by Eden Beck
I sound a lot braver than I am, because in reality I’m terrified. But I want to continue to know what’s going on and I don’t want Romulus to think he has to water things down for me before he says them.
How am I supposed to help if all I’m given is the rose-colored version?
“Of course, I came,” Vivian says with a small snort. “You guys are family, and family doesn’t abandon family.”
She glances over at me.
“Even if one of them is a hugely pregnant, not-yet-shifted, pain in my ass that got us into a whole mess of trouble. No offense,” she says as she grins at me.
I laugh.
“None taken,” I say. “I’m just happy that you consider me part of the family now.”
“I mean, look at you,” Vivian says as she gestures at my stomach.
It is a much appreciated moment of levity amidst a dire situation.
At least one of them can be bluntly honest with me.
“Looks like it’s just us then,” Lydia says, after a second. She allows herself one heavy sigh before she gestures to the table before us. “We might as well eat.”
Lydia lays a beautiful spread of food onto the table and we all gather around. Romulus goes outside to get some of his pack members that have been guarding the entrance to the house to load them up with food to take back to the others.
Over the last couple weeks here, I’ve come to learn that Romulus’ pack consists of more than his immediate family. Like many of their other secrets, the Grays never told me the exact size of the pack here in North Port … but I’ve gotten some idea of its size.
It’s not a usual pack, all travelling and living together.
Unlike other packs like those under Remus, Romulus hasn’t seen the need to collect shifters like beasts of burden. Romulus’ pack enjoys a great deal of freedom—freedom to come and go as they please, but also to come to their leader in times of need. Now that Romulus is in need, however, I’ve begun to see the error in his way of doing things.
If Romulus had kept those shifters he’d helped over the years indebted to him, close to him, then we might not be in the situation that we are.
But it’s Romulus’ kindness that has become our inevitable undoing.
And I can’t fault him for that.
We are all doing everything we can in the face of this eminent danger. One of Lydia’s ways of coping and contributing is to make delicious food and feed the ranks. The days of pain and torment seem to be behind me, because I’m finally on the opposite side of wanting to hurl everything I eat.
Now, instead, I’m constantly starving—with no sign of my ever-increasing appetite abating.
This third “trimester” is definitely worse than the previous two, just as the doctor had said it would be … but in a different way. I’m not doubled over in pain from poison, but rather from the ache of my swelling belly and the three restless pups anxious to be free.
But I think that I’m taking it better these last few days, mostly because I’m involved now and never without being able to be around the boys. I eat and listen to Vivian as she tells about what the other packs are up to and how they are viewing this whole situation between Romulus and Remus. It almost sounds as if they are seeing it as a brotherly spat or a rivalry of some sort, when in fact there was much more at stake to it than that.
So much more than that.
25
Sabrina
Soon, the days of planning have passed into weeks and my due date is fast approaching.
But so is the impending attack.
I try to help with things as much as I can, but it’s difficult to get much done between bouts of sickness. My temporary reprieve after learning about the triplets soon gives way to such complete exhaustion that I often find myself barely able to get out of bed for days at a time.
When I am up and walking around, I help work to put up defenses around the house and the bottom of the hill. We lay traps and give ourselves as much of the ground advantage as possible since we will be so greatly outnumbered.
Though my help isn’t so much manual labor as it is shouting encouragement from the sidelines with a pitcher of lemonade in one hand that’s mostly been drunk by myself.
“Here,” Kaleb says as he hands me another small sack of stones to lay against one of the traps during his next visit to get a refill on the now-nearly-gone lemonade. I’ve been trying to rig the trap myself between sips of lemonade, but he must have seen me struggling with it and didn’t want me to get hurt.
Hence the pitiful excuse for pebbles he’s brought over to replace the rocks I was trying to use before.
“Don’t give her that,” Marlowe says as he smacks Kaleb upside the head. “She shouldn’t be lifting stones.”
Kaleb growls at him and his eyes turn fiery as Marlowe tries to wrench the stones from my hand … only to nearly hit himself in the face with the bag when he discovers how light it really is.
“Really, Marlowe?” Kaleb says. “You think I’m an idiot?”
Under normal circumstances, Marlowe would just laugh off his own overreaction. But tensions are high, so between the pregnancy and imminent attack, there isn’t much “backing down” happening these days.
The two boys posture against each other as I try to get between them. Getting between anything with my current size is a nearly impossible feat.
“Guys, stop,” I say as I put a hand against each of their chests.
Rory stops what he’s doing and steps closer. I can tell that he doesn’t like me being in-between Kaleb and Marlowe when they’re arguing with each other. He doesn’t like me doing much of anything lately.
“Sabrina,” Rory says, his voice carefully measured. “Move away from them.”
“What, like we’re going to hurt her?” Kaleb spits back at him.
Now all three boys are radiating a tense and aggressive energy. I’m used to this from Rory, but Marlowe and especially Kaleb … not so much. It leaves me unsettled, not to mention the pups. The churn in my stomach, as if sensing the tension themselves. If I’m not careful, one of them is going to give me a powerful kick to the spine and send me doubling back.
