“I thought she was your friend.”
“I don’t have friends like you do.” His voice is low, but his words pack a punch, driving the blade farther into my chest. “Either way, none of that shit matters. I wanna hear about you. I missed you today.”
“What about the six months that you were gone?” The question comes from my mouth like word vomit, but I can’t stop it. I lick my lips, tasting the poison from my fangs. “You sure as hell didn’t miss me then.”
“Says who?” he taunts. Ander has always been drawn to the fire and no matter how many times he gets burned, he will always dive headfirst into the flame.
“Hmm.” I release the steering wheel for a moment as I pull the cigarette from my lips and blow out a thick cloud of smoke. My grip tightens on the wheel as my other tightens around his hand. “Most times, if someone misses you, they’ll fucking let you know.”
“Right, right.” He chuckles lightly, the sound harsh against my ears as he bares his own fangs. “What the fuck did you expect from me, Hadley? Me staying away was the best thing for everyone. Trust me, you were the last person that I wanted to see while I was rolling around at rock bottom.”
His words are like the final blow. My chest aches as my heart splinters. Clenching my jaw, I push away the pain that floods me. Relaxing my hand, I let my fingers fall away from his.
“No,” he growls, threading his fingers back in mine. He holds my hand like a vise grip as his eyes bore holes into the side of my face. “You were the last person that I wanted to see because I knew that if you saw me like that, you would never look at me the same again.”
The pain in his voice reaches out and licks the wounds on my heart, healing them with the poison on his tongue. “It was only ever temporary. I couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing you again, but I knew that if I didn’t stay away from you then I never would.”
“That makes no fucking sense,” I whisper, my voice catching in my throat that’s thick with emotion. Quickly pulling into the parking lot, I find a spot and park. Blinking rapidly, I struggle against the tears, but I lose the fight as they fall from my eyes. “After the things that I’ve already seen, there’s nothing that could make me look at you differently.”
“You don’t know the shit that I’ve done.”
“And I don’t care what you’ve done.” I look over at him through tear-filled eyes, meeting the storm that brews within his irises. “The things that you’ve done—they don’t make you who you are. Good people do bad shit sometimes. That doesn’t change who you are as a person.”
Ander visibly swallows. “I’m not a good person, Hadley. I never was.”
“Let me change your mind then.” Keeping my eyes on his, I reach forward and kill the engine. “I want you to see yourself in the same light that I do. You’re surrounded by darkness, but you aren’t your demons. Let me show you who you really are, not who your addiction makes you think you are.”
Silence falls around us and the tension hangs heavily in the air between us. Ander stares through me, his eyes penetrating my soul as he searches within me. His chest heaves as he takes a deep breath. “I don’t know if it’s going to work, but I wanna let you try.”
I smile inwardly as I get a rush of endorphins. He doesn’t think that it will work because he doesn’t believe. He doesn’t believe that he’s worthy of love from anyone, including himself. It won’t happen overnight—shit, it might never happen—but if he is willing to try, then I’m going to do anything within my power to make it happen.
Pushing open my car door, I step outside and walk around to Ander’s side. He’s climbing out of the car just as I make it over to him. Looking up at him, my eyes meet his and I smile as I reach out for his hand. Ander slides his warm palm into mine, his fingers intertwining with mine. Neither of us utters a word as we walk to the front of my building and make our way to my apartment.
It’s silent as we make our way through the apartment. Ander follows me into my room, dropping my hand as we get inside. Turning around, I look for him in the darkness. The toe of his sneaker catches the side of the door as he kicks it shut. His eyes are honed in on mine as he reaches behind his back, turning the lock on the doorknob.
Stalking across the room, with me in his sight, he doesn’t stop until his toes touch mine. Ander dives his fingertips into my long hair as he cups the back of my head. Tilting back to look up at him, I catch the tears in his eyes as he gazes down at me.
