by Lilah Rivers
“I am sorry that I made you feel that way. I wasn’t saying that I wanted to urgently end our engagement and have you be the one to communicate that. Of course, if I wanted to call the engagement off, it would be my responsibility,” he said.
“And you are saying that you don’t want to call it off?” she asked.
He opened his mouth to speak but stopped.
“What I don’t want is to be abandoned shortly before our wedding,” he said, honestly. “I guess that’s the thing that has me mentioning this. I don’t want to plan to be married and then, suddenly, find myself publicly rejected.”
For the first time, Annie could see the fear in his eyes. Jethro was not simply angry about being engaged to her. He was frightened of being engaged to her. The thing that was holding him back was the fact that she had ended a betrothal at the very last minute.
Annie sighed a great, exhausted breath. She wished that she could tell Jethro why she had ended the engagement with Bartholomew. She wished that she could tell anyone the reason. But she still could not, and now, Jethro was holding it against her.
It was painful and unfair, but he did not know that.
Annie felt, at once in the same moment, both a surge of anger toward him and a wave of sympathy. Although she was frustrated that he was holding the past against her, she understood his reason for being afraid. It looked to everyone in town that she had been flighty and cruel.
And the thing that hurt most was knowing that she would truly have liked Jethro had he been kinder to her. She would have loved the idea of marrying him if he were not so prone to assumptions.
“Well, I understand your concern,” she finally said. “But you needn’t be worried about it. I have no intention of calling off the wedding. Unless I am given a very strong, very good reason for it, I intend to honor the commitment that was made without my will.”
Even as the words left Annie’s mouth, she asked herself why she was saying them. What reason did she have to want to continue this? Was it also a decision born out of fear? Was she so worried about what people might think of her that she would live in this unhappiness?
No. Annie wished she could blame it on something that trivial. The reality was so much worse. The reality was that she was going to marry Jethro Mills because, despite how he was treating her, she really did like him. And, perhaps foolishly, she really did believe that he was only acting this way out of a desire to protect his own heart.
“Miss Blake,” he said.
Annie looked at him, and she held back the pleading from her eyes. The last thing she wanted was for Jethro to see how badly she wanted him to care for her when, so far, he could not even trust her.
“Yes?” she asked, finally responding to him.
“If you wish to marry me on the day that our mothers and fathers have arranged for us, I hope you know that I will be there to marry you as well,” he said, looking perfectly determined and truthful.
For a moment, Annie felt hopeful, but it quickly died.
“Even if it is not what you want?” she asked.
He hesitated. Annie wondered if he would come up with some lie, a denial that he didn’t want her. She wondered if he would suddenly pretend that this was what he wanted all along so that he might spare her feelings. She practically dared him to with her gaze.
“What I want is not so important as the commitment that you spoke of. So I will be there,” he said.
And suddenly, Annie wanted the lie.
Chapter 8
After their conversation, Jethro could not stop thinking about Annie. He couldn’t stop thinking about the gentle nature she had when she spoke to him or how thoughtful she was even as he had been stumbling over his words to discuss something that must have hurt her deeply.
For so long, Jethro had been ashamed of his behavior and how he was responding to this, but he had continually reacted poorly whenever they spoke. Now, however, he felt that he had a slightly clearer picture of her. He realized that she couldn’t be so bad as he had believed her to be.
Whatever her reason for calling off the wedding to Bartholomew, he was beginning to wonder if maybe he had been too harsh.
No. He knew that he had been too harsh. Not only that, but he had already apologized so many times that there was no way that she would believe him now if he came back with genuine repentance.
These thoughts were in Jethro’s mind as he reached Timothy’s ranch, where he wanted to spend some time with his friend and talk about everything that he was thinking and feeling about Annie.
“Why do you look so heavy?” Timothy asked him.
“You can tell?” Jethro asked.
“Quite clearly. I’m a little bit worried about you. Your eyes look … you look like you aren’t sleeping. Or maybe that you’re depressed. Talk to me,” Timothy said.
“You aren’t wrong,” Jethro said.
“So, what is it?” Timothy asked.
“It’s Annie,” Jethro said.
“Of course. I should have known. Your parents are still making you marry her?” Timothy asked.
“Yes, but that’s not what’s the matter,” Jethro said.
