until you can learn to accept me the way I am and love me back in the way I deserve, I think you should walk away.”
I felt someone move behind me. His familiar fragrance washed over me. I wanted to lean my head back onto his strong shoulder but I wasn’t brave enough to risk his rejection in front of my father and a room full of people.
“You heard her, Mr. Belle. I’d be more than happy to show you the door myself, but I don’t think you would enjoy my methods very much.”
There was a moment of tense silence. I could feel the heat of fury rolling off of Sager. And maybe it was only wishful thinking but it seemed as though he moved a little closer.
“He’s gone, Melinda.”
Not, Blue. I longed to hear him call me Blue again.
“Thank you,” I said softly over my shoulder.
“No problem. I can’t stand that asshole. Can’t stand the way he treats you. Strong work standing up to him.”
He sounded so detached. I bobbed my head to acknowledge the compliment. The heat behind me disappeared. He was leaving, abandoning me again. Terrified, I risked it all.
“Sager?”
“Yeah?”
I pulled in a breath for courage. “Would you go with me to the psychiatrist tomorrow?” There was a pause. Long enough that the breath I had pulled in began to burn as I held it waiting for his answer.
“Sure,” he said his voice sounding a little rough.
“Thank you.” The words came out a little raspy. “It would be a whole day thing. My appointment usually runs several hours. And there’s something else I’ve been wanting to do since the accident. My rehabilitation trainer actually gave me the idea. But I can’t do it alone. I’ll need help.” Silence greeted me, well silence minus the hum of conversations within the Mine and the heavy bass from the dance floor. “If you can’t, I understand.” I probably shouldn’t have pushed it. It was enough that he had honored my initial request. My cheeks burning, I dropped my chin.
“I’d be happy to help you.” My relief at his reply nearly lifted me into the air. “Just let me know what you need me to do.”
CHAPTER SIXTY
Sager
“So is this the guy you’ve told me so much about?” the psychiatrist asked.
“This is Sager Reed, Dr. Clifford,” Melinda clarified, shifting closer to me, starting to reach for my hand but deciding not to at the last minute as if afraid I wouldn’t allow it. She swallowed hard.
“Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Reed.” The very pregnant woman with a glowing freckled face and strawberry hair flowing loose around her shoulders motioned for us to come into her office. She studied me as we moved inside, her head cocked to the side. “Let’s all sit down.” Hand to the small of her back, she shuffled to the comfortable looking sitting area. No chaise in sight. I took one of the club chairs opposite the doctor. Melinda took the one on the other side.
“So you’re one of the reasons Melinda has worked so hard to get better.” Looking at me, Dr. Clifford smoothed the wrapper she wore over an empire cut dress that fell to her knees. “She speaks very highly of you.”
I glanced at my pixie, but she hid her expression behind a curtain of her loose ebony hair.
“She would like you to attend more sessions with her as you are able. She has signed a HIPAA release and given me permission to speak frankly with you on all matters relating to her care.” The psychiatrist’s eyes were a warm brown and her expression was kind. I could see why Mel liked her so much. But I was reeling a bit from what she had shared. My girl hadn’t just cracked open the door to let me have a peek into her psyche, she had thrown the door wide open and given me a key. This time it was me that had to look away to hide the emotion blurring my eyes. “There’s no quick fix, of course,” the doctor continued. “It’s going to take time for Melinda to get back to where she needs to be. But I am confident that we can do it. With your help alone she has already made significant progress rebuilding her self-image.”
“I didn’t do much.” I shook my head. “I just tried to tell her the truth as I saw it.”
“And loved her, Mr. Reed. That’s the best medicine of all.” She stroked a hand across her belly. “If we could bottle it up and dispense it I would be out of a job.” She smiled softly before continuing. “Melinda has shared a little about your past. How difficult it was to deal with the abuse in your own youth. How you protected and took care of a younger brother at great personal risk.”
I had never thought about it quite like that, but I nodded. “But if I had controlled my temper, I might not have lost him. And if I had been more observant with what was going on with Melinda I would have insisted she get help sooner and maybe prevented the accident,” I admitted my voice low, strangled by the guilt I felt but had never voiced.
