by C C Morgen
I am truly sorry. If I told you this, would you still want to be my friend?
I hope you will, because I’ve grown to like you more with every moment that passes.
CHAPTER 13
Ali
OUR TRAVELS THROUGH THE DARK forest ended at the clearing, leading to a dirt path that followed south, along a stretch of field. The sky was clear of clouds and the wind blew, sending a cool breeze to brush against my skin. I pushed back my hood to let my hair breathe from the humidity of the forest. Sweat dripped down my neck, and down my back from wearing the insulated leather used to make my hood and Elven armor.
The breeze over the hills picked up as we kept riding further south. As the wind blew, it brushed through Angelica’s long dark hair. I could smell the scent of sweet strawberry and honey passing by. I closed my eyes as her scent swirled all around me sitting behind her. Strands of her hair flowed onto my sensitive face as I leaned in closer, trying to inhale deeply the sweet smell of her skin that became exposed as her hair combed to the side.
Eric saw what I was doing, and I quickly leaned away from her. It was embarrassing for me to act in such a way and for the worse, to be caught by Eric of all people who were intoxicated by her beauty. He just looked at me and then set his eyes ahead. He didn’t grin nor say anything the rest of the long ride to a village at the outskirts of a river. It was near the entrance to a vast forest where we needed to travel through.
The sun began to set over the horizon of the south, indicating we needed to rest for the night before riding further. By the time we entered the village on our Striders, the villagers had taken their activities indoors with wine and ale at the local tavern. It appeared very crowded and smelled of cooked food.
Its location was at the corner of the village. The foundation was enormous and built like a large logged house with two floors. The top floor was an Inn for weary travelers with warm beds and fires burning to warm the house.
The men had lain indoors instead of camping outside. With the amount of gold and gems given to us by the king, we could afford to spend a lavish night and enjoy the offerings in the tavern. However, they denied nothing to us with Angelica. The villagers recognized her as a lord and bowed their heads.
They served Eric and the other's large dishes of food, from meats, stews, and lots of ale and wine. Angelica sat at a table in the room's corner with her arms and legs crossed; watching the men enjoy their meal and drinks. She only had a glass of wine and barely ate the stew served to her by the Innkeeper.
I watched her from across the tavern, while standing in the shadows of the dim candlelight. She appeared to not have an appetite just like me. I never had an appetite while on a contract; too many thoughts crossed my mind at lightning speed, usually keeping me awake in the night and hindering my need for food. Although, the stew regardless was tasteless tonight. Nothing satisfied me about the ale they served. However, the men ate without fail while I struggle to drink a fill to ease my nerves.
Then for a moment, Angelica glanced at me with depressed eyes as if something worried her. The sight of her made me want to console her, but my body did not move. I just watched her staring at me until she finally turned away. Why couldn’t I move? My hands trembled as I looked at them.
Was this fear rushing through my body? I’ve never been this insecure over someone who hates me. To think, this is how my mother must have felt being powerless to Amphis either rejecting or accepting her for what she is. I am truly powerless, knowing she has rejected me as a friend and yet I’ve chosen to protect her, regardless. There is no comfort in this feeling of wanting her to accept me.
My mind raced so much; I forced myself to the leave the tavern and made camp outside. Eric followed me out to the side of the tavern where there was a pit, where I began to gather twigs to light a fire. He and I gathered large logs that were stacked high for the fires inside the Inn.
“You are not good at fooling anyone,” he finally spoke. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I answered while hitting two rocks together to create a spark over the dry leaves and twigs. Smoke began to rise, and the leaves lit into a small flame. I added to the fire, building up the flame even more to lay dry wood on top to burn slowly.
“You’ve been acting strange since the ceremony,” he answered. “Like you’re wounded over something other than your father. You were happy that day and then it changed. The look in your eyes became sad again, but worse than usual.”
“You’re right,” I admitted. “I’m not good at hiding my pain.”
“Tell me what happened.”
“It’s not like it matters now,” I answered. “The task at hand is more important than the trivial emotions I feel every time I allow someone to get close. Then they disappoint me.”
“Do you like Angelica?” He suddenly got straight to the point.
“Why would you ask that?” I asked. “You know I don’t think of such things.”
“Yes, you do,” he answered. “I’ve seen how you look at her. It’s ok to want someone. Angelica is a beautiful woman. Smart, strong, and doesn’t appear to be self-centered like the others. She has guts I’ll give her that. This mission might end her life, but she still volunteered. She rather reminds me of you in a way. Jumps in with no regret.”
“She knows, Eric,” I interrupted. “She knows who I am. My mother, and the clan. She rejected me because I’m the daughter of her enemy.”
“Oh—so that’s what’s going on,” he responded. “So, it upset you because she doesn’t accept who you are. Huh—I thought she would be honest at least. She did not seem to act as if she hasn’t accepted you. She looks conflicted, even her eyes says she is confused. You two are so alike, I hope you know.”
“Ugh,” I shrugged. “This is why I don’t share my thoughts.”