“So what is it?” Timothy asked.
“The problem is that I think I was wrong about everything. I was so mean to her. You should have seen some of our exchanges,” Jethro said.
“I think you’re forgetting that I did. It wasn’t a pretty sight,” Timothy said.
“I know. It was dreadful. And what’s really awful is that now I’ve gone and made things worse. I mean, I don’t know how she’s ever going to trust me with the way that I have behaved. And I just keep apologizing. Over and over and over again. I’m always telling her how sorry I am, and then I go and say the wrong thing once more,” Jethro said.
Timothy leaned closer to him and looked at him with eyes squinted, curious.
“Are you trying to say that you actually want her to forgive you? You sound like you might actually like her now. Did I miss something? What changed?” Timothy asked.
Jethro sighed.
“What changed is that I realized that she really does seem to be a nice, gentle woman. I know that she made a mistake before, but she is such a kind person. And truly devout. Have you ever noticed her during a church service? She really seems to want to listen. She cares about hearing the preaching. I just can’t imagine someone like her actually trying to hurt a man,” Jethro said.
“Wow. I admit that I am surprised. I thought that you couldn’t stand her. I mean, I hope that the two of you can be happy together, I just never expected to hear that you actually wanted to be with her,” Timothy said.
“I don’t think I ever expected it either,” he replied.
“So, what are you going to do? If you made some huge mistake and messed everything up, how do you plan to fix it?” Timothy asked.
“I wish I knew. I am planning to have a chat with her, to tell her that I wasn’t just wrong for saying the wrong things, but my whole attitude was wrong. Honestly, I don’t know what has gotten into me lately. Timothy, I just haven’t been myself,” Jethro confessed.
“Well, you don’t have to stay like that. You can get through all of this, and you can prove to Annie that you are a good man. I trust that you are going to show her that. She will need to forgive you and learn to trust you, but don’t you have to do the same with her?” Timothy asked.
“I do—”
Jethro stopped mid-sentence, shocked to see none other than Bartholomew Jones coming up to the door of Timothy’s home.
“What’s he doing here?” Jethro asked in a whisper as Bartholomew knocked.
“He ordered some meat,” Timothy said, tensing his neck as though he had accidentally done something terribly wrong. “I’m sorry I forgot to warn you.”
“It’s fine; it’s fine,” Jethro said, trying to relax.
“Come in,” Timothy called.
Bartholomew walked in, his broad frame taking up a good amount of space. He was tall and muscular, bui
lt like a bull. His wide-brimmed hat only contributed to the appearance.
“Afternoon, gentlemen,” he said, tipping his hat.
“Afternoon, Mr. Jones,” Jethro replied. “What are you up to this fine day?”
“Just getting some meat,” Bartholomew replied, eyeing him like he was a strange species.
Jethro realized that this could be an ideal opportunity to find out answers to some of his questions, but he didn’t like the fact that Bartholomew was actually the one who appeared to be searching for answers. It was unnerving, not knowing what he was thinking or why he was staring so intently. Jethro just wanted to know why things had ended between him and Annie, but he sensed that there was something else going on.
“So …” Bartholomew began before Jethro could even begin to say anything about it. “I hear that you are engaged to be married to Annie.”
He did not sound particularly shocked, disappointed, or even curious. He was just stating the fact but in a slow, cautious manner.
“Yes, it would appear so,” Jethro replied.
“How do you feel about that?” Bartholomew asked.
“I’m not sure. I guess I feel all right, maybe a little bit uncertain,” he said.
“Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense. I wouldn’t be too sure either if I were you,” Bartholomew said, making Jethro’s stomach twist.
“In some ways, you were me at one point, weren’t you?” Jethro asked.
“Ha, I guess maybe so,” Bartholomew said, although his laugh was hardly enthusiastic. “Anyway, I just want to know if you are actually happy about it or not before I give you a piece of advice.”
“I have been trying to change my mindset and be happy, but I can’t say that I was up until now,” Jethro told him.
“In that case, let me tell you not to waste your time,” Bartholomew said.
“And why not? What’s so bad about her? I really want to know,” Jethro said.
“I don’t know where to begin, friend,” Bartholomew said, shaking his head.
