He crushed her close and kissed the top of her head. “I won’t if I can help it. My heart only belongs to you, Bailey. It has since the first day you helped me with my schoolwork.” He lifted her chin and met her lips with his.
Would this be the last night they kissed? If they broke up…
Ach, nee! She didn’t want to think about it. She liked what they had. She wanted to stay right here—in Timothy’s arms—forever. How could she wait four years? How could she stand by and watch Timothy court other maed?
He pulled back and stared into her eyes. “Say something, Bailey.”
“What can I say? There’s nothing I can say. You can’t defy your folks. But what if they never change their minds? What if they still want to keep us apart after waiting all those years? What if I’m never good enough for them? For you?”
“You’re more than good enough for me. Don’t you ever think that you’re not. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me, Bailey Miller. And I think our friends will agree with me on that. As for my folks, I’ll be old enough then, and financially stable enough to make my own choices. If they’re still against us, then I will choose you. And I’d choose you now, if I was able to strike out on my own. But I’m just not.” His thumb caressed her jawline. “If you’re working and saving money too, we’ll get there faster. We can do this, Bailey. I know we can. It’s just a bump in the road.”
She nodded, feeling slightly reassured. “Just a bump. A very long bumpy bump.”
He chuckled. “That’s what I love about you. Well, one of the things. You make me smile.”
“Will you still come see me at the store?”
“I don’t know how I’d be able to stay away. I want to, but we’ll have to be careful. If my folks suspect we’re still seeing each other, it could go bad. And there are those who can’t seem to keep their mouths closed, so we can’t be seen together or they’ll find out for sure.”
“Should we still go to the young folks’ gatherings then?”
“I don’t think my folks would let me stay home. Would yours?”
She shook her head. “Probably not.”
“Bailey.” He frowned. “You won’t ride home with anyone else, will you?” His voice was unsure, maybe even a little worried.
“You know I only love you. Why would I want to ride home with anyone else?”
He stared up at the sky and sighed. “Ach, I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up four years from now.”
“Me too.”
“But we can’t, can we?” He took her hand in his again and they continued walking.
She shook her head.
“Do you ever wish your mom had stayed Englisch? Do you remember anything from back then?”
“Yeah, I remember some. And no, not really. There wasn’t really much to miss. I was pretty young, so I think I adjusted well to becoming Amish. My grandparents died when I was young and we really didn’t have any other close family. And then when we came here, I was just so happy that Silas was going to be my daddy—that I would finally have one.” She laughed at herself. “And I got two more sets of new grandparents.”
“Two?”
She stared at the corn stalks as they passed each one. “Yeah, Dawdi and Mammi Miller, Silas’s folks. And my real father’s mom and dad. The Beachys. They live in Pennsylvania.”
“Do you ever wonder about your real dad? I mean, you said he was Amish, right? But he died?”
“That’s the way the story goes. He and my dad, Silas, were good friends. He drowned when he was a teenager—before I was even born. I don’t think he ever knew about me.” She frowned.
“That’s sad. Do you ever wish you could have known him?”
“I do. But I love Silas. He’s been a good father to me. My life wouldn’t be the same without him in it.”
“Jah, he’s a good guy.”
“Which makes me wonder why your folks are worried about me. It’s not like my mom wants to be Englisch anymore, my real dad was Amish, and Silas is Amish.”
“I know. It’s frustrating.” He sighed heavily as they came back around to the driveway. “I should probably go, but I don’t want this night to end.”
“I think it’s probably morning now, ain’t so?” They walked to his buggy.
“Jah.” He pulled her close to him and held her tight. His body shook slightly. Was he crying?
Bailey pulled back to see tears shimmering in his eyes. Eyes she’d never forget for as long as she lived.
“Timothy…” One of her own tears dripped onto her face, then rolled down her cheek. Just seeing him this way, in such a vulnerable state, made this all feel so final. Like they were saying goodbye for eternity.
“I don’t…Bailey…my heart is already aching for missing you.”
“I know. I feel that way too.”
He kissed her long and hard. “Don’t…don’t ever forget me.”
He reluctantly forced himself away and hurried to untie the reins. He practically jumped into the buggy.
Bailey watched as he commanded the horse, the clip clop of the horses hooves moving faster than they ever had out of her driveway. Carrying her beloved away from her.
Would it be forever?
Gott, please don’t let it be.
TWO
This had to be the l-o-n-g-e-s-t Monday Bailey had ever experienced in her entire seventeen-year lifespan. Customer flow at the store had been decent, but each time the door jingled, Bailey’s head snapped up in hopes that it would be Timothy. But it wasn’t. Not that she expected him to come after their gut-wrenching night together. Their final night as a courting couple.
She’d been up for hours after he left, but eventually cried herself to sleep.
“Why don’t you go to the house and lie down? You’re tired. I can handle this.” Mamm’s hand on her shoulder startled her.
“Are you going to keep the kinner here with you, then?” Her gaze moved to her two youngest siblings.
