by Iris Murdoch
‘I told you there was a marsh or fen or whatever they call it. You shouldn’t have got so cross — if you’d only backed the car more carefully — ’
‘If we’d stayed on the motorway we’d be home by now, back at our flat drinking whisky! I’ve crammed the fridge with drink.’
‘Don’t! I’m sorry!’
‘You stay here, get in the car if it’s cold.’
‘No, no, I’m coming with you. I’d be frightened here alone.’
‘It’s not dark yet. You’ll get tired and slow me up, look at your shoes! You don’t remember seeing a garage anywhere we came along?’
‘No. I think there was a farm before we turned into the road we turned off to come here. And I suppose that track leads somewhere.’
‘Just to a barn. I can see it. At least when it’s darker we’ll see a few lights.’
‘Oh Harry — will it take so long? Must we have a tractor?’
‘No, an ordinary car might do it, I’ve got a tow-rope in the boot.’
‘Please, let me come, please!’
‘Oh all right, but put your coat on, it’ll be cold. Here, let’s have some whisky now, there’s a flask in the glove compartment.’
Standing beside the car they quickly drank the whisky, then set off together. Midge held Harry’s arm to begin with, but he soon shook her off and increased his pace. Midge felt miserable and afraid and a little drunk. Fear of discovery, of blunders, of scandal, of being attacked and condemned and mentioned in the newspapers, fear of Thomas, misery about Thomas, was with her all the time co-existing with her sincere ‘yes’ to Harry’s questions. The time would come, but not yet, neither could Midge see how. She could not help envisaging some kind of magical transformation, a rapid scene-change, whereby she would have left Thomas and be living happily with Harry — and with Meredith. Upon ’what Meredith knew’ she refused to reflect, indeed had decided to conclude that he had understood nothing. Oh how would it be, that metamorphosis? Well, it would be, because it would have to be. Harry was right.
‘Look, there’s a cottage. I can see a light.’
They had been walking for what seemed a long time, and Midge had several times announced, and Harry had denied, that they would be unable to find their way back to the car. Even now the cottage was not near and they soon found that they had left the tarmac and were walking on a grassy track. Once Midge slithered down an unexpected slope and they lost sight of the guiding light and the outline of the cottage roof against the fading sky where stars were already visible. At last they were close, fumbling with a little gate in a low fence.
‘You go,’ said Midge, pulling her scarf forward over her face. Harry turned up his coat collar and adjusted the cap with which, to please Midge, he had disguised himself. He went to the door and rapped on it.
Elspeth Macran opened the door and peered out. ‘Yes?’
‘I’m awfully sorry to bother you,’ said Harry, ‘but our car has got stuck in the mud somewhere near here, and I wonder if we could use your telephone to ring a garage?’
‘We have no telephone.’
‘Perhaps your car could tow us out! I’ve got a rope — ’
‘We have no car.’
Sarah, appearing beside her mother, said, ‘Where’s your car? We could help you push it.’
‘Well, it’s not very near I’m afraid, we’ve been walking for some time. Is there a garage anywhere near or someone who’s got a car who could help us?’
‘There’s no garage. Our nearest neighbours, indeed our only neighbours, have a car but they’re not particularly helpful people, and I doubt if you’d find the way — ’
‘I’ll show them,’ said Sarah.
‘Would you like to come in?’ said Elspeth. ‘Is that — ?’ She vaguely motioned toward the figure at the gate.
‘That’s my wife. You are very kind, but — ’
‘What’s your name?’ said Elspeth.
‘Bentley,’ said Harry. ‘Mr and Mrs Bentley. We won’t disturb you. If you could just indicate the direction — ’
‘I’ll go with them,’ said Sarah, ‘they’ll never find it. They’ll fall in the fen. Just wait a sec while I put my shoes on.’
‘Better take a torch,’ said Elspeth to Sarah, ‘the mist’s coming up.’
‘Really, you mustn’t trouble — ’ said Harry..
‘Well, do you want to be helped or not? It’s up to you.’
‘It’s quite close,’ said Sarah. ‘We’ll take the short cut. Brownie’s still in her bath, tell her I’ll be back. Look, I’ve got two torches. Cheerio, ma, back soon.’
