He pulled one from the sack I hadn’t seen sitting next to him and smacked it down onto one of the rocks near the fire. We were all beginning to be experts at just the right amount of force it took to crack them open.
He handed it to me, licking a bit of juice from the side of his hand. I gulped the sweet nectar down until the coconut was empty. It felt as if it had been years since I’d had anything to drink. It felt as if it had been years since we’d left the clearing this morning. I looked to my left, at the grave I was still half resting on.
“How are we going to tell the others?” I asked, feeling sick at just the thought of it.
“I don’t even want to think about it,” he said, his upper lip curled in repulsion, yet I was sure it was the only thing he’d been thinking about. “It’s tomorrow’s problem. Tonight, I just want to stare at this fire and not think about anything at all.”
I sat up straighter, cracking the coconut the rest of the way open and picking at the meat mindlessly. “Can I…can I ask what happened to your brother?” He didn’t look at me, but I watched his jaw tense. “You don’t have to tell me if that’s too personal—”
“We were in the car with my mom. It was Theo’s fourth birthday. We’d pulled into the driveway, and he unbuckled his seat… I didn’t think anything of it; he did it all the time. Mom didn’t see him in time. He was holding on to the door… I remember Dad standing on the porch. Theo was banging on the window waving at him… Somehow he grabbed hold of the handle, and the door opened. He fell face-first… Mom reached for him, but it all happened so fast. He was crushed by the tire before she had time to stop.” The visions of the story swept over me as he replayed them, each moment of the scene that must’ve played out, the guilt his mother must live with, the pain of his father watching it unfold from feet away, powerless to do anything.
“That’s terrible…” I managed to squeak out. His face was solemn, despite blinking through tears that trailed down his cheeks. He didn’t bother wiping them away, and I wondered how many times he must’ve had to relive the event aloud. “I’m so sorry, Noah. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“It’s hard to talk about him.” His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down with a hard swallow. Finally, he looked over, meeting my eyes. “But it’s good to talk about him, too. My parents…they…they couldn’t talk about him. Still can’t. My mom couldn’t walk past his pictures for years without falling apart. It’s…I don’t know if it ever won’t be raw. For any of us.”
I stood up without volition, making my way toward him and wrapping an arm around his back. He stiffened slightly under my touch but didn’t shrug me off or push me away. Instead, he went back to watching the fire.
“I’m still coming to grips with the fact that I’ll probably never see them again. And, I think what terrifies me the most about that, is knowing that they’ll have to go through losing their only other son. I don’t think they’ll survive it.”
“They aren’t going to lose you,” I promised, the words eerily similar to what I’d said to Harry the night before. I forced the thought away. “We’re going to find our way home.”
“I know you want to believe that, but I just don’t see how.”
I fought back bitter tears. “I just have to believe it. I can’t give up. Not yet…”
“Have you ever lost anyone?” he asked, turning his face toward me. “Anyone you were close to?”
I shook my head, almost regrettably. “No, not really. Both sets of my great-grandparents died when I was really young, but I don’t remember them all that much. Just pictures and stuff. And there’ve been a few of my classmates who’ve died since we graduated. Nothing like what you’ve experienced… I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry you haven’t lost anyone?” he asked with a small grin.
“I’m sorry you have.”
He jutted his chin toward Harry’s grave. “Well, now we both have.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” It didn’t feel equal, not really, but was there a way to measure grief? To decide who felt more pain? My pain felt significant in that moment. I couldn’t imagine—and didn’t want to—how Noah must’ve felt the day he lost his brother, and so many days after that. The pain was unbearable to even think about.
“I don’t want to be,” he said, his eyes lingering on mine for a second too long. I looked down, my face burning with embarrassing heat. I needed to move away from him. We were too close. Why had I moved to be near him after what had happened in the woods? “Don’t worry. I’m not going to kiss you.” It was as if he’d read my mind. I guess I hadn’t done a great job of hiding it.
“I wasn’t thinking that…”
“Yeah, you were.” His determined stare was an obvious dare to get me to look at him, but I couldn’t. He’d see only shame there, because the truth was, I had enjoyed the kiss. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of doing the same thing since he’d saved my life in the jungle on that second day. But what did it matter? I had a husband. Feelings like what I was having were not allowed.
“Harry said he thought you had a thing for me,” I admitted, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear and staring at the fire with unyielding concentration.
“Harry wasn’t wrong.”
I looked at him then, unable to resist the pull of his gaze any longer when plagued by the truth in his words. “I never knew…” I lied.
“Yes, you did. But it didn’t matter before, when I thought you were married and we were going home.”
“I am married,” I said firmly, “and we are going home.”
His eyes softened, and he cocked his head to the side slightly. “You are married, but we may not be going home. And sooner or later, we all have to come to grips with that.” He looked away then, patting his leg. “Look, I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. If you want to stay loyal to your husband for the rest of time, more power to you, but all I’m saying is there’s a very real chance we aren’t making it off this island. There’s a very real chance we could all die tomorrow. Or next week. Or the week after. James and Ava got that. They’re taking advantage of every moment they have on this island… They’re having fun—”
“I wouldn’t call any of what we’re doing fun—”
“They’re having the most fun they can, then,” he said. “And I don’t see why we can’t do the same.”
