by Helen Scott
“I just don’t feel right about this… I don’t want violence to be the answer to everything. I don’t want us to hurt someone just because we were hurt first. The humans have a saying, ‘an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind’ or something like that. I don’t want us to be blind.” I felt like I wasn’t making sense. I was frustrated, not just with the violence, but with everything. I was sick to death of being chased, being hunted. There was a desperation inside me, the likes of which I’d never felt before, for me to make sure that this wasn’t the rest of my life, that my mates and I weren’t forever looking over our shoulders.
“So you want us to just let him go?” Micah asked, sounding confused.
I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face before running them back through my hair, only to remember I had it up in a ponytail. After extracting my fingers, I said, “I don’t know what I want. I just don’t want us to stoop to their level. We’re better than that. At least I want to be.”
“Okay, we’ll think of something else. It’s going to be fine, I promise.” Roman wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into a tight hug. I wasn’t shy about my affection for either of my mates, and when I pushed up on my tiptoes, I planted a kiss against his lush lips. Micah was close by, next to me, so I turned and planted one on him as well.
For a split second, I looked past my two mates and saw Blake watching us intently. If someone could actually be green with envy, then my money would have been on Blake in that moment. The expression on his face made me turn away.
I wasn’t sure why I was feeling so conflicted toward him. Everything I knew about having a mate told me that I wouldn’t find anyone else attractive, that other men and women may as well just be furniture when it came to romance. A small part of me, one I was trying my hardest to ignore, was curious about Blake and felt drawn to him.
It reminded me a tiny bit of when I first met Micah, and that scared the absolute shit out of me.
“If we’re going to relax for a bit, then I’m going to take a nap.” Micah didn’t wait for a response as he turned and went to the ladder, climbing up into the loft where the bed was. A large part of me wanted to go and join him, but I knew if I did, there would be no rest.
Once Micah was lying down, his light breathing evening out almost immediately, Roman said, “Maybe I should go and hunt. We don’t have much left in terms of food.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked tentatively. I wasn’t sure what good I’d be since I couldn’t shift and would probably scare off any prey before he ever even saw them, but if he wanted me there, then I’d go.
“No, it’s fine. Someone should stay and keep an eye on Blake anyway.” There was something in the tone of his voice that I didn’t understand, an emotion I hadn’t known him long enough to recognize yet. I felt the mate bond and made sure it was there, nice and strong, which it was.
I had no reason to object, so I just nodded and watched as Roman slipped out the cabin. Once he’d shifted, he gave me a small yip to let me know he was leaving. I appreciated it.
The only problem now was what I was going to do while both of them were otherwise occupied. My gaze felt drawn to Blake, even though I’d intended on ignoring him. Blood had congealed on the side of his face where his eyebrow had split open again. I thought I had given him a similar wound when we were first fighting.
As much as I wanted to ignore him, I couldn’t. What I could do was clean him up a bit. Though I was mentally trying to talk myself out of it, I moved over to the med kit and grabbed some antiseptic swabs and butterfly bandages. There was also a small pot labeled healing cream, so I grabbed that as well. I also grabbed some rags and a bowl of fresh warm water to get some of the blood off his face.
When I went over to Blake and sat down, he didn’t flinch or move away, which was how I probably would have reacted if I was honest. “Want me to patch you up?”
“You don’t have to,” he grumbled.
I readied the bandages and the wipes before I began dunking a corner of the towel into the warm water, wetting it so I could clean up his face. As I brought the rag to his face, I struggled not to make eye contact with him. It was a habit by now. I could look at people without looking into their eyes. It was what I’d been doing with him all this time, but now, sitting there cleaning him up with him watching me, it was getting harder to resist for some reason.
Blake flinched the first few times I wiped the rag over his skin. Guilt twisted in my stomach, and I hated the thought of what we’d put him through. He hadn’t exactly gone easy on me, but I didn’t blame him for that. He was just following orders, as he said.
The water in the bowl quickly became pink from the blood coming off his face. Every time I rinsed it, I ducked my head, trying to stop myself from giving in to the temptation of looking at him. When I brought it up once more, I got dangerously close to making eye contact with him since the only blood left was from the wound itself. At least I’d be done soon.
After I was satisfied with how clean his face was, I grabbed the antiseptic wipes and carefully opened a package, touching the wipe at just the very tip until I was able to shake out the folded wet square. I bundled it up and carefully dabbed it on the wound, which made Blake hiss from the sting of it. I couldn’t blame him, since I knew from past experience that it stung like hell.
Once that was all done, I carefully put the butterfly bandages over the bigger cuts around his eye and eyebrow. The one on his lip I couldn’t do much for. “This was in the med kit, and I think it’s for bruises. If you want, I can put some on, though I’m not sure where they hit you.”
“Mostly my ribs,” he said softly.
“Do you mind?” I asked as I reached for the edge of his shirt.
“Go ahead,” he murmured.
