* * *
It wasn’t difficult for me to blend in with the pedestrians milling around the plaza in front of The Clinic. There were lots of people coming in and going out, some even forming queues to wait in an orderly fashion for their turn to pass through the gapping hole of a doorway. The Clinic was a large, clear-fronted structure, but it still managed to dominate the whole square, standing several stories above the surrounding buildings. It was also the widest building on the square, taking up the equivalent frontage of five other properties. It was huge compared to the blocks in the residential zones, which were limited to three storeys, housing six families each. Of course, The Clinic needed to be big: it was the main medical facility for this area of the Family Quarter, serving the surrounding Black, Green and Blue Residential Zones.
I shook myself. Why was I thinking about architecture? Or the logistics of which sections of the space station population were served by The Clinic? I must be desperate for a distraction! Clearing my head, I refocused on my feet and began walking again.
I had arrived early – really early – and had been wandering an invisible track around the square, pretending to myself that I wasn’t waiting for someone, even though I obviously was. But there was no sign of Cassie so far.
Was she going to be late? I wondered, before a second thought pushed it away. Had she changed her plans? This prospect deflated my buoyant mood and I tried to ignore it.
As I walked the first few circuits in front of The Clinic, I was still persuading myself that my pursuit of, and interaction with Cassie, was purely for academic purposes. I had told myself a hundred times already: Cassie has an interesting mind and could offer me an alternative perspective on my questions about Space Station Hope.
And the fact that your missing friend Scarlett suggested that Cassie would be able to help you find out something you haven’t been able to do alone...?
Ambushed by my own sarcasm, I knew there was no answer to that question. More accurately, there was no answer I was going to offer to my questioning subconscious at this point in time. I shrugged it off and continued pacing.
Another lap of the plaza, with these thoughts churning, and I gave up. I was even boring myself with my thinly veiled excuses. Cassie was undoubtedly a bright girl and looked at life differently than me, so that was true. But it wasn’t the reason I was pacing around the central hub of the residential zones at 7.00am on a Monday morning. No. I was here because I was a sad, lonely stalker. I couldn’t even muster a silent, bitter laugh to accompany that thought; it was too painful because it was true. My mind slipped into a blank limbo as I continued walking in circles.
8.07am. There was still no sign of Cassie arriving.
Surely she wouldn’t be late on her first day?
As I passed under the clock – it showed 8.09am now – I fell into step behind a boy from my Green Zone school class. Matthew. I didn’t greet him or make him aware of my presence. Why would I?
“Hey Matt!”
I turned towards the voice, even though it wasn’t me that had been shouted. A boy I didn’t recognise was waving and he turned in my direction. I saw Matthew raise his own hand in acknowledgement when he saw the guy and he slowed down to wait as the newcomer approached through the crowd. I slowed myself, mainly because I had little else to do at the moment apart from continue with my circuits of the square.
The boy was tall – a good few inches bigger than me – and he had the dark skin colour of the station descendents with African heritage. He had a relaxed walk, more of a lope really, and he covered the distance between them in a few long strides. I found myself eavesdropping on their conversation, as a distraction from my own concerns.
“Hi Joel, how’s things? Where’re you going?” Matthew asked as the boy joined him.
“I’m starting my Medic placement today at The Clinic.” The boy – Joel – nodded towards the large building that I’d been circling for the last forty minutes. “What about you?”
“Yeah, I’m on placement too.” Matthew shrugged his shoulders dismissively as he replied.
It was exactly the same movement Cassie made and I wondered whether this was something she’d picked up from him or vice versa, as I knew that they hung out at school.
“I’m just heading over to Engineering, I applied for the longer rotation and start today.”
I could tell by the sound of Matthew’s voice that he wasn’t overly happy with this and I wasn’t surprised; from what I could remember of his answers in class, engineering was not his strong point. That would explain the extended placement and lack of enthusiasm.
