For which he was aptly named
Diogenes, son of Zeus, a hound of heaven.
Others say that while dividing an octopus among some dogs he was bitten so badly on the tendon of his foot that he died. Yet his friends, according to Antisthenes in his Successions, guessed that he had deliberately stopped his breath. For he happened to be living in the Craneum, the gymnasium that stands in front of Corinth. His friends, as was their habit, arrived and found him wrapped in his cloak and thought he might be napping. But since he was not one to nap or get drowsy, they pulled his cloak aside. And on finding him no longer breathing, they guessed that he had taken steps to escape whatever remained of his life.
78 At that point, it is said, a quarrel arose among his friends as to who would bury him, and they actually came to blows. But when the chief and foremost citizens arrived, Diogenes was buried, on their authority, beside the gate that opens toward the Isthmus. Over his grave they stood a column, on which they placed the statue of a dog carved in marble from Paros. In the course of time his fellow citizens also honored him with bronze statues, on which they carved this inscription:
Bronze grows old with time, but all eternity,
Diogenes, will not erase your fame; for you alone gave
Mortals the lesson of self-reliance and the
Easiest path through life.
79 There are also our own verses in the proceleusmatic meter:119
A. Diogenes, tell us what fate took you
To Hades. B. A dog’s savage tooth.
Some say that as he was dying he instructed his friends to throw him out unburied, so that every wild beast might feed on him, or thrust him into a pit and heap a little dust over him (others, however, say that they were told to throw him into the Ilissus120), so he might prove useful to his brothers.121
Demetrius, in Men of the Same Name, says that Alexander, in Babylon, and Diogenes, in Corinth, died on the same day.122 Diogenes was an old man in the 123rd Olympiad.123
80 These are the works attributed to him:
Dialogues:
Cephalion
Icthyas
Jackdaw
Pardalis
The Athenian Democracy
Republic
Art of Ethics
On Wealth
On Love
Theodorus
Hypsias
Aristarchus
On Death
Letters
Tragedies:
Helen
Thyestes
Heracles
Achilles
Medea
Chrysippus
Oedipus
Sosicrates, in the first book of The Succession, and Satyrus, in the fourth book of his Lives, say that Diogenes left nothing in writing. Satyrus says that the tragedies were written by Philiscus of Aegina, a friend of Diogenes. Sotion, in his seventh book, says that only the following were written by Diogenes: On Virtue, On Good, On Love, A Beggar, Tolmaeus, Pardalis, Casandrus, Cephalion, Philiscus, Aristarchus, Sisyphus, Ganymedes, Maxims, and Letters.
Diogenes Reading a Newspaper, by Honoré Daumier, c. 1870. Color lithograph.
81 There have been five men named Diogenes. The first, from Apollonia, was a natural philosopher whose treatise begins, “At the start of every discourse, it seems to me, one should lay down a premise that is indisputable”; the second, from Sicyon, wrote On the Peloponnese; the third was our present subject; the fourth was a Stoic, born in Seleucia and surnamed the Babylonian because of Seleucia’s proximity to Babylon; and the fifth, from Tarsus, was an author who wrote about poetical problems, which he undertook to solve.
Athenodorus, in the eighth book of his Lectures, says that the philosopher always had a glowing appearance because he anointed himself with oil.
Monimus
82 Monimus of Syracuse was a student of Diogenes, and the servant of a Corinthian banker, as Sosicrates says. Xeniades, who had purchased Diogenes,124 visited the banker constantly, and by describing the virtue the philosopher manifested in word and deed he inspired in Monimus a passion for Diogenes. Instantly feigning madness, Monimus began tossing about all the coins and money on the banker’s table, until his master dismissed him. Monimus at once devoted himself to Diogenes. He often followed Crates the Cynic125 as well, and adopted similar habits; seeing this, his master was even more convinced that Monimus was mad.
83 He became a distinguished man; so much so that he is even mentioned by Menander, the comic poet. In one of his plays, The Groom, Menander speaks thus of Monimus:
A. There was a man named Monimus, Philo, a sage,
Though a bit obscure. B. The one with the knapsack?
A. In fact he had three. But he never uttered a motto
Like “know thyself” or any such catchphrases.
He was above such things, our unwashed beggar,
And declared all man’s surmises humbug.
Monimus was so grave that he disdained mere opinion and sought only the truth.
He wrote playful verses in which earnestness was surreptitiously blended, as well as two books, On Impulses and an Exhortation.
Onesicritus
84 Some say that Onesicritus was an Aeginetan, though Demetrius of Magnesia claims that he was from Astypalaea.126 He too was one of Diogenes’ distinguished students. His career resembles that of Xenophon.127 For Xenophon served in the campaign of Cyrus, while Onesicritus served with Alexander.128 And Xenophon wrote the Education of Cyrus,129 while Onesicritus wrote about how Alexander was raised.130 The one wrote an encomium of Cyrus, the other of Alexander. And their styles were similar, except that Onesicritus, being an imitator, falls short of his model.
Diogenes’ other pupils include Menander,131 who was nicknamed Drymus (“Oakwood”), an admirer of Homer; Hegesias of Sinope, nicknamed Cloeus (“Dog-Collar”); and Philiscus of Aegina, as we mentioned earlier.
