Beautiful Chaos

by Keta Kendric

  She should have been more upset than we were, but I suppose some bonds were difficult to break. She had after all been able to stomach my truths, and I believe it was the same reason she could stand up for her father despite the life-threatening danger he’d placed her in.

  I leaned in so that my lips were right at her ear. “We have to straighten out this mess before more people die, including us. We could all die if the syndicate finds out we have interacted with the FA in any way except what has been agreed on, which is why Angel sent his men in to take you in the first place. He wasn’t going to get you any other way, but to steal you.” I tapped my ear. “My men just informed that Angel’s back up has arrived.”

  The last part about Angel’s back up was a lie. The extra back-up was more men that Arjen and I had set up. Desiree took the phone, dialed her father’s number, and waited.

  “Put it on speaker,” Angel barked.

  The loud tone of the phone ringing floated around the room like a swarming hive of killer bees. At the fifth ring, I had given up hope that he would answer.

  “Hello?” he answered, his greeting a question. Everyone in the room appeared to be holding their breath.

  “Dad, it’s me,” Desiree said off a choked cry.

  “Are you okay, baby?” he asked, sounding sincere.

  “No, I’m not okay. You auctioned me off to the Vallins and the FA, knowing you were double-crossing both. You need to fix this or they are going to kill me.” Her voice cracked as a tear slid down her cheek. I believe she was fighting to shoulder the hurt of her father’s betrayal. Her head was bowed towards the phone sitting in front of her on the table, as if praying to it.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t auction you off. I made the deal with the FA and got into a little trouble with the money he wired me. I saw no other way but to make a deal with an equally as deadly group, one that I knew would protect you.”

  Was this how he was justifying his actions? There wasn’t a hint of remorse or sorrow in his tone as he lied through his teeth. Desiree may have been his blood, but he had used her, and I was starting to believe he didn’t care about what happened to her.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she yelled, her emotions taking over as she was starting to realize her father had used her worse than any stranger off the streets.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I know you’re there with them. Men!” he called out in a loud voice. “I’m indisposed indefinitely. Retired from the business. But I’ve left the operation in the hands of the two most capable Evans. My niece, Mecca has taken over with my blessing. Marrying my niece, who is the new head of the Black Saints, is just as sweet a deal as I had originally proposed. Might I suggest, one group marry Mecca, and the other can marry my sweet daughter, and you can become one big untouchable force?”

  Arjen, Angel, and I stared at each other, unmoved by Raymond’s proposal. Even if we agreed to it, it wouldn’t work because the FA weren’t members of our syndicate. Desiree’s voice ended our stare-off.

  “I’ll never forgive you for what you’ve done to me and Mecca. You are leaving her in an impossible situation cleaning up your mess. I pray you have enough sense to stay hidden because you’ve just signed your own death certificate.”

  Her voiced shook with emotion as she continued to hover over the phone. “You need to do the honorable thing and at least try to straighten this mess out. You have cheated them out of their money and negotiated a fake deal. It leaves a nasty stain on the Black Saints.”

  His chuckle sounded. Raymond Evans was one heartless son of a bitch.

  “Des, you can fix this. I know you can. Don’t they know…”

  She cut him off. “They are going to find you and kill you, you damned fool. Stay hidden, Dad! Stay hid…”

  Quickly, I jerked my phone from the table and ended the call. Even after knowing what he had done, Desiree continued to protect her father. Arjen’s angry sneer was aimed at the phone gripped in my palm before he lifted it to meet mine.

  “Raymond was lying through his teeth. He made the deal with us months ago, so that it could go through the syndicate. I didn’t give him a dime of the money until everything was finalized two weeks ago. So, he was planning with Angel after he had brokered a deal with us. If I had married Desiree on time, we would have been his security blanket. Hell, we still might be.”

  He was speaking with I already knew. Arjen turned his heated gaze on Desiree. “It may take a week, a month, but he is going to make a mistake that will lead us right to him.”