“I know – no holidays right?” Joel complained lightly, echoing Matthew’s apathy. “It sucks!”
“Anyone else you know on these earlier rotations?”
Joel shook his head. No. “Not on the Engineering side of things,” he said, “just a girl from my class on the Medic rotation.”
“Nice?” Matthew asked. I knew he wasn’t referring to her personality.
“Oh yeah,” Joel laughed, catching his meaning immediately. “But man, can she talk!” He held his hand up and flexed his fingers open and closed rapidly to reinforce his words. Matthew laughed and rolled his eyes. “Anyone you know on my placement?” Joel asked a moment later.
“I think Cassie’s doing the extended Medic rotation,” Matthew replied after a few seconds thought. “She might be with you.”
“Nice?” Joel asked, flashing Matthew a mischievous grin as he echoed his friend’s earlier question.
“Sure,” Matthew replied; without hesitation I noticed.
Joel made the same talkative hand gesture that he made before. Matthew laughed again.
“Yes, but not in a bad way,” he assured Joel. “She’s pretty cool.”
“Really?” Joel asked turning towards his friend with interest now. An unfamiliar monster growled somewhere in the pit of my stomach when I saw Joel’s reaction. For some reason I could not explain, I felt unexpectedly angry with this perfect stranger.
“Yeah,” Matthew repeated.
“Seeing anyone?” Joel enquired casually.
The unknown beast rumbled again, its discontent still directed at Joel.
“Nope,” Matthew shook his head. “Don’t know why really – she’s pretty much the nicest girl in our year – just never seemed interested in anyone, like that.”
Matthew’s words silenced the monster. It gave me a secret sense of satisfaction to know that Cassie did not seem attached to any of her male friends from school. In that instant I realised what the unknown growling beast inside me was.
I’m such an idiot!
“Hmmmm,” Joel drawled sounding thoughtful.
His interest didn’t bother me any more. I was too busy trying to absorb the implications of the fact I might be jealous of him – or any other guy – that Cassie was interested in.
“Don’t get your hopes up mate,” his friend laughed quickly, “I don’t know why she’s on the early rotation at The Clinic. She’s a smart girl. Nothing like you!” Matthew laughed harder when Joel pulled a face at him, but I was already tuning out of their conversation and losing myself in my own thoughts. I barely noticed when Joel disappeared through the crowded plaza into The Clinic.
8.10am and forty seconds...
To my considerable relief, Cassie appeared at the edge of the square opposite the entrance to The Clinic. Breaking away from my well-trodden track circling the plaza, I moved through the swarming pedestrians, intending to appear near to Cassie as though I was just arriving myself.
My efforts to seem casual made me realise once more how sad I actually was. They also reminded me of the unpleasant monster I had just discovered buried deep inside me, and how quickly it could rise to the surface. There was no denying that the girl I was walking towards was the cause of this new, angry beast.
Keep telling yourself that you only need Cassie to find out what Scarlett thought she knew about the space station…
As I had been doing all weekend, I ignored my sarcastic inner voice when he piped up again. And walking quickly, I drew closer to Cassie.
When I got near, I could see Cassie’s face was drawn closed: her eyes flickering nervously between the floor (and her feet) and the surrounding buildings. The man walking alongside her must have been her father I thought, although they were not talking and did not look overly alike.
Drawing close, I realised that Cassie looked terrified. Surely her fear was not just nervousness at starting the placement? She was always so bubbly and confident at school; could anyone really be that good an actress?
Cassie’s obvious unhappiness made me feel uncomfortable. Part of me wanted to do something to alleviate whatever it was that was troubling her. Then I realised, she would probably be more scared of the strange guy stalking her, than the prospect of starting the Medic rotation…
Cassie and her father moved swiftly through the throngs of people in the square, and were passing through the entrance of The Clinic by the time I was able to catch up with them. As the scanner beeped at the entrance, registering her presence in the building, Cassie jumped nervously.