“Ali some say things that are not actually how they feel,” he said. “Learn to step back and get a clear view of what the truth is about the person you care about. Things are not always what they seem with the fake smiles and the words of denial. Angelica, I see as complexed. She has been brought-up a certain way and conditioned to deny things she actually wants. The Demon society has an image to maintain. Keeping up appearances, picking whom to associate with, do what they tell her. Not much freedom in that, is there? She knows you are not the enemy. Give her time.”
“There’s not much time in our world Eric. You live by the axe. I live by the sword. She is a lord. It doesn’t matter now anymore,” I said. “This is my life.” I laid Valora next me upholstering it on the ground. "I have to focus on the task and try not to be distracted. My father was driven and focused; I have to do the same to reach my goals.”
“Oh, Ali—you are always the same. All work and no pleasure in life. I assume you’re sleeping out here tonight.”
“The open air eases my mind,” I answered. “Plus, the men are too loud and most likely will find someone to share their bed with. I’d rather stay away from all that noise.”
Eric laughed. “I figured as always. Rest well.”
“Enjoy the evening.”
He turned away and headed back into the tavern where I heard the wood door shut. The fire was finally burning bright and warm in the cool night. The star shined in the dark sky, revealing the universe, as the full moon caught my gaze as it turned into a reddish orange before my eyes.
Seeing the blood moon was the omen of a new change like my father had taught me. Valora glowed white next to me, reminding me when we gazed at the night sky together in the high mountains of the north. The memory of the snow and the cold winds was my sanctuary, until they took it all from me. We too that night saw the blood moonrise the night before my father’s death.
The nightmares will never end with the image of his face when he was defeated. He had no fear in his eyes and had an acceptance of death when I saw him reach out to my mother who’d knelt before him. What did he tell my mother that day that gave him such peace? My muscles tensed in anxiet
y like the other night, which reminded me of Angelica’s warm embrace that comforted me.
Deep down I knew Eric was right. I desired to have Angelica to accept me, because I want her to comfort me again as she did before even if it’s only for a short while. Why do I have to have these desires? I’m feeling like my mother.
I’m becoming my mother with these feelings that stir inside my heart.
CHAPTER 14
Angelica
ERIC WALKED IN AFTER SPEAKING with Ali outside. I could see her sitting by the fire looking up at the blood moon in the starlit sky. She appeared to be in a daze, unfocused, and lonely. The glare in her eyes reminded me of when I lose myself in thought, trying to figure out life through this maze that has hazed over the future. Most of the decisions I made until now was to become strong and independent, not needing the things my sister desired so much. I never knew what it truly meant to have a friend to connect with intimately and share my life with.
“Is she alright out there by herself?” I asked Eric as he stood next to me, glancing out at Ali with the same concern as me. “Doesn’t she want to rest in a warm bed?”
“Ali—she gets like this sometimes,” he answered. “She gets lost in her mind before a battle. Being outdoors is her way of being alone, away from all the noise and us. It helps her focus.”
“I never noticed something distracted her,” I said. “She always seems so calm and driven, well aware of her surroundings.”
“How long can one stay driven without getting exhausted and the world catching up?” He stated. “Ali is haunted by her past. The moment she slows down and relaxes, it catches up to her—because she hasn’t learned to accept her vulnerability. She wants to be strong like her father. So, she pushes away everything else that slows her down. She even denies the pleasures of life to get that strength she lacks. By the way, Ali told me what happened between you two.”
“She did,” I said, not surprised. He is her friend and partner.
“I hold no grudge towards you, milady,” Eric added. “You pick who’s worthy of your company. Ali’s family just happens to be the most hated race next to Demons. She knows that well.”
“You know who she is, and you still fight by her side with loyalty,” I asked wanting to know why he trusted her.
“When I met her, I didn’t care about who she was,” He answered. “I’ve done horrible things myself even when I was alive in the third realm. Ali was pure, driven, and an excellent bowman. She had my back in every fight. Every battle she never failed us. She is kind and helpful to the weak. You have experience that side of her firsthand. Without her we would have never run down that mountain to aid you. That’s the truth. We lived by the coin before Ali joined our brotherhood. She leaps at the sight of fire without a second thought to the reward. We all thought she was crazy at first, but now she is our sister. We have become just as mad, risking our lives on this mission.”
“She seems to have that effect on others to follow her,” I said. “Look what I did. That’s the power of the next general.”
“You should talk to her,” Eric suggested. “Settle things, so both of you can find peace.”
“Do you think she will have me sit with her?”
“Out of all of us to ride with, she chose you. Don’t ask silly questions you know the answers to already.” Eric walked off and joined the men at the table, drinking their fill of wine that began to smell like alcohol in the tavern.
I grabbed my bag from the corner table and went outside. Ali watched me walk towards the fire and followed me with her eyes until I sat next to her. “Do you mind if I join you,” I asked. “It’s getting a bit too much for me in there.”
“You’re more than welcome,” she answered. “Believe me, it gets worse when they have too much wine. Eric will flirt with most of the women. Gabriel was eyeing the Innkeeper’s son working in the kitchen before I left. The rest will look for a beauty that hasn’t fallen under Eric’s charm.”
“Oh, my.” I grinned. “You know them well.”
