Captain Stellar

by R J Sorrento

  He felt a sharp pain in his chest as he looked at the photo of his father. The day he left was a memory he could access like a book on a shelf.

  Cal had begged him not to leave, wishing he had been enough reason to make his father stay. Dominick made an empty promise as he packed up the rest of his personal belongings in a large suitcase, that he would pick Cal up every other weekend so they could keep playing one-on-one basketball and go fishing. At the time, Cal had believed him wholeheartedly, not thinking for a moment that his life would change so drastically.

  Dominick had been a fixture in his life that he had taken for granted, someone he thought would always be there for him…until he wasn’t.

  Weeks turned into months and Cal didn’t hear from his father, not a single visit or phone call. He had begun to worry, thinking something awful had happened to his father. But one night he overheard Valerie call him on the phone, urging him to visit and to keep up with the child support. She had hung up the phone in tears. It was one of the few times Cal had ever seen his mother cry, and that’s when he knew that his father had no intention of seeing him or his mother again.

  Cal had always bottled up his pain from his father’s rejection, locking it up somewhere deep in his heart. He figured if he kept his feelings hidden, his father’s absence could no longer hurt him. He tired of crying for him and hated that he missed spending time with him so much.

  Cal made a promise to himself as a teenager that he would never allow himself to be as foolish as his mother. He would not make the mistake of falling in love so deeply. He would protect his heart by keeping any man in his life at a distance. There would be no major commitments, no living together, only for it all to end one ordinary day with one of them moving out for good.

  But it was Cal who had been the fool. Even with the fortress he had so diligently built around his heart, he managed to have it broken anyway.

  Cal felt queasy and ran from the den to the bathroom. He vomited in the toilet, heaving up his sugary, brightly colored breakfast. He wiped away the mess from his mouth with a clammy hand and then washed up in the sink. The house was silent and still except for the creaking of the wooden floors beneath his feet as he wandered. He noticed all of the new touches his mother had added to the home in her effort to prepare to sell it, as well as some of Gary’s belongings, a vinyl collection and acoustic guitars. He felt like a stranger going on a tour of someone else’s home, yet he had lived here his entire life.

  Aching for comfort and solace, Cal walked up the stairs and entered his bedroom. It was the only sanctuary he had left in a world that had been completely turned upside down. His room was a cluttered mess of books, cameras, tripods, and random papers. He waded through it carefully as if avoiding lava on the floor and sat on his bed. He reached for his laptop on the nearby desk, pulled it close, and opened it.

  Fernando’s smiling face was staring at him from the screen, the image working its way into Cal’s wounded heart. Cal thought back to what Fernando had confessed to him the night of Princess Freeze’s attack. He had given Cal his heart so freely and without an ounce of fear. Fernando was even braver than Cal previously thought.

  He longed to smile back at the photo, to reach out and touch the enchanting man he saw on his screen. Instead, he put his face in his hands and allowed himself to cry, finally releasing the pain he had held onto for so many years one tear at a time.

  Chapter 24

  Nessa stood at Cal’s door the next morning, hoping someone would answer the doorbell. She hadn’t heard from Cal since the mugging, but she’d been visiting her parents nearby and took a chance he’d be home.

  She looked down the street at the other familiar houses in the neighborhood. Two-story homes with a few ranches in the mix. Long white driveways and trim cut lawns. Not much had changed in this area since her high school days. She had appreciated her parents buying a house in the suburbs; the spacious backyard she ran around in with her older sister had been her favorite place as a child. But she’d take the vibrant and diverse city any day over the suburbs. Despite the stories of frequent violence on the news: drive-by shootings, murders, assaults. Chicago had welcomed her with open arms.

  The one thing she did miss was no longer living a block away from Cal. He wasn’t perfect, but he was there for her whenever she needed a friend. And he had risked his life to save hers. She could count on her hand the number of people who would have done the same.