Perhaps surprising her today would not be the best idea. I was genuinely concerned that she would scream the place down, if I unexpectedly popped up next to her.
Cassie was just a metre away from me and I would have to act now, if I wanted to speak to her before we were put onto our placement. Sidling around the edge of the entrance and ignoring the familiar beep of the scanners, I covered the short distance in quick strides. Leaning down to whisper, hopefully without startling her, I matched my step to Cassie’s and spoke.
“Hello again.” My tone was light and sociable – in complete contrast to the myriad of confusing thoughts and emotions that were coursing through my body at that moment.
A glimpse of an involuntary smile flashed across Cassie’s lips as she inhaled a surprised breath at the sound of my voice. Better than screaming, I observed with a slight smile of my own.
When Cassie turned to look at me – and greeted me with a lovely smile of her own – I was immediately happy to see that her features had relaxed completely from the frown she had been wearing when I saw her earlier. I hopefully speculated about whether it had anything to do with my presence. Then I kicked myself mentally for being so interested.
“Hi,” Cassie replied, her voice sounding slightly shrill, which I assumed was her nerves leaking through.
“You need to go through the doors over there,” her father pointed out, interrupting anything she might have been about to say and bringing us both to a stop. “There’s a registration point in the orientation reception there where they’ll get you sorted for your first day. Probably a lot of walking around I would expect.”
The information was actually quite useful, as I’d done no groundwork for this placement whatsoever. That was very unusual for me, as I normally liked to be prepared for behaving as people expected me to. With spending nearly an hour walking around outside The Clinic, I hadn’t actually given any thought as to what I might have to do once I got inside. Disorganised and confused: this was a whole new experience for me.
Cassie was staring at me and it felt like she was reluctant to turn towards her father and said “OK.”
I was about to set off in the direction of the orientation room, when a look of confusion washed over Cassie’s features.
“Sorry Father, did you just say something?” she asked, uncertainty colouring her tone.
“Yes. I told you the registration point was through there,” he pointed towards the doors across the foyer again, although his eyes were fixed on his daughter’s face.
“No, I mean after that.”
Cassie’s cheeks were flaming now and I thought it might be my presence making her feel uncomfortable and so I looked away, pretending to examine the doors her father had pointed out. I had no idea what she was talking about. Surely Cassie had heard the same thing I had?
“Yes…” he replied again, speaking slowly now, seeming as lost by Cassie’s line of questioning as I was. “I said that you’ll probably be walking around a lot today.”
“Sorry,” Cassie mumbled glancing away from him now. I sensed that she was not looking at me when she spoke a second later. “I thought you said something after that…I’m still a bit sleepy I guess.”
From the corner of my eye, while I still pretended to be interested in something else, I saw Cassie raise and drop her shoulders in a dismissive shrug, which was becoming rather familiar.
The shrug was the clue. She was dismissing herself: something she had seen, or thought, or heard… I was sure of it – without exactly being sure, of why I was sure.
What unseen but significant thing had happened in those few moments: to make her pursue something so forcefully with her father before dismissing her thoughts.
It was a new mystery to ponder…another thing that would have to take a spot on the ever-growing list.
Politely I tuned out their words of farewell and waited until Cassie was moving again before I began walking too. Curiosity burned uncontrollably and a thousand questions tumbled through my mind. Something had definitely just happened, but I had no idea what. How could I ask her, without revealing how closely I watched every move she made? In the end I had to settle for the rather bland question: “Are you OK?” when she refused to meet my eyes
“Fine.” Cassie’s one word answer was sharp and blunt at the same time.
Her anger confused me as much as her sudden outburst had. I didn’t know what to say or how to react; not just because of my lack of conversational skills this time: I had no idea what was going on.
After a long pause, she spoke again. “Just ignore me – I’m hearing things because I haven’t been sleeping well.” Her bleak tone told me she wanted no further conversation.
