Bourne took his seat at the table next to me without saying a word I might add, and picked up his knife and fork and started to eat.
He didn’t say a word, just started to eat.
“Bourne,” Nico snapped.
Bourne looked up, and that was when I saw the black bags underneath his eyes.
He also looked a tad bit hungover.
“What?” Bourne grumbled.
“What?” Nico said. “First, your sister says something about you before you come in, and now I see all your fuckin’ hair gone and you looking hungover as fuck. What’s going on?”
Bourne shrugged, looking as if he couldn’t be more bored.
“I joined the Air Force Reserves,” Bourne explained to him. “I ship out for bootcamp on the first of August. I’ve already cleared it with my job. I’ve paid the lease for a year. Once I’m done, I only go in once a month. The basic military training that I have to do is eight weeks, and I’ll do that at the base near San Antonio.”
“Oh, that’s not too bad,” Bell interjected. “Do you have to shave your beard, too?”
Bourne nodded. “Not ready to part with it, yet.”
Asa’s eyes were wide with excitement. “Cool!”
Everyone else at the table, though?
Not so excited.
Bourne went back to eating as if he hadn’t just thrown a bomb on the Pena kitchen table for everyone to digest.
I carefully set my fork down, appetite forgotten, and said, “Excuse me.”
Then I got up from the table and calmly walked away, hoping that my desolation didn’t show all over my face.
Bourne didn’t follow me, either.
I shouldn’t have expected him to, but I did.
Stomach feeling like it was tied in knots, I walked straight out of the Pena household and straight into the woods.
I hadn’t intended to go as far as I did, but once I started walking, I couldn’t stop.
***
Bourne
I should’ve gone after her.
But I had my pride.
She hadn’t called me last night before I’d started drinking.
It’d been hours as I waited for her to call, and she never had.
Which had led me to going out and finding a beer.
Which had then led me to talking to the military recruiter for the Air Force that liked to frequent the bar.
One thing had led to another, and this morning I’d found myself at the recruiter’s office talking to him about stuff that I should’ve very well gone over with Delanie.
Only, I’d still been pissed.
Oh, and I hadn’t stopped drinking.
I’d had a beer the moment that I’d woken this morning.
And, after giving last night a shot, I’d decided that it was time to stop living for everyone else, and instead start living for me.
I loved Delanie.
I loved her a fucking lot.
But what I didn’t love was the fact that I had regrets in life.
That I thought that maybe I should’ve done something differently than what I’d done.
Hence the reason I’d gone to the recruiter’s office this morning after having two beers and signing myself up for the Air Force Reserves without first talking to anyone about it.
One thing led to another, and soon I found myself signing my name on a dotted line that would mean that the Air Force would own my ass for a while.
At least, I admitted to myself, I hadn’t completely gone and signed up.
I’d done it on a temporary basis.
The first months after I left would be hairy.
But I wouldn’t have to go anywhere or do anything unless shit hit the fan, and that would hopefully be never.
“You’re not going to go after her?” Booth asked as he watched me.
I took another bite of the driest meatloaf I’d ever tasted and shrugged.
“Bourne.”
I looked at my father.
“Go.”
I rolled my eyes and stood, but I took the meatloaf with me.
By the time I got out to the front porch, I wasn’t sure why I’d grabbed it.
Tossing it to the floor, I wiped my hands on my jeans and started looking around for the woman that had the ability to break my heart with a few simple words.
But she was nowhere to be seen.
I could hear her, though.
She was loud, and I hoped that she never tried to sneak away because she’d fail.
Heading in the direction of curses and crunching leaves, I found her about a half a mile into the woods, standing at the side of the creek, staring into nothing.
She looked at me over her shoulder and smiled tremulously.
“I don’t know where to cross,” she glared.
I jerked my chin in the direction of a tree I used to cross.
“I usually cross there,” I pointed out.
She walked to it and started to climb her way onto it, and my heart skipped a beat.
Her feet went unsteady for a second, and she was halfway across when she started to tip over the side. Without even intending to follow her, I was on the log and pulling her into my body before I’d even had a chance to realize I wanted to move.
I blew out a shaky breath when she was plastered against me.
“It was only water,” she pointed out, her voice breathless.
“Yeah,” I said. “Tell my heart that.”
She relaxed against me, then her legs seemed to give out, and she started to cry.
“I don’t want you to go.”
That’s when I felt like a complete and total heel.
I should’ve told her about what I wanted to do.
None of this should’ve been done without talking to her first.
I was a complete and utter dumbass.
“I was drunk,” I admitted. “When you didn’t call last night… I shut my phone off and went to a bar.”
She stayed silent as I told her about what I did last night, not saying a word until I was done.
“Do you want to do this?” she wondered.
Exhilaration poured through me.
