I slowly lower the straps of my sundress. His sausage fingers pull down my bra cups.
“Come here.” He grips the back of my head to pull me forward.
The closer I get to his small dick, the more strength I gain. I’m not an eight-year-old girl anymore. I can go to Jimmy and we’ll figure this out together. Screw Bernie.
“I can’t do this.” I place my hands on his knees, resisting his pull forward. “I won’t do this to Jimmy. I can’t. Do what you want, but I won’t betray him this way.”
A knock on the door shocks me and I stare at Bernie.
“Come in,” he says before I have a chance to get up.
“What…”
It all happens in slow motion. The door opening and Jimmy appearing, looking irate and devastated at the sight of me between Bernie’s legs with his pants wide open.
I’ve done things I can never undo.
No matter how much I wish I could, sometimes the wounds I inflict are too deep, too catastrophic, too septic to heal. As I look into the eyes of the only man I’ve ever loved, I know I’ve gone too far. I’ve finally crossed the line.
Even if he knew my reason for doing this, he’d never forgive me.
He always puts my needs before his own.
This was my time to protect him and I failed him again.
None of that matters though, because the betrayal and disgust in his eyes reaches deep into his soul. There’s no coming back from this.
He will forever be tainted by what he’s seen, and he will never forgive me.
Chapter Forty-one
Jimmy
I must have blacked out, because the next thing I know, Lilah’s sitting on the floor, my knuckles are throbbing and Bernie’s holding his eye with his limp dick hanging out. I cannot be seeing this.
I knew something was off with Lilah, so I followed her into the city, thinking that maybe she’d slipped and was off to see her dealer.
But this… I never could have predicted this.
When she parked her car, I was confused at first. Why would Lilah come and see Bernie?
“Jimmy!” Lilah gets up off her knees.
Oh God, she’s on her knees. Tears stream down her face and the cups of her bra hang down, revealing her tits.
I glance behind her at Bernie, who’s slipping his cock back into his pants.
I can’t fucking be here.
Turning without a word, I bolt down the hall to the elevator. I stab the button, but it takes too long, and Lilah calls for me down the hall. Pushing my hands through my hair, I look around until I see a stairwell. I race to the stairwell door. I can’t be around her right now. I’m afraid, for the first time ever, that I might hurt her.
I’m out of breath by the time I reach the bottom floor, pushing through the door that opens to the back part of the lobby.
Lilah is waiting for me. She must have ridden down on the elevator I called.
“Jimmy, just wait!”
I push past her and speed walk out of the lobby, ignoring the security guard calling out to say goodbye.
“Jimmy, wait.” She tugs on my shirt after I clear the doors to the building,
I can’t hold back my anger. “That sure didn’t look like Mina.”
“Please listen to me. I can explain.” She sobs, hanging on to the front of my shirt.
“I know what I saw!” I rip her hands off me because I can’t stand for her to touch me with hands that were almost wrapped around Bernie’s dick.
The thought makes me wretch, and I step to the side of the walkway and puke into the garden. Straightening, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and glare at her. The sight of her pulls more bile up my throat.
“You don’t… it wasn’t…”
“It doesn’t even matter whatever cokehead lie you’re about to tell me.”
“What? I didn’t…”
“I saw the lines on the table. Don’t fucking lie to me. Don’t treat me like I didn’t see what I did. You think I’m stupid?” I yell.
She grabs on to my shirt again, not letting go.
I unclasp her hands off me finger by finger, her tears shattering my heart to pieces.
“I can’t witness you like this anymore. Don’t you understand how much I love you? We were here.” I raise my hand over my head. “and in one swoop, I’m here.” I lower my hand below my waist. “You’re killing me. You do realize you lied to me on a pinkie swear?” I run my fingers through my hair. “I worried you might lose your sobriety, but even when you were so high you literally thought you could fly, you never lied to me on a pinkie swear.”
The more I recount the scene in my head, the more my anger calms but sadness seeps in. This is really the end of us because I can’t keep saving her.
“I didn’t.”