“Stop,” I say sternly. “All three of you, please. I can barely deal with this as it is, and I won’t be able to handle it if the three of you are fighting.”
In tune with my scolding, one of the pups does just that—only it kicks my front, nearly sending my flying forward into my own poorly-cobbled trap.
All three boys’ faces change from anger to concern at once. It happens so quickly, it would be comical if I wasn’t already struggling to keep down the contents of my stomach. At this rate, I’m going to be more baby than me soon.
“I’m sorry,” Rory says looking at me apologetically.
The other boys apologize too and back away from each other.
“It’s hard for us to help,” Kaleb says. “We’re all so on edge about keeping you and the pups safe right now. Sometimes it’s hard to rein it in.”
“It’s okay,” I say as I try to lean up on my toes to kiss him. It’s an almost impossible feat now, so he leans down a bit to help me. “I understand. But we’re all on the same side of this and we need to make sure we stay that way.”
“Agreed.”
We work on preparations well into the evening, and even then, there are still traps to be made.
“It’s late,” Rory says as I get up to follow the boys back out into the forest again to lay a few more traps along the tree line. “You should stay here now with Romulus and Lydia. We won’t be gone long, there’s only a couple more traps to set.”
“I want to come,” I say.
The three of them look at me with hesitation.
“You might as well take her with you,” Lydia says to help my case. “You know that she’ll end up going after you anyway.”
“And if you don’t let her, I’ll fight you for her,” Vivian adds. She sticks her tongue out at the boys and goes back to planning with Romulus. She’s beco
me a staple in this household as of late. I’m not about to complain.
Not when, more often than not, she’s on my side.
Rory extends his hand for me to take and I toss a smile back over my shoulder to her and Lydia as we walk out.
The forest is beautiful tonight.
It’s much too peaceful out to think that in a couple of days’ time there will be a violent battle on this very ground that now has a beautiful moonlight spilling over it.
Much too peaceful to mark the true passage of time these last few weeks.
“Are you thinking what I am?” Rory asks me, after a few minutes.
We stop together, our heads tilted back to face the silvery moon above us.
“They’re late,” I say, quietly. One hand flutters up to rest on my burgeoning stomach. I feel tiny feet press against my hand, but today it isn’t reassuring. It just makes my stomach churn.
What if the doctor was wrong? What if I’m nowhere near giving birth?
Rory stiffens a little at my side, but it’s Marlowe who sneaks up behind me and wraps his arms gently around my stomach.
“Or they’re just perfectly on time,” he says, quietly.
“That makes one of us!” Kaleb crows, appearing out of the darkness to strike a pose, one foot outstretched on a rock jutting from the forest floor.
I bark out a laugh, grateful once again for each one of my boys. Between the three of them, I am whole.
I tilt my face back up towards the sky, my nerves calmed.
The moon is bright and nearly full. In two more nights, it will be as plump as I am, and that is the night that Romulus is expecting Remus to attack.
Two nights left, and still no pups have arrived.
I’m beginning to worry that Remus’ plan will work perfectly, that I will still be pregnant and our unborn babies vulnerable at the very moment that he attacks. I’d hoped to have given birth by now, but I guess there’s no forcing nature. At this point it’s up to a greater force than me and there’s nothing that any of us can do aside from wait and prepare.
We’ve long since given up discussing the possibility of my leaving before the birth. It was Lydia who shied away from it … knowing that Remus’ pack likely has their eyes on us and would track me down in an instant. Even if they did, I’d be left without help in case something went wrong.
And the way things have been going lately, there’s almost inevitably going to be something wrong.
I just know it.
I won’t say it, because I don’t want to jinx it, but I feel it in my bones.
At least here, underneath the whisper of the trees overhead and the rustle of their fallen leaves now damp with spring rain underfoot, I find some peace.
We walk just deep enough into the forest to make sure our traps are hidden and then stop to set down the equipment so that we can rig them. The traps won’t do too much, they might stop a few of Remus’ pack members from reaching the house right away, but we need all of the help we can get.
As soon as we set everything down and the boys begin to unwind the cord and wire as I wait for them to give me something so I feel like I’m helping; I look up between the branches at the starry sky again. It shines like a million glittering diamonds against the midnight blue above us.
Something about it is both calm and dangerous.
Inviting, tempting, challenging.
Like the calm before the storm.
I feel myself getting lulled into the false sense of security that everything is going to be okay. I look up and take a big breath of the fresh, crisp night air … but when I go to let my breath out, a sharp pain cripples me once again.
And this pain doesn’t simply pass.
It isn’t like the poisoning. It isn’t like the abrupt movement of the pups inside me.
This so much more. It sends me falling to me knees, my head thrown back, and forces a noise from my mouth that sounds a bit like a howl.
More than a bit.
It is a howl.
26
Sabrina
Instantly all three boys are at my side, each one holding me up as my knees buckle beneath me.
“What is it?” Rory asks. “What’s wrong?”