“Are you gonna let me love you?” My lips move, brushing against his, but my voice is caught in my throat. Ander steals the air from my lungs as he captures my mouth with his. His kiss is slow and torturous. His lips are gentle as they caress mine with a pain that only my soul knows.
Sliding his hands down my sides and along my hips, he wraps his arms around the back of my legs as he lifts me into the air. I’m suspended above him with our mouths fused together before he lowers me to the bed. Ander follows me down, settling between my legs as he crawls onto the mattress with me.
Pulling away, he hovers above me as he stares down, his eyes desperately searching mine with an unreadable expression on his face. “I don’t want you to love me,” he breathes.
Staring up at him, I chew on my bottom lip as I wait. When he stole the air from my lungs, he must have taken my voice too.
“It hurts, Hadley,” he says quietly. A tear rolls down the side of his face, but I don’t dare reach out to brush it away. “Your love is consuming and it’s fucking painful. It’s a pain that someone else—someone good—deserves to feel. I’m a glutton for punishment and this between us, it hurts so fucking good. It’s too good, it’s too good to be true.”
His anguish reaches out, wrapping its broken arms around me as it sucks me in with him. “No one deserves my pain like you do.”
“But I’m not good for you.” His voice shatters around me as he softly drags the tips of his fingers along the side of my neck. “I’m only going to hurt you, Hadley. It’s what I fucking do.”
“No.” I shake my head as I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. “It’s what we do. Love hurts, so make sure you hurt me like you fucking mean it.”
His eyes narrow slightly as a ghost of a smile plays on his lips. “I fucking love you,” he breathes, dropping his face down to mine.
“Prove it.”
“It’s going to hurt,” he growls as he fists one hand in my hair as the other lifts up the bottom hem of my shirt.
“Make it.”
Without another word, Ander’s lips crush against mine. Our souls drink from the fire that burns between us as we’re caught in a precarious dance of give and take. One by one, we’re stripped of our clothes and our inhibitions as we lose ourselves in each other.
We hurt each other over and over as we carefully carve our names into each other’s souls with the sharp tips of our fangs. Nothing hurts quite like our love, but it’s the only thing that we know; it’s in our nature and we embrace the flames.
Pain and pleasure is the language of our love.
30
Ander
Lazily trailing my fingertips over her naked back, I watch Hadley as she sleeps. She appears so innocent and peaceful as any worry or pain is washed away from her expression. Her lips part slightly as she exhales, her warm breath fanning across my face. I watch her chest as it rises and falls effortlessly. I drag the tips of my fingers down her spine, flattening my hand to rest on her lower back.
Hadley stirs and her breathing grows erratic as her face contorts. I stop moving, holding my breath as I watch the torment consume her in her sleep. Her eyes fly open and she blinks rapidly as her eyes adjust to the harsh light of the day that shines through the open curtains. She quickly glances around before meeting my stare.
“Ander,” she breathes, exhaling shakily as her face visibly relaxes. “I was afraid that you were already gone or that last night was just a dream.”
Lifting my hand from her back, I reach up to her face, brushing a stray lock of hair
from her eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The guilt settles deep in my bones as the uncertainty in my voice hangs heavily in the air around us. I can’t promise that I won’t go anywhere, because we know that it’s probably a lie. I will never go far, but there’s part of my life that she can’t be a part of. As long as my addiction is in the driver’s seat, Hadley will always have to take a backseat.
We had spent the greater part of last night with me inside her, but I didn’t stay in bed with her all night. When my addiction called, I had to answer. I slipped out of her room and into the bathroom a few times throughout the night for a quick little bump. I have to do what I can to keep my high level and my demons at bay.
Hadley nuzzles her head against my palm as I cup the side of her face. “Let’s just stay here all day.” My thumb strokes the softness of her skin as I stare at her.