Crates
85 Crates, son of Ascondas, was a Theban. He too was one of the Cynic’s132 distinguished students. Hippobotus, however, says that Crates was not a student of Diogenes, but of Bryson the Achaean. These playful verses are attributed to Crates:
There is a city, Pera,133 in the middle of a wine-dark mist,
Lovely and fertile, rich in dirt, possessing nothing,
Into which sails neither stupid parasite,
Nor glutton exulting in the buttocks of a harlot;
Instead it bears thyme and garlic and figs and loaves,
For the sake of which men do not fight each other,
Nor take up arms for fame or fortune.
86 There is also his well-known account book, which runs as follows:
Put down ten minas for the butcher, a drachma for the doctor,
Five talents for a flatterer, smoke for an adviser,
For a harlot a talent, for a philosopher three obols.
He was nicknamed Door-Opener from his practice of entering every house and admonishing its occupants. Here is another sample of his verse:
What I have is what I have learned and pondered,
The noble lessons I imbibed from the Muses;
But vanity stalks abundant wealth.
And he says that what he has gained from philosophy is
A quart of lupines134 and to care for nothing.
This too is attributed to him:
Hunger ends love, but if not, time will do it.
And if neither remedy helps, there’s the noose.
87 He flourished in the 113th Olympiad.135
Antisthenes,136 in his Successions, says that Crates took an interest in Cynic philosophy when he saw Telephus in a certain tragedy carrying a small basket and in an utterly wretched state;137 and that after converting his property into money (for he belonged to a prominent family) he took the two hundred talents138 he had amassed and distributed it among his fellow citizens. Antisthenes adds that Crates pursued philosophy so avidly that even Philemon the comic poet mentions him. For he says:
In summer he wore a thick cloak, to emulate Crates,
>
And in winter a tattered robe.
88,89 Diocles says that Diogenes persuaded Crates to turn his fields into a grazing ground for sheep, and toss any money he had into the sea. The house of Crates, says Diogenes, <…> by Alexander,139 and that of Hipparchia140 by Philip. Often when some of his kinsmen visited and tried to divert him from his purpose, Crates would chase them away with his staff and preserve his integrity. Demetrius of Magnesia says that Crates deposited a sum of money with a certain banker on the understanding that if his sons turned out to be ordinary, he should pay it to them; but if they became philosophers, it should be distributed among the people. For if they were philosophers they would need nothing. Eratosthenes says that Crates had a son by Hipparchia, of whom we will speak. The boy was named Pasicles, and when he had completed his ephebic training141 Crates brought him to the house of a prostitute and told him that this was the sort of marriage his father had in mind for him. For the marriages of adulterers, he said, are the stuff of tragedy, having exile and murder as rewards; but those of men who ally themselves with courtesans smack of comedy, for their amorous madness arises from prodigality and drunkenness. Crates had a brother named Pasicles, a student of Euclides.142
Crates throwing his money into the sea, by Palma Giovane, sixteenth century.
90 Favorinus, in the second book of his Reminiscences, recounts a charming story about Crates. He says that when requesting something of the head of the gymnasium, Crates clasped him by his hips; and when the man grew vexed, Crates said, “What, aren’t these as much yours as your knees?”143 He used to say that it is impossible to find anyone who has no flaw; for just as in a pomegranate, there is always a rotten seed. On provoking Nicodromus the musician, Crates was given a black eye. He then applied a plaster to his face and on it wrote the words “The work of Nicodromus.” He constantly reproached the courtesans, training himself to endure their abuse.
When Demetrius of Phalerum144 sent him loaves and wine, Crates reproached him, saying, “Would that the springs brought forth bread as well as water.” Thus it was clear that he was a water drinker. Censured by the magistrates for wearing muslin, he said, “I’ll show you that even Theophrastus145 wears muslin.” And when they doubted him, he led them to a barbershop and showed them Theophrastus being shaved. He was flogged in Thebes by the head of the gymnasium (though some say it was in Corinth by Euthycrates); and when dragged by the foot, he commented dryly,
Seizing him by the foot, he dragged him over the divine threshold.146
91 Diocles, however, says that Crates was dragged by Menedemus of Eretria.147 As Menedemus was handsome and was thought to be intimate with Asclepiades the Phliasian, Crates grabbed him by the thighs and said, “Asclepiades is in there.” Indignant, Menedemus seized Crates and dragged him along, at which point he recited the verse quoted above.
92 Zeno of Citium,148 in his Anecdotes, says that Crates once heedlessly sewed a sheepskin to his cloak. He was ugly to look at, and when exercising used to be laughed at. He was in the habit of raising his hands and saying, “Fear not, Crates, for your eyes and the rest of your body. You’ll see these men who are laughing at you shriveled up by disease before long and thinking you blessed, and blaming themselves for their laziness.”