  “Nessa?” Cal’s face was pale and his eyes bloodshot as he stood at the front door. Normally, he looked good no matter how hungover he was, blessed with sparkling blue eyes and a luminous smile. But today, his eyes lacked their usual glimmer. She almost thought she was at the wrong house until she heard him speak.

  “What the hell happened to you?” Nessa pushed her way into the house and sat down with him on the living room sofa.

  Cal gave Nessa a despondent look. “Jin broke up with me.” His voice was small, almost inaudible even in the quiet house.

  “Really?” Nessa set down her pink purse. It came as no surprise to her. With the way Cal dodged Jin’s offers to move in together, it was only a matter of time. “I’m sorry, Cal.”

  “So am I.”

  “Let’s be real for a minute, though. College sweethearts don’t last forever. I know this is rough on you, but…” Nessa pulled him into a hug.

  “You’re still with Dayvon, right?” Cal cut her off, shifting away from her embrace.

  “Yeah, we’re still together.” Nessa made a sour face. “And, yes, we met in college, but it was senior year, and-”

  “You don’t have to explain anything,” Cal interrupted her. “I’m glad you’re happy together.”

  He had always celebrated her wins. Her scholarships and grants. Her acceptance into law school at a young age. Cal had been there cheering her on for all of it. Even after he dropped out of college, he helped her pick out a frame for her diploma when the time came.

  “I came to check on you. And I have some good news, but I don’t think this is the right time.” Nessa studied the damaged wall, avoiding Cal’s downcast eyes.

  “Why not?”

  Nessa scooted on the sofa closer and the leather squeaked under her skirt. “Dayvon and I are moving to New York together.”

  “Really?” Cal’s eyebrows lifted.

  “What do you mean, really?” Nessa cocked her head to one side.

  “What I mean is I know how hard you worked to get into law school. You were so thrilled when you got that acceptance letter.”

  “Well, yeah-”

  Cal talked over her. “And now you’re gonna chase after Dayvon? Because he wants to run away to New York? Because he didn’t get in the same school as you?”

  Nessa’s jaw dropped. Yes, she was conflicted about leaving Chicago, leaving a law program she had fallen in love with. And no, chasing after a man was not her style. But she had been so excited to share this with Cal. Moving with Dayvon was the next step. They were starting a life together. Grown-up stuff.

  Things Cal didn’t understand.

  “I guess it takes one to know one. Because all you ever do is run.” Nessa stood, taking a few steps back. “That’s why Jin dumped your ass.”

  “Nice.” Cal shook his head, rubbing his jaw. Nessa was known to speak her mind whether she was asked to or not. “Way to kick a guy when he’s already down.”

  Nessa paused. “Stop being jealous that I’m taking it up a notch with Dayvon.”

  “Hey, I already sacrificed my career. Why would I be jealous that you’re doing it now, too?”

  “And fine as you are, Jin won’t wait his whole life for your indecisive ass to move in with him. He can do better.”

  “Wow.” Cal scratched the back of his head. “Tell me how you really feel, Nessa. I was trying to look out for you.”

  “That’s another thing,” Nessa pursed her lips. “You and this whole superhero routine. Dayvon hated that he couldn’t step up and defend me that night.”

&n
bsp; “Oh, sorry I saved you and your boyfriend from getting shot.” Cal waved his hands.

  Nessa took in a breath and paused. “I won’t argue with you anymore. You’re hurting. Shoulda kept my mouth shut.”

  Cal plopped down on the sofa. “I’m mad at myself, not you.”

  “I don’t want to leave with bad feelings between us.” Nessa inched closer. “I know you really loved Jin.”

  “Still do.”

  “Give yourself some time. You’ll find a new man, someone perfect for you.”

  “I’m gonna miss you.” Cal squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.

  “I’m gonna miss your crazy self, too.” Nessa tried to laugh, but tears stung her eyes.

  “Maybe I’ll get a photography assignment in New York. I can come visit you.”

  “You’ll have time to take pictures while you’re saving people all over Chicago?”

