“I was thinking,” Milan started, “why don’t you have any dogs? With how much you like animals, and how fit this estate is to have a couple, I would have thought you’d have some.”
Raphael hummed pensively. “Yes. You’re right. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before.”
Milan did. “Well, that’s why I’m here, Husband. To make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”
Raphael smiled down at him. “I guess that’s why I’ve been feeling so well lately.”
Milan smiled back. “And so it should be.”
They didn’t end their walk until the sun was falling, filling the sky with dusk.
**********
As promised, Raphael inquired about an apprenticeship for Milan in the village and informed him that he had gotten an interview, making Milan unbearably giddy for two days. He rode Saturnus into town, following the address he had written on a piece of paper. With a little help from the locals, he managed to make it to the mechanic’s just in time.
Milan was met with a broad, sturdy Omega with a mop of blonde hair on her head.
“Hello. You must be Lord Ledford,” she greeted.
“Milan, please.”
“Call me Bethany then,” she said, motioning for Milan to follow her into her workshop, a rather large space filled with all sorts of metal pieces and machines. The air was thick and humid with steam, but Milan didn’t mind the warmth.
Bethany looked at Milan. “Your husband tells me you’re interested in an apprenticeship. Have you any practical experience?”
“Yes, very interested. And no—no experience besides reading books.”
Bethany grunted, sounding a little sceptical, but said, “Well. Better than nothing.”
“I assure you, I’m a quick learner.”
“We’ll see.”
They stepped further into the workshop, and Milan looked around. It truly was a wonder. Curiosity overcame his manners, and he ran his fingers over different pieces in awe.
“Oh! This is a crawler leg,” Milan said.
“Yes. I’m trying to make it so it doesn’t ruin the roads so much.”
“Yes, I can see the added suspension in the knee. Perhaps the foot should be changed too, into less of a claw.”
Bethany looked at him speculatively. “Yes, that was going to be my next attempt. Here, I have some prototypes.”
Soon, both of them had forgotten the formal structure of an interview as they became immersed in talking about some of Bethany’s projects. It was late by the time they finished, and Milan couldn’t keep from grinning.
“You really are interested,” Bethany said as they stepped out, a small smile on her face.
“I really am.”
“Well, I need the help, and you’ve got a sharp mind. How about you come on Monday morning and we can give it a go.”
“Really? I mean—yes! That would be wonderful.”
Bethany chuckled. “All right. Until then.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
Milan felt as if he were floating, barely noticing the ride back. He brushed Saturnus down with a mad grin on his face and raced to Raphael’s study as soon as he could.
“I did it!” Milan practically shouted as he burst into the room. “I got the apprenticeship!”
Raphael stood up at once, smiling wide, and rushed to Milan to wrap him up in his arms. Milan laughed, hugging him just as tightly.
“I knew you would. She would be a fool not to take you on.”
They took a step away from each other, still holding hands, and Raphael looked at Milan fondly as he babbled about the interview, and Bethany, and all the wonderful things in the workshop. When he was finished, Raphael squeezed his hands, his smile turning mischievous.
“I’ve got something to celebrate.”
Milan looked at him curiously. “Oh?”
“Come see.”
Milan could guess what it was before they entered the room Raphael took him to, judging by the noise. As the door opened, two balls of fluff barrelled towards him.
“Oh, you got them!” Milan exclaimed, getting to his knees and letting the puppies climb all over him, yipping happily. They both had shabby fur, one a silver grey, the other black with a patch of white on his chest and paws. “Look at you,” Milan cooed.
A rather bedraggled servant stood in the middle of the room. “I’m afraid they ruined one of the cushions,” he said. Raphael waved his concerns away.
“No matter, that’s what pups do. You can return downstairs, we’ll look after them.”
He looked relieved. “Yes, My Lord.”
Milan jumped up once he was gone, giving Raphael another hug, making him chuckle.
“You like them, then?”
“Yes. Very much.” Without thinking too much about it, he lifted himself on his toes and placed a kiss on Raphael’s cheek.
Raphael looked stunned as Milan pulled away. Milan smiled. “Thank you,” he said. Raphael blushed.
“You’re welcome.”
Milan couldn’t stop grinning for the rest of the day.
**********
The puppies—called Pax and Lima—were a terrible distraction. Milan tried to train them, having some experience with dogs, but Raphael was entirely too soft with them, spoiling them to a fault. Milan would sometimes find him on the floor of his study when he should be working, rolling around with both of them. The sight made such a rush of fondness go through Milan that he could never manage to persuade Raphael to be a little stricter with them. It made him remember Raphael’s gentle hands upon a plant and wonder if there was not something growing inside Milan too, something warm and alive.
The daily walks around the estate quickly became Milan’s favourite part of the day. He loved to see the puppies run around, chasing each other but never going too far. Milan would watch Raphael’s face, glowing as he looked upon them.
Each day the bond became warmer and more distinct. Milan knew that it had grown strong enough for Raphael and him not to sleep in the same bed, but he didn’t say anything.
Neither did Raphael.
