Copyright © 2019 by Melissa Toppen
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, or organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. This book is intended for 18+ older, and for mature audiences only.
Editing by Amy Gamache @ Rose David Editing
Cover Design by Pink Ink Designs
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-five
Chapter Twenty-six
Chapter Twenty-seven
Chapter Twenty-eight
Chapter Twenty-nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-one
Chapter Thirty-two
Chapter Thirty-three
Epilogue
Chapter One
Blakely
My heart thrums heavily against my ribs as I watch the train pull into the station. Tears sting the backs of my eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. I’ve been dreading this moment for days. Ever since Asher told me that he was leaving town.
“What can I do?” I’d asked at the time, still believing that there was a way to change his mind.
“It’s something I have to do, B. Something I need to do,” he’d said, squeezing my hand so tightly the tips of my fingers had started to go numb.
I welcomed the sensation. It gave me something to focus on. Something to distract me from the feeling of my heart cracking open inside my chest.
Asher has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. We grew up down the street from each other. There’s barely a memory I have that doesn’t involve him. From playing in the sand box in my back yard to riding bikes around the neighborhood, we were inseparable as kids and only became more so as time went on.
He holds every single one of my firsts. My first friend. My first crush. My first kiss. My first love. He’s etched into my very core. He’s as much a part of me as I am myself.
“Well, this is me.” Asher blows out a heavy breath, his crisp blue eyes meeting mine for the first time since we arrived at the station nearly fifteen minutes ago.
I open my mouth and shut it several times before looking away, unable to find the right words to say while struggling to keep my emotions at bay.
I never thought I’d see this day. A day where I would be forced to say goodbye to the person that means more to me than anyone else in this world. I naively believed that we would always be together. That every road we took we’d always be side by side. But now I have to face the earth shattering reality that us together is no longer going to happen.
No matter how temporary Asher claims this will be, no matter how many times he swears he will be back before I know it, I can’t shake the feeling that when he says goodbye to me and boards that train, it may very well be the last time I ever lay eyes on him.
He has no family here anymore, no home, nothing tying him to the small town of Tomlin, West Virginia. Who could blame him for wanting to get out? But there’s the voice in the back of my head. The voice I’m too scared to let out. The one that’s crying out, “What about me?”
It’s something I’ve wanted to ask him for days. Why he can’t wait until I graduate? Why does he have to leave now? But after spending the last year and a half watching cancer eat his dad alive from the inside out, I don’t feel like I have the right to ask such selfish questions. He needs time to catch his breath and grieve his father. What kind of girlfriend am I if I can’t at least give him that?
“I’ll call you every chance I get,” he reassures, tipping my chin upward so I’m forced to meet his gaze. “This is goodbye for now. Not forever.” He slides his hand into the back of my hair the way he always does right before he kisses me.
“I’m scared,” I whisper right as his lips brush against mine.
He lets out a slow breath and drops his forehead to mine.
“I’m scared too, B. I’m scared to leave you. I’m scared to stay. I’ve never felt so upside down before.”
“You just lost your father.” My voice comes out weak.
“I did. And I know this is what he wanted. Why he took out such a large life insurance policy. Why he sold off everything he owned before he died. So that I could go see the world, do all the things he wished he had done at my age. But leaving you, B.” He pauses, pulling back just enough to meet my gaze. “Leaving you feels impossible. But I owe it to my dad to do this.”
“I know,” I choke. The tears I’ve been fighting so hard to hold back finally break free and streak down my cheeks. “I’m going to miss you.”
“And I’m going to miss you. More than you could ever possibly imagine. But I’ll be back. I promise.” He leans forward and presses his lips to mine once more before taking a full step back, adjusting the strap of his duffel bag on his shoulder.
My eyes sweep across his face. From his brown hair hidden beneath a backward baseball cap, to his perfectly straight nose, and full lips. Asher really is so handsome it hurts. He’s the perfect combination of his father’s rugged good looks and his mom’s pristine beauty. It’s sad that neither one of them will be here to see the incredible man he’ll continue to become.
“I should go.” He gives me a soft smile; one that I’m sure is meant to make me feel better but instead makes me feel a thousand times worse.
How long will I have to wait to see that smile again? How many minutes, hours, days, or months will I have to endure without being able to look into his eyes or feel his touch?
I fight back the sob that threatens to surface and lock my knees to keep my body upright. I knew watching him leave would be difficult, but I had no idea just how much until this very moment.
