‘Let’s get you inside,’ said Jake, as the door swung open and Gemma, still wide-eyed and clearly not a person to rely on in a crisis, stood there looking at them both.
‘Can we get in?’ He was impatient.
‘Oh! Sorry, yes.’ She stepped back.
‘Who’re you?’ Ben looked confused for a moment. ‘Oh—’
Jake put an arm around him to steady him, and led him forward to the stairs where he slumped down, tried to put his head in his hands and missed, flopping like a rag doll.
‘Where’s Dad? I wanna tell him what I think of him.’
‘I’m here.’
‘Shall we get him a cup of tea?’ Jake glanced at Gemma. ‘Give them a chance to talk?’
She nodded, leading him through to the kitchen. There was a pile of small school uniforms folded on the table.
‘How many children do you have?’
‘Two. Connor and Kelsey.’
‘Right.’ He nodded to the uniforms. ‘They have a good Christmas?’
Gemma filled the kettle and switched it on. ‘Lovely, thanks.’
‘You didn’t think maybe it might’ve been nice if Phil had come down to see Ben?’
She took out mugs, put teabags in each one, found the milk. He waited for an answer.
‘I did, yes.’ She leaned against the kitchen counter. ‘I just . . . I wanted to have him to myself for a bit before we got caught up in the whole blended family thing.’
‘Seriously?’
She looked down at the floor, scuffing the kitchen tiles with her sock. ‘I know. It probably sounds selfish, doesn’t it?’
‘You’re not joking.’ He shook his head in despair. ‘You didn’t think how it might feel to Ben? He’s a good lad, you know.’
‘I know. I just . . .’ She paused for a moment. ‘I’ve had a really shitty time. My ex disappeared when the twins were only toddlers. Phil and I met and I just wanted . . .’
‘. . . someone all to yourself?’
‘Exactly.’
He wanted to yell at her, point out how bloody hard Hannah was working, tell her how Phil’s behaviour impacted on Ben. But there didn’t seem much point. She wasn’t a bad person, just thinking of herself first, before anyone else. There was a lot of it about.
They waited in the kitchen for a few moments, then Gemma went through with tea for Ben and Phil. He hovered, updating Hannah on what was going on. He wanted nothing more than to grab Ben, chuck him in the passenger seat and belt down the motorway to Little Maudley.
‘Jake?’ He stood up from the kitchen table, hearing Ben calling for him.
‘Coming. Two secs.’ He shoved his phone in his pocket.
‘I’ve made a complete hash of this,’ Phil said, rubbing at the top of his head, looking rueful.
‘It’s not your fault,’ Gemma said, putting an arm round his shoulders. Jake suppressed the impulse to point out that treating people like they were expendable, then refusing to acknowledge you’d done so, wasn’t exactly stellar parenting. What the hell did he know? He didn’t have kids. He took a breath and steadied himself.
‘All right, well, if it’s okay with you, I think we should be thinking of heading back?’
Ben nodded.
‘And maybe you can come up and see us before you go back to school?’ Phil suggested.
‘Maybe.’ Ben didn’t look convinced.
In the car, Jake put the radio on and let Ben sit in silence for a good while before he spoke.
‘You okay?’
Ben nodded.
‘Think you gave your mother a fright.’
‘Yeah.’ Ben put his hand to his head. ‘I know, I didn’t really think it through. I just sort of saw red.’
‘I get it.’ Jake indicated left, making the decision that a burger would probably help. ‘You’ve got a big year coming up. The thing is, you need to decide if you’re going to step up and actually be ready to take on a career in football, or if you’re going to mess about doing crap like this.’ It was harsh, but he knew Ben could take it on the chin. He needed to.
‘I do want a career in football.’ Ben looked determined.
‘Right. Well, there’ll be less of this –’ Jake pointed to the McDonald’s sign as they pulled up to a halt – ‘and more treating your body like a temple.’
‘Ugh,’ Ben groaned.
‘With days off now and then,’ Jake added, laughing. ‘I’m not a monster.’
