by Lilah Rivers
“What is it? You look like you have a lot going on in that mind of yours,” Rachel said.
“Yes, I really do,” Annie said.
“Okay, so tell me,” Rachel urged.
“Oh, there’s just so much! It’s all Jethro and Bartholomew. Some days, I wish I really could be one of those women who have great ambitions for more than just being a wife and mother,” Annie said, ashamed of the things that Bartholomew had said to her and accused her of.
“Excuse me?” Rachel asked, sounding deeply offended.
Annie looked at her with surprise. She had come here for comfort, and now she had done something to upset Rachel?
“What? What did I say?” Annie asked.
“You really think that being a wife and mother doesn’t take ambition? You think that every woman we know gets relegated to it just because there’s nothing more for her to do? Don’t you know that it is a great honor to be a wife and mother?” Rachel asked, reminding Annie of things that she had always known.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said.
“So what did you mean? Because when I look at our mothers and the women that we know, I don’t see ladies who were just forced into those duties. I see women who are strong and brave, women who barely get to sleep because they give themselves so selflessly to the needs of their children, and they don’t feel sorry for themselves,” Rachel said.
Annie felt thoroughly scolded, but Rachel wasn’t finished yet.
“I hope they never hear you talking about how badly you want to be a woman with ambition instead of just a simple little housewife and mother,” Rachel said, shaking her head.
After a moment of quietly waiting, Annie spoke up.
“You are perfectly right, and I’m sorry for thinking about it like that. I know that it’s no excuse, but Bartholomew said some things the other day, and I guess I let them get to me,” Annie said.
“Of course he did. He knows that you are timid, Annie. But don’t be timid. Be brave, be strong, and be a woman who can’t wait to have a husband and children of her own because you are going to be the best mother and wife imaginable,” Rachel said.
Annie felt deeply encouraged and more thankful than ever for a friend like Rachel.
“Now, are you ready to become Mrs. Mills?” Rachel asked.
“Are you … with Timothy?” Annie teased, giggling. She had certainly noticed the way that Rachel was interacting with Timothy of late.
“I don’t want to hear any of that. I’m not foolish enough to fall for that rancher,” Rachel said, although a wistful smile on her lips told quite a different story.
“Oh, is that so? You certainly seemed to notice him on Sunday. And I saw him coming to speak with you at the picnic,” Annie said.
“Well, all right. So, the truth is, we may have started talking a little bit. Just now and then. Nothing much,” Rachel said.
“And? Do you like him?” Annie asked.
“He has mostly been talking about you, trying to learn more,” Rachel said.
“Learn more?” Annie asked.
“You know, he wants to know if you’re a good fit for his friend. So I tell him how great you are. We haven’t spoken about much else, although I wouldn’t mind if we did. But it’s not like you and Jethro. We haven’t been made a match of or anything,” Rachel said.
Annie sighed.
“As much as I want you to be happy, I can’t help wondering if it’s better off that you don’t. Honestly, everything is so complicated and exhausting,” Annie said. “Bartholomew is always coming around. Jethro apologizes then doesn’t believe me and then apologizes again.”
Annie almost pointed out her own flaws of letting them treat her that way, but she refrained, not wanting another lecture from Rachel.
“I wish they would realize what they’re missing out on,” Rachel said.
“So do I. But it doesn’t seem likely to happen any time soon. Anyway, I just want a happy marriage, but I’m not sure if that’s what God has in mind for me. Either way, I will do my best to honor his plans,” Annie said.
“Are you truly that unhappy?” Rachel asked.
Annie sighed.
“No, I am not. I am frustrated, but I would be more than happy to marry Jethro. And now, things seem to be better with him. I only hope that they don’t change again and that he will understand what I have told him. He certainly behaved as though he did. I think I am just worried because it was so difficult to convince him to care about me to begin with,” Annie said.
“Oh, Annie! I don’t want to see you struggling with all of this. I know that Jethro has been foolish, but he will not only come to accept you. He will love you. Your marriage will be filled with affection and love. I’m sure of it,” Rachel said.
“Maybe. I suppose we’ll see,” Annie said.
