by Lucy Adams
He had been forced to wait long enough already. Patience was something he was well used to, although when it came to Eliza, Jeremy found himself struggling with the idea of remaining in town and being unable to see her again for some days.
“What else can I do?” he said aloud, rising to his feet. The sound of his voice echoed around the walled garden, but no answer came to him. He had no other choice but to return to his townhouse, to perhaps consider his duty towards his late wife and to his uncle, in finding out who had torn Rebecca’s life apart so terribly. That might be the only thing that would help him to set Eliza aside for the moment, waiting in desperate hope that she would return to him again, that she would set Lord Montrose aside completely and forgive the pain and the hurt that had gone before.
Chapter Eight
Lord Montrose was due to call upon her at any moment, and yet Eliza felt so unsettled that she wanted to refuse to see him.
It was most ridiculous.
It was now two days since the dinner party where Lord Avondale had appeared, two days since she had endured Lord Montrose’s loud voice and exuberant presence beside her, and two days since Lord Avondale had kissed her.
She had not been able to forget it, not even for a single moment. It had burned into her mind, forcing her to consider all that had occurred and filling her mind with such questions that she thought they might never leave her.
“You do not look well, Eliza.”
Starting with surprise, Eliza turned from the window where she had been looking for Lord Montrose’s carriage to see her mother walking towards her, a look of concern in her eyes.
“In fact, I should say that you have been looking a little unwell ever since our dinner party,” her mother continued, gently. “Titania confessed to me that she did not tell you about Lord Avondale’s invitation and I am truly sorry that she did not do as she ought. I would not have permitted his presence if I thought that you would have been so upset over his arrival.”
Eliza managed a tight smile, pressing her mother’s hand for a moment. “You need not apologize, Mama,” she said, quietly, her throat beginning to ache with unspoken emotion. “It is quite all right.”
Lady Whitehaven tipped her head, studying her daughter carefully. “Are you quite certain, Eliza?”
Eliza closed her eyes so as to stop any tears from forming in the corner of her eyes. “Mama, please do not question me. I am a little…troubled, I confess it.”
“Troubled?” her mother repeated, grasping Eliza’s hands tightly, which forced her to open her eyes. “My dear girl, why have you not spoken of this before? Do you not know that I am always here to listen to what you have to say? That I have a listening ear for any of your troubles?”
Eliza could not speak for a moment or two, such was the depth of her emotions. She did not want to break into sobs and fling herself around her mother’s neck for fear that Lord Montrose would be welcomed into the room. He was tardy already and she could not imagine what he would think if he saw her weeping in her mother’s arms.
“Come and sit down, Eliza,” Lady Whitehaven commanded, looking more and more concerned. “Please, my dear, you must do so at once. I am truly troubled at seeing you so distressed.”
Eliza had no other choice but to go with her mother, seating herself down in a chair whilst her mother took her by her elbow.
“Now,” Lady Whitehaven said, gently but with a firm look in her eye. “I can imagine that seeing Lord Avondale again is part of your present difficulties, is it not?” She looked keenly into Eliza’s eyes. “Did he speak to you, then? Has he told you of why had to separate himself from you?”
Sniffing a little indelicately, Eliza shook her head. “No, Mama, he did not. He has not spoken to me of it as yet, although he does still wish to and I believe that I will permit him to do so.”
Lady Whitehaven looked a little relieved at this. “I do think that would be wise, Eliza,” she said, honestly. “I have seen your struggle and your grief and know that a good deal of it stems from being unable to discover the truth about what occurred two years ago. If Lord Avondale is able to now express to you why he had to behave in such an ungentlemanly manner, then I think it best you hear it.”
Nodding slowly, Eliza fixed her gaze on her hands that were folded in her lap. “He states that he loves me still,” she said, softly. “I thought that he might have come to care for his wife but, from what I understand, there was no choice in the matter for him. He had to wed her, for whatever reason.”
“A reason you can soon discover,” Lady Whitehaven said, gently. Her eyes fixed on Eliza’s, as though she were trying to discern Eliza’s feelings on the matter of Lord Avondale without having to ask her.