Chapter Thirty-five
Hannah waited at the door of the cottage for the lights of Jake’s car to show themselves in the midwinter dark. It felt like an eternity had passed since Ben had left in the morning, and she was beyond relieved that he was home safely.
‘One errant teenager,’ Jake said, bringing Ben to the front door. Hannah enveloped him in a hug, which he accepted with good grace.
‘I’ve had a word and pointed out that it’s probably a good idea if he doesn’t disappear every time he gets stressed out about stuff.’
‘Can I go in now?’ Ben shifted from foot to foot.
‘Of course you can.’
He loped off, not looking back.
‘Your ex is a knob, if you don’t mind me saying so.’
Hannah snorted with laughter. ‘That’s why he’s an ex.’
‘Good call.’ Jake shivered slightly.
‘God, you must be freezing. It’s a bit late for our dinner, but do you want to come in for a drink?’
‘A quick one.’
She sent him into the sitting room where he sat, looking tall and long-limbed, on the sofa beside Pinky. The cat stood up, rubbed her head against his hand for a moment, then climbed onto his knee.
‘That’s the seal of approval,’ she said, smiling at him sitting there looking quite at home.
‘That has to be a good sign.’
‘I think so.’
His eyes met hers and he smiled back.
In the kitchen, though, Hannah felt torn. It was glaringly obvious that Ben needed her right now, and the last thing she should be doing was putting her own needs first. She popped open a bottle of beer and tipped it into two glasses.
‘Here you are.’
‘Thanks.’ He took it from her.
She sat at the opposite end of the sofa, the distance between them feeling enormous.
‘I—’ she began.
‘D’you—’ Jake said, at the same time. And then he added, ‘You go on.’
She felt sick, but she knew what she had to say. Just in case, she told herself, even if it meant that she was humiliating herself because he wasn’t even interested.
‘I think right now I need to focus on Ben,’ the words tumbled out.
‘I think you’re right.’ He stretched his arm across to her and she inched hers towards him. Their fingers touched. ‘I mean, it’s not what I want, but I think it’s the right thing to do.’
‘I do, too.’ She looked at him over the top of her glass.
‘I want Ben to feel like he can rely on me. He’s a good kid.’
‘You’re a good person.’ She took a long breath, trying to find the strength to step away from the nicest man she’d ever met because she was doing the right thing for her son.
‘Takes one to know one, and all that.’ Jake made a face. ‘Seriously though, I’m glad we met.’
‘Me too.’ She extended a finger so her pinky curled over the top of his and he turned his hand palm upward, pulling her gently towards him. She leaned across to the coffee table, putting her glass down, leaning in. She could feel the warmth of his body. Almost without thinking, she lifted a hand to his cheek, sensing the tension in his jaw.
‘We can be friends,’ Hannah said, trying desperately not to kiss him. If she moved one inch closer . . .
‘Definitely.’ Jake took the initiative and moved where she hadn’t. He pressed his lips to her forehead, curling a hand around so his fingers were caught in the curls at the nape of her neck.
Hannah lifted her head and her lips found his. For a
brief moment, they kissed with an intensity that left them both breathless. He pulled away.
‘I’m not sure friends do that.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘It’s fine,’ she said. ‘I’m very good at self-restraint.’
‘Me too.’ He took a drink of his beer and sat back against the chair. Pinky, who had hopped off his knee in protest, leapt up and started meowing at him, looking for attention.
‘Well, that’s that sorted then.’
‘Good.’ His eyes met hers, and all she could see was desire.
‘Good.’
‘Mum,’ said Ben, crashing through the door into the sitting room. ‘Have you seen my Adidas bag?’
They shot apart, Hannah leaping to her feet and Jake sitting bolt upright. If he hadn’t been a teenager, Hannah reflected later, Ben might well have realized there was something going on. But fortunately he was sixteen and completely wrapped up in himself and his own life, so he sailed through the room, oblivious, only stopping to comment: ‘Oh, are you still here?’ to Jake, who laughed.
‘Yep, just going.’
‘I’ll see you out,’ Hannah said, leaving Ben collapsing on the sofa to watch something on television.
