Not the wanting her, but the needing her. It was like a fire in my belly having her again, and I pushed the notion away that she didn’t need me, too. She could admit it or hide it, but it rolled off of her like lightning.
Putting my whole mouth on her, I ate her out, causing her to moan more. I sucked and nibbled her, licked and plunged inside of her.
“Oh, God, Madoc.” She threw her head back, her fast breaths going a mile a minute as her body shook. I gripped her hips, and she damn-near pulled out my hair as she came.
And I didn’t nurse her back down to Earth as she shuddered.
Leaning back and sitting on my heels, I dug a condom out of my wallet. Before she’d even opened her eyes, I’d torn open the package, rolled on the rubber, and crowned her entrance. I wanted inside of her before her orgasm finished. Leaning over her and panting just as hard as she was, I reached behind my head and grabbed my black T-shirt, pulling it off and flinging it to the side. I supported myself with one hand on the ground and one hand on my cock, hard and ready for her. She pushed off the ground, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me hard.
I rubbed the tip of my cock over her clit, and she quivered against my lips.
“Lie back,” I gritted through my teeth. “I need you now.”
As soon she fell back to the ground, she spread her legs wider, and I worked the tip inside of her. Grabbing her hip to steady her, I plunged inside completely.
“Ah!” she moaned, and I closed my eyes, letting out a low grunt.
I wrapped my arm under her knee and grabbed her thigh with my hand, pulling her down on me as far as she could go.
“Madoc.” Her whisper was wanton. She was lost, craving more and more. She grabbed my ass inside the back of my jeans, and I winced as her nails dug in. I loved that.
“That’s it,” I breathed, moving in and out of her in a quick rhythm. “Touch me, Fallon.”
Her fingers grappled with my ass and then trailed up my back and brought my head down to meet her lips. She was wild. Her tongue licked my neck, sucked on my ear, and dove into my mouth with full force.
“Go faster, Madoc,” she whispered in my ear. “Come hard.”
Pulling back, I continued to support myself with one hand on the ground and one hand on her tit, pounding into her as she squeezed my hips tight with each thrust.
Her hair fanned out across the cold grass, and I watched, mesmerized, as her body pushed back and forth on the ground as I entered her each time.
I was consumed with Fallon, and while I knew I’d survive without her, I didn’t want to. I wanted her in my bed, in my lap, at my dinner table, and on my arm every goddamn day from now on.
This was my girl, and I finally understood why Jared needed Tate so much. Why he hurt her when he thought he couldn’t love her.
He just wanted her.
Fallon looked up at me, folding her bottom lip between her teeth, and I saw her eyes tense. She tightened around my cock, and I knew she was about to come.
“Stay with me,” I urged, keeping my eyes on her.
With every thrust, a whimpered breath came out of her, her emerald eyes pleading with me. I bit down, steeling my jaw.
She finally squeezed her eyes shut and cried out, and I let it go, too. Her muscles clenched around me, spasming, and I slammed into her twice more before spilling and collapsing.
I lay there with my head on her shoulder, our ragged breaths the only sound in the otherwise silent park.
Shit.
I didn’t even want to look around to see if we’d been caught. She’d been loud, and I felt my skin warm as my heartbeat picked up.
She twisted her head toward me, and I leaned up, inches from her mouth. Her lips parted, and her eyes begged as she just stared at me, both pain and pleasure in her eyes.
Taking the invitation, I kissed her, wrapping my arms around the top of her head on the ground and enveloping her with my body.
The full force of her lips pushed back against mine, deepening the kiss.
“Madoc,” she quivered against my mouth. “I—”
“Shhh,” I urged, taking her mouth again.
There were things we needed to say. But not tonight.
• • •
That night I crashed on the couch in my father’s house, not wanting to push Fallon too far, too fast. Our midnight romp in the park was enough to scare her off, and I was pissed that I felt the need to walk on eggshells around her.