“You know, I haven’t seen you in a few days, so I didn’t tell you that Timothy and I spoke again two days ago. I saw him in town. And, I have to say that my opinion of him has changed dramatically. I once thought him foolish and vulgar after he confronted you,” Rachel said.
“Yes, I remember. You don’t feel that way anymore,” Annie said, having observed it easily.
“No, I do not. You were right. I do really like him,” Rachel said.
“Why are you telling me this? I thought we were already in agreement that you and Timothy care about one another,” Annie said.
“Yes, but I am telling you again because I want you to think about it. I really had a poor opinion of him, but then I got to know him. It has been quiet, but it didn’t take much. I just had to see his true nature, his true character,” Rachel said.
Annie started to realize the point that her friend was making.
“Of course. I see. So you want me to consider that Jethro was the same. He thought me deeply flawed … irreparably so,” Annie said.
“Exactly. And now, he likes you. It is only a matter of time before he is in love,” Rachel said.
“Ha! Jethro? In love with me? I can’t believe it. Are you in love with Timothy?” Annie asked.
“N-no. I mean, maybe. I don’t think so. Not yet. But … it’s only a matter of time,” Rachel said, sounding like she was very much already in love.
“Good heavens, I never thought that you would turn around that quickly with him,” Annie said, laughing.
“It’s not like that. Not really,” Rachel said, trying to defend herself.
“If you love him, that is fine by me,” Annie said.
Rachel bit her lip.
“But he insulted you. He was so rude. I feel bad enough for liking him after that; do you really think I could fall in love with him and not feel guilty?” Rachel asked.
Annie shook her head.
“Rachel, I am very weak in a lot of ways. I often allow people to treat me poorly, and I let them get away with it,” Annie said, knowing her own behavior well enough to point it out. “But I am trying to change that.”
“How so?” Rachel asked.
“I no longer feel the need to let people get away with treating me badly. What I do feel the need for is forgiveness. Sometimes, forgiveness means letting go of the past and moving forward in friendship. Sometimes, it means keeping far away from someone, like in the case with Bartholomew,” Annie explained.
“Either way, what I know is that I can be happy for you and Timothy, even if he did offend me once,” Annie concluded.
Rachel was quiet, but she appeared quite moved.
“Annie, you have such a lovely heart. It really is a shame that more people haven’t had the opportunity to indulge in knowing you,” Rachel said.
“Yes, well, it is what it is,” Annie said, shrugging.
She had meant every word that she said. She really didn’t want to allow anyone to treat her the way that they had been for so long. It was time that she take a stand, time that she be bold and brave.
Rachel was looking out the window at the beautiful day and turned to Annie.
“Want to take
a walk?” she asked.
“I would love that,” Annie replied.
They left the house and started walking away from the house, bordering the main part of town.
“So, are you all set for the wedding? I mean, so long as everything goes according to plan?” Rachel asked.
“It looks that way. I have my gown and everything, which is certainly important. And, as far as I know, I have a groom. That’s the other important part,” Annie said, chuckling at her joke.
“And nothing will change that, don’t worry. I am perfectly confident,” Rachel said.
“I will try to trus—”
Annie went silent as a figure came into view. It was none other than Abigail.
“Trust who?” Rachel asked, apparently not having seen her.
“H-hi …” Abigail greeted, still a short distance away.
“Hi, there, Abigail,” Annie said, her smile cautious, but genuine. She was surprised to see Abigail, but the two towns were fairly close, so it wasn’t completely unprecedented.
She felt Rachel’s eyes bounce between herself and her cousin.
Abigail came close and looked at each of them, shyly.
“How are you? Just out for a walk?” Annie asked, swallowing the pain that still flared up at seeing her cousin.
No matter what she had decided, choosing to forgive and move on, it didn’t change the small pang of hurt. It was just significantly diminished, and finally, it carried no bitterness.
“I was on my way into town to get flour for my mother. Miss Jenkins just sold the last of hers, so my mother said to come here,” Abigail said, looking away, shyly.
Annie looked at Rachel with wide, scolding eyes, and Rachel finally spoke up.
“That’s very nice of you. It’s a beautiful day for going out,” Rachel said.
“Mmm, it is,” Abigail acknowledged, hesitantly.
