My heart was pounding nervously in my chest like a drum. I had never expected to find myself in that position again so soon, much less with Holden, but I’d have been lying to myself and everyone if I said I didn’t like it.
“Mr. Michaels!” Mr. Branson shouted as he appeared suddenly in the doorway. “I think it’s time you got to your first class.”
I slid my molten gaze from Holden’s lips to his eyes. Annoyance stomped through the brown circles there, but he backed away.
“Yes, Mr. Branson,” he said. Then to me, “Wait for me here? We can walk to chemistry together.”
I nodded and slipped into the room like a fox, heart still drumming away frantically. I buried my head into my arms on the desk, and I smiled as I rubbed my tingling lips. Two near misses in less than twenty-four hours…
At first I wondered what that might expose about my character. Was I a player? Or a tease? Or maybe easy even? But then I remembered it was the twentieth freaking century. As a young woman, I was certainly able to show interest in more than one guy without getting labeled.
But still. It was high school, and I probably would get labeled, regardless. Whatever.
Except, no, I actually wouldn’t. Because Cade had kept us a secret. Talk about some thin silver linings.
I gnawed at my bottom lip, face still resting on my forearms. The indecision was killing me, though. Seriously, how could I not know which guy to choose? Why was it not just blatantly obvious to me—stress on the ‘to me’ part because I thought it might, in fact, be rather obvious to an outsider looking in.
Iron tinged the taste in my mouth. Shit. I’d worried my lip too persistently and it was now bleeding. I sighed heavily and nibbled at the taste buds on the tip of my tongue.
Ugh, enough! The worrying was maddening, and quite frankly, annoying. I didn’t really want to toss the proverbial chips and have them fall where they may, but, in a way, that’s exactly what was going to happen. I just didn’t see how stressing over it would help anything anymore. Or ever. All I could honestly do was follow my heart and feed the beast that kept me happy.
I nearly jumped out of my mind when the shrill sound of the bell echoed through the room. I hadn’t even realized I’d lost track of time. I looked down and saw that I’d doodled an abstract design all over the first page of my notebook. It was a damn good thing I was decent at math, or else I’d have been failing for sure due to a serious lack of concentration.
Holden was waiting for me outside the doorway, tossing a mini football in the air. Math and science shared a hallway, so the walk was pretty short-lived. Considering the fact that Loren was glaring at me from across the hall, I was actually pretty happy Holden had offered to play bodyguard.
The instant I stepped foot into chemistry, though, every eye in the entire class fell on me. Avenelle jabbed Benjamin in the ribs before announcing, “Oh. My. God. You’re totally wearing Holden’s football jersey.”
I slid into a chair at our lab table as everyone else reluctantly looked away, whispering. “Well, it’s not exactly his. He’s obviously wearing his—”
She silenced me with a hand. “You know what I mean. What the hell did I miss, Holden?” she asked as he took his seat beside me and picked up our assignment.
“Nothing,” he said casually, but the smirk that crept up onto his face was contradicting that entirely.
“Uh huh.” Her flat tone almost belied her insane interest, but that was just how Avvie spoke. She always sounded like the world bored her to death. “Seriously, someone explain to me how we went from yesterday to football jersey.”
I laughed out loud.
“I’ll tell you how,” Holden whispered. He leaned in closer. “I’m awesome.”
“Obviously,” Avvie agreed with a grin.
Eyebrow raised, I glared his way. “Holden. Don’t start this again.” He knew what I meant: Don’t be asshole Holden again. I snatched the sheet of paper from his hands and reviewed the instructions.
“Sorry,” he whispered before divvying out goggles and gloves between us.
“Wow!” Avvie sounded genuinely shocked. “And completely whipped already, too! I guess I should be asking Valerie what I missed.”
I sucked in my lips and tried my damnedest to crush the smile that threatened to erupt across my lips. It wasn’t funny, it really wasn’t funny…and then I laughed out loud.
Holden smirked and shook his head, amusement tickling his features as he patiently waited for me to sober up. Surprisingly, he let the comment die on the air. “What’s the plan, Val?”