“It’s going to rain,” Raphael warned, even as they went downstairs in search of their coats.
“Don’t be pessimistic,” Milan chided.
“It’s not pessimism, it’s fact.”
“We’ll see,” Milan said haughtily and then laughed as the dogs started running in circles around them, already knowing they were about to be let out. “Oh, to have that much energy.”
Raphael snorted. “Yes. You are getting stiff in your old age.”
“Don’t tease me.”
“My apologies.” They smiled at each other a little goofily before wrapping up against the cold and stepped outside.
Milan groaned as soon as the freezing air hit his face, pressing against Raphael’s side. “You were right, it’s about to rain. Let’s go back.”
Raphael laughed, taking his hand and pulling him forwards. “And disappoint the pups?”
Milan huffed, his breath blooming in front of him. “You like them more than me,” he complained. Raphael squeezed his hand.
“I do not.”
Milan looked up at him, a grin taking over his face.
They set off at a quick pace, and soon Milan warmed under his furs.
“See?” Milan said just as they started heading home. “No rain.”
At that exact moment, the clouds rumbled, and rain started pouring down.
Milan screamed as he was drenched quickly, and Raphael laughed loudly, almost doubling over at the force of it.
“How dare you?” Milan squealed, which only made Raphael laugh louder.
Milan couldn’t help but laugh at the sight.
The dogs, which normally stayed indoors when it was raining, became hysterical with joy, racing like lunatics to and fro. Milan was infected by their sheer, simple happiness, and let go of Raphael’s hand to chase after them.
“No!” Milan laughed as Pax jumped against his legs, covering him
in mud—not that it would make much difference with how the ground was being churned by the rain. Milan wrestled Pax off as Lima leapt up to join him and started running again, sliding across the mud precariously.
“I’m freezing! I’m dying!” Milan laughed as he ran towards Raphael, circling him so that the dogs would follow, but the sharp turn made him slip suddenly. He would have landed face first if it weren’t for Raphael’s arms around him, pressing him against his body.
Milan looked up, a breathless laugh dying in his throat. Raphael was looking at him as if Milan were the only warm thing in the world, arms tightening around him.
Milan’s lungs weren’t quite working. Rain was dripping across both their faces and Milan watched the drops curve around Raphael’s cheekbones, collecting in his eyelashes before dropping down.
Milan craned his neck and pressed his lips against Raphael’s.
It was their first completely voluntary kiss. Their skin was cold, but as Raphael parted his mouth slightly, everything became unbearably heated. Raphael’s breath, his tongue, his mouth—Milan moaned, and the sound burnt in the fire between them.
It must have been a moment later, although Milan felt that entire ages had passed, when the yipping of the pups drew them away. Milan and Raphael looked at each other for a moment after they parted, Milan trembling with the force of that stare. Raphael cupped Milan’s cheek, water still pouring off them.
“Let’s go home,” he said. Milan could only smile and nod in response.
Orson looked completely scandalised when the four of them finally made it to the manor, walking in through the mudroom. Milan restrained the dogs from shooting inside and tracking mud over everything.
“I’ll take them,” Jimmy, one of the young men working there, said.
“Have someone help you wash them,” Milan suggested. Jimmy nodded before setting off with them, hunched over so he could grab their collars, not even flinching when both dogs attempted to lick at his face.
Milan and Raphael took their outer layers and boots off, leaving them there before going upstairs. They said nothing as they paused outside their rooms, each one intending to go to their own for a bath. Raphael’s face was glowing with a light Milan had never seen before.
With shy smiles, they parted.
*****
There was a knock on Milan’s door after he had bathed and re-dressed, feeling exquisitely clean and warm.
“Come in.” Milan was unsurprised when it was Raphael who stepped inside. Milan smiled. “Hello.”
“Hello.” After a moment of hesitation, he closed the door behind him. “You are well? The cold did not get into your lungs?”
“I’m well. Even if it had, that bath would have cured me of all ills.”
Raphael smiled. “I’m glad.” He paused again.
Milan watched him curiously as Raphael looked at his shoes before suddenly staring at Milan resolutely.
“I wanted to…I don’t want to apologise, but I want to make sure that I was proper under the rain,” Raphael said with a strong, formal tone of voice. Milan stifled a laugh.
“It was I who kissed you. Should I be the one checking if you are offended?”
“I’m not offended,” Raphael said quickly. “Quite…quite the contrary. I am glad.”
A giddy jump in his pulse had Milan almost rushing to his husband, but he managed to restrain himself. Raphael cleared his throat.
“I was wondering if you will allow me to court you,” he said, a flush rising to his cheeks.
Milan gaped. “Court me? But we are married.”
“Yes, but…I would like to know you, your mind, and to be sure that you are with me because you are willing, because…”
Milan sighed fondly. “I appreciate the thought, Husband, but is that not what we have been doing these past months? I feel that I have gotten to know you better and that I have revealed myself to you in turn. I feel…accepted by you. I hope you feel the same.”
“Yes. I…I am comfortable with you like I am with no other.”
