by Emma Hart
“That’s too much information, Holley.”
“Welcome to my world,” I muttered as Ivy’s text from this morning flashed in my mind.
“No, thank you.” Grandma stood and took my purse from me. “I’ll pass on that. Help Kinsley sort those lunatics out then come in and tell me all about your new boyfriend.”
I froze. “My new boyfriend?”
She raised one heavily penciled eyebrow over the top of her glasses. “Yes, Holley. Your new boyfriend. Sebastian.” She said his name slowly, over-pronouncing every syllable and finishing with a real drawn out ‘n’ sound.
Well, at least I had an answer to my question now.
“Right. Of course.” I laughed nervously and reached under my scarf to scratch the back of my neck. “I’ll just—yeah. Go.”
I left her to take my purse inside, thanking God I’d already put my phone in my pocket, and turned toward the commotion.
But not before I pulled out said phone, removed my glove with my teeth, and fired off a very awkward, one-handed text to Sebastian.
ME: Mu grsndma tjinks were dstung
Close enough.
I quickly put it back into my pocket and put my glove back on before my fingers froze and fell off and joined Kinsley.
“Mabel, you can’t put coats on the ducks!” Kinsley said, I assumed not for the first time. “They don’t need coats, and you’re going to fall and break a bone trying to put one on them.”
“I tried telling her that,” Randy, her grandpa, grumbled, crunching some snow with the bottom of his cane. “But she won’t come inside, and I can’t leave her out here.”
“Why isn’t a nurse out here? This weather is awful,” I said.
“Because I’m a grown woman and I can do what I want!” Mabel protested, brandishing one little houndstooth coat at us. “I pay them!”
Well, technically, her daughter paid them, but whatever.
I wasn’t going to correct her with the mood she was in.
Her cheeks were flushed red, and her scarf was all but covering her nose, making her passionate protests somewhat muffled and a little hard to understand, actually.
She sounded a bit like a drunken drill sergeant…
“I got one, Mabel!” Amos bumbled over with his cane rapping against the path and a duck tucked under his arm. “He almost got away!”
“That’s Cheese,” I muttered. “Where’s Quackers?”
“Taken up residence in their brain, because they are quackers,” Kinsley muttered back.
“Amos, be careful!” I rushed to his side and reached him just as he steadied himself. “Maybe you should put the duck down.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m fine.” He brushed off my concern. “Where’s my grandson?”
“At his doctor appointment,” I replied, taking Cheese the duck from him.
That was a bad idea.
“Uh, what do I do with the duck?” I held her at arm’s length. Thankfully, her wings were pinned under my hands so she couldn’t flap. That didn’t stop her doing her best to try and get away from the weird stranger holding her.
Kinsley pulled out her phone and held it up in my direction.
I glared directly at her camera. “I’m going to kill you.”
“I know.” She grinned before she tucked it back in her pocket. Unlike me, she was wearing gloves that reacted to the touchscreen of her phone because she was smart.
“Help me,” I whimpered.
“What the—”
I turned at the faint sound of Sebastian’s voice. “Help me!” I shouted at him.
Hey, he was my fake boyfriend. He could real life rescue me right now and look good.
“Why are you holding a duck?” he asked as he approached us all.
“Your grandfather was holding it and it seemed dangerous.” I glanced at Cheese. “Although this doesn’t seem much safer.”
Seb took Cheese from me, his fingers brushing mine, and put the duck down. Cheese quacked loudly and ran away with her wings flapping, presumably to warn all the other ducks that there was a crazy lady who was a little afraid of ducks.
And then there was Mabel. Who was just a crazy lady.
“Oh, Sebastian!” Mabel cried. “We didn’t put her coat on!”
Seb blinked. “Her what?”
“Her coat,” Randy replied dryly. “Is it time for The Price is Right yet? I’m freezing my nipples off out here.”
Kinsley’s cheeks reddened. “Grandpa, that’s inappropriate.”
“So is the fact you came without my whisky.”
“Who said I came without whisky?”
“The new girl is a real stickler for the rules,” he said, wiggling one gloved finger at her. “She searches bags and purses and probably assholes, if the FBI asked her nicely.”
That was a visual I didn’t need.
“No, she doesn’t.” Kinsley held up her purse and gave it a gentle shake. “Not mine, anyway. I think you all scared her with the ducks.”
Amos tilted his chin up. “You got whisky?” He looked at Sebastian. “You don’t bring me whisky. Why not?”
Seb blinked. “Because your doctor said you can’t drink whisky.”
“My doctor is an idiot,” Amos whispered, not at all that quietly.
Seb rolled his eyes.
“Aren’t you going to say hello to your girlfriend? I bet she thinks my doctor is an idiot.” Amos looked at me. “Don’t you think my doctor is an idiot?”
“I don’t—I don’t know your doctor,” I replied after a moment.
“He still hasn’t said hello to you.”
“He saved me from a duck. We’re good.”
“He has no manners. He was raised better than that.”
“Oh, Jesus Christ.” Seb stepped forward and cupped the back of my head, then smacked a kiss against my lips. “Hello, sweetheart.”
I blinked at him.