“I’m a one-woman crew today, remember? Just relax and I’ll give you my notes after class.”
“Jesus,” Avvie muttered, astounded. “Even Valerie’s whipped. You two are just…a vision of complementary excellence. My god.” She eyed her boyfriend with mild interest. “Benjamin, you should be taking notes.”
“I am,” he protested without glancing up.
“Not chemistry notes, relationship notes!” She flicked him in the head with her pencil.
Holden glanced at me, but didn’t say a word. I was kind of hoping he’d deny it and save me the embarrassment, but he was enjoying it way too much. We weren’t together, and we certainly weren’t whipped! He knew that! Someone had to clear it up.
So I tried.
“Avvie, listen,” I began timidly, “it’s not like that.”
“Of course not.”
“Seriously, we’re not ‘whipped’. We’re not even—”
“Of course not,” she stressed more determinedly, then smirked. Oh, for goodness sake!
“Avenelle! Holden and I are not—”
Again with her all-silencing hand. “Let’s play a game, shall we? It’s called ‘I Heard’. It’s where I tell you a rumor that’s been going around about you, and you tell me if it’s true or not. Ready?” She didn’t wait for my response. “I heard Holden snuck a bouquet of roses into your locker this morning. True or false?”
I sighed and began the lab experiment, heating the first of five metal wires. “True.”
Avvie smirked. “I heard you’re going to his game this evening.”
“True.” I wished the damn flame would heat faster.
“I heard he specifically asked you to wear his number.”
I rolled my eyes. “True.”
“I heard Holden kissed your hand after class yesterday.”
My eyes darted to hers in a panic. “People are seriously saying these things?”
She shrugged. “It’s a small school, Valerie. If one person sees it happen, everyone does. True or false?”
I recorded the temperature and color of the flame, then grabbed another wire. I glanced at Holden, but he just looked amused. “True.”
She leaned across the lab table and lowered her voice. “I heard Mr. Branson caught you two making out outside his classroom this morning.”
“False!” I hissed before checking to see that no one else had heard the accusation—not that it mattered if the rumor was already going around, anyway. “Holden and I have never kissed.”
Avenelle sat back in her chair with a plop. “Shame.”
This chick seriously fed off of gossip and emotions. She was like a pack of piranhas chasing the blood, never relenting until there was nothing left of the poor wounded animal.
I glared at Holden. “Seriously? No backup?”
He opened his mouth defensively, then closed it. “What do you want me to say, Val? I agree with Avenelle; it’s a damn shame we weren’t making out in front of Branson’s room this morning.”
With a sarcastic shake of my head, I recorded the data and stabbed another wire through the flame.
“I’m serious!” he insisted.
“I’m sure you are!”
He narrowed his eyes and leaned in close—too close. His lips brushed my ear and my insides curled deliciously. “Don’t you think so?”
“Secrets don’t make friends,” Avvie added loudly.
Holden’s scent swir
led like a whirlwind around my head, like a breeze across the ocean, carrying a subtle spice. I took a deep breath, but it was dizzying. I had to focus intently on not dropping the glowing-hot wire in my hand. Well, in the tweezers. Which, I had…in my hand.
Apparently it was a rhetorical question. He backed away slowly, no answer required, and busied himself with tossing the mini football.
I finished heating the last two wires and recorded their temperatures in a calm cursive script that completely contradicted the feral emotions blazing in my chest.
Was this happening too fast? I couldn’t be sure. I mean, it felt…right. It made me happy. And I was supposed to be following the trail of happy, right? To feed that ravenous beast clawing at my insides. Right?
Ugh! Shut up and let the chips fall!
Holden and I exchanged lab papers so we could get each other’s notes from that day and the day before. When the bell sounded off, we strolled easily through the hall.
“So, I was thinking about your stipulation from last night,” he said as he caught the ball he’d been habitually tossing. “And I’m still curious about who you want to bring along.”
“Was that a question?” I hedged sweetly.
