by Lilah Rivers
“And he thought that that was acceptable?” Rachel asked.
“I don’t know that he thought too far about any of it. But I guess. He thought that it was enough of an answer to give a foolish girl like me. He never expected that I would be strong enough to bring it all to an end. I wish that I could have seen his face when I did it, but it was my father and his father who spoke about it,” Annie said.
“That must have been difficult,” Rachel said.
“Oh, it was. His father was furious, and my father didn’t know the reason for my sudden refusal. He knew only that I was spending all my time in bed in my room and that I was terribly upset about something,” Annie said.
“He never pushed you to tell him what happened?” Rachel asked.
“He did. To an extent, anyway. But I just couldn’t tell him the truth. Like I said, there is too much at stake here,” Annie told Rachel.
But Rachel looked annoyed and disappointed all at once. It was as though she was unwilling to accept the simple answer that Annie couldn’t say a word about it.
“But your reputation has been so wounded, so destroyed through all of this. Why haven’t you told anyone what happened? You could have at least told me sooner. Bartholomew deserves to pay for what he did, and you shouldn’t have to suffer because of it,” Rachel said.
“Thank you. I agree with that. But it wasn’t only Bartholomew back there behind the house,” Annie said.
“What do you mean?” Rachel asked.
Annie looked down. She wasn’t sure how much more she could say. She still wanted to be careful, but her resolve was wearing thin by now.
“Come on, Annie. What are you saying? Do you mean that it’s something about the young woman that he was with?” Rachel asked.
“Yes. I didn’t want to ruin her reputation. It is one thing to end an engagement and quite another to be caught with a man,” Annie said.
She wanted to leave it at that, but she could see that Rachel was going to continue to push.
“Come on now. There is something else about the young woman, isn’t there? I know that you are kind and meek and a little bit timid, but I can’t imagine you going through all of this just to protect a woman who was with Bartholomew. What else has happened? Why was it so important that you not ruin her reputation?” Rachel asked.
Annie knew that she couldn’t hide it any longer. Rachel would have to find out.
“You mustn’t tell a soul,” she reminded Rachel.
“I won’t. I promise you. I won’t tell a single person,” Rachel said.
“Well, all right then. Very well. The young woman was my cousin, Abigail. I can’t bear to ruin her reputation. She is a little bit younger than me, and she makes so many mistakes. It is better that I guide her and show her some mercy now, so long as she is willing to make better decisions in the future,” Annie said.
“Your cousin? I know Abigail, or at least, I have met her. Bartholomew was kissing her? But that is terrible. Even if she is your relative, you still should not have to suffer for her mistakes,” Rachel said.
“I know, but think about what it would do to her. She is young enough that a blemish this big on her reputation would mean that she would be the subject of gossip all her life,” Annie reasoned.
“Maybe I am selfish, but I still can’t understand why you would be so generous with her,” Rachel said.
“Well, first of all, because I want to be. Mercy is a quality to be valued, and it is one that I wish to bestow whenever I am given the chance,” Annie said.
“That is very noble,” Rachel conceded.
“The other thing is that it wouldn’t just harm Abigail. It wouldn’t only warn people against her. It would speak against our entire family. No one would trust us. It would be even worse than it is for me now. Furthermore, Abigail would never have the chance at finding a better match,” Annie said.
“Maybe she doesn’t deserve one,” Rachel mumbled.
“Don’t think of it like that. She really is a good young woman. She made an awful mistake, but that doesn’t have to define her for the rest of her life, does it? I would like to think that there is still some good to be found in her,” Annie said.
Rachel was quiet for a moment, apparently taking it all in.
“But …” she began. “But why didn’t they marry?”
It looked as though it was taking a lot of energy from Rachel to figure out what to say about it all.
“I don’t know. I don’t know whatever happened between them other than the fact that you are right; they never married one another,” Annie said.
“I mean,” she suddenly continued. “Well, it’s just that Bartholomew begged me not to end the engagement. So, I’m not sure if that means that he never did intend anything to proceed with Abigail or not? Or maybe it was because he couldn’t leave me for her.”