For a moment, the awkward tension was just too much for Annie, but she understood the reason for it. There was very little that she could do to be rid of it unless her cousin and friend would both relax.
“Abigail,” she said, deciding that she had to simply address the matter. “I hope you know that you don’t need to be cautious with me. We are family, and I am thankful for that. You and I are on perfectly happy terms.”
A sigh of relief escaped Abigail’s lips, and a smile came over her face.
“Annie, I don’t know why you are so forgiving. I have been thinking about all of this a lot lately and have come to a decision,” Abigail said.
“What sort of decision?” Annie asked.
“That I will do whatever I can to make things up to you,” she said.
“Oh, Abigail, you must be careful about that. You don’t know what sort of things might be required when you say whatever. We are fine. My marriage seems to be proceeding, and that is all that matters,” Annie said.
“Yes, but, I think it is only fair. I would hope that I can maintain my reputation, but I also know that your own has been harmed. So, I mean it when I say that I will do whatever must be done. Certainly, I hope that I can continue hiding my own indiscretion unless the time comes when it must be revealed,” Abigail said.
“I know that you have a good, repentant heart. Because of that, I don’t want to see your reputation destroyed,” Annie said.
“And I am grateful for that thought. But I do intend to make things right. I want to find a way, and I believe that I will,” Abigail said.
“Thank you, Abigail. I hope, for your own sake, that you find peace in this matter. As for me, I am perfectly all right,” Annie said again, wanting desperately to be strong.
Rachel was still standing, quiet and not intrusive, but Annie didn’t want things to be uncomfortable anymore. She had been through enough for that.
“Now, why don’t we all walk together?” Annie suggested.
“That is a lovely idea. Are you quite certain that I am not in the way?” Abigail asked.
“Not at all,” Rachel replied, apparently understanding how badly Annie wanted everything to be all right.
“In that case, I suppose we ought to head to get Aunt Nora the flour,” Annie said, charging forward, leading her friend and her cousin.
As they made their way, the deepest thing in Annie’s heart was the desire for everything to be all right and everyone to be at peace.
The hope of that had become brighter than ever.
Chapter 26
“Jethro, there you are,” Bartholomew said, coming up to him with wild, anxious eyes.
Jethro felt sick, just seeing Bartholomew. This man had been such a burden, had told him so many things about Annie that he hadn’t wanted to hear or believe. What was he supposed to do now? How was he meant to handle another conversation and incident with Bartholomew?
He had come into town with Timothy so that they could run a few errands. Now, they were just leaving town, and the last thing that Jethro wanted was to be delayed by Bartholomew. Again.
“What is it now? Has something else happened? You know that I don’t want to hear anything more against Annie. If what you said was true—”
“It’s not only what I said before,” Bartholomew interrupted.
Jethro didn’t respond immediately. He knew that inviting Bartholomew to say anything further could be a bad idea. It could cause him to question Annie again. It could even provide evidence against her, which he certainly did not want.
Why was it that this man was constantly getting in the way, causing him to believe terrible things about a good woman? And why was he so convincing? Jethro desperately didn’t want any of it to be true, and he had clung to that. He had clung to his commitment not to question Annie anymore.
Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe she really had done these things. But that didn’t mean that he was going to let himself believe it again.
He glanced at Timothy who was silent but gave him an expression that warned against giving Bartholomew too much attention. Jethro knew well that he should heed that look.
“Jethro, are you listening to me?” Bartholomew asked, his voice full of pleading. It pulled Jethro back to him, although he did not refrain from showing his irritation.
“What is it? What has you so upset on my account?” Jethro asked.
“It’s Annie. It’s about the man I told you she was unfaithful with,” Bartholomew said.
Jethro truly didn’t want to hear this. The last thing he wanted to think about was this tale of Bartholomew’s. He couldn’t, not even for a moment, believe that Annie Blake had been unfaithful.
“What about him? I’m not saying that I even believe that he exists, but what are you so determined to tell me about him?” Jethro asked, leaning back and leveling himself with Timothy so that Bartholomew might realize that he was not necessarily going to have his way with overcoming the two men.
“You have to end things. It’s for your own good, Jethro. You have less than a week until you marry her. It is only a few days away. I learned the truth; I learned what she is actually planning,” Bartholomew said.