  The irritation Arjen had directed at Desiree was dissolving into something resembling curiosity, as they seemed fixed in a trance, glaring at each other. My gaze bounced back and forth between the two. Had Arjen noticed what I’d noticed about Desiree’s conversation with her father?

  Desiree was hiding something. If she thought I’d missed the fact that she had cut her father off in the middle of one of his sentences, she could think again. He also seemed confident that she could fix this standoff happening between us and the FA. I believed she knew exactly where her father was hiding.

  She glanced at me, her face creased with deep sorrow, knowing without asking what would happen. “I’m going to kill your father, Desiree.” She didn’t reply, knowing that what I had spoken was the truth.

  Why did it feel like something was off, like one key puzzle piece was still missing from this situation?

  38

  Desiree

  For three days, I moped around Arjen’s house, my shoulders pulled up to my ears and my eyes bloodshot. He had gifted me with the silent treatment, which was worse than if he were yelling. Other than his plan to go through with our marriage, I had no idea what else he had in store for me. I was certain of one thing though, he would find ways to punish me for sleeping with Khane.

  It hadn’t occurred to me until after we were back at his home that I had run to Khane when my life was on the line. I had clung to him for dear life, not realizing that my actions were hurting Arjen and putting more stress on the brothers’ relationship. The feelings I had for Khane were the reason I had fool-heartedly taken off in the first place.

  When I had a gun to my head, with the fear of death pounding down on me, it was Khane that I had silently reached for. I was grateful my weakness hadn’t caused my death. I was also grateful that Arjen had chosen to rescue me from the FA, despite mine, and my father’s betrayals.

  The connection I had with Khane was irreversible. The feelings couldn’t be threatened away, they couldn’t be chased away by fear, and they couldn’t be banished by punishment. I would always want him because I had chosen him. I had thrown caution to the wind and put my life on the line to be with Khane, and he had done the same for me.

  We hadn’t seen each other since the day they had stormed into the FA compound, killed men to rescue me, and struck up some type of deal with Angel Ramirez to get me back.

  Now, I sat on the living room couch with Arjen circling like a blood-thirsty shark, waiting to sink his jagged teeth into me. Each time I attempted to apologize or even talk, he would cut me off and continue his incessant pacing.

  “Arjen, would you let me talk to you for a few moments? Please.” The words were nothing more than pleading whispers.

  “There is nothing we need to discuss. We are getting married tomorrow, leave it at that,” he stated, his tone clipped, and his jaw clenching so hard it could crush a human soul.

  Aside from refusing to talk to me, he hadn’t done anything but repeat the time and place we were getting married.

  My beautiful dress, shoes, and jewelry had been delivered to my room yesterday, all decided on by him, I supposed. He and Khane weren’t on speaking terms, and I prayed they would eventually find a way to mend their brotherhood. It ate me up inside, knowing that I had caused the only rift I believed the brothers had ever had between them.

  I moped. I wallowed in guilt. There wasn’t anything else within my power that I could do. Mecca had called me and made plans to stop by,
but with the mess she was dealing with in handling the Black Saints, she had her hands full.

  “Arjen.” My voice to cracked. He had taken a seat on the couch with me, but an ocean of space and anger kept us apart. This was the closest we had been since the car and plane ride back from the FA compound.

  “I apologize for all the trouble I have caused. Khane didn’t betray your loyalty. Everything is my fault. He kept pushing me away, but I kept pressuring him to be with me. I wouldn’t leave him alone, even when he repeatedly told me how much you meant to him. He. We—” I stammered.

  What the hell was I supposed to say? Khane had unknowingly seduced me as much as I believe I had seduced him. How was I supposed to convince Arjen not to take any of his anger out on Khane? His eyes sliced through the air and hit me, freezing me in place, stopping my shaky words.

  “The one thing I believed me and my brother would always have between us was loyalty. You’re the first thing that has gotten him to break that loyalty. He told me everything, Desiree, and he wasn’t sorry about any of it.”

  His ringing phone stopped his words. While listening to the caller, his gaze lingered heavily on me and had turned stone cold by the time he hung up.