“Traveling with them for this long, I’ve learned to tolerate a lot,” she answered. “Learn the time to leave and let them have their enjoyment for the night.”
“Do you ever take part in the pleasures at night,” I asked out of curiosity.
“No—I prefer not to since it doesn’t interest me much.”
“Hmm—that’s too bad,” I responded feeling tempted by her answers. Then I realized I was hungry. I opened my bag and pulled out a vial of potion that Agnes made me. I downed the contents in one gulp; it tasted like cherry on my tongue with a smooth sweetness. It revived me and settled the hunger on the spot.
“What was that you drank?” Ali asked, watching me put back the empty glass.
“It’s an elixir to quench my hunger,” I answered truthfully. “It’s just a replacement until I’m able to feed again from someone.”
“That’s right you have to feed off of life energy as well,” she responded, casting her eyes on the fire.
“Yes, I do,” I answered. “It’s not so bad though. I am actually gentle with my host, so they end up getting pleasure out-of-it. Just as you experienced the other night. These unfortunately,” I show her my supply. “Don’t have the same satisfaction, but it will suffice.”
“Why don’t you feed off of one of us or someone in the tavern?”
“I’m actually picky about who I feed on,” I answered. “I’m a bit spoiled in that way. Not all life energy tastes good. Besides, if I feed off you it defeats the purpose of keeping your strength in battle.”
“I didn’t know life energy had a taste,” she asked looking into my eyes.
“To a Demon it does,” I answered. “Each host tastes different. Like you for instance have a very sweet flavor that even my sister likes. We can relate it to strawberries and chocolate, the scent of your life energy. I actually rather enjoyed you a lot—I have to confess you are delicious.”
Ali giggled. “That’s a first... No one has complimented me in that way before. I’m not that charming to have such attention.”
“You’ve never had someone admire you before?”
“Eric often is the one admiring,” she answered with a smirk. “But I don’t take him serious. I haven’t actually had anyone look at me before other than the scars that repulse most at first glance.”
“I think you’re rather charming for a Dark Elf,” I complimented again. “Your skin is not too pale like the ones I’ve seen ages ago. Your hair is thick and silky as the night. You may be thin, but you have the curves of a woman, lean and strong. Soft and fair—your cheeks.” I grazed my fingers through her hair and caressed her face. “Beautiful. You are absolutely lovely. Your gentle gaze fools no one nor me. You’re a romantic are you?”
“I… A romantic,” she shied away. “Do I really seem that way?”
“Well, it explains why you don’t want sex,” I answered. “Maybe you haven’t found someone that meets your interest. Most likely, you gain satisfaction by being intimate with someone more than just the physical. Unless it has turned you off because of your mother’s habits—and the fact you are a Succubus as well.”
“I’m not like my mother,” she answered. “Maybe it’s part of the reason. But the truth is I have my mind on other things than romance and intimacy. By the way, I didn’t mature into a Succubus. I have no tendencies.”
“So, you have tried to mature,” I asked with a grin. “All this time I thought you were a virgin.”
“You sound like Eric right now,” Ali glared at me in annoyance.
“One can only assume based on how shy you are,” I responded. “I do apologize though if I offended you.”
She laughed. “I’m used to the judgment of others already. To answer—yes I’ve had sex once to see if I would go through the change. I didn’t. I didn’t even feel the hunger afterward.”
“Just because you didn’t go through the changes doesn’t mean you are not a Succubus,” I informed her. “You are a Succubus,
I assure you. I tasted it in your energy. And you matured, just not in the way you thought.”
“What do you mean?” She looked at me in shock yet eager to know what I know.
“As you well know a Succubus feeds on sexual energy to gain its full strength? Your mother needs it to stay strong and alive. You—are unaffected by the hunger and the fatigue that happens by not feeding. It’s true you don’t have most tendencies, but you can create a small dose of pheromone to attract others easier. The leather you use to cover yourself nulls out your scent most of the time. You keep away from others so of course they will not notice you. Yet again, that’s what you want. To stay unnoticed in the first place.”
“I never knew that,” she responded.
“You can still feed off someone though,” I said. “Sex for you can be a great blessing to your strength. It actually will give you a boost of energy on top of what you have now. You might handle Valora a lot longer and not get drained so much by its power. You might be able to use it better if you fully embrace who you are. That’s why I’m surprised you haven’t noticed. After your first time—did you feel stronger like your body could go on all night without reaching exhaustion?”
“Come to think of it I felt more energetic like I could run forever,” Ali recalled. “I was up all day and night unable to sleep. I couldn’t relax myself after the night with Phyla.”
“Hmm… Phyla… Who is this woman that brought you into maturity?” I suddenly had a hint of jealousy. “A lover perhaps?”
“Phyla—no,” she answered, laughing. “Phyla is only my friend. She would be ecstatic if she heard that. I only lied with her once, that’s it. She was just doing me a favor, since I didn’t want my mother and grandmother to choose someone else to mature me.”
“Your family does that?” I asked. “Force you to be with someone?”
“My grandmother did the same with my mother,” she answered. “She would have her servant risk her life to do the deed. However, someone my mother loved very much didn’t want that to happen. She was the one who also broke my mother’s heart in the end.”
