by S. Massery
“We’re not going to be so easy this time around,” Georgia says. She grabs my arm, hauling me toward the door. “Catch you around, Avery!”
I let her pull me as far as the entrance before I dig in my heels. “Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. That boy has issues. I was more relieved than anything when you finally started dating again.” She winces and purses her lips, staring outside. It had started to rain while we were inside. “Let’s get lunch, and then we can go see a movie since this weather sucks.”
We exit from a different door than we entered. Two large brass baby heads frame the stairs leading to the doors. “Creepy,” I mutter. Georgia makes a noise of agreement.
Avery bolts out of the depths of the museum, catching up to us by the time we get to the sidewalk. “Please, Charlotte,” he pants. Who knew the guy was so out of shape? “I can’t let you go again. Are you just visiting? Only here for the weekend?”
Georgia shakes her head, blowing air sharply out of her nose. “I can’t listen to this.” She points back to the museum. “I’ll be inside... staying dry while you sort out this nonsense.”
He takes my hand, turning me so I face him. When he doesn’t say any more, I realize he is waiting for me to answer his questions. I look up at the sky, blinking at the rain. It’s going to make my hair get weird waves in it.
“My boss was transferred to Boston,” I say. “I’m his assistant, so he brought me with him.”
Avery narrows his eyes. “Are you together?”
I let go of his hand, stepping back. “Seriously? He’s married. I’m good at my job.”
He nods quickly, his face relaxing. “Sorry,” he says. “I just…. Now that you’re finally in my city, I needed to make sure you were available.”
I laugh at the same time that my stomach twists. Something rankles about the California boy calling this city his. “You didn’t ask me if I have a boyfriend. You only asked about Tom.”
“Do you?”
I consider telling him I do. I consider telling him I don’t, but that feels like admitting defeat. Right now, it feels like we’re playing a game. It’s a spark of excitement that has been lacking in my life.
“I suppose you’ll have to wait and find out.”
He grabs my hand as I turn toward the street. “Please, Charlotte,” he whispers. “Can I have your phone number? I can’t rely on these chance meetings anymore.”
I pretend to contemplate it with my head cocked. “Three chance meetings is probably all fate would allow,” I say. He grins, handing me his phone. I put my number under CHG—can’t make it too easy for him—and close out of the app.
His fingers graze my hand as he takes his phone back. It sends goosebumps up my arms, but I try to lock down the shiver. He smiles anyway, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my forehead. When his lips linger against my skin, I frown and pull away. It feels much too intimate, too familiar, too comfortable. We aren’t there yet, even if I want to fall into his touch.
Avery nods, almost like he can hear my thoughts.
“I’ll see you soon,” he promises.
It feels too much like the last time we parted for me to turn my back on him. Instead, I nod and wait. He walks backwards for a few feet, keeping his golden-brown eyes on mine. Then he turns, navigating around a family coming down the street. I watch the back of his head, the new cut of his hair making it more difficult to track, until I can’t see him anymore.
Shaking out of the trance-like stare, I realize Georgia has returned. Her eyes are narrowed at me.
“What?” My voice is a squeak.
“You know what,” Georgia grumbles. “He’s just going to break your heart again.”
I shake my head.
“You don’t know he isn’t going to break your heart.” Her voice softens as she adds, “I’m not going to be here to help put you back together again. I’m going to be a three-hour plane ride away. So you have to be safe and guard your heart.”
I link my arm through hers, tugging her down the street. “Retail therapy,” I say, “and then lunch. And we’re not going to talk about this anymore.”
16
Past
He showed up at my house with a dozen red roses. My mother looked thrilled because, of course, Valentine’s Day was on a Saturday this year and she answered the door. I blushed so red that my cheeks matched the flowers.
Colby winked at me when I tried to subtly pass the armful of flowers to my mother. She whisked them away, murmuring about trimming the stems and getting them into water. He leaned forward and kissed me.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby,” he whispered.