  “Guess who is on the way in? He was nice enough to return your things for you.” Arjen’s condescending tone was warranted. He deserved to lash out as often and as long as he wanted.

  Although I couldn’t hear him yet, I sensed Khane’s presence getting closer. I pinned my gaze to the floor before I decided it would be best I leave. I scooted to the edge of the couch and prepared to stand at the first sound of his heavy steps.

  “Stay right where you are,” Arjen ordered. “You don’t get to run from the mess you made.”

  Despite Arjen being in the room with all that anger, I was afraid to see Khane. I was afraid of how I might react to him.

  He walked in, carrying my heavy bag instead of rolling it. My desperate gaze raked over the bottom half of him in black cargo pants and dark boots, but I was strong enough not to lift my eyes any further.

  Neither he nor Arjen greeted each other, but he didn’t leave. He stood in place after he set my bag down.

  Don’t look up. Don’t look up. Don’t look up.

  The moment I lifted my gaze, it collided with his. My eyes flooded with tears at the sight of him. The ache of guilt tormented me, but the soul-crushing pain of loss squeezed my heart into dust. I had never wanted anyone the way I wanted Khane. My heart had never cried for another living soul the way it wept for him.

  Guilt retook control as I sensed Arjen’s gaze scanning us. I was sure he noticed that even as I sat in a fiery pit of guilt, it still didn’t cut the connection I shared with Khane.

  “Are you okay?” Khane asked, his voice low and caring.

  “Why the hell are you asking her if she’s okay? Shouldn’t you be asking me?” Arjen’s question had caused me to finally drop my gaze.

  “She is in tears, Arjen. Stop being a fucking dick.” Khane spat out his words between clenched teeth. Please don’t let them fight again, I prayed.

  Arjen’s chest swelled with overwhelming anger. “I’m being a fucking dick?” His tone was loud and dripping fire. “You’re the one that put those tears there. She’s not crying because of anything that I did. All I ever tried to be was Mr. Nice Guy.”

  Silence lingered, causing me to glance up as I swiped my tears away. Khane’s gaze was still locked on me, and Arjen’s was locked on Khane. At any moment, it appeared one would snap and hit the other.

  “Desiree, are you okay?” Khane asked a second time. I nodded, unable to speak through the thick emotions that had pinned my tongue to the top of my mouth.

  “You are one bold motherfucker. Anyone else would be dead for the shit you’re pulling. For the shit the both of you pulled,” Arjen spat.

  Khane released a deep sigh before he turned to leave.

  “No. Don’t leave. You need to stand your ass here and listen to what the fuck I’m saying,” Arjen continued.

  “That’s the problem. You aren’t saying shit. You don’t give a shit about her. She’s nothing but a money transaction according to you. What more do you want me to do? We can’t change what’s happened. I apologized. We fought. Do you want to take one of my limbs? Would that make you feel better?”

  Arjen squinted at his brother in curiosity. “I want to know how this shit happened. Did your dick unzip your pants and hop out?” He didn’t wait for an answer before he turned in my direction. “Did your pussy leap out of your panties? Were you two fucking the entire time I was gone? Just had yourselves a fuck festival.”

  “I’m not listening to this shit. Call me when you need me.” Khane turned and left the questions unanswered. Arjen didn’t push for a reply because getting answers wasn’t his goal. He wanted us to stew in our guilt, to suffer and be tortured by the burning residue our actions had left behind. He had accomplished his goal because I was suffocating, dying inside. A bullet to my brain would have felt better.

  Arjen made his approach, his heavy steps sounding like dropped bowling balls on hard wood. Once he was in place and standing above me, he started up again.

  “The only reason I didn’t let Angel Ramirez keep you is because I paid ten million for you. But that wasn’t the only reason I couldn’t leave you. You want to know the other reason?” I glanced up at him, his figure blurred by the tears that kept filling my eyes.

  “I couldn’t leave you because I know how my brother feels about you. Hell, I can see it,” he spat, grinding his teeth into the syllables. He pointed a finger into his chest.