Did he just—
Kinsley’s eyes widened, but her lips twitched up like she was desperately trying to stop a laugh bursting out of her.
“Is that better, Grandpa?”
Mabel’s eyes narrowed. “Why does Holley look like she’s just shit herself?”
Because Holley might as well have, Mabel.
“Teeth clashed,” Sebastian said quickly, touching his hand to his mouth in a convincing display of sensitive teeth. He quickly dropped the act and flashed Mabel a panty-melting grin. “How are you, Mabel?”
The old woman melted.
This was ridiculous.
She giggled.
“Oh, dear God,” Kinsley muttered, echoing my very thoughts. “Grandpa, yes, The Price Is Right is on now. Started a few minutes ago. Shall we go in?”
Randy answered in the affirmative and took her arm to steady himself on the cold ground, then bade us goodbye and went inside with her.
Mabel looked at Sebastian and fluttered her eyelashes that were thick with brown mascara. “I’m better now I’ve seen you.”
Gag me.
Amos shuddered. “Holley, do you like The Price is Right?”
“I don’t mind it,” I said carefully.
“Excellent. Then let’s go and watch it and discuss my rude grandson.”
I really, really didn’t want to do that.
Alas, I had no choice.
Amos grabbed me and dragged me with all his might back toward the building where it was warm and the daily game show was on.
I don’t know why he thought we’d get seats now. It showed how new he was—if you were more than two minutes late to the daily showing of the game show, you were shit out of luck for a seat.
“Oh no, my coats!”
We stopped at Mabel’s pained exclamation. Turning, I saw that the coats for her beloved ducks were strewn across the grass, and one was rolling like a tumbleweed as a gust of wind caught it just right and sent it flying through the air.
“Oh, dear,” Amos said without a hint of regret. “What a shame.”
I fought back a laugh. “Why don’t you ta
ke Mabel inside? Me and Seb can get these. You know, in case one of you falls and pops out a hip or something.”
“Good idea. Maybe a Xanax for Mabel, too.” Amos shuffled over in her direction, and after a brief argument, finally convinced her to join him inside to watch their show.
A Xanax would work.
“That woman is something else,” Seb said, watching as she left with his grandpa.
“Mm,” I replied, bending down to pick up one of the coats.
There were holes for the duck’s wings.
This was… crossing a line into really, really strange.
“Holley.”
“What?” I jerked upright and turned to look at Seb.
“I asked if you were okay. You ignored me.” His lips pulled to one side. “Were you thinking about a book?”
“Mm,” I replied again, folding the coat in half as I met his eyes. “Yeah, I’m reading this book where the girl’s fake boyfriend kisses her and instead of kissing him back, she fantasizes about punching him in the face so he can’t do it again.”
His smirk didn’t disappear. “What did you expect me to do? Grandpa made me greet you.”
“A hug? A kiss on the cheek if you really had to? Why did you need to kiss me properly?”
“Holley, if you think that was kissing you properly, you’ve dated some real jerks.”
“I don’t date,” I said without thinking.
“You don’t date?”
Damn it.
“Not often.” I paused. “I have a business to run. Besides, Saylor dates enough for the both of us. Not very successfully, but she dates.”
“Huh.”
“What? It’s not that surprising. Besides, it’s not like I’m forty. I have time to date later.” I picked up another coat and added it to my little pile.
“Then me kissing you really shouldn’t be that much of an issue, should it?”
“Well, it was.”
“I can’t wait for this. Why are you really mad?”
“Well, you did it without my consent. I didn’t agree to it, and—”
“You had no control over it.”
“Excuse me for wanting control over who kisses me.”
“That’s not what you’re mad about, and you know it.”
I pursed my lips. “I don’t like what you’re insinuating.”
“I’m insinuating that you’re a control freak and always have been.” Amusement tinged his words. “You like everything to be your way, and when it’s not, you get angry.”
“Wow, what is it? Rip Holley apart day?”
“I’m just saying.”
“I’d prefer if you didn’t.”
“Why? Because you can’t—”
“If you finish that sentence with the words ‘control it,’ then I’m going to control your breathing when I chop my hand across your throat,” I threatened, turning around to glare at him.
He grinned. “So fun when you’re feisty.”
“You’re the most irritating person I’ve ever met, and I can’t believe I have the distinct displeasure of not only having you back in my life, but as my fake boyfriend.” I flashed him the fakest smile I could muster and picked up the last coat that had been blown into a bush.
Seb took them all from me and made sure they were all in a stack, then put them down on the nearest bench. “Distinct displeasure, eh? What have you been reading? The Girl’s Guide to The Queen’s English?”
“That’s not even a book,” I retorted smartly. “And if it were, I’d definitely recommend you read it.”
“I do need a new book to read.”
“When do you have the time between all your irritant missions?”
“My irritant missions? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“It makes perfect sense. Like right now. This is an irritant mission.”
“Still doesn’t make sense. Mostly because I’m not here to see you, I’m here to see my grandpa, and you just happen to be here.”
“Wow.” I put my hand on my hip and raised my eyebrows. “Do you talk to all your fake girlfriends that way?”