I could feel his gaze on me, taking in every minute detail of my face, hair, whatever. It was distracting, and as I pulled his shirt up, my knuckles grazed against his skin, making both of us jolt away from one another. To have a moment to collect myself, I read the jar. Instructions: Rub into bruised area. Fabulous. The shortest line of instructions I’d ever read.
Carefully, as though it was a bomb not a fucking jar of salve, I unscrewed the cap, setting it off to one side like it was a Fabergé egg. I scooped a dollop out with my first two fingers and lifted his shirt again with my non-salve covered hand, being extra cautious not to accidentally touch him. Of course, then I was left with the fact that I was about to rub some cream into his skin so the touching was a necessity.
The bruises on his ribs were already blooming a wonderful purple-green color. “This might be uncomfortable,” I said as I began to work the salve into his skin.
Touching him was like touching a live wire or doing a line of cocaine. Not that I knew what cocaine felt like, but still, it was what I imagined it felt like. Just that rush that hit my veins and spread throughout my body. If I was honest, it was like the first time I’d gotten punched and my fight or flight instincts kicked in. They were firmly in the fight camp.
Fuck flight.
I’d done that enough. I wasn’t going to be that person anymore, not with Roman and Micah by my side. We would stand up for what we wanted.
A small part of me wondered if Blake would be by my side as well. The thought was sobering. Why was I reacting to him this way? There was nothing I wanted more than to go and live a happy life with Roman and Micah. So why was I wondering if Blake could be with us? That wasn’t how mates worked.
Still, I couldn’t seem to tear my gaze away from the exposed skin of Blake’s abdomen and chest. It was like finding a Christmas present before it had been wrapped. Which was exactly what it shouldn’t have been like. I shouldn’t have found him attractive in the slightest, and yet I was fighting a losing battle against running my hands over all of his exposed body, even though I didn’t need to.
I could have used the salve as an excuse.
He wouldn’t have stopped me. I knew he wouldn’t.
“What are
you a professor of?” I asked, sick of the silence that lay thickly between us.
“History.”
“Do you have a focus, or just all of time and space?” I teased.
“Old Norse language and literature, runology, and interdisciplinary Viking Studies. Do you want to know where I got my Ph.D. as well?”
“Sure,” I replied, knowing that he was just trying to be a jerk. I’d dealt with worse though.
“University of Chicago.”
“Fancy schmancy city boy, huh?”
“Hardly, but they gave me a full ride.”
“Well, consider me impressed.” I tugged his shirt back down, covering his abs and the tantalizing line of hair that disappeared into his pants. Fuck. This was wrong. Why was I acting this way? Feeling this way? “What made you join Jaxon’s pack?” I asked, knowing he’d already denied me the real answer once.
“I already told you. It’s a strong pack.”
“Yeah, you already lied to me. Why don’t you try again, asshole?”
“I didn’t lie to you, that’s what I was told.”
I tried coming at it from a different angle. “Why do you think it’s only going to get stronger?”
“Because of you.”
My gaze shot up to his face, only to lock with his. All this time, I’d been careful not to actually look him in the eyes, to keep my gaze on his cheekbones or forehead. Now the familiar tension in me crackled and burst. Within a second, I understood why I’d been feeling the way I had—the mate bond had been pulling us together. Now it was there, stuck in place, and nothing was going to change it.
“What do you mean because of me?” I asked, my voice breathless as the echoes of the bond snapped in place. Everything in me was demanding that I mount him right now and ride him into the oblivion of pleasure that was promised with the consummation of the mate bond.
“He thinks you’re the answer to something, that if he gets you, then he’ll be able to sire the next great line of alphas.”
“He wouldn’t be siring shit. I refuse to have pups with that man.”
“You think I’d let you now?” Blake demanded, exposing the fact that he felt the bond snap into place as well.
“How did he know where to find us?” I asked, knowing that now Blake was talking, I wasn’t about to stop the flow of information.
“He said he had a contact that had advised him of the situation, but I have no idea what that means. He really just did give us coordinates and told us to bring you back alive, whether we had to kill your supposed mates or not.” Blake’s statement made a chill ripple down my spine and fear flower in my gut.
Since the mate bond was in place, it didn’t matter whether or not I made eye contact with Blake anymore, so I took a deep breath and leveled my best take no shit glare at him as I said, “Just so we are extremely clear on this, I will die before I let Jax take me. That pack killed my entire family. I won’t be a part of it. Never again.”
“They killed your family?”
“The previous alpha, yes.”
“What did Jax have to do with that? Surely if he’s a different alpha and the pack is run differently, then it’s not the same pack that hurt your family?”
“Murdered my family. Murdered. It wasn’t a fucking papercut.”
“No need to be pedantic about it. You know what I meant.”
“Were you telling the truth when you said you didn’t know the last alpha, Erik?”
“I joined the pack right after Erik lost. I saw the kind of pack he led.”
“And I suppose Jax’s version of the pack is so much better?”
“Not a lot, but it is better.”