“I love you, Blakely Harris.”
“I love you too,” I manage past the thick knot in my throat.
He turns and I watch each step he takes, moving him further away from me. I want to cry out, beg him not to go, but instead I stand motionless, paralyzed. Forced to watch the only boy I’ve ever loved board a train, not knowing when or if he will ever come back.
Chapter Two
Blakely
Six years later
“Yes, Mom. I know.” I sigh into the phone as my mother runs through the delivery instructions with me for the hundredth time. “I thought the point of you taking a step back was so that you would be less stressed, no
t more,” I point out, tying a blue ribbon around the white carnation bouquet that Mrs. Thomas ordered for her daughter’s baby shower.
Florence’s Flower Shop has been in my family for generations, started by my great grandmother, Florence, in the early 1900s. She passed it on to my grandmother, who in turn passed it on to my mother, who is now passing it on to me. I’ve always known that one day the shop would belong to me, although I have to admit, I thought I’d be a little older than twenty-three when my mom decided to retire.
After battling with some health issues over the last couple of years, my mom finally decided it was time to take a step back and start distressing her life. Unfortunately, she hasn’t done much distressing, but instead obsessing over every little move I make. Sometimes I think she forgets she’s been grooming me to run this business pretty much my entire life. Not only did I spend nearly every afternoon here after school when I was younger, but I’ve also worked here full time since I graduated high school five years ago.
I had considered college briefly, but decided against wasting the money. What’s the point of college when you already know what you’re going to do for the rest of your life? Some people might feel tied down or resentful of having their future decided for them, but not me. I love the flower shop and have always known this was what I wanted to do.
“I’m not stressed.” My mom pulls me back into the conversation. “But this is your first time doing the summer festival on your own. I want to make sure you can handle it.”
“I’ve got this, Mom,” I reassure her. “Or do you forget the countless times I’ve assisted you with this over the years?”
“I know. It’s just I’m worried you’re not going to be able to keep up with the demand.”
“Does Dad know you’re calling me?” I divert, leaning my back against the counter at the front of the store.
“What does that matter?” she clips.
“Because you promised him you would trust me. This doesn’t feel like trust.”
“I do trust you,” she argues.
“Then act like it.” I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “You taught me well, Mom. I promise you, I’ve got this.”
“You’re right.” She lets out a slow breath. “It’s just hard letting go of something that’s been such a huge part of my life for so long. I feel like I’m going insane inside this house.”
“Then why don’t you go out and work in your garden for a while? Or better yet, have Dad take you out for a nice dinner?”
“I guess I could do that,” she agrees quietly.
“There, see. You just need to find ways to keep yourself busy. Now if you don’t mind, I have a lot of work to do and you calling every five minutes is not helping matters.”
“Okay. Just promise you’ll call if you have any questions.”
“I promise. You’ll be the first person I call if I need anything.”
“Love you, sweetie.”
“I love you too, Mom.” I end the call right as I step into the small office located on the other side of the wall from the main counter.
I drop my phone onto the desk before plopping down into the old swivel chair, my eyes sweeping to the small cluster of framed pictures my mom keeps next to the computer monitor.
Most of them are of our family. Of me and my mom sorting flowers, me and my dad eating ice cream out back on the old picnic table, and a couple formal family photos we had taken when I was younger.
I look away before I reach the one picture I can’t bear to look at. I know it’s there. I’ve seen it countless times before. But every time I see it, every time I see him, even in a photo, I feel like I’m transported back six years and that is the absolute last place I want to be.
I lean back in the chair, letting my eyes drift to the picture even though I tell myself not to. Why I haven’t removed it is beyond me. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.
The instant his lopsided smile comes into view my chest tightens.
Asher...
I lean forward and snag the frame off the desk, holding it closer to my face. I remember this day like it was yesterday. It was my Junior Prom. Asher looks so handsome in his black suit and red tie, his arm snaked around my waist. The red of his tie the same shade as my sleeveless dress.
This picture was taken a couple of months before he left. Back when I still believed that we’d be together forever. I shake my head, my gaze dropping to the large diamond ring on my left hand.
“Hey, babe.” I jump, looking up to see Tyler standing in the doorway of the office, a brown paper bag balanced in one arm.
“Hey. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Sorry, I parked out back and used my key. It’s really coming down out there,” he says, and only then do I notice the wet spots that pepper his gray button down. “Whatcha got there?” He gestures to the picture frame in my hand.