‘Sarah, don’t go in!’ Elspeth called after them.
Sarah bounded out of the gate followed by Harry. Midge stood aside. ‘Hello! Here, Mr Bentley, you take that torch and shine it on my heels. It’s not far but it’s a bit tricky in places and it’ll be mistier further on.’
The sky had by now become quite dark and the stars were hidden by clouds. Great grey balls of mist, illumined by the torches, moved slowly by, nudging the walkers and obscuring the way ahead. Harry took Midge’s hand and pulled her along, keeping the torch-light fixed upon Sarah’s muddy shoes and the frayed ends of her jeans. Midge stumbled, trying to make out where to put her feet, her high-heeled shoes sticking in the thick moist grasses which the torches vividly revealed. A chill wind was blowing, there were a few spots of rain. Midge began quietly and surreptitiously to cry.
‘We’re nearly there,’ said Sarah at last, ‘just up this slope. Here, Mrs Bentley, give me your hand. That’s fine. Now we’re on the level. Mind how you walk, it’s a bit uneven. There’s a door somewhere here, sorry it’s so dark, I can’t find it. Oh here we are, I don’t think there’s a bell.’ Sarah banged on the door with her fist and called, ‘Hello there!’ There was a silence. She banged again.
Bettina opened the door a little way on a chain and said, ‘Who is it?’
‘It’s me, Sarah, from Railway Cottage. I’ve got two people whose car has got stuck and they want a tow.’
Bettina shut the door, then opened it again a little wider and looked out.
‘This is Mr and Mrs Bentley,’ said Sarah, ‘they want help with their car, they’ve been wandering around for ages.’
‘I’m awfully sorry to bother you,’ said Harry, ‘but our car has got stuck in the mud, if your car could just tow us out — ’
‘They’ve got a tractor too,’ said Sarah helpfully, trying to peer in.
‘You’d better come in,’ said Bettina. She opened the door a little more and Harry entered followed by Midge. Bettina, blocking the opening, said to Sarah, ‘Thank you, goodnight,’ and shut the door.
‘Oh, thanks very much,’ Harry called. He said to Bettina, ‘Perhaps we could telephone — ’
‘We have no telephone.’
‘I do hope this isn’t an awful nuisance — ’
‘Of course it is a nuisance,’ said Bettina, ‘but we shall have to help you. Just sit down here for a minute.’ She brought forward two upright chairs from the table and set them together beside the door. ‘Would you like to go to the lavatory?’
‘No, thanks,’, said Harry. ‘Sorry, Midge, would you?’
Midge sat down, dropping her handbag on the slates, and Harry sat down beside her. Dazed, they stared at a large dark open space which looked like the interior of a railway terminus. Midge did not recognise the room which she had last seen so long ago on a sunny summer morning thronged with gaily dressed and chattering people.
The Atrium was silent, and empty except for Bettina’s receding figure, her swirling skirts almost touching the floor. It was lit by a single oil lamp near the door into Transition. Dinner, haphazardly rather late these days, had not yet taken place, though the table was set and some of the food already laid out ‘picnic fashion’ as Mother May called it. Harry and Midge, in their awkward place by the door, were almost in darkness.
‘What a funny place,’ said Harry in a low voice, ‘they’ve let us into the barn. I’m gla
d to hear there’s a tractor.’
A distant door banged, then Bettina reappeared carrying a lamp and accompanied by Mother May. Bettina was explaining, ‘It’s a Mr and Mrs Bentley, their car has got stuck, I expect they’ll need the tractor. You remember when this happened last year we had to use the tractor. It would happen at this time of day!’
‘Yes — ’ murmured Mother May.
Harry stood up.
The lamp approached.
Midge stood up. She had recognised Mother May. Then she recognised the whole scene. Her scarf fell back and Mother May recognised her.
Mother May said softly to Bettina, ‘Bettina, go away for a moment, and keep the others out.’
Bettina handed over the lamp and walked back to Transition.
Midge made for the door but could not get it open. Harry said, ‘What’s the matter?’ Midge said, ‘This is Seegard.’ Harry moved away from the light.