“Mrs. Galston,” he called. If it were me calling her like that, she would’ve ignored me until I found her. But for Colby, she came running. He sent her a charming smile. “You don’t mind if I steal your daughter for the day, do you?”
She looked at me and narrowed her eyes. “She didn’t mention having plans.”
Colby hooked his arm around my shoulders, cinching me to him. “Ah, she didn’t know. It was a surprise…”
My mother beamed at him, nodding. “Okay, as long as she’s home at a reasonable hour.”
“Midnight?” he asked.
She looked from me to him, back and forth, until her eyes landed on him. “Fine. But just this once.”
I begged Colby off for a minute to change my clothes and put on makeup. He nodded and followed me up the stairs into my room and sat on my bed watching me. “You ready to have fun tonight?” he said.
My body heated. “What did you have in mind?” I met his gaze in the mirror.
He winked. “Didn’t you hear me? It’s a surprise.”
At that, I turned and rested my hip against the counter. “Please?”
His eyes flashed. He stood and came closer, pinning me against the counter. “You didn’t hear me.” He leaned in and claimed my mouth. I whimpered when he bit my lower lip, sucking it into his mouth. He moved down to my neck, biting and sucking, until I felt like I would combust. His fingers easily undid the button of my jeans, slipping down and teasing me. I moaned because I knew I was supposed to, shifting my legs wider and clutching his arms. One finger slid inside of me, in and out, and then two. He suddenly stopped, withdrawing and stepping away. “It’s a fucking surprise.”
I leaned back, panting. His eyes glowed in a way that said, I own you, and I felt another blush crawl over me when he put his fingers—that had been inside of me—in his mouth.
“Button your jeans. I hear your mom.”
I turned back to the mirror, fingers trembling on the button.
“You kids okay up here?” My mom flew in; I hadn’t realized my door was wide open. “Thank you for respecting my open-door policy, Colby,” she said. He was back on my bed, his phone in his hand.
I tried not to make a mess of my eyeliner, but my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
“No problem, Mrs. Galston. I’m happy to follow the rules.” I saw her nod, glance in at me, and then leave.
“I’m finished,” I said.
He stood and kissed me again. “You haven’t finished,” he said. “You need a scarf or something.” He pressed his thumb into one of the spots he had bitten earlier.
I wondered how much my mother saw and if I would need to explain them later. But I wound a scarf around my neck, and we left the house. She didn’t so much as bat an eye at me. It was barely noon.
We drove to his house. He took my hand and pulled me into the family room, pushing me down on the couch. He followed, hovering over me. “I’ve always wanted to fuck a girl on this couch.”
I grabbed his shirt and pulled him down on top of me, kissing his neck. He growled, pushing my hands down his body. I felt his erection through his pants and palmed it. He rolled off of me and unbuttoned his jeans, his dick springing out.
“Suck it,” he told me.
I licked my lips. A shiver ran up my back.
“I got you roses. What did you get me? It’s a two-
way street here, Charlie.” He smirked at me. I felt the guilt well up. In the months of dating, I had managed to avoid this. “Do you need to be fucking drunk to do anything?”
I eyed it. Him. He grabbed my face and pulled me to him, until we were so close our noses touched.
“Charlie, for fuck’s sake.”
I barely nodded. He let go of me and leaned back. I felt his eyes as I tentatively put a hand on him, rubbing up and down before I put my mouth over him. I was terrible, though, clueless, because when his hand slid through my hair at the back of my neck, I froze. He thrust into my mouth, and I tried not to gag.
“Relax,” he ordered on a sigh. He grunted as we moved, over and over. Tears streamed from my eyes for eternity, drops falling on his pants, before he decided that was enough. He pushed me away roughly, stripping out of his pants and taking mine off, too.
He plunged into me so fast I cried out.
No condom, I wanted to scream. I opened my mouth to speak, but he covered it with his palm. He buried his face in my shoulder, groaning, before attacking my mouth.