“I can. Go ahead. Get some rest. Your dad is working in the shop with Uncle Paul, so the house should be nice and quiet.” Mamm eyed her carefully. “You and Timothy must’ve had a late night, ain’t so?”
Ach, she hadn’t told her folks about their break-up. Her emotions had been too raw this morning, as they were now.
Bailey nodded. “Jah, I’m tired.”
She removed her store apron and placed it on the wall hook, then leaned over and kissed her mother’s cheek. “Thanks, Mamm.”
After tossing and turning for thirty minutes with nary a wink, Bailey finally gave up trying. She snatched a snack from the kitchen. Bits and pieces of her and Timothy’s conversation played over again in her mind, reminding her how much she missed her maternal grandparents, who had passed on.
She now thought of them, attempting to recall their faces, something once vivid in her mind’s eye. Ach, she hadn’t seen a photo of them in several years.
Bailey pushed open the door to Mamm and Dat’s room, knowing Mamm wouldn’t mind if she took a gander at their photograph. But where was it?
She glanced around the room and tried a couple of Mamm’s drawers, finding nothing, then removed the double wedding ring quilt that covered Mamm’s hope chest. The cedar chest had been a gift from Dat, but it had belonged to his first wife. He’d been a widower when they’d married.
Bailey always wondered about that. Did Dat ever think about his first fraa and the boppli they’d lost? He’d never once mentioned it to her, but Mamm had said something one time. It was one of those things no one talked about.
Kind of like the subject of her real father.
She knelt next to the large wooden chest and inhaled deeply the moment she opened the trunk’s lid. Ach, how she loved the smell of cedar. The scent seemed to linger on each item she removed from the chest. Mamm and Dat had given her drawer sachets filled with cedar shavings for Christmas one year. She kept her favorite items in those drawers, so they’d soak in the aroma.
After removing several things
, she lifted a manila envelope from the box. Written on the top was J.B. Were those initials? Ach, her real father’s maybe? It had to be. She wasn’t aware Mamm had anything about her father, so maybe she was mistaken. But who else could J.B. be referring to?
She sat cross-legged on the floor and eyed the closed envelope, now resting on her lap. Would Mamm mind if she opened it? If it was indeed referring to her father, whose initials were J.B., then she wanted to know what was inside. His obituary, perhaps?
Curiosity got the better of her and she unclasped the flap. She peered inside the gold paper den. Photos? She pulled out the black and white strip of photos. A much younger Mamm and a handsome young man, with a hair style cut just a little shorter than the Amish in their district required for the men, stared back at her. They looked so happy. In love.
Was that how she and Timothy looked when they were together? Correction, used to look.
Ach, they were even kissing in one of the pictures! Her cheeks felt like they were on fire. Did Dat know Mamm had these? Surely he wouldn’t have allowed her to keep them. Would he?
She flipped the photos over for some clue of where and when they were taken. East Coast. Kayla Johnson and Josiah Beachy, dated the year before she was born.
It was her father! Now that she studied the photos, she could see that she resembled him. Probably more so than Mamm. She ran her fingers over the photos, tears pricking her eyes. What would it have been like to know him? He appeared to be content—they both did.
“Why did he have to die, Gott?” A tear slipped down her cheek as she held the strip of photographs to her chest. She’d never have a chance to know her father. She’d never get to hug him. She’d never get to talk to him. She’d never get to…well…anything.
She sobbed for several moments, allowing her tears to fall, grieving her father for the first time. If only she could have met him. If only she could have heard his voice. If only she could tell him how much she missed him.
Was it a betrayal to Dat—Silas—to be having these thoughts?
She sat staring at the photos, mesmerized. It was her father!
A sound outside caused her to snap back to reality. What if someone came into the house? Into the room, while she was sitting here staring at photos of her mamm and real dat? Photos meant to be kept hidden. What would Silas say if he saw these? What if Mamm knew she knew about them?
She should put them back.
She really should, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to cherish them. She wanted them—him—close so that she could look at him anytime she wished. She’d slide them back into the envelope, then take them to her room.
She hurried to return them, then noticed something else inside the manila envelope. A letter? Ach.
But there was no time to pull it out and read it right now. Surely the family would be barging inside soon.
She hurriedly but carefully placed all the items back into Mamm’s hope chest. Well, all the items minus the envelope with her father’s initials on it. She then rushed to her bedroom to hide her precious possessions. It would have to wait until later—maybe when everyone else retired for the evening.
Then, and only then, would she discover what other secrets her mamm had been hiding.
THREE
It was an amazing thing, really. Since finding the envelope with her father’s initials on it earlier, Bailey had scarcely thought about the situation with her and Timothy. Had Der Herr sent her a distraction so she wouldn’t be saddened by their sudden break-up?
Either way, she couldn’t wait until supper was finally over and she could gaze at her father’s image again. And what about the folded paper she’d seen inside the envelope? What mysteries might that unravel? It had to be something of importance if her mamm had kept it all these years. Didn’t it?