I hold my hand up in the air to stop her. I can’t bear to hear her bullshit. “You’ve finally done it, Lilah. For years you tried to ruin us. Congratulations, you finally did.”
“No.” She drops to her knees on the sidewalk, begging me with her eyes as tears tumble down her face.
Before rehab, this would have been par for the course, but this time, I thought she was all in, done with the games, done with ruining everything good in her life. I believed her—heart and soul. Only for her to break me again. Break my trust that she loves me just as much as I love her. The trust that I mean as much to her as she does me.
Well, I’m the fucking fool, aren’t I? She’ll never change.
Grief and anger well up inside me and spill out. “I’m not doing this anymore. This cycle has to stop. You’ve stolen everything from me! Do you understand? I have nothing more to give!”
“Jimmy…” she says through hiccupping sobs.
“There is no explanation that will make this okay.” Something tickles my cheek, and I reach up and realize that tears are running down my face. “I want you to get your shit out of my place.”
Her hands drop from her face, and she looks at me in complete shock before pain lances through her features. I push away the impulse to console her, to fix the situation for her. Give her a hug and tell her it’s okay.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. No more. I’m done with this asylum.
“I love you,” she whispers.
I lean in, my face contorted with rage. “No. You don’t. Find some other schmuck to clean up your messes.”
I stalk away, trying to push the pain of betrayal from my mind, but it’s like a thousand-pound cinder block stacked on my heart. I slide into my car peel out of the parking lot, leaving behind the woman who was my everything, but instead took everything from me.
Chapter Forty-two
LIlah
“You gonna stare at that thing all night or drink it?”
Glancing at the bartender through puffy, sore eyes, I say nothing.
I have no idea how I got here. I mindlessly scraped myself up off the sidewalk, though I do have a vague memory of walking aimlessly through the streets.
The bartender shrugs and walks off to help another customer.
Pain stabs my chest when I remember the look on Jimmy’s face in Bernie’s office.
I want to shrivel up and die.
He will never forgive me. There’s zero hope for reconciliation.
I grip the shot of whiskey. Whiskey because it reminds me of him.
What will the fallout be from what happened tonight? Will Bernie leak the info on Jimmy? Does it matter? I’ve done him more damage than anyone else could ever do anyway.
A lone tear slides down my cheek, burning as it snakes a path over my raw skin.
The fragment of my heart that held out hope that we’d share a future withers and dies. I stop fighting my demons and give myself over to the darkness clawing within.
Gripping the shot glass hard, it looks like salvation from the crippling feeling that I destroyed the one person I loved the most.
I pick the shot glass up off the
lacquered wood bar top and bring it to my lips. My mouth waters as the scent wafts into my nose.
Fuck it.
I toss back the shot and revel in the burn that coats my throat, down to my stomach, and pushes away all the helplessness, the shame, the pain.
This is nothing more than I deserve.
I have nothing.
TO BE CONTINUED
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Acknowledgments
The impetus for this story began when El was driving and the song Attention by Charlie Puth came on the radio. She started daydreaming (as she always does when she’s listening to music) and thought of the dynamic between a couple. One who desperately loves the other, and the other who can’t fully give themselves to the other person but doesn’t want anyone else to have them. From there Jimmy and Lilah were born.
The first draft of All We Were took a LONG time to finish, but we have a heavy schedule with our other pen name. Not that we’re making excuses. Due to Elisabeth having to write, break, write, Michelle had her work cut out for her to go back while editing and put all the pieces together cohesively. That’s what teamwork is all about though.
One thing we love about Jimmy and Lilah’s story is the realism and truthfulness to many people’s journeys through life. The path they take isn’t an easy one. But life isn’t usually simple and uncomplicated. It’s messy. Sometimes decent people make bad decisions. Sometimes one after the other until they find themselves in a place they never could have foreseen.
No one is perfect, and neither are Lilah or Jimmy—far from it. But it’s their strength to persevere that we love. Who doesn’t root for two people growing up with horrible and unthinkable childhoods to find a peaceful and happy life?
