by Evelyn Sola
“Go where? For how long? Why are you doing this? You’ve been after me to tell her all these weeks, and when I finally figure out a way, you leave town! What the hell is your problem?” She screams the last part as she walks around me, holding out her arms as she blocks my path. I put both hands on her waist, lift her, and set her aside. She’s right behind me as I walk down the steps.
“Answer me!”
“Fine. Stay. I’m leaving.”
I yank open the front hall closet and pull out a coat, but when I look at her, I have to look away when she starts wiping the tears from her face.
“You’re such a jerk, Nicholas Bain! You accuse me of being immature but look at how you’re acting. Fine. Go and think about how you’re punishing me over a situation I didn’t create. This was our problem from the beginning, but I’m here to work it out while you run away. And you call me the immature one.”
She picks up her coat, and without even putting it on, she walks out the front door. I want to pull her back in, tell her to put on her coat, but I hold back. She runs to her car and climbs inside, but she doesn’t drive away immediately. She puts her head on the steering wheel and leaves it there for several seconds. Then, she lifts her head, shakes it, and starts the car.
She backs out of my driveway, never once looking back in my direction again. It takes all my willpower not to jump in my truck and chase her down.
Like an idiot, I sit on my bottom step and put my head in both hands. So much for talking like a rational adult. I don’t know how long I sit there, but my phone vibrates in my pocket sometime later.
Pretty Girl: I never meant to hurt you.
I watch as the three bubbles appear, and I wait for her next message, but it never comes. Eventually, I put the phone back in my pocket and leave the house.
CHAPTER 29
MIRANDA
I do my best to keep a smile on my face. Like on autopilot, I ring up customer after customer, grateful for not having to make much conversation. This I can do. The robotic monotony of using the cash register, putting the items in bags, and handing them to customers, all with a smile I don’t feel; I can do that all day.
With less than a week left until Christmas, the store is packed with customers. With a small crane of my neck, I notice that the line is practically at the store entrance. I look around, hoping Nick will walk in, but I know it’s not likely to happen. Not with the way he looked at me.
Were we over before we really began? Would he just walk away after telling me he loves me? My shoulders slump at the thought, but I refuse to give up on us.
“Time for a break,” Marissa says sometime later. Like a zombie, I log out of the cash register and walk to the small room in the back, take a seat at the small table and look straight ahead.
The scraping sound of a chair and Marissa taking the seat next to me, don’t pull me out of my funk. She grabs my arms, and that’s the first time I realize they are folded against my chest.
I pull out of her grasp. “Not now, Marissa. Leave me alone.”
She sighs and pulls her chair closer.
“This close to Christmas, you’re usually walking around like Mrs. Claus on crack. You’ve barely said a word all day, and you look like you’re two seconds away from crying. What the hell happened? I’m guessing it has something to do with that fine-ass man.”
As if I have no control over my body, I start to shake at the exact moment the tears start to fall. Marissa pulls me into a hug and I silently cry on her shoulder. She finally pulls away and wipes my tears.
“Did you two break up? Did that asshole dump you less than a week before Christmas?”
“I don’t know.” I take a deep breath and tell her everything that happened after I left here the previous day. Thankfully, the tears remain at bay as I speak.
“Oh, Mir.” She smooths down my hair and sits back in the chair. “You’re my girl, and I’m not excusing him whatsoever. In fact, I’ll track him down and kick his sorry ass. Fuck him up real good. But people act out when they’re hurt. I understand the position you’re in, but I understand his feelings too.”
“I know. I understand. I’d be hurt too, but I went there this morning to apologize. I told him I want to tell her tomorrow, but the best way was to tell Dad first, get him on our side, and the three of us could sit Mom down and explain. Now, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Marissa. I never set out to hurt anyone, but I did and now I’m here acting like a weak bitch, but he’s being so unfair.”
“Girl, I’ve been married for two years now. Listen to me. Men are big babies.” She stands up, grabs a paper towel, and comes back to wipe my face. “Dry your tears. Crying ain’t gonna fix shit. He’s somewhere licking his wounds, and when he comes back, and you know he will, you kick his sorry ass. Let’s get something to eat, then you are going back to being fabulous. Well, as fabulous as you can be in that elf outfit.” She stands up and extends her hand. “Lunch is on me.” She hooks her arm through mine and we leave the break room.
^^^^
It takes a certain amount of inner restraint for me not to fling my phone against the wall. The way I’m feeling, it would be as if Hercules himself was doing the throwing. I imagine the phone going through the wall, leaving a gaping hole. In the end, that would only make my life even more miserable, given that it’s winter in Massachusetts and I don’t have hundreds of dollars for a new phone.
My thoughts are a jumble as I think of what I should have said to Nick this morning when he had his mantrum. I should have told him to grow up and stop acting like an entitled brat because I didn’t do what he wanted me to do when he wanted it done. What did I do instead? I followed him around the house like a lovesick fool.
Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all obviously had never been in love because this shit is for the birds. Tears that I had to keep at bay in front of my parents start to fall in the privacy of my small basement apartment.