Shivers ran up her spine and prickled on her arms. It was almost like she’d unearthed a buried treasure and she was the only one privy to it. It was kind of like finding pieces to a puzzle and snapping them into place. Would it ever be complete? Would she be able to find all the pieces? What would her puzzle look like once it was complete? Would she be happy with it?
One thing was for sure and for certain. The photos of her father were like receiving a gift straight from Heaven.
“Bailey?”
“Jah?” Her attention snapped to her father. Or should she call him Silas? It was strange how she felt weird referring to him as Dat now that she’d seen a photo of her real father. It was like her father—Josiah—became real to her all of a sudden.
“You look like you’re a million miles away. You haven’t taken more than two bites of your supper.” He frowned.
“I have a lot on my mind right now.” She moved the food around on her plate with her fork.
“Mamm said you and Timothy had a late night?” His brow arched.
She glanced at the younger kinner, who had already been dismissed from the table. The two oldest, Judah and Shiloh, helped Mamm gather the dishes from the table.
“We did, jah.”
“How was your nap?” Mamm stood near the table, their smallest boppli balancing on her hip.
Their boppli.
All of the kinner, except her, were fully part of this family. Did they love her any less because she hadn’t come from the two of them? Funny she’d never considered that till now.
“Not gut. I couldn’t fall asleep.” She answered honestly.
“Maybe you should turn in early tonight, then,” Silas suggested.
“Jah. I think I might do that.” She frowned.
“Is everything okay, Bailey?” A worried look flickered across Mamm’s face.
“I just…I should…” She might as well just say it. “Timothy and I broke up.” Sadness filled her heart at the words.
“Ach, really? Why, Bailey?” Her mother gasped, but her words communicated the sadness that Bailey felt.
“His folks are afraid I’ll go back to the Englisch.” She hated that her voice quivered. Hadn’t she’d cried enough already?
“What?” Mamm’s voice raised.
“Jah, that’s what he said. Since I was born an Englischer and all.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Silas frowned. Ach, he really was a gut, caring father. Even though he wasn’t her real dat. “You have no control over how you were born. Gott decides that.”
“Besides, you were only half Englisch. Your father was Amish.” Her mamm locked eyes with Silas, but she couldn’t decipher their unspoken communication.
She suppressed the questions zipping through her mind, although she was dying for more information about her father. “I think I’ll go to my room now, if that’s okay.”
“That’s fine. But just remember that we’re here if you need to talk,” Dat—Silas—said.
Mamm whisked her plate away. “I’ll cover this up in case you feel like eating more later, okay?”
“Denki, Mamm.” She rose from the table and did her best not to rush to her room.
Once inside her private haven, she closed the door, wishing it had a lock on it. She took her desk chair and moved it to the door. If anyone attempted to barge in without notice, she’d at least have a few extra seconds to conceal her treasures.
Her heart pounded as she grasped for the envelope under her mattress. Anticipation had been clawing at her since she’d spotted the paper inside. She brought out the photo strip once again, smiling down at her dat. She finally knew what her dat looked like! But it didn’t take but a couple of seconds before she set it aside.
She reached for the paper inside and checked to see if the envelope held anything else. Did it? Nee, it was empty. Ach, were these two items the only reference she had to her father? It would seem so.
She carefully unfolded the letter. Ach, it was to her mother. She didn’t remember Mamm ever saying anything about corresponding with her father. She had just assumed that they’d met, fallen in love long enough to…well…and then he died. But maybe that wasn’t how it happened?
So many questions.
Bailey began reading…
Dear Kayla,
I’m sure this letter comes as a complete shock to you. Surprise, I’m alive!
Wait. What? She searched the letter for a date, but there wasn’t one. “Keep reading,” she mumbled to herself.
I don’t doubt that this revelation stirs up all kinds of feelings for you, and I won’t blame you if you hate me.
I didn’t know you’d gotten pregnant from our whirlwind romance. To tell the truth, I don’t know what I would have done back then if I’d found out. I would have contacted you sooner, but I lost your contact information. Nobody knew it, but I was bent on leaving the Amish at that time in my life and nothing was going to stop me. I went on to pursue higher education and have now graduated from college.
So, he’s an Englischer?
I’ve only learned of our child and your present circumstances recently. My brother is the one who gave me this address. He is sworn to secrecy, so you don’t need to worry about anyone finding out about my existence.
Since we have a child together and you’re about to get married,
About to get married? “You mean, Mamm knew you were alive before she married Silas?” Bailey whispered. “You and Mamm could have gotten married then. We could have been a family.”
I figured I was obligated to at least give you a choice. I’m guessing you’re in love with my former best friend. You must be, because I don’t know of any other reason you’d willingly join the Amish. Silas is a very good person and you will be happy with him. But, if for whatever reason, you have doubts or you don’t really want to marry into the Amish church, I would be willing to help you raise our child. If you’re content as you are, then I will walk away and you’ll never hear from me again.
No! “Don’t walk away, Dat.” But Mamm was already in love with Silas…
The Drifter (Amish Country Brides) Page 2