Whatever had happened, or whatever I’d done to upset her I wanted to take back, but I couldn’t because it did not make sense. Or moreover, it didn’t make sense to me.
At a loss for words I simply said “oh,” and allowed her to increase the distance between us as we passed through the doors to the orientation reception. The excitement I felt this morning at the prospect of seeing Cassie and being able to talk to her faded into the background as we entered the orientation reception.
As Cassie and I walked into this new, smaller space I could feel the protective mask of my usual, secretive self, trying to slip over my unhappy face. I knew what was happening and – for once - I resisted it. There were three others waiting already, dressed similarly to ourselves – with the exception that I hadn’t bothered to accessorise my day-suit as they had – and I identified the boy, Joel, from my earlier patrol outside The Clinic. Obviously he didn’t recognise me, but I watched his eyes searching for Cassie as we entered, no doubt eager to see if Matthew had been right. All I could tell was that he didn’t appear disappointed.
The room was near silent and I could feel the tension rolling off Cassie in waves. The sensation was so strong I was convinced that I would have been able to see the emotion swirling around her like a cloud if I’d looked across. I didn’t, because I was sure it would have made her worse at that moment in time. Instead I moved one step closer to her, invisibly closing the gap I’d allowed to open between us earlier. My hope was that – if nothing else – she may feel reassured by having me closer to her.
Liar.
I laughed at myself immediately for believing my own excuses. My action was not all for Cassie’s sake: Joel and the other two were making their way over to us.
Vaguely, I was aware of the blonde girl standing beside Joel smiling in our direction as we entered. But, I did not pay too much attention; only enough to notice that she was fully accessorised, with bands on her wrists and neck, matching an outrageously large belt at her waist.
I’m sorry to say that I was too distracted by the new beast that was trying to control me. The creature was interes
ted in only one thing: Joel. I couldn’t stop myself from scrutinising every movement he made – whilst pretending I wasn’t – observing how he reacted to the girl I stood close beside.
I felt, rather than saw, Cassie look in my direction for the first time since the unexplained episode in the foyer. Forcing my features into a relaxed expression, I did not acknowledge her gesture, but remained close beside her all the same. The group of three approached us.
Joel’s instant smile and easy manner made me envious at once. It was obvious that he was confident and, infuriatingly, he seemed like he might actually be a nice guy. I barely heard the initial exchange that took place as I was consumed with carefully analysing every non-verbal element of their interaction. Yes, I know I’m ridiculous.
It was obvious to me that Cassie responded well to him: the previous anxiety that had suffused the atmosphere around her was gone. The general chatter seemed to ease her nerves well. I was glad for that, at least.
The girl was Olivia. I glanced at her, whilst retaining my focus on the main conversation. She smiled at me and I perceived a slight arrogance in her face. No doubt she was very pretty, but she had the air of a person who was used to everyone finding them attractive. To me her light blue eyes appeared flat; they lacked the intelligence and spark that I found so alluring, and frustrating, in Cassie’s features.
Consciously I tuned into the conversation now.
“I’m Karl,” the second, nervous looking boy squeaked, “I’m from the Black Zone.”
Cassie peeked at me once more, smiling a little I thought at some unknown observation of her own she made. Helpfully, she’d introduced both of us and so I did not appear rude by standing silently as the exchange took place around me. Joel looked at me once or twice, but it was friendly and only in response to the conversation. I assumed he’d taken Matthew’s earlier observation on board about Cassie not being involved with anyone from school, and so would not view me as any form of competition. Yes, it seemed that I was the only madman in the group, as usual.
“Mother works in Agriculture, which I really don’t fancy, but I’m not the best at science so wanted to make the most of my placement here, which is why I’m on the early rotation.” Joel said honestly.
I was sure that his openness and self-deprecating observations would appeal to Cassie. Her uncertainty in her own skills – however unfounded – would surely appreciate how he felt.