“Of course. That would reveal the whole sordid affair, and then nobody would have had any respect for him or your cousin. They were in a bad spot, to be sure, if they wanted to be together. It would have created a scandal,” Rachel said, understanding.
“Exactly. And then Bartholomew came to me, saying that he wanted to marry me, even then,” Annie explained.
“Really? He told you that he still wanted to be together?” Rachel asked.
“He did. I thought that he was mad about it, but I allowed him to keep asking me because it was very satisfying to know that I had that sort of authority in his life. After he had hurt me so deeply, it was now up to me to either accept or reject him,” Annie said.
“And you decided on the latter. To reject him. That was the wisest choice that you could have made,” Rachel said.
Annie heard the words, but she could hardly connect with them. There was something about Rachel’s statement that didn’t sit right with her.
“I don’t know. Maybe it was wise because I would have lived a miserable life with him, always bitter and remembering what he had done. But, thanks to my decision to end things with Bartholomew, I have ended up being punished every day by the community,” Annie said.
“They blame you for ending the engagement,” Rachel said.
“Exactly. So, in the end, did I really come out with any benefits?” she asked.
“I think a bad reputation is a far better option than an unfaithful husband,” Rachel said.
“Yes, I suppose that’s true. But it would have saved me from having to go through this now,” Annie said.
“You should just tell Jethro about Bartholomew. Your cousin will be fine,” Rachel said.
“Will she?” Annie asked. “I don’t know that for sure. I can’t risk it. Not only that, but I don’t think it would matter to Jethro anyway.”
As much as it hurt Annie to admit, Jethro had already broken her heart.
She was hoping to no find something that would put it back together again.
Chapter 11
“Colossians chapter three, verse fifteen,” Jethro’s father said.
“Right,” Jethro said, flipping his Bible to the verse and reading. “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.”
“Excellent. That is my verse to focus on for this week. We will be going through the whole section, of course, but if you can find me anything to cross-reference for that verse, I would appreciate it,” his father said.
Jethro nodded. It was an easy task, but a big one. After all, there were plenty of verses about peace that he would have to go through to find just the right one for the points that his father wished to make.
As he was searching through different verses, something struck him about the verse in Colossians.
It was not only about peace. It was about gratitude. What if gratitude were a method by which he could find peace? What if being thankful was one of the ways that God had given him—and all of humanity—to be at rest and without anxiety?
“Do you want some cross-references on gratitude as well?” Jethro asked his fathe
r.
“That sounds wonderful, thank you,” he said.
Jethro began flipping pages again, trying to focus on the task at hand. But his father looked up at him as if preparing to say something.
“Yes?” Jethro asked.
“Oh, I … I was just thinking about what Scriptures you may want read at the wedding,” his father said.
“The wedding? I haven’t really thought about it,” Jethro said.
“No? But the time is coming so soon. You need to be thinking about these things. You need to make your plans so that I can make mine,” his father said.
“I know, Father. It’s just that I don’t know if there’s really any reason to make plans. I mean, the wedding is going to happen one way or another, isn’t it? If Annie Blake and I don’t have any interest in seeing that happen, we can just let other people focus on it,” he said.
His father shook his head and squeezed the bridge of his nose with two fingers.
“I really don’t understand why you are behaving like this,” he said.
“Like what? I’m not doing anything wrong. I don’t want to marry her. Is that a sin?” Jethro asked.
“Of course not, but you should still respect her enough to give her a chance. You know how things are and how they are done. There is no reason that you should be trying so hard to fight this,” his father said.
“I don’t love her. Is that not a reason?” Jethro asked.
“It would be, but only if you had given her enough respect and time and attention to find out whether or not you ever could love her. As it is, you have been rude at every turn, rejecting her, being nice only for as long as you were forced to before finding an excuse to be anything otherwise,” he said.
“Father—”
“Honestly, I am surprised at you, Jethro. I didn’t expect you to treat her this way,” his father said.
Jethro was thoroughly ashamed, but he still didn’t want to end up like Bartholomew. He didn’t want to be left, wishing that he had never made a promise to marry.