“Then, Husband, will you let me kiss you again?” Milan felt a sudden flare in their bond like he hadn’t even under the rain—although perhaps he had been too distracted then. It was a rush of warmth and fondness, much more distinct and open than ever before. It took his breath away.
“Yes. You can kiss me.”
Milan’s soul was trembling, but his feet were sure as they took him towards Raphael. They stood for a moment, barely two centimetres between them, before Milan reached up, cupping Raphael’s face and kissing him.
This time, it was only warmth. A movement of soft lips like a rising tide and then Raphael’s large hands were pressing against the small of his back, beckoning him closer, pulling Milan up on his toes. Their bodies, now without fur to encumber, fit together intimately. Milan gasped, and Raphael’s tongue swept against his open mouth.
Milan made a broken little noise, parting his lips further, and then shivered uncontrollably at the slick heat, at the way Raphael clutched at him, every plane of his body against his. Milan shifted, and suddenly his thigh was pressing against the hardening bulge in Raphael’s breeches.
With a rough moan, Raphael pulled away. “Wait,” he said, and Milan stopped.
Raphael looked dazed and overwhelmed. Milan untangled his hands from Raphael’s hair and stepped away slightly, without leaving him.
“Sorry,” Raphael whispered.
Milan frowned, brushing the back of his fingers across Raphael’s cheek gently. “What for, Husband?”
There was a long pause. Raphael’s hands, still holding him tightly, did not seem to want Milan to go, so he stayed, and waited patiently for what Raphael had to say.
“I…you must know how much I desire you,” Raphael began quietly, blush deepening. “But…I fear that I might not please you. Sometimes I react strangely to touch.”
A savage, desperate wave of fury and sadness almost choked Milan at those words, but he didn’t let it show.
“Raphael…” He leaned forwards for a moment to press his forehead against Raphael’s chest, wanting to travel in time and rip Jack to shreds.
Milan pulled back again. “Husband…this—us coming together, is not a chore. Not a requirement or an expectation. It’s a joy. All I want is for you to feel safe and wanted with me. I would never—never, Raphael—expect you to go beyond what makes you comfortable and brings you pleasure. It does not matter when or how we are coming together, you can always tell me if you wish to stop. I won’t be upset. In fact, I’ll be upset if you feel ill or unsafe and you don’t tell me.”
Raphael looked at him for a long time, and Milan let the bond speak the truth between them, opening it wide and letting every ounce of feeling for him through.
Eventually, Raphael closed his eyes, letting his forehead lay gently against Milan’s. “Sometimes, I think you are not real,” he whispered.
Milan framed Raphael’s face with his hands, holding him close. “I am quite real.”
Raphael grabbed one of Milan’s hands, turning his head to press a kiss against his palm. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, Husband. It takes no effort to be kind to you.”
Milan vowed that, whatever happened, he would not let this man be taken advantage of again.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Milan made it a point from then on to respect Raphael’s boundaries and moods when it came to touching, but not to be shy, either. He did not want Raphael to believe that his past made him too difficult a person to handle.
Raphael flourished under the affection like nothing Milan had seen before. He had opened tremendously since he could verify through the bond that Milan did not mean him harm, but now, with all the soft, casual touches just to feel close to each other, he seemed to open petal by petal under the sun.
The increased awareness between them was a sweet torture all on its own. Milan would arrive from the workshop to find Raphael waiting for him, and they would kiss softly, like a truly bonded coup
le. Instead of sitting in separate seats to read after their work was done, they would curl up together on the couch, sharing this paragraph or that, or teasing or arguing playfully.
Sometimes, when they had not seen each other all day, Milan would pull Raphael into a kiss, and they would stand by the entrance of their home very close together, sharing warmth and smiles, and Milan felt he had everything he had wished this would be.
At night, the electricity between them would hum with a distracting intensity. Tentatively, Milan pressed himself close against Raphael, who immediately moulded their bodies together. They would sleep like that, tangled together.
Milan thought back on the days when he had hated and feared Raphael and wondered at how far his feelings for his husband had come. Milan knew that Katarina was suspicious of the change, but perhaps it was because she had never experienced a bond.
Milan knew Raphael, and he could not deny what his heart felt for him.
**********
“Raphael. Raphael!” Milan shrieked as he looked out of the window for the first time that morning. He could not believe what he was seeing—everything was covered in a soft-looking blanket of white. The sky was blue and all was perfectly still, but the snow glimmered on the trees and the ground. It was like they had been taken to another world.
“What? Are you—oh.” Raphael laughed as he saw what Milan had been shouting about.
“It’s snow,” Milan said in wonder, pressing his hands against the cold glass.
“Yes. Shall we take the dogs out after breakfast?”
“They’ll die.”
Raphael laughed again. “Just the other day you said it looks like the pups are walking on stilts, with how their legs have grown.”
“Yes, but…their poor little paws.”
“They’ll be fine. Come on.”
Despite Milan’s worries, Pax and Lima shot straight into the snow the moment the front door was opened. They sniffed the ground, running their noses against the pristine cover of white before barking and jumping around as if deciding whether the snow was friend or foe.
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