“Father’s a Medic – works specifically in emergency Medicine here – how about yours?” Joel continued. His focus was on Cassie.
“It’s also my father who’s a Medic – Mother is an Engineer. His work is focused on research I think, mainly in the labs or something.” Cassie’s answer sounded a little vague and I wondered what might be distracting her. I knew what I hoped it wasn’t.
A brusque looking female Medic entered the room through the sliding doors, effectively ending the conversation at this point. Cassie shuffled aside unnecessarily to let her pass by and I saw the edginess return to her eyes. The Medic marched past us, to the desk at the front of the room, where she collected a waiting mobile viewing screen. Without addressing us, or looking up, she rapidly ran her fingers across the screen, nodding once or twice at whatever it was that she read there.
“I’m Medic Karlina” she introduced herself, without raising her eyes from the screen. Then she progressed straight into her welcoming speech. “I’ll be your mentor for the next few days as you get settled in to your placement here. I know all of your parents well and so I appreciate that they have high hopes for at least some of you finding your future roles here with us at The Clinic. There’s no need to worry too much if it is not the path for you, there are plenty of other options in the station.”
Cassie cast a sidelong glance at me as Medic Karlina addressed us, but she turned away too quickly for me to understand anything from it.
“First of all, we’ll be splitting you into pairs for the orientation tours and then we can get start-”
Medic Karlina’s words were cut-off abruptly as the sliding doors to the main reception hissed open. Another girl burst into the room, nearly knocking Cassie over and I extended my arms automatically to catch her. I felt a little disappointed when she steadied herself and didn’t need them.
“Sorry I’m late!” The new girl gushed, her slightly plump face reddening as she spoke. “I thought I was going for my father’s placement today at the farms and I got confused, because it wasn’t there I was supposed to be but here, but then it’s across the other side of the zone and so I had to run back and…”
Half of her words didn’t even make sense to me and she stopped speaking as she cast her eyes nervously around the group she had just barged into the middle of. It was as though her brain had taken a few seconds to catch up with her mouth.
“You would be Rachel from the Black Zone I take it?” Medic Karlina enquired as she considered the girl standing awkwardly in front of us, before returning to the screen she held and rapidly tapping in some instructions.
“Yes,” the girl – Rachel – replied breathlessly.
“Well…now you know where you’re going to be the rest of the week you won’t be late again I take it.” The Medic’s tone was unnecessarily disparaging and I realised I already did not like this woman, who seemed to take pleasure in someone else’s discomfort.
“No,” Rachel answered in a tiny voice.
“Good – let’s get started then.” Medic Karlina was all business again. “You’ll be working in pairs for the time being. Balik, you can go with Olivia, Karl with Rachel, and Joel with Cassie.”
Disappointment welled inside me when I was not partnered with Cassie. It was stupid of me to have expected such luck in the first place. I saw Olivia smiling acknowledgement in my direction and I knew immediately that this was going to be hard work for me. Intending to be polite I nodded slightly at her in response, already having been distracted by Cassie grinning towards her partner.
Maybe this will be a good thing for her, I mused unable to hide the bitterness I felt at that moment. Cassie would be much better off with someone who wasn’t preoccupied by conspiracy theories and dangerous aspirations for escaping from the Family Quarter. The question was, would I be able to stand back and let her have that, if it was what she wanted? I thought so, but the monster growled threateningly in my chest at the idea. It might not be as easy as I hoped.
“You’ll get your clean clinic-suits through that door,” Medic Karlina directed, “once you’re changed, come back here and we’ll get you off on your orientation tours.”
As instructed I followed the other two boys into the male changing suite, picking up a clean white clinic-suit, which was hanging on a peg beneath a small screen displaying my name. I changed swiftly, not bothering to join in the brief conversation between Joel and Karl. Glancing around to check no one was watching me, I transferred the stolen vitamin tablet to the pocket of my new suit, flattening the light fabric gently to ensure the tiny lump was not visible. After folding my normal day-suit inside my shoulder sac and hooking it onto my peg, I wandered back out into the orientation reception room.