“So, because we’re the only other two on the island, I should sleep with you?”
He scoffed. “No, you should sleep with me because we’re on a deserted island, with no guarantee of tomorrow, and you’re wildly attracted to me.”
I furrowed my brow, pressing my lips together. “I’m not wildly attracted to you.” My body physically revolted against the lie. I felt my core tighten, my words sounding strange and foreign, but he just laughed dryly and lay back on the ground, his hands under his head.
“Whatever you say, Buttercup. Sooner or later, you’ll come around. I just hope I’m still living to see the day.”
“We should get some rest,” I said, shutting down the subject. I lay down beside him, mere inches between our bodies, but I’d made sure they weren’t touching in the slightest. I could hear his breathing, feel the warmth from his skin, the warmth from the fire by our feet. I closed my eyes, listening to the sounds of the forest, the crackling of the fire, and the rhythmic music of our breaths syncing together, slowing.
Then, sleep found me, and I let it take me away from the pain and worry. At least for a few hours.
Chapter Nineteen
Nice work. One down, three to go until one of you leaves the island for good.
The note had been laid across Harry’s grave, held down by a small rock. When we awoke the next morning, the sun had risen high in the sky. It was the latest we’d ever slept in on the island. The thought made me feel sick because I realized that meant we were beginning to grow accustomed to our surroundings enough to find deep, restful sleep.
Now we were making our way back toward
camp, the note hidden in Noah’s pocket, but its words still echoing in my head. It confirmed what we all thought, that whatever game or experiment we’d found ourselves involved in, for any one of us to leave, the others had to be dead.
I didn’t know if the ‘nice work’ was referring to us surviving, or the fact that Harry had died. We walked side by side this time, traveling as one force, rather than three separate individuals as we had on our way to the cliff. We passed the trees we’d marked, the weight of both machetes in my hands weighing on me.
We passed the bit of mud where Harry’s shoe had slid on our way here. Neither of us pointed it out as we walked past, but I saw us both clock it. I knew we were thinking of our friend, hoping to remember everything we could about our time together.
I also knew we were bracing ourselves for the harsh reality of having to deliver the news to Ava and James. Ava, in particular, had been as close to Harry as I was. The news would be a shock to her, and she was already in such a frail condition. I only hoped that rest had done her well, and that we’d find her healthy and prepared for what was coming.
Not that any of us could truly prepare.
As we neared the campsite, I heard the trickling of water and the lilts of their voices.
“That’s what it means,” Ava was saying, panic in her tone.
“It can’t.”
“It does.”
They were arguing, I realized, their heated tones carrying across the forest.
“It has to be a trick, then,” James was saying. “You’ll see. They’ll be back any minute—”
“And if they aren’t? What if they don’t come back? What if they were part of it all and—”
A branch snapped under Noah’s shoe, and their voices stopped suddenly.
“Who’s there?” I heard James cry out, and I thought instantly of the guns they both had access to.
“We come in peace,” Noah called out, teasing them with his hands in the air as we rounded the corner and came into view. They were standing near the water, their eyes wide with fear. When they saw us, relief flooded their expressions. Then, practically at once, the worry was back.
Here goes nothing.
“Harry?” Ava asked, a certain kind of knowing in her expression that broke my heart. I opened my mouth to speak but lost my nerve. She spotted the moment it happened and shook her head. “No…”
“He fell off the cliff,” Noah said. “Slipped when we were climbing down.”
James took a protective step in front of Ava, as if he could somehow shield her from the heartbreak itself. “How bad is it?”
“He’s gone,” Noah told them, tears flooding my vision once again as we relived the pain. Ava’s eyes were locked on mine, and I watched tears begin to fill her almond eyes. “It was quick… He was gone within a few minutes.”
“I don’t understand…” James’s eyes darted between the two of us. “What happened? His neck broke? Did he land on his head? Why didn’t you come get us?”
“It was internal bleeding,” I said. “There was nothing any of us could’ve done. It happened so quickly.” My eyes fell to where Harry’s book lay on the ground, next to the fire, and my chest filled with a new, fresh ache.
James sniffled, rubbing his hand under his nose aggressively as the other hand gripped a crying Ava’s waist. “Where is he now?”
“We buried him,” Noah said. “By the cliff.”
“We marked it. In case we want to go back… Or for when we’re found, so they can take his body.”
Ava and James were quiet. He pulled her around to face him, her cheek pressed into his chest as he rubbed a hand across her face. “Shhh…” He tried to console her as she broke out into sobs.
“We did everything we could,” I said, trying to quiet my own tears. “He, um, he had a daughter, Daisy. He wants us to tell her he was sorry. And that he loved her.”
“Why are you telling us this?” James demanded.
“In case something happens to me,” I said. “I shouldn’t be the only one who knows.” They seemed to be contemplating something, their faces holding more than just sorrow. “I’m sorry you couldn’t be there. We can take you there, if you want to say your goodbyes.”