  “Fuck my feelings! Fuck that I cared about you too. I don’t love you and don’t know if I ever would have, but I cared, Desiree. I at least wanted the chance to see if we could have been more than a struck deal. You never gave me a chance.” His words were making my guilt boil over and melt my heart because he was right.

  “I wanted to leave you with Angel. Every fiber in me wanted to take the money he offered me and leave you there, but I knew that my brother wasn’t going to leave that compound without you. Instead of leaving you like I wanted to, I dropped another ten million, paying Angel the money your father took from him. Twenty million fucking dollars for a woman I can hardly stand to look at.”

  After that revelation, the well of sorrow I was wallowing in just got deeper and darker.

  A sinister laugh slid from Arjen’s throat, raising the hairs on my arm. My eyes widened at the sight of the fury in his pinched expression as he glared at me through narrowed eyes, freezing me with his wicked gaze.

  “As punishment for you two betraying me, you and I will be married. Every time you two see each other, which will be often, you will be reminded of your betrayal. Khane will be at our wedding tomorrow because he will be marrying your cousin Mecca.”

  Arjen stared at the wall before him, anger tightening his face before he cast another glance in my direction.

  “Love has to be the most potent shit on the planet to make my brother betray me. If this is the result, I’m glad I don’t have it in me to love a woman. I wanted to give it a chance with you, but I must say, thank you. You have kept me from making the worst fucking mistake of my life.”

  He shoved a stiff finger in my face, “If he ever touches you again. If you ever touch him again. I will kill the both of you without hesitation.” The deadly strain in his tone made me aware that it wasn’t a threat, but a promise.

  How was I going to live a lifetime with Arjen after I had caused so much turmoil before we had even exchanged vows?

  39

  Khane

  Desiree was the most beautiful bride I had ever seen, despite the sadness seeping from her haunted gaze, dripping from her drooping face, and causing her posture to slouch. It appeared she was barely able to hold herself up. Her beautiful white dress and the tiara on her head made her look like a princess.

  She was my heaven, the only force strong enough to snatch me from the well-managed hell I had chosen to l
ive in. Once I had accepted that she returned my feelings, I became consumed, body and mind. She was art on this ever-moving canvas of life, the beam of light dancing across a wasteland charred black.

  The flow of my thoughts raged on, even as I knew that I would never touch her again. Desiree was everything to a man like me, who had never had anything to look forward to but chasing the shadows of death. She had been and always would be the prettiest thing to ever bring joy to my limited vision.

  She gave me a reason to dream. The sound of her voice was the only sound I cared about hearing. She was the reason I knew how to find love in my heart. Her brand of care stayed with me, flowing freely as it eased my restless soul. She was the reason I lived, my solace in a world of hate.

  Before her, I didn’t care about dying, as playing Russian roulette with my life was a sport. She had saved me, and I had made her the center of my universe without her even knowing it.

  Her cousin Mecca sat next to me, smiling and unaware that I had betrayed her before we were officially engaged. I had lost my brother’s trust, one of the most devastating things to happen to me. Yet, I believed with every beat of my heart that Desiree’s love had been worth it. How fucking sick was I to feel this way?

  “Did you fuck my cousin?” Mecca’s whispered question drew my attention away from Desiree’s sad face. She was leaning into me, her small shoulder pressing into my arm. She stared me down, waiting for my answer and not the least bit intimidated by me. How the heck was I supposed to answer her question?

  Mecca’s smiling gaze eased my tension. “Don’t worry, big man, Desiree already told me. And from the sour expression on your brother’s face, he knows too.”

  “I told him,” I volunteered.

  “You two are bold as fuck,” she said, giving me one of the meanest side eyes I had ever seen. “Why not keep the shit to yourself? You of all people know that by being in the kind of business we’re in, that there is shit you disclose and shit you don’t? Fucking your brother’s fiancée was something you should have kept to yourself. Fucking her cousin’s fiancé was shit she should have kept to herself. What the hell did you two think you would accomplish by telling us?”