“I like the sound of that.” I smile, scooting closer to her. Hadley drapes one of her legs over my hip as I move until we’re flush against each other. Her eyelids flutter open as she watches me with a flame flickering in the gold and green hues of her irises. Her chest heaves as her breathing grows shallow and her hard nipples brush against my skin.
We can’t stay here all day, not when I need to get more heroin.
The last time I snuck off to the bathroom, I shot the last of the junk that I had into my system. I can’t stay here all day without getting high. It won’t take long before the withdrawal sets in. It won’t take long after that for all hell to break loose.
My mind drifts away from the drugs as Hadley’s bare pussy brushes against my cock. I woke up hard and it’s painfully fucking hard at this point. It pulses and throbs as the blood rushes straight to the tip. Hadley bites down on her bottom lip as she bats her eyelashes at me.
“So, that’s what you want me in your bed for, isn’t it?” I smirk at her, abandoning the side of her face as I fist my cock in my hand. Positioning the tip against her, I slide it along the wetness that coats her skin. “I’m only good for this, huh?”
“That and a few other things,” she murmurs as I slowly slip inside her. Moving her hips against me, she pulls me in until I fill her completely. Grabbing her shoulders, I flip her onto her back and sink back into her. “Fuck,” she moans against my mouth as I lightly brush my lips against hers. “Don’t fucking stop.”
Releasing her shoulders, I slide my hands across her soft skin, stopping as I reach her hips. I claim her lips, kissing her hastily before moving away. Pulling my knees under me, I thrust into her once more before abruptly slipping out of her.
“What the—” she starts, but her words are quickly replaced with a gasp as I flip her over onto her stomach. Gripping her hips, I pull her ass up into the air and thrust back inside her. Hadley moans loudly, pushing her ass back against me as I move in and out of her.
My fingertips dig into her skin as I tighten my grip on her hips. Releasing one, I slide my hand up her spine until I reach the nape of her neck. I dive my hand into her hair and wrap the long locks around it as I grab a fistful. Pulling her head back, she extends her neck as she tilts back to look at me. The pain and pleasure swirls in her eyes as she keeps them trained on me as I slam into her.
She moans loudly as she clenches around my cock as I push her closer to the edge. My thrusts grow harder and faster as I drive us both to our release. Hadley loses herself first, screaming my name out into the void as she shatters around me. I follow close behind and fall over the edge with her.
We ride out the waves of ecstasy before I slowly pull out of her. Hadley rolls over onto her back as I sit down on my knees. Breathing heavily, she watches me as we both struggle to catch our breath. My heart pounds erratically in my chest as one high chases another away. Holding my hands out, I watch as they shake and the dread fills the pit of my stomach. I didn’t time it accurately, and my high is wearing down a lot faster than I thought.
“Do you have any left?” Hadley asks me quietly as she sits up beside me. Her eyes search mine, filled with a pain that only I know, a pain that I created.
I swallow hard over the lump forming in my throat and shake my head. “Can you give me a ride home?”
Hadley’s eyes grow wet as they bore holes into mine, and she gives me a curt nod. “I’m not leaving you there, but I’ll take you to get whatever it is that you need.” I watch her as she scoots off the bed, grabbing her clothes from the floor as she slips out of the room.
Just like that, I fuck everything up all over again.
The drive was silent and uncomfortable as we headed here to feed my addiction. Neither of us says anything as we get out of the car, but she doesn’t fight me as I slip my hand into hers. As we walk up to the house, I see Anya’s dull blonde hair as she sits hunched over by the door. My brow furrows as I take in the sight of her, but her hair hangs like a sheet in front of her face. Her shirt is soaked with blood, long locks of hair are a dark red about halfway down the shaft.
“Anya.” Her name comes out as a demand, but the panic is quickly setting in. She doesn’t move or look in our direction as we walk up the steps to her. Dropping Hadley’s hand, I crouch down in front of her. “Anya.” I say her name again as I assess her, watching her chest for any movement.