We swallowed each other’s noises, and I forgot that he wasn’t wearing a condom. I forgot that I wasn’t on birth control yet. “Fuck,” he growled. He pulled out and yanked my shirt up over my breasts as he squirted hot liquid on my stomach.
Colby fell backward on the couch with a sigh, closing his eyes. I laid there, tears still in my eyes, in shock at what had just happened. I had a pulsing beat in my core, unsatisfied. And I was relatively happy that I wouldn’t have to worry about getting Plan B at almost-sixteen. I silently laughed that I would be turning sixteen in exactly a month.
Eventually, he picked himself up and touched me like he liked me. Like he cared about whether I felt good. He moved methodically, mechanically, and stared at me as I gasped and arched my back. He smirked as I came on his fingers.
He stood up and left me there, panting.
I stood up and went into the bathroom, bringing my underwear and jeans with me. I wiped at the come dripping down my stomach, grimacing. It was gross.
My stomach turned, and I immediately knew I was going to throw up. I dove for the toilet, trying to vomit as quietly as possible. When I could finally stop heaving, I stood and rinsed my mouth out. I stared at myself for a while until someone pounded on the door.
“Get out here, Charlie,” Colby hollered.
I inhaled, smiled at myself, and opened the door.
“You look so sexy, baby,” he said. He smirked at me. “My parents are gone for the weekend. I’m so fucking happy that you let me fuck you without a condom.”
My cheeks turned scarlet. I felt the burn of it.
“I’m going to take you out for a romantic dinner because you deserve that shit. And you’re going to call your mom and ask to sleep at Leah’s house.”
I looked into his eyes. “I’m guessing I’m not staying at Leah’s house.”
He laughed and kissed me. I own you, his kiss said again. I opened my mouth, welcoming his tongue. I moaned when his hand palmed my breast and tweaked my nipple. “I need more of you,” he whispered. He had said that before he took my virginity, too. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small bag of pills. “Pick one.”
I chose randomly as a small flutter of fear raced through me. He picked one, too, and gave me a look that should’ve had me running away. I should’ve never stopped running away from him.
He didn’t break eye contact as he put the pill in his mouth and swallowed.
“I haven’t—” I haven’t been high since we first had sex, I thought, but I couldn’t voice it. He already knew, since he was the one who pushed the pills on me. I had felt so vulnerable, but I still found myself sneaking out a few nights later to see him.
Colby nodded. “I know. I’ve got you.”
I put the pill in my mouth and swallowed it without water.
“Call your mom, baby.” These past few months, Leah had been my steadfast excuse for all things wrong in my life. She commanded the popular girls. If I had been hanging out with Colby too much—according to my mother—Leah was the one I was going out with that night. If I was late getting home from school, it was because Leah needed help. Colby had seamlessly manufactured my friendship with Leah, so when I finally asked about sleeping over her house, my mother sounded relieved instead of irritated.
I stared into Colby’s eyes, my breath short, as he traced his finger across my collarbone. “Yeah, Mom,” I answered. “Her parents will be there.” I leaned into his touch. “No, his surprise was actually a picnic in his living room.” He smirked.
My mother agreed, and I said a quick goodbye.
I could feel the pill at work; my mind was coming apart, and my tongue was loosening. “You’re great,” I told Colby. “The flowers turned me on, but then you took care of that, which was really considerate of you.”
His smirk bloomed into a hard grin. I gulped. “I’m considerate? Is that all?”
“You’re the greatest boyfriend,” I said. I took a step away from him, sensing danger but not sure how.
He cocked his head. “Do you love me?”
I blinked at him. Time warped and slowed, and all I could hear was my heartbeat. Every pulse said, Do you love me? He came over and claimed my mouth, pinning me against the wall. He held my arms above my head and grinded himself against me. He was hard again.
“I asked you a question,” he said in my ear.
I wondered if his parents loved him.
“I don’t know,” I answered. I didn’t know; I could only compare him to Jared.