“And the women?” I challenged him. “Is it better for them too?”
Blake paused and frowned. “I never saw the women, only some pups, male ones at that.”
“That’s because Jax thinks women are worthless unless he wants something to put his dick in or pop a pup out. He killed a man when I refused to go to dinner with him. He knocked me unconscious after I was attacked because I refused to go to his healer. You want to know what happened when I woke up? He was trying to force the mate bond. He had one of the old potions that they would have the witches brew with the healers. I’ve never felt anything as excruciating as the blue fire he put into my system. He kept me locked in a bedroom in a warehouse. Who does that? Especially to their friend’s little sister!”
Blake’s eyes went wide. “His friend’s little sister?”
“My brother Sam and him were best friends growing up, along with Landon, who betrayed my brother to the alpha, which got him killed. They were supposed to be the three amigos, the three musketeers, whatever you want to call them. They were supposed to have each other’s backs. It was that trust that got my brother killed. Then when I ran into Jax again, it was his inability to accept no for an answer that almost got me killed multiple times. So please, tell me again what a good guy Jax is and how the pack really isn’t that bad.”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea. Of course Jax always seemed a little on the edge of crazy, but I always thought that was true of most alphas, since they had to challenge the previous alpha to get the position. Erik wasn’t the alpha before Jax though. Landon was.”
My heart stopped. Not literally, but for a second, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. “Landon was alpha?”
Blake nodded.
“And Jax killed him to become alpha? I can’t imagine Landon yielding or Jax letting Landon stay in the pack once he was alpha,” I said carefully as I tried to think through what happened.
“Jax killed him.”
Landon may not have struck the blow that killed Sam, but my brother’s death had been squarely on Landon’s shoulders. To know that Jax had killed him was oddly satisfying, but also made me even more wary of Jax, since Landon had been family. Literally. They were half-brothers, which was partially why they had always been so close knit with Sam. My brother had been the only outsider in the group.
“That’s so insane,” I muttered, my mind lost in the past and memories of the three of them running around together causing havoc.
“So your mates are your only family?” Blake asked, his tone gentle, as though the question was going to send me into a full on meltdown.
I nodded. “Do you have family?”
“A little brother at my old pack. They don’t let potential alphas hang around, so I had to leave.” His voice dipped, and I knew it was still a sore subject for him.
“Do you still talk?”
He shook his head. “I mean, we could if we wanted to talk about the weather, but if my old alpha found out my brother was talking about pack business with an outsider, then he’d be in trouble. I don’t think he’s as crazy as your Erik, but I think being alpha and having to kill to get there changes something within them. It’s not something I ever plan on pursuing, just so you know.”
“So long as you and Roman and Micah don’t try to out alpha one another, I think we’ll be okay.” What the hell was with me and attracting alphas?
“Will they share? I can’t even believe I’m asking that question while still tied to a fucking table.” He sounded outraged with himself, but it wasn’t directed at me or my other mates, so I let it slide.
“They’ll have to.” I shrugged. “I have no idea what’s happening and it’s terrifying, but we have to adapt while we search for answers. Not to mention find somewhere else to stay. Ugh. There’s nowhere to go, and I don’t know what to do. At least the mate bond makes dealing with you easier.”
Blake laughed, and the split on his lip opened up again, oozing just a little blood. His tongue flicked out over it and wiped the blood away, and it was like that small movement hypnotized me and my instincts took over, pulling me toward him until my lips brushed against his own.
The copper tang of his blood filled my nose and washed over my lips as his mouth claimed my own. My need for him increased tenfold the moment his tongue swept into my mouth. He tasted of blood and bacon, and f
or some reason, that was doing it for me. The pull to be with him was like a war drum beating in the darkest part of my soul, the part where my wolf hid, and she wanted me to claim him as my mate as quickly as possible. The need drove her crazy in my mind, so much so that I started to think one day, I might be able to shift again without my life being in danger, so long as I had the help of my mates and their own wolves.
I crawled into his lap and felt his hardness for me in his jeans. Reaching past him, I untied his hands, needing to feel his touch on my skin. The second his hands were free, they were on me, pushing my tank up, caressing every inch of my skin that they could reach until I felt like I was going insane. I knew I should stop. I knew I should talk to Roman and Micah about this first, but it felt like if I did try and stop, then my wolf would tear me apart from the inside out. What choice did I have?
12
Nina
A low growl rumbled through Blake’s chest, vibrating into me and setting my body on fire. As though that wasn’t enough, his touch felt like it was scorching my skin, branding me as his mate wherever his hands went. The bond stirred in my chest and flickered into being within my mind. I’d known it was there before, but now it was like I could reach out and touch it if I wanted to. Metaphorically, of course.
My wolf was pushing at me in my mind, not to shift but to claim, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could handle not having him inside me. As though he’d heard my thoughts, Blake slipped an arm around my waist and the other under my ass, giving me a good squeeze before he pushed to his feet, carrying me with him.