I had never cared about any other girl like this, and I didn’t know if that was just me, or if it was Fallon. She and I started so young; maybe she’d ruined me for other women. I didn’t know. And I wasn’t in the mood to think about whether or not I loved her.
I settled on the fact that I was simply not done with her.
So, I backed off, not insisting that we share a bed, and opted to let her get some rest.
Tate and Jared were already home by the time Fallon and I walked in. I didn’t see them, but I could definitely make out certain little noises coming from their room that told me they weren’t asleep.
I planted a long kiss on Fallon’s lips before saying good night.
But the next morning, it was Jared shaking me awake.
“Hey, we’re heading out soon,” he alerted me.
I brought the heel of my hands up to rub my eyes. “Is everyone up?” I asked, sitting up. He threw two duffel bags into the foyer next to the door. “Yeah, but Fallon’s already gone.”
I threw my legs over the edge of the couch with my elbows on my knees.
“What?” I blurted out, looking at him like he better be lying.
“I guess she woke Jax up early to fix the car.” He gave me a knowing look. “Obviously, that didn’t take long, since he only had to plug back in the throttle body, so she’s already been gone an hour.” He stopped and stared, chewing on his gum and waiting for me to say something.
“Un-fucking-believable!” I shouted, picking up a vase from the coffee table and hurling it across the room where it shattered against the wall.
I slammed myself back against the brown leather couch, running my hands over my face in exasperation.
What the fuck?
“What’s up?” I heard Jax come around the corner and ask. I laid my head back, closing my eyes and locking my hands on top of my head.
“Nothing,” Jared answered. “Let me handle this.”
I didn’t hear Jax leave, but when I dropped my hands and opened my eyes he was gone. Jared walked around the coffee table and sat down in the brown leather chair that matched the sofa.
“She went back to Shelburne Falls for the rest of the weekend. Her mom texted saying she needed her there or something,” Jax said. The anger inside of me created a fog in my head too thick to think.
Jared dug in his hoodie and seemed to be removing one of his keys. “We’re heading back now,” he said as he worked. “We’ll visit the parents, and Tate’s got a race tonight. You should come.”
I shook my head, not even looking at him.
Was he nuts?
He held a key out to me. “To Tate’s house,” he explained. “Fallon is staying there tonight. Mr. Brandt is leaving town on business early this evening, and I’ll keep Tate in our room at your house. You go sort this out.”
I shook my head. “No way. I’m done.”
What the hell did Fallon ever really do for me anyway? This was the last straw. If she couldn’t open up and act fucking normal, then she wasn’t worth it.
Jared stood up and threw the key on my T-shirt-clad chest. “Just go,” he ordered. “Sort this shit out. I want my friend back.”
“No,” I maintained. “I’m not chasing after her again.”
“I told the whole school about my teddy bear to get Tate back.” He scowled down at me. “Chase. Harder.”
But I couldn’t.
Fallon knew I wanted her. She had to know that I cared about her. But I didn’t trust her. She was playing me, and I didn’t know why.
&nbs
p; When she was ready to talk, she’d find me.
CHAPTER 21
FALLON
“Daddy?” I look up from the hospital bed where I’d just been asleep. He stands over me in his cream-colored cable sweater and brown leather jacket, smelling of coffee and Ralph Lauren.
His eyes, pained and exhausted, scan over my body. “Look what you’ve done to yourself.”
My face scrunches up, and my eyes start to tear. “Daddy, I’m sorry.” A sob catches in my throat, and I look for him to hold me.
I need him. He’s all I have.
The emptiness. The loneliness. I’m all alone now. I have no one. My mom is gone. She won’t call me. The baby is gone. My hands instinctively go to my stomach, and I only feel a dull throb in the pit instead of love.
My eyes burn, and I look away, starting to cry in the quiet and darkened room.
This isn’t my life. It’s not how it was supposed to be. I wasn’t supposed to love him. I wasn’t supposed to break.