They were hardly friends, and Jethro was suddenly feeling strangely protective of Annie. He didn’t like that Bartholomew was talking like this, like she was such a bad person. And yet, hadn’t he wanted to know? Hadn’t he thought that Bartholomew was exactly the person to tell him the truth?
“Listen, I heard the rumors that the two of you were supposed to be getting married, and I just felt awful for you. I know what it’s like not only to court Annie Blake, but to be completely rejected by her. Publicly,” Bartholomew said, sounding incredibly disappointed.
“Yes, I know. You know better than anyone does, what it is to be with her,” Jethro said, discouraged after everything that he had been thinking about that morning.
“I know that she seems like a great girl right now, but you have no idea what it is going to be like when she changes her mind and decides that you aren’t worth it anymore,” Bartholomew said, sadness welling in his eyes.
“So what am I supposed to do?” Jethro asked.
“I don’t have any answers for you. I’m just warning you that you shouldn’t get involved with her,” Bartholomew said.
“That’s pretty concerning. Would you mind giving me something more specific? A solid reason, maybe?” Jethro asked.
Bartholomew shrugged and gave a lopsided frown.
“I don’t think it’s right for me to say the reason. I mean, this is Annie’s life and future here. I know that there is a lot to be concerned about, but it wouldn’t be good for me to go on and gossip about her,” Bartholomew said.
Jethro was disappointed. Of course he wasn’t looking to gossip, but this was a lifelong decision that he was making. Actually, a decision that had been made for him.
“I just need to know if I should continue to try and fight this. I only just made the decision that I was going to accept it, that I was going to be open and willing to marry her,” Jethro said.
“I understand that, but I can’t divulge her secrets. Let me just say that Annie Blake is not the kind of woman that you should plan to marry,” Bartholomew said. Then, sadly, he added, “She’s only going to break your heart.”
Frustrated, Jethro tried to hide his emotions from Bartholomew. He understood the reasoning behind not telling him what it was that had caused Annie to leave him so suddenly. But despite that understanding, he still wanted an answer. He wanted Jethro to understand the gravity of his situation and the fact that this meant forever.
“Anyway, I don’t want to go around speaking against her. It’s not fair of me to do that; it wouldn’t be right. I know that a young woman has a reputation to protect, and it wouldn’t be right for me to betray her confidence like that. It is far better that you convince her to tell you herself,” he said.
“But how can I get out of this union?” Jethro asked, wishing that he had some sort of excuse to give his mother and father that would convince them that it was for the best.
“I don’t know,” Bartholomew said, casually. “But whatever you do, you should find a way to make sure that no one else ever ends up hurt by her again.”
The idea sounded vaguely threatening as if Bartholomew was still deeply wounded. But Jethro didn’t give it another thought. Bartholomew would have to find his own path to forgiveness. There was no reason that Jethro wanted to be dragged into that.
What he had to do now was figure out a way to convince his parents that he had been right before. It was a shame, though, having only just concluded that he would marry Annie, after all.
He tried to reconcile the thoughts that he had had just moments before with the worries that Bartholomew had now reinforced. He wasn’t entirely surprised. He had already assumed these things about Annie.
What things, exactly? He still didn’t know anything.
Except that he knew Annie was someone he didn’t want to mess with. She was someone who could hurt him deeply. She was someone who had already wounded Bartholomew, and Jethro did not want to give her the chance to hurt him as well.
“Thank you for your input,” Jethro said to Bartholomew.
“I know it’s hard to hear,” Bartholomew replied.
“Not entirely. I mean, I kind of suspected some of the things that you’re saying. So I really shouldn’t be too worried about it. I knew that she was someone to avoid from the start,” Jethro said.
Bartholomew gave him a sad smile of empathy.
“I know. She seems like a great girl at first. She seems easy to love and seems like someone who will be with you forever. It’s a shame that it doesn’t work out that way one you’ve fallen too deep,” Bartholomew said.
Jethro was relieved that he hadn’t gone that far. He hadn’t fallen too deep. Instead, Bartholomew had rescued him just in time, just before he had planned to make that terrible decision that would have ruined his life.
But for now, he was safe. He would find a way to end the engagement, after all. And then? Maybe then, Annie Blake wouldn’t hurt anyone else.