Mother May was trembling with excitement, her eyes, her gentle grey eyes, had become very large and were sparkling and her lips were moist. The lamp wavered and seemed about to fall. She threw her head back and stroked her hair with her free hand, unintentionally loosening some of the pins so that a loose tress fell down her back. She put the lamp down on the floor. She was breathing deeply. She was thinking, thinking.
Midge came back, also breathless, from the door. For a moment she looked completely wild, like a cornered animal, ready to fly senselessly or to spring upon her attacker. Then she became rigid, stony, staring, with her mouth open. Harry was thinking too. All three were thinking.
Mother May said to Midge, ‘Do sit down. You must be tired.’ Midge did not sit down, but looked away, taking deep breaths. With deliberate slowness she took the scarf away from her neck, shook it out, and put it in her pocket.
Mother May, who seemed now to have decided what to do, said in a low voice, ‘Mrs McCaskerville — ’ She turned towards Harry. ‘Mr — ?’
‘Weston,’ said Harry with a smile, backing further away from the lamp light. ‘The young lady who guided us here got the wrong end of the stick. My car is a Bentley, it’s not our name. I was just giving Mrs McCaskerville a lift back to London when we had this mishap. I gather you have no telephone? That’s a pity. We wanted to ring Mrs McCaskerville’s husband and my wife to say we’d be late. As it is, if you would simply be so kind as to tow us out — we don’t want to disturb your evening — ’
Harry felt it safe to assume that he had not been recognised. There was something to be gained by further lies, little to be lost if they failed; and in any case he felt intensely disinclined to utter his name in that house.
‘Wouldn’t you like a cup of tea, something to eat?’ said Mother May to Midge, smiling.
‘I think we’d better get off at once. Don’t you think?’ Harry said to Midge.
Midge nodded and said, now smiling too, ‘We really are so sorry to trouble you. I had no idea you lived near here, it’s the oddest coincidence. It’s so nice to see this house again. I was here once years ago with my sister. I hope your husband is well?’
‘A little ailing.’
‘I’m so sorry. Give him my regards.’
‘I certainly will. I’ll just fetch Bettina. She’ll have the car ready by now.’ She picked up the lamp and put it on the table, then left the room.
Midge said to Harry, ‘What shall we do?’
‘Brazen it out. It doesn’t matter. These people don’t matter. They won’t talk, they’ve no one to talk to. They’re crazy rustics, they live out of the world.’
‘She saw me trying to bolt — ’
‘That was just natural shock! She was pretty shaken herself.’
‘And she’ll have recognised you, she’ll have seen a photo or seen you somewhere — ’
‘I don’t think so. It’s awfully dark here and she was so stunned by recognising you, she scarcely looked at me. Anyway, what the hell — I’m not going to announce my name.’
‘And your car isn’t a Bentley, and — ’
‘So what, we can only try. Once we get moving we’ll vanish out of their lives like a dream. They’ll never make sense of this business, they’ll be a bit mystified, perhaps they’ll think it funny — they can never know anything. They’ll forget it all — why should they bother — ’
‘You don’t understand,’ said Midge, ‘she’ll bother. She’s interested, she’s fascinated, she’s playing with us. She won’t let us get away with it.’
‘Get away with what? I’m just giving you a lift!’
‘I’m sure she’ll recognise you — ’
‘I’ll keep away from the light, I’ll go outside the door. Just keep calm and we’ll be out of this in twenty minutes.’
‘We’ll never find the car.’
‘Oh stop moaning, put a brave face on.’
The outside door behind them suddenly opened and Edward and Stuart came in. Midge gave a little scream. She and Harry separated precipitately from each other and retreated. At the same moment Mother May entered from Transition, followed by Bettina and Ilona. The three women stopped, watching the scene by the door.
Edward rushed forward, ‘Harry, Midge, how marvellous, you’ve found me! However did you know? Is Thomas here, did he tell you where I was? I’ve been ill but I’m better. Stuart only got here yesterday. Mother May, look who’s here!’
‘Well, who is here?’ said Mother May.
‘Why, it’s my aunt Midge McCaskerville and my stepfather Harry Cuno. Have you met, of course you have. This is Mrs Baltram, we call her Mother May, and these are my sisters Bettina and Ilona.’
Bettina laughed. She said, ‘First they were Mr and Mrs Bentley. Then he was Mr Weston. It’s an evening for charades!’