He grinned. “It doesn’t have to be.” He tossed the ball again.
“Who all is going?” I asked. I should have asked the night before—not that it would’ve changed my mind.
Unless they were all guys…
“A few guys from the team…” he replied with a crooked grin.
Panic mode!
“…and their girlfriends,” he added right after.
Relief overcame me like a barrel wave. I was too freaking jittery. Anxiety was going to ruin me one day; I wished I could just learn to turn it off.
Holden weighed the air between us, then continued. “Jay Walsh.” He tossed the ball. “And Charlene Lowery.” He caught the ball. “Jimmy Reynolds.” Toss. “And Ashley Gadson.” Catch. “Or is it Trisha Burbank? I can never keep up with that triangle.” Toss. “Curt Hayward.” Catch. “Brooke Englewood.” Toss. “Bear McAdams.” Catch. “And Emilie Clayton.” He glanced at me with a surprised expression on his face. “Never saw that one coming.”
“Emilie? Why not?” She was a pretty little thing with perfectly curly, strawberry hair and soft green eyes.
Holden shook his head and shrugged. “She just never really seemed like the type to date a guy like Bear.”
I laughed airily. He was right, she didn’t.
We stopped outside my next class and I peered inside. Miss Beckwith sat in a circle of desks, preparing another global warming lecture. I was sure after the earthquake the day before she’d be fired right the hell up.
I rolled my eyes at Holden and he grinned. “So, I’ll see you after class?” I sort of asked, sort of stated.
“Sure will,” he confirmed with a wink before jogging off. I hadn’t really thought about it, but walking with me was probably making him late for his own classes. Well, if it did, he didn’t seem to care.
He walked me to and from every single class for the entire rest of the day.
At the end of eighth period, Mrs. McConnell let us out a few minutes early. I stood at my locker, stowing my books for the weekend as the final bell sounded off. Students swarmed the halls in a vibrant quarter-rainbow of colors, emitting an excited energy that was nearly palpable.
Holden rushed over a few seconds later. “Hey Val.”
“Hey Holden.”
I pocketed my phone then hung my backpack up. I didn’t need it. I was more than caught up on homework, and I had a busy weekend planned out, anyway. Between the football game that night, helping Sienna move in the next day, and Holden’s party later that night…there just wouldn’t be time for studying, and for once, I was kind of thankful for that.
“Listen,” he said as he dug out his own cellphone, thumb swiping furiously. “I have to get to the locker room within the next fifteen minutes, so I can’t hang around, but this is my cell number. Call me sometime? Or text?”
I closed my locker then leaned on it, arms crossed. “You don’t want mine?”
Immediately my phone vibrated and chirped. He flipped his phone around and showed me his contacts list. “It was on the house phone’s caller ID last night. I already have you stored in my favorites. See?”
“Of course you do.” I rolled my eyes theatrically, but glanced at his text.
Here’s my number, so call me maybe?
I laughed like an idiot for far too many seconds. Then I smiled up at him. “Good luck tonight.”
He looked pleased with himself. “Thanks. I’ll be looking for you.”
“I’ll be looking for you, too,” I teased.
“Oh, good. I’ll be the quarterback. You can’t miss me.”
“I heard. I’ll be the fan-girl-wannabe sitting alone in the bleachers.”
He laughed out loud and turned to leave. “I’ll talk to you again soon,” he promised.
Then he jogged away, inadvertently leaving another face to fill his void. I gasped and pressed a hand to my chest. I couldn’t believe it. He was standing right in front of me, and there were still people around! Was he crazy?
Cade jerked his head toward a side door, then disappeared through it, waiting for me to follow. I might’ve swallowed a desert with as dry as my mouth suddenly was, as sweaty as my skin suddenly felt, as sweltering as the air had suddenly become.
I pushed through the doors anyway, with no idea what to expect.
Chapter Eleven
Cade was standing with his back toward me, facing the woods. He glanced over his shoulder as the soft click of the door touched the air. “Did I miss something?”