“Oh nothing.” I shake my head. Pulling open the top drawer of the desk, I drop the picture of Asher and me inside and quickly slide it shut. “What are you doing here? I thought you were working late tonight.”
Tyler runs a non-profit based out of Huntington, about forty-five minutes west of Tomlin. They raise money for under privileged children; to help provide them with clothes, food, and proper medical care. He oversees all the fundraising and events. I barely see him the week leading up to an event because he’s always so busy, which is the main reason why I’m so surprised to find him here this evening.
“I was going to, but then I decided it could wait. I’d much rather have dinner with my girl.” He grins, sliding into the room. “I brought your favorite.”
“A burger and peach pie from Hal’s?” My stomach grumbles at the thought.
“I know you’ve had a lot on your plate the last few days, so I went a little further and got you onion rings too.” He chuckles, dropping the bag on top of the desk before beginning to empty out the contents.
“Have I told you lately how much I love you?” I ask, smiling when his chocolate eyes come to mine.
“And I love you.” He leans across the small desk, dropping a light kiss to my mouth before depositing a huge cheeseburger wrapped in foil in front of me.
Tyler is not someone I ever saw coming. After Asher, I didn’t want to let someone else in again, but little by little Tyler started to break down my walls. He pursued me relentlessly for months before I agreed to go on a date with him. And it’s that persistence that eventually won him my heart.
He proposed on our two year anniversary and we are scheduled to be married at the beginning of August, six weeks from this Saturday. I didn’t see myself falling in love, and I sure as hell didn’t see myself agreeing to marry someone, but Tyler has changed my mind about a lot of things. Deep down I know that I’m where I am today because of him.
When he came along I was a shell of who I used to be. Losing Asher did something to me. It’s like I’d lost a piece of myself, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get it back.
I kept waiting around like Asher was going to suddenly appear out of the blue and my world would make sense again. The day I realized that he was never coming back was probably the lowest day of my life. It had been almost three years since he’d left. He never once called or texted like he’d promised. If it weren’t for his cousin, Charlie, I would have thought that something had happened to him. She called me a week after he left to tell me that he’d arrived in California. She didn’t say how long he was staying there, only that he’d made it safely. But I never heard any of this from him. It’s like he got on that train and that was it. He left me and every part of our life together behind. Admitting to myself that it was actually over was the hardest and yet best thing I could have done. It gave me a little piece of closure. Well, as much as I’ll ever get.
“So, Derek wanted to confirm you’ll be at the fundraiser next weekend. I guess Sarah has only agreed to come if you’ll be there.” Tyler settles back into the chair on the other side of the desk and peels the foil
away from his sandwich.
I take a moment and look at him. Tall and lean, clean shaven, with brown eyes and short, neatly styled light brown hair. Tyler is so much different than Asher, which is one of the reasons I love him. With his nice suits and polo shirts, there’s not an ounce of country to him, even though he only grew up one town over. He’s polite and proper and oozes big city. Even though the biggest city he’s ever lived in is Huntington, which really isn’t that big. But he’s also sweet and charming and has a way of making me feel like I’m the most important person in the room, no matter where we are.
“I should be able to make it work. Once the festival is over this weekend I’ll be able to breathe again.” I sigh, grabbing an onion ring out of the bag before tearing off a piece and popping it into my mouth. “Dad’s bringing the trailer over tomorrow so I can start putting together the float for the parade.”
“Is your mom still breathing down your neck?” he asks, knowingly.
“I swear she’s more stressed now that I’m running things than she was when she was doing it herself.”
“Give her time. It’s only been a few weeks. She’s as worried about you as she is the shop.”
“Because she thinks I’m too young?” I question, knowing the plan was to pass the shop over to me closer to thirty-five rather than twenty-three.
“Because she loves you and doesn’t want to dump too much on you before you’re ready,” he corrects.
Even though Tyler is only four years older than me, sometimes the way he talks to me makes me feel much younger. Not because he does it in a condescending way, but because he’s so rational and calm. Whereas, most days, I feel seconds away from flying off the deep end.
“I wouldn’t have agreed to take over if I wasn’t ready.”
“I know that, babe. And so does she. Just give her some time.”
“You’re right. I shouldn’t be so hard on her.” I reach for the can of Diet Coke on my desk, popping open the top before taking a long drink.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re handling everything beautifully. You really are quite the determined woman, Miss Harris.” He grins before taking a bite of his sandwich.
Love Me Like You Won't Let Go Page 1