We’ve been writing light-heated romantic comedies together as Piper Rayne for a couple of years now, but we wanted to write about people who claw their way to their happily ever after. People that you root for. A book that gets your heart beating and your anxiety rising because you know they aren’t coming out the other side unscathed, but even still, the journey will be worth it at the end.
Stay tuned for All We Are (Ex-Factor #2)… It’s probably not what you’re expecting it to be.
It takes a village to complete a book and we have a lot of people to thank…
Lauren Watson Perry from Perrywinkle for the amazing photoshoot with this real life couple! There were so many great shots to choose from!
Hang Le from Hang Le Designs – Your artistry is beyond compare! We couldn’t be happier with what you’ve created to represent our story.
Cassie Robertson from Joy Editing for her feedback and superb line editing.
Shawna Gavas from Behind the Writer for her eagle-eye proof reading skills.
Danielle Sanchez from InkSlinger for all the help in getting this book out there. Especially when we haven’t published under our own names in years.
Shawna and Vicki for reading Jimmy and Lilah first in a rough first draft and giving us your thoughts.
Bloggers – thank you so much for your support and for trusting that we’re going to give you something worth spending your precious time reading when we’ve been MIA for so long.
And last but not least, to you, the reader. There’s so many choices out there and we’re humbled that you decided to spend your time reading our work. We hope you didn’t think it was time wasted. <3
See you at the end of All We Are. That’s when we can REALLY chat!
Xo
Elisabeth & Michelle
About Elisabeth and Michelle
Elisabeth Grace
USA Today Bestselling author, Elisabeth Grace, has a hot spot for alpha males and a soft spot for happily ever afters. She lives outside of Toronto, Canada with her husband, two small children, and killer cat. Her theory is that Satan himself spawned the white furball. She's almost always eaten a chocolate bar before 10am (don't judge) and has a mild, but healthy obsession with model David Gandy. ;)
Michelle Lynn
Michelle Lynn is a USA Today Bestselling Author. She lives in the outskirts of Chicago with her husband and twins. She developed a love of reading at a young age, which helped lay the foundation for her passion to write. With the encouragement of her family, she finally sat down and wrote one of the many stories that have been floating around in her head. When she isn't reading or writing, she can be found playing with her kids, talking to her mom on the phone, or hanging out with her family and friends.
Piper Rayne
Elisabeth and Michelle also write under the pen name, Piper Rayne. Our goal is to bring you romance stories that have "Heartwarming Humor With a Side of Sizzle" (okay...you caught us, that's our tagline). A little about us... We both have kindle’s full of one-clickable books. We're both married to husbands who drive us to drink. We're both chauffeurs to our kids. Most of all, we love hot heroes and quirky heroines that make us laugh, and we hope you do, too.
Also by Elisabeth and Michelle
Books by Elisabeth and Michelle Together
All We Were
All We Are
Books by Elisabeth Grace
The Limelight Series - New Adult Romance
Rumor Has It (Limelight #1)
Picture Perfect (Limelight #2)
Collateral Damage (Limelight #3)
Tango For Two (Limelight #3.5)
The Maine Attraction Series – Erotic Romance
Indecision (Maine Attraction #1)
Indiscretion (Maine Attraction #2)
When The Clock Strikes Twelve (Maine Attraction #2.5)
Saltwater Springs Series – Smalltown Contemporary Romance
Built To Last (Saltwater Springs #1)
Off-Limits Love
The Duplicity Duet - Erotic Suspense
HOOK (Off Limits Love #1)
BURN (Off Limits Love #2)
Books by Michelle Lynn
The Invisibles Series
Don’t Let Go
Let Me In
Let Me Love
Can’t Let Go
Let Me Go
Love Me Always
The Love Surfaced Series
Love Surfaced
Love Rekindled
Love Emerged
The Infield Series
Rounding Third
Extra Innings
Standalones
Love Me Back
Collaboration
Familiar Ground
Seeing You
Love Grows In Alaska
Detoured by Love
All We Were (Ex-Factor Duet Book 1) Page 22