“More than anything,” I admitted. “I’ve wanted to be in the Air Force Special Ops since as long as I can remember. One of my mom’s brothers had a friend. He came in once a year to visit with Banks. And he was SOF—Special Operations Forces—and God, I was so enthralled with his stories. I wanted to be him so bad. He was like this goal that I had for myself. Then I broke my freakin’ foot. Had to have surgery on it… then…”
“Then Booth asked you to stay with me,” she said softly. “With Asa. And you put your life, and your dream, on hold.”
Yeah.
Yeah, I had.
“Worth it,” I admitted. “So fuckin’ worth it. That was something that I couldn’t pass up. God, those years with you and Asa? Watching him grow, helping you, it was a special privilege that I’d do over and over again.”
“But you always wanted to be in the Air Force, and last night when I hurt you, caused you pain, you realized that you wanted more to life than just this,” she guessed.
“Maybe,” I admitted. “I don’t know. But I at least had enough forethought not to sign up for the full deal. Other than a couple weekends a month, and a few weeks in the summer, I’ll likely never be in it more than that. The likelihood of ever needing to do anything more than that is slim to none. The recruiter was pretty blunt about that. If I wanted to be more than just a glorified part-time thing, then I needed to sign up for the real thing. But something in me told me that would be a bad idea. Regardless of wanting to be in the military, I do have a great life here. I have a fantastic job doing something that I really love.”
She turned in my arms.
“I want you to be Asa’s stepdad. I don’t want to take that away from you. I want you to continue to be in Asa’s life exactly how you have been.” she said. “He
ll, I’d want you to be more, but I’m pretty sure that would break Booth’s heart.”
I smoothed my hand down over her hair, tucking it behind her ear.
“Booth deserves Asa,” I said. “One day, though, we’ll have some of our own, and when that day comes, I’ll get to be the dad I’ve always wanted to be.” I paused. “But I do want Asa to have me when and if he ever needs me.”
“I was an asshole,” she said. “I feel terrible.”
“You were scared,” I said, my eyes studying hers. “And your dad knew just what to say to get you that way. We all say some stuff that we don’t mean sometimes.”
“You didn’t,” she said. “Despite all the words I hurled in your direction, you never once said anything bad. It was all me.”
I sifted my fingers through her tangled hair.
“I’ll get over it,” I said and meant it.
I wasn’t over it yet, but I would be.
“My dad is an asshole,” she whispered. “I don’t know what his agenda is, but yesterday was the last straw. The lawyer is filing a few things tomorrow.” She paused, her eyes wide. “I changed my will, too. If anything ever happens to Booth and me? You’re up. Asa’s yours. With Dillan being pregnant…”
I crushed her body to me and hugged her hard. “Nothing is ever happening to you.”
She laughed. “I don’t want anything to ever happen to me. But if it does, you’re it. You’re his. He’s yours.”
I pulled her hair, tilted her head back, and kissed her.
She returned the kiss with gusto, pushing her body against mine.
I pulled away and looked down, then moved us so that we were once again on solid ground.
“I don’t have any choice not to go,” I told her. “I signed on the dotted line this morning…”
She pulled away and tilted her head way back on her shoulders so she could see me, then said, “Bourne Pena, I love you. Even though you’re going to be leaving me for eight weeks, I’m not going to be too upset about it. If it makes you happy, then I’m happy. That’s all that I ever wanted. Because I love you.”
I made love to her after that.
On the ground, right there in the middle of the clearing where anybody could’ve walked up and found us.
Thankfully, no one did.
And when we were walking back to the house, I said, “While I’m gone, I don’t want you to get your next birth control shot.”
She looked over at me with wide eyes.
“I also want you to plan our wedding, because when I get home, we’re doing it.”
She snorted.
“By the way, don’t involve my mom. Not if you want to get it done in a timely manner,” I continued.
She burst out laughing and jumped onto my back, and I carried her back to the house like that.
When we breached the dense woods, Asa was standing in the yard.
The minute he saw us he started running our way.
“Bourne!” he cried.
He hit my legs, and I rocked backward, causing Delanie to jump off or be forced to fall right along with me.
I hit my ass and laughed as I caught Asa up in my arms and squeezed him tight.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I don’t want you to leave.” He paused. “Can I go with you?”
I snorted out a laugh. “I don’t think that they’ll look too kindly on me bringing my almost six-year-old nephew with me to boot camp.”
He sighed. “You’ll miss my birthday.”
My stomach clenched.
He was right.
His birthday was the first of September, and the way it looked now, I’d be gone.
“I’ll be here not too long after,” I said. “And we’ll have a big party. I also asked if we could take you with us to the training yard along with a couple of your friends last week. I was given the okay… as long as you want to bring someone.”
He snorted. “I don’t think so. That’s my place.”
Delanie snorted out a laugh. “You can share your place, Asa. Especially when it’s some of your friends that you’re sharing it with.”
“I don’t have friends. I have family. And the ones that I want to share it with already know how to get there,” he said.