Confusion smacked my face like a rolled up newspaper. Apparently we were cutting straight to the chase. “What do you mean?”
Critical eyebrow raised, he glanced at my attire. “Michaels’ jersey? Weren’t you just telling him off two days ago?” A hidden question caught in his throat, but I heard it anyway: Weren’t you just about to kiss me last night?
A blush, stemming from guilt, warmed my cheeks. “Yes.”
He shrugged stiffly and turned around to face me. “So, I clearly missed something.”
His irritation toward me suddenly fueled my defenses. “Yeah, I guess you did. Somewhere between your refusal to acknowledge my existence in the presence of others and your inexcusable abandonment in the forest, I ended up friends with Holden. I didn’t realize that my making friends would personally offend you.”
Jaw clenched, he glared at me. “Do you like him?”
“Don’t ignore the things I just said, Cade! Why? Why did you ditch me last night? Why do you act like I’m nothing more than a fly on the wall? Are you ashamed to be my friend, or what?”
He took a slow, deep breath through a set of flared nostrils. “I ditched you because I had to. I don’t talk to you in school because I can’t.”
I snorted. “Right. Because that just explains it all.”
“Do. You. Like. Him?” he asked, carefully containing his ire.
I countered quickly. “Do you like me?” I had to know before I pushed him away completely, and admitting my developing feelings for Holden would probably do just that.
“I don’t think we’d be having this conversation if I didn’t.”
That shut me up. In fact, the scalding confusion was now boiling my blood.
Cade had just admitted that he liked me. That didn’t even seem possible. It made me anxious and pissed off all at the same time. It felt like it should’ve meant something, but the admission was too frail with no concrete action to back it up. ‘I had to leave’ and ‘I can’t talk to you’ were not acceptable excuses. Where was the proof? Even if it was true, I wanted more than just words of acknowledgment. I wanted to feel it, to believe it.
He sighed. “I’m not going to ask you again, Valerie. Tell me you like Holden Michaels.”
“I like Holden Michaels,” I whispered brokenly.
“Okay t
hen.”
He got maybe ten feet away before I cracked. “Cade, stop!” He did, and the tension that clung to his body seemed to be tearing him apart. “I like you, too.”
He chuckled without humor. “You know, Holden just called me out on that exact same premise not long ago. He said, ‘You want the best of both worlds, don’t you?’” Cade shook his head. “I did. I still do. But I can see now why that simply cannot work.”
“What do you mean?” I pleaded like a little girl. This wasn’t how I’d expected my reciprocation of emotion to pan out.
“It means, you can’t have both Holden and me. And it means, I can’t…be me…and have you.”
I felt like the frustration might eat me alive. “Cade, I have no idea what you’re saying!”
“You’re not supposed to.”
“Enough with the cryptic bullshit! Just give it to me straight.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets, then stared at the ground. “Didn’t Loren warn you to stay away from me?”
All the air escaped my lungs like a punch to the gut. Him? Holden’s comments from earlier floated around in my head. I don’t think this is about me. No…
“You should’ve listened to her,” he added quietly. I wished I could say I heard misery in his tone, but it almost sounded more like annoyance.
“Loren?” My shock was obvious.
He shook his head. “Don’t read too far into it.”
“I think I just read the whole book.”
“The book’s not finished yet, Val.”
“Then why was it published?”
Growling, he scrubbed a hand across his face. “No more book analogies. Look, I can’t explain any of this to you. I just…can’t. And it’s only getting harder to keep up with the pretenses.”
“Pretenses?” I asked, astounded. “Who deceived who, I wonder?”
“Valerie…” he warned softly. “We are not getting into this.”
“Fine.”
He looked over his shoulder. “I have to go.”
“Oh yes, you have to get back to Loren!” It was a childish jab, but as I followed his eyes to where they focused behind him, I believed it was true. The parking lot was a hundred yards to the right, and there was someone leaning on the passenger side of Cade’s black truck. I’d have sworn it was her. “Wow…”
The Essential Elements: Boxed Set Page 10