In the darkness of the cottage doorway, Jake put a hand to Hannah’s waist and pulled her close, pressing her against the solid muscle of his chest.
‘This is not friendly,’ Hannah said into his t-shirt.
‘On the contrary, it’s very friendly indeed.’ Jake’s other hand trailed down the outside of her arm, catching her hand and lifting it to his mouth. He kissed each fingertip, one by one, and then dropped his head to kiss her again, tenderly at first, and then as if it was the last time he would ever do so.
‘Friends, then,’ he said, stepping back. He looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
‘Yes.’ Hannah put a finger to her lips.
‘Right. We can do this.’
Three Months Later
Hannah stood at the side of the pitch, thanking the gods of weather that for once Saturday had brought sunshine and a hint of spring warmth in the air.
‘Gorgeous day,’ said Helen, who’d been out walking her dogs. She kissed Hannah hello, tucking a strand of her neatly highlighted blonde hair back behind her ear.
‘Lovely, isn’t it?’ Hannah was peering across the field at the man who was talking to Jake. He’d been standing there the whole time, watching the game, occasionally talking into his phone. The boys had done brilliantly, easily beating their rivals at the top of the league with a 4–0 victory. As the final whistle was blown they high-fived each other, shaking hands with the other team. Jake called them all over for an end-of-game talk, and Hannah excused herself.
‘I just want to hear what he’s got to say,’ she explained to Helen. The other parents who’d been watching had already climbed over the rope barrier and were heading across the field.
‘Excellent job, lads.’ Jake passed out water bottles. ‘They’re not an easy team, and you made it look like you were playing a team of twelve-year-olds.’
‘I nearly let that goal in just after half time,’ said the keeper, shaking his head.
‘But you didn’t.’ Jake held a finger to his lips, hushing him. ‘The whole thing about football is what actually happens on the pitch is what matters, not what could have or might have been.’
He looked across at Hannah briefly, his eyes meeting hers, and her heart squeezed. She’d tried so hard for the last three months to keep her distance, and so had Jake. They’d been polite and professional every week at football, and she’d put all her energies into coming up with ideas to make the bookshop a success. They’d started selling some new books as well – walking guides, and a biography of Bunty and the work she’d done during the Second World War, written by Lucy. She’d had a book launch party a week before and it had seemed as if the whole village turned out – dressed in 1940s clothes, no less – to celebrate.
Ben was settled and happy, and he’d achieved surprisingly decent grades for his mock exams. If he carried on as he was, he’d be on course to get into sixth form college and study sports science. He’d turned down the offer of a sports scholarship place at the Grammar, saying that he didn’t want to hang out with a load of rich kids, which Jake had been secretly delighted to hear.
Sarah had settled in Spain, and was training as a beauty therapist at a salon in Malaga. Her ex had been caught with a carful of stolen goods and was up on a charge of theft, so it looked like karma was going to get him in the end. Even Phil had started making an effort to be less hopeless – he’d come down with Gemma and her twins, and they’d all had a slightly awkward lunch together at the village pub. But Ben seemed happy with the set-up, and Hannah had been surprised but glad to find he wanted to go and spend part of February half-term back in Manchester. She’d spent the whole time biting her nails, worrying that he was going to go back to his old ways and start getting into trouble, but nothing of the sort happened. He’d come home – dressed head to toe in new sports gear, bought for him by Phil – and told her that he’d ended up hanging round with some of the friends he’d been close to at primary school.
‘Right, that’s it,’ Jake said, dismissing them all. ‘You can get off.’
The man who’d been hovering on the sidelines was still standing off to one side. Maybe he was a parent she didn’t recognize? She smiled at him politely.
‘Ben,’ Jake said, putting a hand out and catching his arm. ‘Can you just hang on a sec?’
Ben nodded briefly.
‘Hannah, I need you for this bit, too.’ Jake looked at her and she felt a wave of regret. Everything else seemed to be falling into place, but the only thing that she wanted she couldn’t have.
‘This is Rob,’ Jake said, beckoning the man over. ‘He’s a scout for Oxford United.’
Ben looked as if he might pass out. She’d never seen him so quiet, or so still.