“You can’t blame yourself for what happened, Mr. Reed. Life unfolds as it will. We all do the best we can with the resources we have at the time. As to Melinda’s situation, you must realize that we are all responsible for our own individual choices regarding our own health. Anorexia patients are notoriously adept at covering up the symptoms of their disease. Melinda isn’t any different. She doesn’t blame you. She takes full responsibility which is the first step, the most vital one on the path to recovery. But more importantly as it pertains to you, she credits you, your encouragement and affection, for giving her the courage and commitment to get better.”
I turned my head. Melinda turned hers as if she could feel me regarding her. Love for me shone in her beautiful eyes. I knew admiration for her glowed in my own. “She is easy to love. And gives me far too much credit. She’s plenty brave all on her own.”
Mid-mountain, the breeze blew around the strands of hair that had escaped Melinda’s knit cap. I watched her snap her boots into her skis like she was born to do it. My chest burned with sorrow for what she had lost, but I felt pride, too. I didn’t know anyone as brave as she was, as resilient or as beautiful. It was all I could do not to pluck her off the things and carry her off behind the closest tree and make her mine. But right now she had something to prove to herself.
“Sager,” she called, her beautiful eyes wide and unseeing as she cast about for my location. I could practically hear her ears straining. She shifted in my direction. “Could you...” She swallowed and stretched out her arm in front of herself. “Before we attempt a run on this bunny slope, would you describe the view for me from here?”
“Absolutely. The flags are snapping in the wind at the top of the poles.”
“I can hear them.”
“That’s right.” I nodded then remembered to say it out loud. “The mountain tops in the distance are covered in snow. The pines are fluffy with it from last night like flocked Christmas trees.”
She smiled softly as if imaging what I was describing. “I can smell the pine. The breeze feels so good on my skin. The warmth of the sun.” She closed her eyes. “Thanks for coming up here with me.”
“Said I was happy to do it.” My voice snapped sharply like the flags. “I meant it. I’ve never lied to you.”
She dropped her chin.
I slid toward her, reached for her face with my gloved hands wanting to caress her soft skin but settling for gently tilting up her delicate chin instead. Her eyes glistened when they opened. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I deserved to be. “I’m sorry. That was childish and harsh. You have already apologized. Now I owe you one, also. I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok.” She glanced away.
“But it’s not though. I can google it. I can read about what it’s like to be visually impaired but unless you’re completely honest with me, I’ll never truly understand. You can’t hold it all inside anymore. Being strong isn’t always about doing things by yourself. Sometimes it’s just knowing your limitations and being brave enough to say I need help.”
“I realize that now. I’m sorry, so sorry I hurt you.”
“I’m not trying to be a hardass.” I exhaled heavily. “It’s just that when you needed me, I couldn’t help you because you didn’t even give me a chance to try.”
“You’re right. I was afraid, and I didn’t think about it that way then, but you’re absolutely right.” Her jaw firmed, determination not hurt in her gaze. “Right now to be completely honest, I’m scared to death of going down that hill. But I want to make you proud.”
“I couldn’t be more proud of you.”
She nodded and her chin lifted, her ebony tresses catching and glistening like a black diamond in the sun. She dazzled me. “I believe I can do this with your help. You lead, I’ll follow.”
“You’ll have to trust me. But I’m warning you now it will be ridiculously slow. I haven’t been on skis in years, and I’m not one tenth the skier you are.”
Somehow we managed it with only one minor fall. Not hers, my own. She had stopped and helped me up. And she was laughing by the time we finally reached the bottom. Her eyes alight. Her cheeks flushed. She lifted her goggles. “You weren’t kidding.”
“Yeah, yeah yuck it up, babe.”
“You just need practice.” Poles dangling from her wrists, she put her hands on her hips and cocked her head to the side. “The way I need practice asking for help when I need it.”
“Well said. You wanna go up and try again?” I queried knowing what her answer would be but asking anyway.
“Hell yes.” She smiled.
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
Melinda
Sager had been remarkably quiet on the drive back to Vancouver. Without my vision, silence was that much harder to read. I wanted to ask where we stood, but by the time I had worked up the nerve we had arrived at Mary’s place. He had accepted her dinner invitation and had contributed to the conversation, mainly when a question had been directed his way. But for the most part he had remained reserved.
I wished I knew what he was thinking.
He had missed out on over a month of the struggles it had taken to get me to the point I was now. Though I knew I still had a long way to go to be fully independent, I was well on my way to getting there. Were all the necessary changes in my life too much for him to deal with? Did he want out? Or was he considering what we had together and planning a future? Could I really convince him that I believed in one for us?