Seb’s tongue flicked out and wetted his bottom lip. “Given that you’re the only one I’ve ever had, I guess the answer is yes.”
“It’s always nice to know you’re not just one in a long line of girls.”
His lips twitched as he fought a smile. “Is that what you thought of me? That I run around collecting fake girlfriends?”
“Fake girlfriends, fake broken hearts for your fake jar…” I trailed off with a ghost of a smirk quirking my mouth. “How do I know?”
He stared at me a moment before he rolled his eyes. “Are you always this dramatic?”
“No. I think Kinsley is rubbing off on me.” I shrugged and turned back toward the building. The sky was darkening, and I didn’t want to be out here when the heavens opened and shit snow all over town. “I’m going inside. It’s cold.”
“Is this all the coats?”
“I have to be honest: I don’t really care if it is or not.”
Laughing, he followed me inside. It felt like a furnace, and I instantly ripped off my hat and scarf because I was at severe risk of overheating.
“Bet you wish you were outside now,” Sebastian muttered as he set the coats down on the reception desk. “These are Mabel’s coats for the ducks. I’d probably hide them if I were you.”
The new nurse blushed and took them with a small nod, then got up and took them into the back room where they would be out of the way.
Hopefully, that would be where they’d stay.
“Hey!” Amanda, one of the nurses, walked out of the room the new nurse had just come out of. “Oh, good,” she said, peering over her shoulder. “You got the coats off Mabel.”
“Kinda,” I said. “She dropped them, and we were a little afraid she was going to break a bone trying to collect them, so we got them.”
“Thank you,” she breathed. “I’m going to burn them tonight.”
Well, it was good to know she felt the same as I did about the coats.
“Your grandpa has been sneaking whisky,” Amanda said to Sebastian. “I don’t know how he’s doing it, but I think he brought it back from the wedding. He might have gotten away with it if he didn’t forget that the cleaners take out his trash and tell us when they find the bottles.”
Seb pursed his lips and nodded. “That… I’m sorry to hear that.”
I leaned against the high desk, folded my arms across my chest, and looked at him. “Are you?”
He glanced at me. “Of course I am, Holley. He’s breaking the rules.” He turned back to Amanda. “I’ll talk to him. I promise.”
“Thank you.” She touched his arm with a warm smile. “Are you coming in?”
“In a minute.”
I waited until she’d left and said, “So you’re going to tell him to hide the bottles better.”
Seb held up his hands. “We all do it.”
“I don’t.”
“Fine, the rest of us do it.”
“Kinsley doesn’t.”
“We’re not all angels, Holley. Some of us have demanding grandparents.”
“Sebastian,” I said slowly, straightening up. “When my sister got pregnant, my grandmother called her a whore because she thought she wasn’t married.”
“What kind of grandmother calls her granddaughter a whore?”
“My grandmother.”
“Wait, she’s not married now, is she?”
“Oh, she is now,” I said breezily. “They had babymoon in a lodge in Colorado where they secretly got married with Kai’s parents as witnesses. They’re having some big party next year when they’ve moved and they’re settled. As far as our grandmother is concerned, she was married when she got pregnant.”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment. “That’s… kind of messed up.”
“Yeah,” I said, like it was obvious. “Again, have you met my grandmother?”
“Point well made.” He peer
ed through into the main room. “Do you want to get something to eat?”
It was my turn to raise my eyebrows. “I’m sorry?”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“I wasn’t. I was expressing surprise at your question.”
“What? A guy can’t ask his fake—” He paused when someone joined us in the hall. “His girlfriend to lunch?”
I ran my tongue over my lips and glared at him as the male nurse raised his eyebrows.
“Well? Are you busy? Do you have to get back to the store, or…?”
“What’s taking you so long?” Kinsley hissed, joining us at the desk. “I’m dying in there.”
“They’re going to lunch,” the nurse said from the other side as he flicked through papers. “Or he wants to, but she doesn’t.”
Who even was he?
I hadn’t seen him before.
“What he said.” I cocked my thumb in his direction anyway. It wasn’t like he was wrong.
“Oh.” Kins looked between us. “You can go get lunch with him if you want. We don’t all need to be at the store this afternoon.”
“I don’t—”
“Then it’s settled,” Seb said. “The seniors are too busy with their gameshows to care about us, and I’ll just bring grandpa some whisky to—”
The male nurse coughed.
“Whisky liqueur chocolates, I mean,” he said quickly. “You know, for Christmas.”
Kinsley fought a laugh. “I’m just gonna—go, before this gets more of us than just Seb in trouble.”
Then she left.
The male nurse chuckled and picked up a file, then disappeared down the hall.
“Shall we go, then?” Seb smirked.
I stared at him.
I was so going to regret this.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN – HOLLEY
rule fifteen: lying is like a labyrinth; there are a million different routes to get out of it, but you’re almost guaranteed to screw it up and end up back at square one.
“And my grandmother already wants to kill me.” I put my phone back in my purse, ignoring her third annoyed message that I’d somehow managed to steal my purse and I had, horror, taken her book with me.
Not that I’d skipped out on our visit.
That I’d taken her book.
And people wondered where I got it, honestly.