He used to say that we should study philosophy to the point where we discern that our generals are mere donkey drivers. He maintained that those who surround themselves with flatterers are as friendless as calves among wolves; for neither the former nor the latter have anyone to protect them, but only the sort who plot against them. Sensing that he was dying, he soothed himself with this charm:
Diogenes and Crates of Thebes, from the Book of Good Morals, by Jacques le Grant, fourteenth century.
You are departing now, dear hunchback,
And approaching the house of Hades, bent by age.149
For he was stooped by the years.
93 When Alexander asked if he wanted his native city to be rebuilt, he said, “Why should it be? Perhaps another Alexander will again raze it to the ground.”150 He had as his native land, he said, obscurity and poverty; and he said that he was a fellow citizen of Diogenes, who was not liable to envious attacks. Menander mentions him in his Twin Sisters as follows.
You will stroll about with me, wearing your cloak,
Just as his wife once walked with Crates the Cynic.
And as he himself says, when he gave his daughter
In marriage, he offered her on trial for thirty days.
His students:
Metrocles
94 Metrocles was the brother of Hipparchia.151 Formerly a student of Theophrastus the Peripatetic,152 he had been so corrupted that on one occasion, when he farted in the course of rehearsing a speech, he was deeply mortified and shut himself up at home, intending to starve himself to death. When Crates learned what had happened, he visited the man (he had been asked to do so) after purposely eating some lupines.153 He sought to persuade Metrocles by argument that he had done nothing wrong, since something terrible might have happened had he not expelled the air naturally. At last, breaking wind himself, he heartened Metrocles, who was consoled by the similarity of their behavior. From then on, he was Crates’ student and became proficient in philosophy.
95 According to Hecaton, in his first book of Anecdotes, Metrocles burned his own writings with the words,
These are only phantoms of infernal dreams,
that is, mere trash. Others, however, say that when setting fire to his notes of Theophrastus’ lectures, Metrocles said,
Come forth, Hephaestus; Thetis needs you now.154
There are some things, he said, that are bought with money, like a house, and others that are acquired by time and effort, like education. He said that wealth is harmful unless it is put to good use.
He died of old age, having suffocated himself.
His students were Theombrotus and Cleomenes. Theombrotus had Demetrius of Alexandria as a student; Cleomenes had Timarchus of Alexandria and Echecles of Ephesus. But Echecles also studied with Theombrotus, whose lectures were attended by Menedemus, of whom we will speak. Menippus of Sinope also became well-known among them.
Hipparchia
96 Metrocles’ sister, Hipparchia, was also captivated by their doctrines.155 Brother and sister were both from Maroneia.156 Hipparchia fell in love with Crates and with his discourses and his life, and paid no attention to any of her other suitors, or to wealth, or noble birth, or beauty. Instead, Crates was everything to her. And what is more, she even threatened her parents, saying that she would kill herself unless she were given to him. Crates, therefore, when entreated by her parents to dissuade their daughter, did all he could; but at last, failing to persuade her, he stood up, took off his clothes in front of her, and said, “This is the bridegroom, and this his property; think it over! For you will be no companion for me unless you adopt my way of life.”
97,98 The girl accepted and, after adopting the same dress, went about with her husband and consorted with him in public and attended dinners with him. One time they went to a drinking party at the house of Lysimachus,157 where she got the better of Theodorus,158 surnamed the Atheist, by means of the following sophism: Anything Theodorus does that is not said to be wrong would not be wrong if done by Hipparchia. But Theodorus, when he strikes himself, does no wrong; so neither does Hipparchia when she strikes Theodorus. Theodorus could find no answer to her argument, but tried to pull up her dress. Hipparchia was neither alarmed nor distressed as some women might be. And when he said to her, “Is this she
who forsakes her shuttle and loom?”159
she replied, “It is I, Theodorus. But do you imagine that I have not taken proper thought about myself, if the time I might have spent on the loom I have devoted to my education?” These and countless other stories are told of the lady-philosopher.
A book of Crates’ Letters, now in circulation, includes excellent philosophy in a style similar to that of Plato.160 He also wrote tragedies marked by a high-f
lown kind of philosophy, as in the following passage:
A single tower is not my homeland, nor a single roof,
But its citadel is the whole earth,
A home prepared wherein we may dwell.
He died in old age and was buried in Boeotia.
Menippus
99 Menippus, also a Cynic, was by origin a Phoenician161—a slave, as Achaïcus says in his Ethics. Diocles also mentions that his master was a native of Pontus162 and was named Baton. By persistent begging (for he was avaricious), he succeeded in becoming a citizen of Thebes.163 There is nothing earnest about him; but his books are full of laughter and very like those of his contemporary Meleager.164
100 Hermippus says that Menippus was a lender of money on daily interest—a hemerodaneistēs—and this became his nickname. For he used to make loans to shipmasters, whose ships were pledged as security, and he thereby amassed a considerable fortune. But finally he was plotted against and robbed of everything, and in despair ended his life by hanging himself. We have composed some playful verses about him:
Phoenician by birth, but a Cretan dog,165
A hemerodaneistēs (for this was his nickname)
Perhaps you know Menippus.
But then his house in Thebes was burgled
And he lost everything; nor did he understand the character of a dog:
For he hanged himself.
Lives of the Eminent Philosophers Page 36