  Cal stared at his knees. “I’m not using my powers anymore. It was cool helping people, like the best feeling in the world. But I’m not cut out for it. I’m not a caped vigilante brooding around the city. Alone.”

  “Yeah, but Batman can’t fly or do half what you can and he saves people all the time. And he’s not alone.”

  “But Batman’s not real.” Cal shrugged with a sigh. “I’m done with all of it.”

  “Is that you talking, Cal, or your fear?”

  He fell silent.

  “I don’t know the whole story behind your powers, but I’ve never seen someone act so fast or be so brave as that night. I was terrified. Like I couldn’t move or speak. But you…you were fearless. That’s the Cal I wanna see more often.”

  “You think I’m brave?” Cal’s head sprang up.

  Nessa nodded. “You’ve always been brave. Even back in high school when that cheerleader brat called you gay in Spanish class. I thought you were fearless then. You’re the reason I stood up and spoke out.” Nessa paused. “Whether you choose to use your powers or not, it doesn’t matter. To me, you’re already a superhero.”

  Cal beamed. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Anything but goodbye.” Nessa forced a laugh as she fought tears. “I’m moving at the end of this term, so we’ll still have plenty of time to hang together.”

  “Stay for lunch?” Cal offered.

  “Can’t. I have to get back to meet up with Dayvon. We’re going to dinner at his Granny’s tonight. I promised to bring pie.”

  “It was worth asking. Have fun tonight.” Cal stood up to walk Nessa to the door.

  * * *

  Cal watched Nessa head down the front steps. Another ending for him to cope with while reeling from his breakup. His powers could only heal his body. They were useless when it came to emotional turmoil.

  Even superpowers have their limits.

  The phone in the house rang, interrupting his thoughts. Valerie’s landline phone for emergencies. The only people who called ended up being telemarketers. But there was a chance it was his mom, so Cal ran to the phone, trying to find it based on the volume of the ringing. The ring was louder when he got closer to the kitchen. He spotted it next to a bowl of fruit and answered. “Hello?”

  “Hi, honey.”

  “Hi, Mom.”

  “Is everything okay? You sound kinda down.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

  “Why don’t you meet us in Michigan? We’ll do a wine tasting tomorrow at noon. It’s about a two-hour drive from the house. Try to be on time.”

  “Which winery?”

  “My favorite one, where they give you the chocolate and cheese samples. I can’t think of the name right now. There should be a brochure in the den on the coffee table.”

  “All right. See you tomorrow.” Cal ended the call. The last thing he wanted was to go to a wine tasting with his mom and Gary. But the alternative was sitting in an empty house that echoed his sobs and sniffles.

  He ordered a pizza with sausage and green peppers, Jin’s favorite, and opened a can of beer. He propped his feet up on the coffee table and flipped through the channels again, waiting for the delivery person to ring his doorbell. The drive to Michigan might be the distraction he sought from his pain and guilt.

  * * *

  After a drive that took three hours because of infuriating construction traffic, Cal arrived at his mom’s favorite winery in southwest Michigan. He searched the tables. A mix of couples, young and old, were holding hands and nosing their wine glasses.

  Great. Nothing like seeing happy people in love fresh after a breakup.

  His eyes landed on his mom and Gary. They were deep in conversation, laughing and smiling at each other. Valerie beamed as she leaned into Gary. For a long time, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever see his mom so content. Ever since she met Gary, Cal noticed she had become a different person, for the better.

  “Hi, Mom.” Cal walked over to their table. “Hey, Gary.”

  “Oh, good you made it.” Valerie pulled him in for a hug.

  He wondered if she would call him out on his bloodshot eyes. “Thanks for inviting me. It’s been kinda boring sitting around at home by myself.”

  “So, how’s Jin?” Gary asked. Cal noticed Gary doing his best to be friendly. But he always tried too hard and it annoyed Cal, already in a sour mood.

  Cal’s face fell. “I don’t know anymore.”