But after the abortion, everything sunk into the mud, and I couldn’t walk anymore. I couldn’t eat. The pain in my chest only grew, and I was constantly exhausted from the worry and heartache. Where was he? Was he trying to reach me? Did he think about me?
I hadn’t realized until I was torn from him how much I loved him.
My mom said it was infatuation. A crush. That I’d get over it. But every day the frustration and sorrow deepened. I was failing in school. I had no friends.
I finally snuck back to Shelburne Falls only to find Madoc had definitely moved on like my mom said. He wasn’t dwelling on me one bit. The only thing on his mind was the girl with her head between his legs. Backing away¸ I had run out of the house and jumped back in my father’s car that I had stolen. Now, here I was, three days later with lacerations on my arms and a sharp ache in my chest.
I suck in a breath and stiffen as my father rips the blanket and sheet off of me, sending them flying to the floor.
“Daddy, what are you doing?” I cry, noticing his fierce green eyes.
He yanks me from the bed, squeezing my upper arm so hard that the skin stings.
“Ow, Daddy!” I wail, limping across the floor as he drags me into the bathroom. My arm feels stretched, like any minute he’ll yank it from the socket.
What is he doing?
I watch as he plugs up the bathroom sink and begins filling it with water. The fingers of his other hand dig into the flesh of my arm, and I begin hyperventilating.
He pulls my arm hard, yanking me closer as he yells. “Who are you?”
Tears spill over, and I sob, “Your daughter.”
“Wrong answer.” And he grabs the back of my neck and forces my face into the filled sink.
No!
I gasp and suck in unwanted water as my head is forced under. I slam both hands on each side of the sink to push back against his hand, but he’s too strong. I shake my head, my slippery hands sliding out from under me as I struggle against him.
The water is in my nose, and I squeeze my eyes shut against the burn.
Suddenly, I’m yanked up out of the water.
“Daddy, stop it!” I cough and sputter, water dripping from my ratty tendrils and chin.
His voice thunders around me. “You want to die, Fallon?” He jerks my head in his anger. “That’s why you did this, right?”
“No . . .” I rush out before he slams my head back into the water, cutting off my air supply. I barely have time to think or prepare myself. My mind turns black as I wail into the shallow depth.
My father won’t kill me, I tell myself. But I’m hurting. The insides of my forearms sting, and I think my cuts are bleeding again.
He yanks me back up, and I reach behind myself and grab at his hand at the back of my head as I sob.
“Who are you?” he bellows again.
“Your daughter!” My body shakes with fear. “Daddy, stop it! I’m your daughter!”
I’m crying and shivering, the front of my nightgown dripping water down my legs.
He growls close to my ear. “You’re not my daughter. My daughter doesn’t give up. There were no skid marks on the street, Fallon. You crashed into the tree on purpose!”
I shake my head against his grasp. No. No, I didn’t. I didn’t hit it on purpose.
My mouth fills with thick saliva, and my eyes squeeze shut, remembering leaving Madoc’s house and hiding out at my father’s place near Chicago. I’d taken one of his cars and . . . no, I didn’t try to hit the tree.
My body shook, and my throat filled with pain.
I’d just let go of the wheel.
Oh, my God.
I steal air as fast as I can and whimper as I cry. What the hell has happened to me?
I stumble as my father throws my back into the wall next to the sink. Before I even have a chance to straighten myself, his hand comes across my face with a loud slap, and I wince at the sting traveling down my neck.
“Stop it!” I rage against the blur in my eyes.
He grabs me by the shoulders and pins me against the wall again and I cry out.
“Make me,” he challenges.
My fists slam against his chest, and I heave my whole body into the push. “Stop it!”
He steps back to steady himself but comes up again and grabs my head between his hands.
“Don’t you think that it gutted me when your mother took you away?” he asks, his eyes heartbroken. “I punched every wall in the goddamn house, Fallon. But I swallowed it down. Because that’s what we do. We swallow every brick of shit this world feeds us until the wall inside of us is so strong that nothing breaks it.” He lowers his labored voice, sounding stronger. “And that’s what I did. I let her take you, because I knew that cunt would make you strong.”