I don’t know how I know, but I just do.
“The babies are coming,” I say as I clench my teeth together to bite back the blinding pain.
“Now?” Kaleb asks, his face a mask of shock. “Are you sure?”
I scream and wriggle out of their arms so that I can drop down to the ground onto all fours.
“I’d say she’s sure,” Marlowe says. “We need to get her back to the house.”
But I cry out again, my hands digging into the earth as my hips buck back, expletives streaming from my mouth like running water.
“No,” I growl. “I’m not going anywhere.”
For once, Rory agrees with me.
“We can’t move her,” he says, dropping down to my side. “There’s no time.”
I roll over onto my back and hold on to my stomach as Marlowe crouches behind me and rests my head in his lap. He sweeps the hair out of my eyes that is already starting to stick to my sweating forehead. Kaleb gives me his hands and I squeeze them so hard that I worry about shattering his bones.
“It’s okay,” Rory says. “You can do this.” His eyes are a blazing gold in the moonlight.
“We can do this,” I say as I look to at each of them in turn. All of their eyes begin to shine fiercely as we get ready to bring our pups into the world.
I thought I knew pain before.
It was nothing compared to this.
Not even the pure exhaustion that I feel can keep me from staring into the three new sets of eyes that look at me now. I rest up against Marlowe’s lap as he cradles my body between his legs, and I hold one of our precious babies in my arms. Kaleb and Rory sit beside me, each holding another one of our children. All three are healthy and beautiful; one girl and two boys.
Suddenly, it doesn’t matter what happens tomorrow or the day after that, or any of the days that come next—if we’re lucky enough to have days that come next.
None of us are thinking about that yet. How could we be? We’re only thinking about these three tiny miracles that look up at us with big, curious eyes.
“I can’t believe we’re parents,” Kaleb says as he looks down at the tiny pup in his arms. Tiny baby. He wriggles his fingers next to him until he grips onto Kaleb’s big thumb with both hands. Then he leans down to softly kiss his son’s forehead.
There’s nothing outwardly distinguishing them from human babies. Well, nothing other than the otherworldly glow from deep within their eyes when they lock eyes with me.
“This entire time,” Rory says in awe, his head bowed over my lap—his hand outstretched towards, but not touching, the tiny girl in my arms. “The whole time that you’ve been keeping up with us and dealing with all of the ridiculously stressful things that have happened to you, you’ve been growing these little lives inside of you. I just can’t believe how strong you are, Sabrina.”
I look over at him for a minute, and after only the slightest hesitation, hold out our daughter for him to hold. The feel of her warmth leaving my skin is like agony, until I see the way her eyes glow up at him as he gazes back at her in wonder.
“She’ll be strong like you,” he says, unable to take his eyes off her. “She has to be, because she will have a strong mother to raise her.”
“And she’ll have all of you too,” I say.
I can feel the collective sigh that covers our thoughts at my words. The boys don’t say anything as we sit there in the stillness. Sadness permeates the night around us, mingling with the joy of the birth of our children.
“Sabrina,” Marlowe says with sorrow in his voice when the silence is finally broken. “We aren’t going to win against Remus and his pack. We aren’t going to be here to—”
“Stop,” I say without even looking back at him. “These pups need you, all of you. I need you. I don
’t care what we’re up against, you can’t lose.”
“Let’s not talk about it now,” Rory says. “Let’s just enjoy this time with our new little family.”
I have to agree with him. That’s the true miracle of the night. Rory and I agreeing on something twice.
We sit together under the moon and listen to the cooing sounds of our babies as they drift off to sleep in our arms. I look at the baby that’s sleeping against my chest now, handed to me with great reluctance by Marlowe. Marlowe’s hand is still draped over mine, unable to let go of his son completely, not even for a moment.
In my arms, his eyes are closed and his eyelids are twitching as if he’s having a very vibrant dream. His little lips form into a smile every so often and he his nose crinkles up as if he smells something on the air.
This is my whole world right here nestled within this patch of trees. It’s everything that I have ever wanted, and I have to find a way to hold on to it.
Eventually, I drift off to sleep too. Together, under the nearly full light of the moon, our small and tender family rests. We are still all tangled together and this time, we have precious cargo between us.
When I hear a rustling in the woods, I open my eyes to see that the boys must have heard it too. They are all already awake and alert.
What fools we’ve been.
No matter the stress or suddenness of the birth, we never should have allowed our guards to come down, not even for a second. The cover of trees and darkness isn’t enough to protect us from Remus and his pack.
I’ve not been a mother for more than a few hours, and already I’ve failed at protecting my babies.
Rory and Kaleb hand the other two pups back to me and I cradle all three of them in my lap, trying to coax them to stay quiet as their little eyes begin to open. I’m preparing my body to run—all while knowing how impossible that is in the first place—only to be overwhelmingly relieved when I see that it is only Romulus in the woods coming toward us.
“I got worried,” he says to Rory once he spots the boys. “You’ve been gone all night and when morning came and you still weren’t home, I—”