How dare he? He pursued me, knowing my mother worked for him. Not once, but twice. I walked away only for him to pull me back in; he got me to fall in love with him only for him to walk away after one mishap.
“Jerk!” I yell to no one. As if he heard me, I see his name flash across my screen with an incoming text.
Nick: I will be back in town tomorrow.
I roll my eyes at the stupid text. Back from where? We hadn’t talked in over twelve hours, which hasn’t happened since he first saw me at his office and gave me a key to his house. We text constantly.
I know he’s waiting for me to respond. This is probably his way of making sure I made it home safely, and there’s a part of me that wants to ignore the text like he did to me the night before. Make him sweat. But I can’t bring myself to do that.
Me: Okay
I barely have time to breathe before my phone buzzes again.
Nick: Everything good?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Me: Yup
I toss the phone beside me on the bed. Exhausted and defeated, I decide not to let Nick take up any more space in my head. I jump off my bed and run up the stairs to where my parents are.
“Mom! You want to watch the Hallmark Channel with me?”
CHAPTER 30
NICK
“Shit!” I hiss as the hot liquid burns the tip of my tongue. I plop the coffee down a little too forcefully and some of the liquid seeps out of the top and lands on my fingers.
The shitstorm from yesterday continues as I rub my eyes, which feel like someone shoved a fistful of gravel into them.
That’s what happens when you don’t sleep all night because all you can think about is how you miss sleeping next to the woman you love. What did I get instead? Nonstop barking from my mother’s beagle, Sadie.
When my mom called from Ireland, concerned because she was not doing well at the doggie hotel, all I wanted was to take Miranda to Providence for the night. In fact, that was my intention when I went to the mall, only to be r
ebuffed and left there like an idiot.
But damn, I miss her. I miss her voice, her smile, the way her eyes light up at the most unexpected things, and how I never know what’s going to come out of her mouth next. It’s starting to snow now, and I can imagine how excited she probably is. She’s most likely checking the weather every few minutes, filled to the brim with excitement at the possibility of Christmas snow.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Bain? Did you really have to act like such a fucking asshole?”
Did I really have a temper tantrum because my girlfriend left with her mother instead of me? The mother who has no idea about us because she works for me. Oh, and she also hates me, so there is that. Did I really think it was a good idea to have that conversation while she was at her job? But I really wanted to go with them to dinner with her and her family.
We haven’t texted since last night, and all I want to do is reach out to her, but I have a meeting in a few minutes, and she’s headed to work this afternoon. Regardless, I’m going to find her, and I won’t leave her side until she forgives me for acting like an ass and until we work out a plan to tell her parents about us.
Maybe you should have listened to her yesterday instead of acting like a five-year-old.
My phone buzzes, and with my heart in my throat, I reach for it. In my haste and hope that the person on the other end is Miranda, I knock the coffee over and most of its contents end up on my lap.
“Fuck!” I jump out of my chair, nearly tripping over my bag. Upon realization that I have no paper towels in my office, I march across the hall into the men’s room and scrub off the coffee stain as well as I can. Unfortunately, it leaves a huge wet stain on my crotch.
With only five minutes before my meeting, I run into the kitchen to grab another coffee. Thankfully, there’s a fresh pot waiting for me. The downside is that Mona is in the kitchen slathering cream cheese on a bagel.
Seeing her here only makes me think of Miranda more, and how much I miss her. I pour the coffee, eager to get back to my office for a few minutes before it’s time to go into the conference room for the meeting, but then Mona sighs and picks up her phone.
“Baby girl,” she says. Instead of leaving like I intended, I reach for sugar, which I have no intention of putting in my coffee. “You are not acting like yourself. It’s a few days before Christmas and you’re acting like someone died. This is not my daughter.”
She stops speaking, and I hold my breath and take a small step closer.
“Don’t lie to me. You think I didn’t notice you were crying last night? And you didn’t eat a thing.”
She stands still, her hand paused over the bagel.
“Darling, whatever it is, you can tell me. Is it Brandon? Is that who you’ve been spending all your time with?”
Who the fuck is Brandon?
“Good. I’m glad it’s not him, but what is it?”
She listens some more, and this time, she rests a hand on her forehead.
“It’s not like you. You call in sick at work today. You’re not eating. From the look of you this morning, you’re not sleeping either. You were still in the clothes you had on yesterday. I have a meeting, but we will talk when I get home tonight. Your father and I are both worried about you.”
She listens some more, and she finally turns around and sees me standing there. I put down the sugar, and even though I didn’t use it, I stir my coffee to give me more time in the kitchen.
“Okay. I love you, baby.” She sets the phone down and takes a deep breath. She picks up her food, nods at me, and starts to walk away.
“Mona,” I say, unable to help myself.
“Yes?” She stops a few feet away from the door and turns to look at me.
“I couldn’t help but overhear. Is everything okay with Miranda?”
“Something is definitely wrong with my daughter. She’s upset about something, and I’m worried about her.”