I clench my teeth, trying to stop my tears as I look at him. I love my father, but I can’t love him for letting my mother take me away. I guess in his head he thought it was a way of hiding me from his enemies. Did living with my mother make me strong? Of course not. Look at me, blubbering and ruined. I’m not strong.
“You don’t get to give up. You don’t get to quit!” he yells. “There will be other loves and other babies,” he growls, shaking my head between his hands and leveling me with his hard stare. “Now. Swallow. The. Pain!” he rages all around me. “Swallow it!”
His roar shatters my insides, and I stop crying, staring at him wide-eyed.
He holds my head tightly, forcing me to keep my eyes on him, and I focus, looking for something to grab on to. Anything. I concentrate on the tiniest point I can find, the center of his black pupils.
I don’t blink. I don’t budge.
The center of his eye is so dark, and I try to imagine that it feels like cruising through space at warp speed. In my world there is no one but him. The gold surrounding the black flickers, and I wonder why I didn’t inherit that in my green eyes. The white in his irises looks like lightning, and the ring of emerald, before you get to the white of the eyeballs, seems to ripple like water.
Before I know it our breathing is syncing up, and he’s setting the rhythm I follow.
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, exhale.
Madoc’s face flashes in my mind, and I tighten my jaw. Memories of my aborted pregnancy crash into his image, and my teeth rub together. My mother’s voice enters my ears, and I suck my tongue dry, taking all of it, all of them, and swallowing the hard lump to the back of my throat, down my pipe, and I feel it all leave my brain.
It’s still inside me. Heavy.
But it’s quiet now, buried in my stomach.
My father releases my head and runs a thumb across my cheek as he holds my chin.
“Now who are you?” he implores.
“Fallon Pierce.”
“And where were you born?”
My voice is calm. “Boston, Massachusetts.”
He takes a step back, giving me room. “And what do you want to do with your life?” he asks.<
br />
I finally look at him, whispering. “I want to build things.”
He reaches to my side and picks a towel off the shelf, handing it me. I hold it to my chest, not really feeling the cold anymore. Not really feeling anything.
He leans in and kisses my forehead and then meets my eyes. “‘Nothing that happens on the surface of the sea can alter the calm of its depths.’” He quotes Andrew Harvey. “No one can take away who you are, Fallon. Don’t give anyone that power.”
I hadn’t cried since that day that’s suddenly on my mind. I’d come close, but two whole years and not one tear. My father kept me home for exactly one week to heal the injuries from the shards of glass from the windshield that had cut me up, but then he sent me back to boarding school to get on with my life.
And I had. That’s something everyone needs to learn on their own. Life goes on, smiles will come again, and time heals some wounds and soothes the ones it can’t.
I brought up my grades, made a few friends, and laughed a lot.
I simply couldn’t forgive, though. Betrayal cuts deep, and that’s what brought me back to town last June.
I just didn’t expect Madoc to still affect me.
He wanted me. I knew it. I felt it. But why? What did I really ever do to deserve him?
He’d been faithful to me when we were sixteen. Of that, I was pretty certain. I couldn’t hate him anymore for looking for a good time when he’d thought I’d willingly left him.
There are so many things I should tell him. Things that he had a right to know. And then I felt that I’d told him too much.
Madoc was better off without me. Our relationship started off in the wrong place to begin with. We had nowhere left to grow. He didn’t know me or what interested me. We talked about nothing.
Once he’d had his fill of the sex, he would leave. Not to mention the baby. If he ever found out about the baby, he’d jump ship. No doubt. Madoc wasn’t ready for anything that heavy. I wondered if he’d ever be.
I turned up “Far from Home” by Five Finger Death Punch and swallowed the guilt all the way back to Shelburne Falls as I drove home at my mother’s request. She’d texted this morning to let me know I had stuff at the house. If I didn’t come to collect what I’d left last summer, it was going in the trash.
Rival Page 17