Mother May, who had not recognised Harry, was by now so much in command of the situation that she was able to conceal the shock of surprise, and the immediately following shock of elation. She turned smiling to Bettina and said, rather loudly, ‘Hush!’ She turned back to Midge and Harry and said, ‘In any case you are welcome, and now we’ve got all the identities straight I really must insist that you should stay and have some supper.’
Ilona said to Edward, ‘Their car is stuck, we’re going to help them.’
‘But they’ll stay to supper first,’ said Bettina. ‘They can’t be rescued till they’ve eaten something, it wouldn’t be right! Ilona, go and get some more plates and glasses, and some wine.’ Ilona ran off across the slates.
‘Oh yes, you must stay,’ said Edward to Harry. He seemed not to have heard or taken in Bettina’s remark. ‘The food’s all vegetarian but it’s super, you’ll see. And I’ve got those two marvellous sisters. So Thomas told you! He said he’d keep it secret, but I expect he decided it was long enough. Have you come to fetch me? I can’t come yet. I’m so sorry about the car. We’ll all go and pull it out.’
Ilona had returned and was laying the table.
At the arrival of the two boys Harry and Midge had stood transfixed. Then they had looked at each other. Then they looked at Stuart. Midge pulled her scarf out of her pocket and put it round her head, then pushed it back a little.
Stuart, after standing quite still at the door with clenched hands, walked carefully, with lowered eyes, round the pair, who shrank back a little. As he passed he gave a kind of awkward ducking nod or bow. He set off across the hall as if to enter the Interfectory, then changed his mind and went and sat at the table. When Ilona began to set out extra glasses he smiled up at her and said ‘Thank you.’ He looked uneasily at his father, then looked away.
Harry said, ‘Hello, Stuart. We’re just going.’
Midge, looking at Stuart, uttered an extraordinary sound, a sort of long wail like an animal’s whine or yelp. She sat down on one of the chairs. She said to Harry, ‘Let’s go at once, we’ll find the car.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ said Harry.
Mother May laughed.
Edward, beginning to realise that something was wrong, and what it was, ran up to Moth
er May. ‘It’s all right, you know, it’s all right — But I think they do want to go, they won’t stay to supper. I’ll make up some sandwiches — Ilona will — I’ll take them in your car — I can tow them, do it all — Bettina — just give me the car keys.’ He ran to Bettina.
‘You’d never find the way,’ said Bettina. ‘You’d be in the ditch too. It’s difficult to drive in these roads, and the mist is up. I’ll get the car out, or the tractor, if that’s what everyone wants. We’ll try with the car first, there’s only room for two in the tractor. No doubt someone will let me know if there’s a change of plan.’ She left the room.
Edward, pulling at his lock of hair, said, ‘Oh — oh dear — ’ He ran over to Stuart and touched his shoulder. ‘All right, Stuart?’
Stuart smiled at him. A moment later he began playing with the cutlery on the table, setting it out in various patterns.
Edward went to Ilona and said, ‘Do you think you could make some sandwiches?’
Ilona said, ‘In a minute. I want to stay here.’ She moved back against the tapestry so as to see the whole scene.
Mother May moved back to the table and sat down near Stuart, leaving Harry and Midge still standing near the door.
Harry said, ‘I think I hear the car, we’ll wait outside.’ He made a move.
Bettina came in saying, ‘I can’t find the car keys.’
Mother May followed Bettina out again through Transition.
Edward said to Harry and Midge, ‘Look, won’t you please sit down? Come over here, eat something, have some wine?’
‘No thanks,’ said Harry, ‘we really must be off.’
Edward said, ‘Ilona, won’t you make some sandwiches? Or just a bit of bread or something?’
Ilona seemed to be paralysed. She was leaning back against the tapestry, breathing hard, her hand at her bosom.
‘Then I will!’ Edward set off toward Transition but met Mother May on the way and turned back.
Mother May said smiling, ‘We found the keys!’ Then she laughed with the sort of half-stifled irrepressible explosive laugh of someone who has, in some solemn or pompous scene, suddenly glimpsed something funny. She said to the two at the door, ‘Look do sit down. If you won’t sit with us at the table at least sit on these two chairs.’