The time we had spent skiing had been so great. He had been friendly minus the one dig. We had been comfortable together. He had helped me while not making me feel like a burden—the opposite in fact. He had made me feel as though he admired me and cared for me deeply. But he hadn’t touched me like a lover would. He hadn’t kissed me. He still hadn’t called me Blue.
I swept aside the lingering doubts. The time had come. It would take more than just words. I had to have faith. Faith didn’t mean much if you didn’t act on it. Only by taking action could I prove to him that I believed in us—in him—and that my faith was real.
Those concepts floating around in my mind after he left, I went to the computer and pulled up my file on “Beauty” again. Tempest was filming the music video for it tomorrow, and I had an idea.
• • •
“Are you sure about this, honey?” I could hear the concern in April’s voice. It echoed loudly in the Mine storage room amid what I knew from past experience were stacks of liquor cases. I could smell the citrusy scent of the crates of fresh limes and lemons. “You’re as pale as a sheet. And we haven’t even started drawing on the words.”
“I’m sure. He’s always doing extravagant things for me like that painting to show me how he feels. It’s my turn to do something, something really bold, something he’ll never forget.” Now I needed to show him that I believed every word he had told me. That the way he saw me was the way I wanted to see myself. That his were the brushstrokes that made me beautiful. The movement of my head made the ends of my hair swish against the lapels of the silk robe. “You’re sure the texts I have been sending him all showed delivered.” Whenever I thought of him, which was often, I had sent him a text. I hadn’t filtered. I had been open and real the way he wanted me to be.
“They were,” Mary confirmed, squeezing my hand encouragingly. “Simple, beautiful, heartfelt words. You’re very brave to have sent them. Very brave to do something like this.”
“I dunno.” April sounded worried. “There are a lot of people out there. We didn’t practice this with them around. What if...”
“It’s ok.” I reached for and stilled her fluttering hands. “If I fall, so be it. I’ll just pick myself up again.”
“Ok, Mel. Ok.” She slid her hands from mine only to wrap her arms around me. I blinked the surge of emotion away. I didn’t want to ruin my makeup. There were a lot of cameras out there for the music video. Not that I cared all that much what I looked like for myself, but I cared about it for him. I wanted to make him proud. It was his opinion that mattered most. Both our bodies suddenly jostled together as another set of arms fastened around us both.
“I couldn’t be more proud of you if you were my biological daughter,” Mary declared.
“Thank you,” I managed to reply though my voice was thick. Praise from her always made me feel like crying big fat happy tears. “You’ve been more a mother to me than I could ever ask for. More than I probably deserve. You’ve been wonderful and helpful, too, April.”
…friends are important…they can help carry our burdens. Sager had been right, about that and so many other things.
“You’re welcome, honey.” April sniffed.
“Alright, enough with the mushy stuff. The band’s warming up. It’s time to do this.” Mary’s tone was gruff, but I recognized the emotion within it now. I recogn
ized a lot of things with her that I had missed before I had moved in with her. We truly had gotten close. I might not have had a family to shelter me like the Acenado family had done for Sager growing up, but I was pretty sure I had one now.
• • •
Sager
I was at the center mic under the hot lights on the Mine stage midway through the first stanza when I saw her. At first I almost believed my mind had conjured her out of thin air. She had been at the forefront of my thoughts especially with all the texts she had been sending me. She was covered in those words now.
Them and little else.
I stopped singing. The crowd turned to follow the direction of my gaze. Jaws dropped. People began to murmur. The music kept going because it was prerecorded.
She kept dancing, kept moving toward the stage, kept on singing.
The crowd parted for her as if she controlled them and maybe she did. She was that mesmerizing. Her pretty eyes sparkled with their captivating light. Her tiny skin toned bikini only accentuated her fabulous curves. Her ebony hair, perfectly styled, cascaded around her shoulders, but didn’t conceal the words someone had scrawled in sapphire pen directly across her breasts.
~Beauty is being his~
Those weren’t the only words. Others that declared the way I made her feel were written all over her creamy skin. Then there were the ones she sang. A new set of lyrics, only she could write. Her hypnotic voice rose above the music and rushed across the space that separated us mending the broken pieces of our shattered love.
Once an unbeliever
Your eyes helped me see
The beauty you imagined
Was always there in me.
I was frozen to the floor, transfixed by her the way I always was, the way I knew in my heart I always would be.
The Complete Tempest World Box Set Page 160