I stare at Mona, unsure what to say, and feeling lower than I have since I found out Paige was a thief. Unlike the Paige incident, this one is one hundred percent my fault. Now the woman I love is in agony because I acted like a fool.
“Are you feeling okay, Mr. Bain?” She looks at me up and down but thankfully does not comment on the wet spot on my pants. “No offense, but you look terrible. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with everyone. It’s Christmas! We’re all supposed to be happy!” She doesn’t say anything else to me. She walks out of the kitchen, mumbling to herself.
I can’t concentrate on a thing during the meeting. Thankfully, it’s to discuss the spring projects and who we are subcontracting for parts of the project. I manage to get myself together enough to put together a clear presentation, but the mood in the office is down.
To cheer my employees up, I send an email to Mona telling her to bring in lunch for everyone. Half an hour before lunch is supposed to arrive, after checking one employee’s file, I leave the building because I can’t go another minute without resolving things with Miranda.
I park my Range Rover at the far end of the quiet tree-lined street that leads to her parents’ house. The street is populated by one and two-story houses, a hidden oasis in the middle of the city.
Unsure about ringing the doorbell, I send her a text.
Me: I’m outside. Can you let me in?
Three bubbles immediately pop up, but no message comes through. Just as I’m about to call her, the door to the basement entrance opens. I open the gate and run down the few stairs and step through the door.
Guilt washes over me immediately. She’s a wreck. Her hair is tangled, and her eyes are red and swollen. Even the tip of her perfect little nose is red. As soon as I close the door behind me, she crosses her arms, turns, and gives me her back.
She stiffens when I lay both hands on her shoulders. When I do this, she will usually lean into my body and hold on to my forearms while I wrap my arms around her, but this time, she shrugs out of my touch and steps away from me, leaving me feeling small and empty.
“Just say what you have to say, Nick. If you came to end it, go ahead.” She turns around to face me. “But you’ll have to say it to my face.”
“I didn’t come here to end things, Miranda. How could you think that?” One more step closer, but she steps back.
“How can I think that?” she yells. “How do you think? You practically kicked me out of your house yesterday. You refused to hear me out and treated me like shit when all I did was come over with a solution.” She wipes at her nose and comes toward me, pushing at my chest. The first shove is unexpected, and I take a step back, but when she shoves me again, I grab her hands. “Don’t touch me. Don’t you touch me.” She tries to pull her hands away, but I pull her to me, slamming her body against my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I say against her temple. “I was an ass.” I pull away so I can look her in the eyes. “I was scared I was going to lose you, so I lashed out. I didn’t want to go through what I went through a year ago. Hell, what I feel for you doesn’t come close to anything I’ve ever felt before, and I couldn’t deal with the idea of you walking away.”
Her eyes softened when I first started speaking, but when I mentioned my last relationship, her eyes darken, and she yanks her hands from mine with a strength I didn’t know she possessed.
“I am not Paige. You will not punish me for her sins, Nicholas Bain. I am Miranda!” She takes her index finger and points at herself, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I’m the one who loves you and wants nothing from you but your time! I’m the one who came to you the other day so we could talk like two rational adults. I’m not going to let you treat me like shit because of what someone else did to you. I’m sorry I hurt you, Nick, but the difference is, I never meant to.”
She turns her back to me, but not before I see the tears fall down her cheeks. I close the space between us and grab her elbow, turning her to face me. I pick her up and look around the small living room to find a door that’s cracked open. I go i
nside and find her bedroom. It’s a small space, with a low ceiling. The shades are drawn, and the bedsheets are rumpled. I sit down and put her on my lap. She tries to get up, but I hold on to her.
“I was an idiot, and when you walked out, I thought that was a sign of what’s to come. I thought you would choose your mother and end our relationship to protect her feelings. I lost my mind. I realize now how stupid that sounds.” I grab her face and turn her to look at me. “I’m sorry. I hate that I did this to you. I hate that you thought I came here to end things. I’m crazy in love with you, Miranda. I love you more than I thought it was ever possible to love another human being. Forgive me. Please.”
Her eyes search mine, and I let out the breath I was holding when she runs a hand through my hair.
“Well, you hurt me too. The way you treated me yesterday. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.”
“You never will. Not from me. I promise.”
She doesn’t say anything for several moments. She stares into my eyes as if they have the answers to her question, but I hold her stare.
“You big jerk,” she finally says as she puts her forehead against mine.
“Biggest fucking jerk. Can you forgive me?”
“Yes. Can you forgive me? And next time we have a fight, can you talk to me instead of shutting me out?”
“I’ll forgive you for anything. And yes. I promise never to shut you out again.”
“I missed you like crazy. Where the hell did you go?” She lays her head on my shoulder and wraps her arms around me. Suddenly, everything is right with my world again.
“My mom has a dog, and I had to go get her. I stayed at her place. I got no sleep, the dog barked nonstop, and I thought about you all night.”
“Serves you right. All I did was think of you too.”