“I do not know what to think,” Eliza said, honestly. “The reason Lord Avondale did not speak to me of his late wife was due to the fact that he wished to speak of Lord Montrose.”
Lady Whitehaven’s brow rose. “Is that so?” she murmured, looking surprised. “And what was it he wished to speak to you about?”
Eliza shook her head and rubbed at her forehead. “Lord Montrose was apparently speaking of Lady Barclay,” she said, feeling a flush of shame creep over her as though she was the reason behind Lord Montrose’s consideration of the lady. “A gentleman, it seems, is quite open to having both a wife and a mistress.”
Much to her surprise, Eliza saw that her mother did not appear shocked by this news. Instead, Lady Whitehaven simply nodded and folded her hands in her lap, waiting for Eliza to continue.
“Mama!” Eliza exclaimed, shocked by the lack of response. “Does this not come as something of a surprise to you?”
Lady Whitehaven sighed, a pained expression washing over her face. “My dear girl, this is the way of gentlemen. Do you truly not understand such a thing?”
Eliza closed her eyes, her stomach swirling. “Papa….?”
“Your father was a very good man, Eliza,” Lady Whitehaven replied, firmly. “He did not do as most gentlemen might and remained loyal to me. I shall always be grateful to him for his consideration.”
Eliza shook her head again and buried her face in her hands. This was not what she had thought her mother would say, finding herself torn into small pieces inside that seemed to knot and twist together until she was lost in confusion.
“It is not a surprise to me that Lord Montrose is considering such a thing,” Lady Whitehaven continued calmly, her voice still gentle as though she were trying to reassure Eliza with her knowledge of a gentleman’s ways. “However, as I have said, Eliza, there are a few gentlemen who would never do such a thing, such is their loyalty to their spouse.”
Eliza slowly lifted her head, looking pointedly at her mother who nodded slowly. There was no need for further explanations, it seemed, for Eliza knew precisely what her mother was trying to say. Lord Avondale was such a gentleman, of course. He would never allow himself to be torn away from Eliza’s side, would never allow himself to treat her with such disrespect. Lord Montrose, however, was not of the same ilk. He did not care for Eliza in the way that Lord Avondale clearly did. They might be a good match, yes, but he did not have any particular affection for her. Did she truly want to tie herself to a gentleman such as that?
And yet, Eliza knew that she had allowed Lord Montrose to believe that she was fully committed to their courtship, having been fully aware of his intentions when she had accepted him. He wanted to propose to her soon and would have them wed only a few weeks thereafter. Less than a month, in fact, for the banns could be called immediately.
“I have encouraged Lord Montrose’s affections, Mama,” she said, brokenly, spreading her hands. “I have still not forgiven Lord Avondale for his rejection and the heartbreak that followed. I am torn between two gentlemen, fearing what I do not know for them both.”
Lady Whitehaven’s eyes softened. “I can well understand that, my dear girl,” she answered. “I cannot guide you in this. It must come from your own heart.” She leaned forward and looked into Eliza
’s eyes. “All I can advise you is that you seek the truth from both gentlemen, before you make any kind of decision.”
“The truth?” Eliza repeated, not quite understanding what her mother meant. “I understand that Lord Avondale wishes to tell me the truth behind his refusal to wed me, but what for Lord Montrose?”
A dark look came into Lady Whitehaven’s eyes, betraying for a moment the truth of what she felt over Lord Montrose’s behavior. “I think, with Lord Montrose, you must ask him the truth about his regard for you, Eliza,” Lady Whitehaven stated, clearly. “Do not shirk from it. Do not allow his loud manner to intimidate you. Find out what you wish to know, so that you can be fully aware of what future awaits you should you accept him.”
A stone seemed to settle in Eliza’s stomach upon hearing this. Of course, she knew it made sense for her to do such a thing but the thought of speaking so openly to Lord Montrose made her feel as though she might cast up her accounts before being able to do so.