“Yeah, maybe,” James said softly, his cheek pressed against the top of Ava’s head. Noah and I unloaded our weapons and the sack with the remaining coconut in it and approached the water to rinse off.
At seeing us move near them, James and Ava stepped apart. Ava swiped her tears away quickly. “How are you feeling, Ava? Are you still unwell?”
She shook her head, looking at James cautiously. When she smiled, it appeared forced. “I think I just needed a while to rest.”
“I’m so glad.” She took a half step back from me, and I took note, keeping my distance. What was going on? Why did everything feel so cool between us? What had changed? “Everything okay?”
They exchanged a glance, and James reached into his pocket. “We got this note this morning.”
“Note?”
“About Harry…” My blood went cold as I saw him unfold the small orange slip of paper.
“Nice work,” he read aloud, reading the words that were exactly the same as the one we’d received. I looked to where Noah stood, watching him pull our note from his pocket.
“We got the same one.”
“What do you think it means?” James asked.
“Exactly what it says,” Noah said frankly. “Until there’s only one of us left, whoever’s keeping us on this island, isn’t letting us go.”
Ava’s eyes narrowed slightly, and I saw her gaze flick up toward James, though he hadn’t noticed.
“But we think we may have found something.”
Their brows shot up. “What do you mean?” he asked. “You saw something in the woods?”
“We saw a house. Built into a cliff a few miles from here. There was smoke coming from some sort of chimney on top of it.”
“So that was what we smelled after the storm?” Ava asked.
“Harry thought so,” I told her.
“Then we should go,” James said quickly, and I found myself mimicking the words I’d fought so hard against the day before.
“We have to be smart about it. We’re going to travel nearby, but we can’t barge in. Not yet. Harry wanted us to watch them, to get information about who lives there and what we’re up against, before we make any decisions about how to move forward.”
“And what makes you think they don’t already know we know where they are? What makes you think they aren’t watching us right now? That’s the second—third technically, if you count both of ours—note that they left for us. They know exactly where we are and what’s happening to us,” James argued.
“He’s right,” Noah said. I sucked in a sharp breath, shocked to hear him say so. “I get what Harry was worried about, but especially after these new notes, we know these people are watching us. We know they’re playing some sort of sick game. We know where they are… Waiting around for someone else to die just doesn’t make sense.”
“I agree with you, but Harry—”
“Harry isn’t here anymore,” James said, his tone firm. “What he said, what he believed, it doesn’t matter anymore. We make the decisions now. We can vote like normal and go from there.”
I jerked my head back in horror, aghast that he could say such a thing. “How can you say that? Look, you can ask Noah, I agree with you. I was arguing the same thing with Harry yesterday—”
“So you should be glad your opinion won out.” The thought made me sick. James’s face was stony, unmoving.
“Harry was our friend. He’s the only reason the four of us are still alive out here. I think the least we can do is respect his last wish and listen to the advice he gave us.”
“You’re outnumbered,” Ava said, “because I’m siding with James now. We should go. There’s no sense waiting any longer.”
I looked at Noah, hoping he’d side with me, but he simply shrugged. “
They’re right. You knew they were right yesterday. It was why you argued. We have to find out what’s going on.” A flicker of sadness filled his dark eyes. “Get you back to your husband.”
“I just—”
“Look, I’m not arguing,” James said. “It’s three against one. If you want to stay here by yourself, be my guest. Noah will show us where the house is. We’re getting off this island, no matter the cost. I’m not waiting a second longer. Are you coming or not?”
Indignation and fury seethed through me, and while I wanted to scream and throw a tantrum, I forced myself to remain calm. “Yes,” I spit out. “Yes, I’m coming. We’ve been walking for hours. Could we just have a break to rest and cool off? We can leave in a few hours. We’d make it by evening.”
“You can take five minutes while we find some coconuts, get our shoes on, and load up the weapons.” Something had definitely shifted between us. James had never looked at me so coolly, almost angrily. I tried to catch Ava’s eyes, hoping to make her see reason, but she wouldn’t look at me. “But we’re leaving straight away.”
When they walked away, disappearing near the tree line, I looked at Noah, shuffling toward him in the shallow water.
“Don’t try to change my mind. It won’t work. I agreed with you yesterday. I agree with them now.”
“I’m not trying to change your mind.” I knelt down, brushing cool water up over my shins and calves, aware that Ava and James were likely somewhere not too far away, listening to whatever we might be saying. I lowered my voice to barely above a whisper, sure that over the sounds of the water, they wouldn’t be able to hear me then. “Do you think something is up with them?” I asked, not looking at him.
“Definitely,” he said, copying my movements. “Something’s changed.”
“What do you think it could be?”
“I don’t know, but…you need to stay close to me.” I furrowed my brow. “I’m not saying this to…whatever. This isn’t me trying to hit on you. They have two guns. We have one. We have to be cautious… Play it smart until we find out what’s happen—”
The Missing Page 15