With that, he left, leaving to go to Moses who he hadn’t seen until just then.
Moses moseyed out of the woods soaking wet, and I wondered idly where he’d been.
I hadn’t seen him at the creek with us, and unless he was on someone else’s land, that was the only place he would’ve gotten wet…
I forgot all about Moses, however, when Booth came up to me looking pissed.
He glared.
“You could’ve told me, asshole,” he snarled.
My brows rose.
“You could’ve stood up for me yesterday,” I countered.
Delanie stiffened slightly in my arms, but I shoved my hand up the back of her shirt and into her pants, causing her to roll her eyes.
Also, it made her still, which was my original objective.
“I can’t say that it was my most shining moment,” he snapped. “But I would’ve wanted to be there for you.”
I looked my brother in the eye and said, “You got to be yourself for a couple of years. Now it’s my turn.”
“But you’re not leaving forever,” he confirmed.
I shook my head. “One or two weekends a month, couple weeks here and there.”
He took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly.
“I hope that you fucking hate boot camp,” he said. “I’m going to send shit to you that’s not allowed just because you piss me off.”
My eyebrows rose. “You wouldn’t do that.”
Booth grinned salaciously at me. “Of course not.”
Chapter 17
My favorite thing about your opinion is when you keep it to yourself.
-Bourne to Booth
Bourne
Four weeks later
Week one blew big ball sacks.
Week two blew even hairier ones.
Week three, shit started to level off, and I finally got to call home.
My grin was as big as Texas when the call finally went through.
“Hello?” Asa answered, sounding miffed. “This better be important, I was on level fifty-five hundred.”
I grinned even wider. “That’s like eight hundred levels in just four weeks, kid.”
“Uncle Bourne!” Asa screamed.
So loud, in fact, that I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
I smiled like a fuckin’ sap, though.
And then chatted with Asa for a good fifteen minutes before I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“How’s your momma?” I asked him quietly.
“She’s sad,” Asa said. “She misses you. Cries all the time. Aunt Dillan said that she’s acting like she’s pregnant. Momma told her that she was having sympathy pains because Aunt Dillan is psycho now.”
There was a lot of information going on there.
“Can I talk to her, bud?” I asked.
Asa sighed. “If you have to.”
I threw my arm over my eyes and waited as Asa finally walked the phone to wherever Delanie happened to be.
I heard her talking before she realized I was on the phone.
“Moses, you monster,” Delanie growled. “I said sit. Don’t you dare. No, you’re muddy. How do you keep getting wet? You have to have a bath. No. No. No. Noooo, shit.”
“Hey, Momma?” Asa called. “Uncle Bourne wants to talk to you.”
There was a long pause and then Delanie gasped.
I heard the movement of the phone, then Delanie’s breathless, excited reply.
“Bourne?”
“Hey, baby,” I purred softly.
I heard it the moment that she started to cry.
“Asa said you’re crying,” I murmured, feeling my heart clench tight.
“Maybe,” she admitted. “But, to be honest, there’s a lot going on.”
“What do you mean?” I asked curiously.
I felt like I’d missed so much.
Sure, there’d been a lot of talking going on in letters, but those just weren’t the same.
“I’ve befriended Ellie,” she admitted. “And… God, Bourne. She makes my heart sad. I feel like she’s wasting away, and every time I go out of my way to talk to her, she just seems to be angry. Obsessed. And she cries. All the time. And… I guess that I just can’t help myself. I can’t help but cry when I get home. It’s not totally all you.”
I understood at once.
“That’s sweet of you, baby,” I said softly.
“I had a lot of free time on my hands when my man went and joined the Reserves,” she teased, then, more seriously, she said, “How are you doing?”
In all honesty, I felt like I didn’t belong.
I was by far one of the eldest in the group. And, on top of that, I was more fit than everyone here, even some of the instructors.
So… it was enlightening, that was for sure.
But, I was learning a lot and had to admit that despite feeling a bit out of place, I finally felt like I was doing what I’d always wanted to do with my life.
Which I told her.
“That’s good,” she said softly. “I’m so happy that you’re liking it there. I think that would make this all harder if you were hating it.”
We spoke for a long time before I sighed and said, “I have to get some laundry done tonight. And get some food. And a haircut. All of this needs done in the next few hours or I’m going to get my ass handed to me.”
She chuckled. “Call me back if you can?”
I promised I would, then did what I told her I was going to do.
But when I had time to call, it wasn’t Delanie that I called, but my brother.
“So I had an epiphany,” I said to Booth the moment that he answered.
“Yeah?” Booth chirped. “When was that? In between no sleep? The superiors yelling in your face?”
“Actually,” I said, “it was when we were testing the tear gas masks. I had all this time to just sit and think, and so I started thinking about Jason.”
There was a long, lengthy pause.
“Jason?” I asked.
“And Ellie,” I confirmed.
Join the Club (SWAT Generation 2.0 Book 7) Page 19