“I think I hear footsteps approaching,” Lady Whitehaven murmured, getting to her feet before Eliza could say anything in response. “Quickly now. Set your face into a smile and remember what it is I have told you.”
Eliza hastened to her feet, smoothing her skirts carefully as the door opened and the butler stepped in to announce Lord Montrose.
He beamed at Eliza, no look of apology over his late arrival.
“You are quite prepared, I see!” he declared, after greeting them both. “A walk shall be just the thing this afternoon.”
Eliza frowned. “I thought we were to take a carriage ride to Hyde Park,” she said, frowning. “My cousin, Dinah, was to join us.”
“Which is precisely why I thought a walk would do instead,” Lord Montrose replied, with an easy smile. “Your cousin does not enjoy carriage rides and the like, I am told. Therefore, I thought it quite unfair to her to insist that we take her along with us.” He beamed at her as though he were truly being considerate and expected her to think so of him too. “We may take the carriage to Hyde Park if you wish, and then mayhap walk within it?”
Eliza cast a quick look towards Lady Whitehaven, who wore a slight frown on her face.
“I think my cousin is already prepared, Lord Montrose,” she said, by way of apology. “Although, of course, once we are in the park itself, I would be glad to walk with you. Dinah will be more than contented to sit and wait in the carriage, I am quite certain.” For whatever reason, Eliza found herself reluctant to spend too much time walking with Lord Montrose alone, even though the maid would be walking behind them. It seemed much better to take the carriage, as they had planned, and endure then a shorter walk around the park, where she might have opportunity to greet other acquaintances instead of having to spend all of her time talking with Lord Montrose. Yes, she knew what her mother had advised her but her heart was still so filled with discontent and confusion that, for the present, Eliza determined not to speak of anything specific.
Lord Montrose sighed heavily. “Very well,” he stated, looking somewhat displeased. “If we must, then I shall oblige.”
Eliza managed a tight smile, wondering at his obvious frustration. Why did he not wish Dinah to be with them?
“I shall find my cousin and be with you forthwith,” she said, edging towards the door. “If you will excuse me.”
“I will wait for you both in the carriage,” Lord Montrose replied, surprising Eliza with his lack of consideration for her. “The footman can help you in, can he not?”
Eliza made no response to this, not daring to look at her mother before she quit the room and hurried off in search of Dinah.
* * *
Hyde Park was not too crowded yet, which Eliza found quite pleasing. Lord Montrose muttered something about it not yet being the fashionable hour as the carriage came to a stop, settling the horses under a shady patch of the gardens where they might rest as they waited for Lord Montrose and Eliza to return.
“Dinah,” Eliza said, quickly, before she stepped out. “Are you sure you do not wish to join us?”
Dinah, who had been reading a book ever since she had sat down in the carriage, shook her head without lifting her eyes from the page. Eliza sighed inwardly, smiled at Lord Montrose and allowed him to help her from the carriage. He had been quite silent during their carriage ride to the park, not speaking aside from greeting Dinah and commenting on the very fine day that they had been blessed with. Eliza felt her stomach tighten with nerves as she accepted Lord Montrose’s arm, fearing what it was he had to say.
“Your cousin is quite unlike you in almost every respect,” Lord Montrose commented, as they began to walk along the path. “She is quiet, unobtrusive and determined to become as saintly as she can.” A touch of mirth lit his voice but Eliza, even though she was not particularly fond of Dinah, felt a ripple of dislike for his criticism.
“Dinah has her heart and mind set on heavenly things,” Eliza replied, recalling the sermon from the previous Sunday. “I cannot say that I find any particular fault with that.” Even though she can be very difficult at times, she thought to herself, letting her eyes travel aimlessly across the park.
“She will not find herself a husband easily, that is quite certain!” Lord Montrose laughed, ignoring her gentle reproof. “I cannot imagine what sort of fellow would ever come to care for someone such as she.”
Eliza drew in her breath sharply, feeling her anger beginning to flare. “There may very well be a gentleman who considers the Christian life to be of the utmost importance,” she replied, tartly. “I hold out a good deal of hope for Dinah.” That last sentence was something of a mistruth, but Eliza did not step back from it. She would not allow Lord Montrose to criticize Dinah with such declarations.