With a few moments alone – well, almost alone: Medic Karlina had her back to me, engrossed in whatever was on her viewing screen – I stood in the centre of the small room wondering about what the tour might entail. I’d already visited The Clinic several times with Mother as a young child and then had been in numerous times since on the pretence of visiting Mother at work, so I had a very good idea of where everything was. The things I wanted would be in the biochemistry labs on the seventh floor, which would no doubt be included on the tour. My only problem was how to get them.
My scheming was interrupted when Cassie came back into the room. She patted her hair nervously, smoothing it over the shoulders of the unfamiliar suit. The bright white contrasted with her dark hair and made her eyes stand out in a different way than normal: they looked soulful. Beautiful. That was until she noticed me. I
smiled in what I thought was a friendly manner, but the only response I got was the glimmer of a frown, which she swiftly shook away as she approached.
“Are you actually looking forward to this?” she grouched. I could only assume that Cassie was still unhappy about starting the placement, just as she had been when we spoke after the exam. Well, at least she was speaking to me again and didn’t appear to be angry anymore.
“A little – why – aren’t you?” I asked innocently – Cassie’s grumpy expression was so cute – I couldn’t help smiling once more as I teased her. She had no need to be so nervous, it was laughable really: after myself and Eli, Cassie was the best at science in our class. I was sure the placement at The Clinic would pose her no problems. This insecurity was unexpected, albeit unfounded.
Cassie only shook her head in response to my question. If she was going to say anything more it was interrupted by Joel emerging from the changing room. His face lit up with a bright smile when he saw her and he loped over to wait with us.
“You looking forward to this morning, partner?” Joel grinned, entirely focused on Cassie. The beast inside me rumbled with discontent.
“Sure,” she nodded slightly, returning his smile.
You little liar!
I scowled, when I saw that her smile did not reach her eyes. Why would she pretend for someone she hardly knew? Cassie caught me frowning at her and I hurried to erase the expression, kicking myself, because the only reason I was supposed to be here was getting information from Cassie. I needed to get a grip on myself, I was swooning over Cassie like a fool!
It was not long before the entire group had reassembled in the orientation reception. A little band of brightly clad children now stood waiting for instruction. Most seemed excited, although I still sensed Cassie’s apprehension as I tried to ignore her quiet conversation with Joel. The girl, Olivia, joined me and then each pair was allocated to one of the new Medics, who had appeared in the last few minutes.
Joel and Cassie were the first to leave: trailing behind the designated Medic with portable viewing screens clasped in their hands. I was vaguely conscious that Olivia was standing by my elbow chatting away rapidly, but so far I had tuned out the droning noise. I would not be lucky enough to do that all day, I was sure.
They were leaving. I knew I shouldn’t be paying attention to Cassie – I was only feeding the monster – but I couldn’t help myself. The doors were sliding shut and I watched her disappear from view. I felt a stab of irrational disappointment, before shaking myself for being so stupid.
So, what? Cassie had seemed happy to see me when I first saw her outside The Clinic, but ever since that moment she apparently wanted nothing to do with me. Maybe she was speaking to me just because she bored, or easily distracted.
At the last second Cassie turned around in the doorway, looking directly at me, straight into my eyes. My previous internal conversation was forgotten as I fell under her spell again.
What would she see in my eyes – the truth?
The idea scared me because in that instant I felt as though Cassie was seeing right into my mind: that she could see me for what I really was.
Would she see the monster too? The selfish creature who wanted everything he shouldn’t?
All I could do was turn away: for fear that she would really see me. Cassie could never see that, I knew; it would only drag her down with me. I saw her hand lift in a wave before I turned, but I could not respond…could not move. I would betray myself if I did.
The Rainbow Maker's Tale Page 10