When she doesn’t respond, when I see no movement in her chest, I quickly grab the sides of her face, lifting her head to look at me. A gasp escapes my lips as Hadley yelps and Anya stares back at me with lifeless eyes. Her face is bruised and battered and broken blood vessels in her eyes turn the whites of them red.
“Oh my god,” Hadley cries out as Anya’s head tilts in my hands, revealing the large cut across her neck, stretching from ear to ear. “Ander, what the fuck!”
Jesus fucking Christ.
Falling backward, I drop her head from my hand and it sags, hanging low as her chin touches her chest again. “Call 911,” I tell Hadley in a rush as I turn to look at her. Tears stream down her face as she stares back at me with horror in her eyes.
“Ander,” Hadley says quietly as she punches the numbers into her phone. “It’s too late.”
“I fucking know, but she didn’t do this shit to herself,” I bark at her, watching as she holds the phone up to her ear. Hadley nods as she steps away, talking quickly into the speaker. I glance back at Anya as the bile rises up my throat. I always expected to find her dead one day, but not like this, not at the hands of someone else.
My eyes trail over Anya’s lifeless body before landing on her palm that faces the sky. A black and white circle catches my gaze and I scoot closer to get a better look. I cringe as I slide it out of her fingers and hold it in my hand. The air leaves my lungs in a rush as I stare down at the bloody chip.
Royal Legacy Casino.
Fuck. This wasn’t some drug deal or trick that went bad. This is a fucking message, coming straight from the top. We fucked Javi over when we left with a shitload of his heroin and cash in our hands. We never considered the consequences of our actions or that he would even bother coming for us, but it looks like the past finally caught up to us.
Javi killed her and he wanted me to find her.
He left her as a message to me, so I know that he’s coming for me next.
31
Hadley
Standing at the bottom of the steps, I stare up at Ander in horror. He faces me, clutching something in the palm of his hand with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Go to your car now,” he demands, pointing toward the street. “I need to run inside quick, but I will be out in less than a minute.”
“But the police are on their way. Shouldn’t we wait for them to get here?” I ask, my voice void of any emotion due to the current state of shock that I’m in.
“We can’t be here when they get here.” I watch as he swallows nervously, shifting his weight on his feet. “I can’t be here when the cops show.”
“But—”
“Go wait in the fucking car!” he barks at me as he spins on his heel. Pulling open t
he front door, he hurries inside, leaving it wide open. I’m frozen in place as I glance between the door and Anya’s lifeless body slumped over on the front stoop. I can’t say that I was ever a fan of her, but death was something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. After everything she had gone through with her miscarriage, finding her murdered was completely unexpected.
A few moments pass as I take in the scene from a horror movie playing out in front of me. Reality slaps me in the face as Ander’s demand rings in my head. I don’t know why he insists that he can’t be here, but I’m sure it has to do with all of the drugs that are inside that house. If he gets caught up in any kind of investigation, they could find anything to put him away. The fact that he’s the last known person here to see her alive and they had gotten into a heated argument that day. None of that looks good for him.
Panic mixes with the adrenaline in my system, abruptly pulling me from my state of shock, forcing my flight instincts into overdrive. Spinning on my heel, I sprint back to my car in a rush. I don’t even notice the tears streaming down my face until I pull the car door shut behind me.
What the fuck just happened?
My hands shake as I wrap them around the steering wheel. I watch as the color drains from them as my knuckles turn a stark white. Inhaling deeply, my chest heaves as I struggle to calm my breathing.
Anya is dead. Someone killed her.
I still can’t process it. My heart races inside my chest as it erratically pounds against my ribcage. I can hear the sound of my heartbeat in my ears and it drowns out any clear thought. Glancing back at the house, my stomach coils as I take in Anya’s crumpled form on the front stoop. I divert my eyes to the front door and stare, watching and waiting for Ander to reappear.
Black Clouds of Cotton (In Vein Series Book 2) Page 15