  “Honey, what happened?” Valerie’s reached her hand out on the table, tapping her fingers near Cal’s empty glass.

  “We broke up Friday night.” Cal felt the onset of tears. Crying had become a habit lately, but he kept it in check. He had no intention of crying at an intimate winery in the middle of a picturesque vineyard in front of all these cheerful couples. He looked away from his mom and glanced out the large glass windows. A group of feisty women staggered off a wine party bus in the grassy lot out front. One tripped over her own spiked heel and the ladies guffawed in response. No tears allowed here.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Valerie hugged him again. “I know how much he meant to you.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  Gary cleared his throat. “Uh, Cal, would I be imposing if the two of us talked? Man to man?” Gary turned to Valerie for her approval.

  She nodded with a smile.

  “Okay, I guess.” Cal’s lips formed a tight line. Gary was open-minded and not homophobic in the slightest, but it embarrassed him all the same. His father had always avoided talking to Cal about relationships after he came out, so he had learned to keep things to himself.

  “Let’s take a walk.” Gary motioned toward the patio.

  Cal followed him to the small wooden patio. He gazed at the rows of vineyards that looked as though they went on forever. “It’s beautiful out here. Should’ve brought my camera,” Cal said to break the silence, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

  “You don’t know too much about me, other than I’m crazy about your mom.” He gave a chuckle and ruffled the spikes in his hair. “Or maybe you just think I’m a little crazy.”

  “Yeah.” Cal let out a grunt of a laugh.

  “The last thing you wanna hear is relationship advice from a straight dude who’s engaged to your mom.”

  Cal’s eyebrows shot up.

  “You’re in a lot of pain. I can see it in your eyes. And I don’t know what it’s like to be gay in the Midwest.” Gary paused. “So instead I’m gonna tell you a little about me.”

  Oh shit, not another New York anecdote. Cal rolled his eyes.

  “Something you don’t know.”

  Cal turned to Gary, his interest piqued.

  “It’s possible to find love again after you lose it.” Gary exhaled a long slow breath. “I know, because it happened to me.”

  “Gary, I-”

  “Hear me out, man.” Gary held up his hand. “I had a great love in my life. Joy. She had a crooked smile that could light up a room and, man, could she shred a mean bass guitar. I married her as quick as I could, before she had the chance to change her mind about e
nding up with a goof like me. And we had some good times together. Had a little band and we toured all the New York City clubs, had some good gigs. The crowd loved her, couldn’t take their eyes off her. Neither could I. I’d get jeers for playing the wrong chords or a few sour notes but I didn’t care, not with her by my side on stage.

  “But Joy had a disease. Not the kinda disease that people pity or run marathons for, but she suffered all the same from her addiction. No matter how hard I tried to help her, she couldn’t let go of that needle. And when she died, I thought I was done. I wanted to go with her, wherever she had ended up. But life doesn’t work that way. For whatever reason, I’m still here.”

  “Shit, Gary.” Cal gulped. “I had no idea.”

  “I’ll always miss Joy. Not a day goes by I don’t think of her. And, well, I was freakin’ ready to give up. Until I moved to Chicago to start over, do my best to forget. The years went by. Time didn’t care that I was miserable. But by some lucky break, I met your mom. Valerie showed me that life is fucking worth it even if it breaks your heart. Turns out this old, torn, patched up heart of mine is big enough to love two people. So if anyone believes in finding love again, it’s me.”

  Cal was quiet, absorbing the words from Gary’s past. Now he knew more about Gary than he did about his dad.

  “You can have more than one love in your life, but ya gotta let go of your fears. If you feel like running away, turn around and run right into what scares you the most.”

  Cal froze when the thought of Dr. Almighty loomed large.

  “It’s okay to be sad.” Gary put a hand on Cal’s shoulder. “But you know what? It’s okay to be happy, too.”

  Cal glanced at Gary’s black leather boots. Okay to be happy. A certain mischievous smile came to mind.