“I don’t want to marry someone who has already betrayed another man. I want someone who is sweet and pious. A woman who can be my helpmeet,” Jethro said.
“You shouldn’t judge her so harshly. You have no idea what really happened. No one does. And maybe that says more about her character than anything else could,” his father said.
Jethro was taken aback. Was his father defending Annie’s decision to leave Bartholomew like that?
“All right, maybe you’re right. It’s just that I never wanted to marry someone who has already been engaged once and then humiliated the man to whom she was betrothed,” Jethro said.
“You continue to belabor this point, but I would ask you to notice a couple of things. Annie has shown a great devotion to the Lord, whereas Bartholomew has not. He only comes to church once every few weeks, and he hardly pays any attention. Have you considered that, perhaps, this had something to do with her refusal of him?” he asked.
Jethro had no response for that, but he still couldn’t believe it. What Bartholomew had suggested was not something merely born out of his lack of theological devotion. He had certainly made it sound like Annie was someone who would break the heart of any man, given the chance.
“I don’t know, Father. I just find it hard to believe that she really is the sort of woman that I would want to marry. All I know about her is how she has wounded another man. You can’t fault me for having my doubts,” Jethro said.
His father looked down at his books for a moment, thinking.
“No, I don’t suppose that I can. But I would ask you to remember whose son you are. No … not mine. The Lord’s. You are his son, and you need to take these concerns to him above anyone else. Listen to him above me or Bartholomew or whatever advice Timothy may want to give you,” his father said.
“Yes, you’re right. I understand, Father,” he said.
“Very well. Now, you have helped me for quite a while. Why don’t you go and see if your mother needs anything?” his father suggested.
Jethro did as instructed, relieved that it meant the end of the conversation about Annie. His mother asked him to go into town for her and pick up a few things that she needed for dinner that evening.
As Jethro made his way to the grocer, he saw none other than Annie Blake coming out of it.
For a moment, Jethro’s first instinct was to try and hide from her. But he quickly realized that it was a foolish notion, and he was better off just trying to be friendly and polite to Annie once she came near him.
Not only that but before he could have disappeared, her eyes met his, and he knew that he had been seen.
“Oh, hi there,” he said, trying to build enough enthusiasm to greet Annie properly.
“Hello, Jethro,” she greeted, smiling somewhat shyly.
“How are you? Enjoying your, um, your trip to the grocer?” he asked. It was a silly thing to say, but he hadn’t been able to come up with anything better.
“Certainly,” she said with an awkward hesitation that he knew had been caused by his own unsettled demeanor.
“Very good. I’m just going to get a few things for my mother for our dinner tonight,” he said.
“Oh? What sort of dishes does your mother like to make?” Annie asked.
“Hmm, I haven’t really thought about it. I mean, she makes a lot of beef because it’s my father’s favorite, and we can get it from Timothy,” he said.
Annie’s mouth twitched into a frown for only a moment at the mention of his cousin. But, soon, she was back to normal.
“And your favorite?” she asked.
“I like beef also, but I prefer white meat. And fish,” he said.
“Excellent. I make a very good trout fillet,” she said.
It took Jethro a moment to realize that Annie had asked him her question for a reason. She wanted to make sure that she could cook for him once they were married. It was a kind, sweet thing that she had thought of.
And yet …
“Well, that’s nice that you can do that. You must also like fish,” he said.
Annie laughed to herself.
“Not particularly,” she said.
It tugged at his heart all the more to know that she would cook things because other people wanted them, not necessarily just for herself.
But Bartholomew’s words were still echoing in the back of his mind. No matter how nice she seemed at that moment, he had to remember that Annie Blake was someone who would be perfectly content to reject him when the time came.
Annie was standing there, looking uncomfortable, as Jethro ran through all of his thoughts.
“So, do you enjoy getting out and about in town?” Jethro asked.
“Yes, very much. Although I am happy at home, I like to get some fresh air and a trip to town is always a good excuse for that,” she said.
“And you live very close, so it is easy enough,” he said.