‘Hello,’ said Hannah, shaking his hand. She gave an almost imperceptible nod of the head and Ben, coming back to life, did the same.
‘Rob’s been to see a couple of games.’
‘I have.’ Rob nodded. ‘And I’d like to – well, we’d like to – offer you a place at the Academy, Ben, if you’re interested?’
‘Seriously?’
Rob laughed. ‘Seriously.’
‘Oh my God.’
‘I love this bit of my job,’ Rob said, chuckling. ‘It never gets old.’
‘You’re talking serious training, Ben, and you’ll have to be up at the crack of dawn to get to Oxford on time in the mornings.’
‘I can do that.’ Ben was nodding vigorously.
‘I tell you what,’ Rob said, ‘I’ve got the paperwork in the car over there at the car park. If you come over, you can have a look, and we can get your mum to sign it as well.’
‘Yes, please,’ said Ben, suddenly sounding much younger. He looked lit up from inside. Hannah turned to Jake, who was smiling broadly.
‘Told you he had it in him.’
‘Come on, lad,’ said Rob. ‘These two can follow us up.’
Hannah stood with Jake, watching as Ben made his way across the playing field, chatting animatedly to Rob.
‘Not bad for a lad you thought was going off the rails,’ Jake said.
‘You made all the difference,’ Hannah replied, turning to look at him. She’d kept her distance as much as possible, but standing this close, she realized that her feelings hadn’t changed one bit.
‘You’ve done this, Hannah. You’ve put him first, done everything you can – and I think it’s time.’
‘Time for what?’ She looked at him, not daring to breathe.
‘Time for you.’ He closed the distance between them, looking briefly over his shoulder to make sure Ben and Rob were still heading in the opposite direction. ‘Time for us.’
She gave the ghost of a nod. ‘What about—’
‘We can deal with that in time. But it’s time to put your needs first.’
He pulled her into his arms, kissing her for a brief moment. ‘Well, yours and mine,’ he said, laughing. ‘I can’t carry on being this restrained for much longer. I think we deserve this, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’ His mouth was almost on hers as she said it. ‘I do.’
They made their way across the field to Rob’s car, and stood chatting for half an hour about the practicalities of Ben’s new footballing career. They made plans to travel down to the Oxford United ground that week to see what he’d be doing and meet some of the coaches, and Rob headed back with a cheerful wave, leaving the three of them standing in the car park.
‘So,’ said Ben, looking at them both and trying not to smirk.
‘So?’ Hannah crossed her arms and stood looking at her son.
‘Are you two going to stop messing around?’
‘What d’you mean?’ Jake glanced at Hannah, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
‘Oh, come on,’ Ben said, shaking his head. ‘It’s pretty obvious what’s going on.’
‘Nothing’s going on,’ Hannah and Jake said in unison. ‘We’re just—’
‘Yeah, right,’ scoffed Ben. ‘Just friends.’
‘We are,’ Hannah tried to protest.
‘Uh-huh.’ Ben nodded.
Hannah waved hello as in the distance Nicola and her husband wandered past, out for a Saturday afternoon stroll. The sky was blue and full of the promise of spring, and her heart soared suddenly at the idea that maybe, just maybe, things were all going to work out.
‘Well,’ said Ben, speaking very slowly as if trying to explain something to small children, ‘if you happen to decide that maybe you’re more than just friends –’ he made air quotes – ‘I’m just saying that it’s okay with me.’
‘Fair enough,’ said Jake, laughing.
‘We’ll bear it in mind,’ Hannah added.
‘Right.’ Ben shook his head. ‘But if you can keep the public snogging to a minimum, that would be great. Because that –’ he gestured in the direction of the field where they’d stood kissing half an hour before, thinking he’d been too preoccupied with his chat with Rob to notice – ‘was beyond gross. Honestly.’
And with that, laughing, he jumped on his bike and cycled away, leaving them open-mouthed and shaking their heads in amusement.
The Village Green Bookshop: A Feel-Good Escape for All Book Lovers from the Bestselling Author of The Telephone Box Library Page 25