My heart fractured at the thought of my long-lost friend. Where was he, now? Now that I had become wrapped in his friend. Now that I was high on pills that made me feel lighter than air.
Suddenly, I giggled. I moved my hips against Colby. I tipped back and smiled.
“Baby.”
I met Colby’s eyes. They were such an unusual mix of green and brown. Right now, in the sunlight, they were absolutely green. I loved his eyes.
“You love me,” he said.
Slow, slow, I felt my head bob up and down. I was untethered again, floating away.
“Say it, Charlie.”
My mouth was gone. My body was coming apart. I heard myself. I said, “I love you, Colby.” By my voice bounced around my head. Do you love me, too?
He didn’t answer.
17
I almost run headlong into Avery. It’s five o’clock on a Friday, almost a week after I first saw him. Almost a week since I gave him my number, and got nothing. To say I was pissed is an understatement. I almost threw a fit. Georgia had her fair share of ranting phone calls. And now, here he is. He looks rather smug, too. It makes me want to punch him in the face.
“How did you know I work here?” I demand.
“I asked around.” Smug. I can’t seem to be flattered beyond the annoyance.
I keep walking. My day is finally over, and I just need a cold shower and a glass of wine. Maybe some pizza.
In the hectic week of moving in, I was surprised to learn that there was a whole private space just for me. When we were in Chicago, Tom had a small office and I was in a cubicle around the corner with the other assistants. Now, the door from the hallway opens into my office, and the door to his office is next to my desk. The wall that separates our offices is made of glass, with giant blinds that can be closed from his side for privacy. Security detail has been added to my job description, as I now monitor who has access to his office. It’s been just another exhausting duty to add to my plate.
Avery keeps pace with me as I fly down the sidewalk. I’ve gotten quite familiar with the fastest routes from my apartment to work, as well as which is the safest at different hours of the day. I have an hour before I need to be back with a car for Tom, dressed for a high-profile dinner.
The smugness is slowly draining from his face. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” He looks put out by my silence.
I contemplate holding my tongue. The annoyan
ce is like an itch that I can’t scratch. Finally, I ask, “What exactly were you expecting?”
He pulls on my arm, slowing us down. I huff. “I don’t have time for this, Avery. You would’ve known that if you had, oh, called or texted me?”
“I…”
“Yeah,” I cut him off. “I’m in a hurry. Did you lose my number?”
It had occurred to me that he may have forgotten my last name, and not been able to find my number under my initials. But after four days of silence went by, even that excuse fell flat. When I resume walking, he follows. He stays behind me for a minute, and then suddenly he is next to me again.
“I didn’t lose your number, Charlotte. I just…” He groans and runs his fingers through his hair. “I couldn’t text you and be casual about it. I couldn’t say hey, what’s up? I couldn’t make myself pretend that the last time I asked you out, it didn’t end miserably. I couldn’t delude myself into thinking that maybe you’d give me another chance. So I stared at your phone number for five days and couldn’t say anything… until I remembered that the H stood for Harper, and I was quite sure you never told me what your middle name was. But you did, I remember it now. I’m sorry I forgot. I finally found your social media about six hours ago. I needed to see you in person, to apologize for the last time we saw each other.”
I glance sideways at him. I feel lifted, floating out of control, by his admission, and it’s an uncomfortable feeling. “You’ve been waiting outside the office for six hours?”
He snorts, but his cheeks are flushed. “No. I’ve been waiting out here for more like three. The receptionists wouldn’t let me up.”
“Why didn’t you have them call me?” We’re almost to my apartment building, now, but I don’t tell him that. It would be dangerous to invite him inside. I’ve had enough danger to last a lifetime.
“You would’ve let me up?”
My lips twitch as I try not to smile. Damn it, I’m supposed to be mad at him. “No, I wouldn’t have.”
He follows me all the way to the front stoop of my apartment building. I turn, intending to tell him he can’t come in, but he has already stopped a few feet behind me. “I guess I don’t have to ask where you live,” he murmurs.