“Do you consider that, mayhap, Lord Avondale would suit Dinah?”
Her anger flooded from her at once, replaced with an immediate and startling anxiety.
“Lord Avondale?” she repeated, wondering at his question. “Why would you suggest such a thing?”
Lord Montrose looked down at her keenly, his steps slowing. “I was told by one of your sisters, Miss Catherine Wells, that Lord Avondale is a friend of the family,” he stated, calmly. “I wonder which sister he might choose to wed? I understand he is widowed. Why not marry someone he has known for a good length of time?”
Eliza caught her breath, hearing the question in Lord Montrose’s words. “Lord Avondale has not made any indication that he wishes to marry Dinah or any other of my sisters,” she replied, truthfully. “I cannot imagine that he would be particularly well suited to any of them.”
Lord Montrose made a noise in the back of his throat, which Eliza could not quite make out as to whether it was one of disbelief or one of agreement.
“I did see his gaze rest on you a good deal at the dinner table,” Lord Montrose continued, his voice becoming a little darker. “You yourself did not notice, I suppose?”
Eliza shook her head, refusing to allow him to know the truth. “Of course I did not,” she stated, decisively. “I was much too caught up with the conversation that flowed around the table. You certainly managed to keep all of our guests very well entertained, Lord Montrose!” She tried to push a lightness into her voice that she did not feel, praying that the compliment would be enough to discourage him from considering Lord Avondale’s behavior any longer.
“I do have a way with words,” Lord Montrose admitted, sounding pleased. “Yes, I did manage to capture almost everyone’s attention, did I not? I am glad that you noticed, Eliza.”
Eliza, who had not given him leave to address her as such, frowned heavily.
“You have eyes only for me, I think,” Lord Montrose continued, patting her hand with his free one as it rested on his arm. “That is precisely the way it should be. Lord Avondale may look at you as much as he likes, but I shall take pleasure in knowing that it is not to him that you have given your promise, but to me.”
Hesitating for a moment, Eliza chose her words carefully befo
re she responded. “I have not given you any specific promise, Lord Montrose,” she said, slowly. “I have accepted your courtship, of course, but that is all.”
Much to her frustration, Lord Montrose simply laughed at this, shaking his head as though she were being deliberately foolish.
“Come, come now, Miss Wells. You know very well that my intentions were entirely honorable when I sought to court you. You were fully aware at the time that I have every intention of marrying you and making you my wife. I can hardly imagine that you would turn your back on such a thing now!” He looked down at her and grinned. “Have we not already discussed your concerns over my character and the like? Have I not already absolved you of such worries?”
Trying to think of a suitable response, Eliza cleared her throat delicately. “You have ensured that I no longer entertain such concerns, yes,” she replied, knowing that her questions over Lord Montrose’s character were not only present in her mind but growing steadily. “But that does not mean –”
“And if, as you say, there is nothing that might suggest you have any affection for Lord Avondale, then there is nothing to prevent us from moving forward in our courtship.”
Eliza stopped walking, pulling her hand from Lord Montrose’s arm. “What can you mean, Lord Montrose?” Her heart was pounding furiously in her chest, praying silently that he was not about to propose, not when she had not had the time nor the opportunity to ask him about what Lord Avondale had heard. She was not ready to accept him, not sure of her own heart. Lord Avondale still had her love, she was quite certain of that, but whether or not she could truly ever forgive him for what had occurred, whether or not she could rebuild the trust that had been so brutally shattered, was quite another thing. As for Lord Montrose, Eliza was beginning to fear that she was only seeing a façade that the gentleman wore for her to see. If what Lord Avondale had said was quite true, if what Lord Franks had said about Lord Montrose’s past behavior was still relevant at this present time, then Eliza knew she could not accept him. Even though she had given him her assurances that she was more than willing to be courted by him, even though, as he had said, she had known that he intended to propose, she could not accept his hand in marriage quite yet.
