by Rob Reger
Have decided I will return the favor and make a small gesture toward peace between the families, by handing over this diary to Ümlaut…and paying Dottie $5 to give him all of the Shady Uncle knowledge, as well! I know I could be shooting myself in the foot here, but A) I am a big believer that one has a right to one’s ancestral knowledge, B) I kinda owe it to the memory of Uncle Riordan, and C) what chance does Ümlaut EVER stand of becoming a worthy adversary without it?????? I mean, peace is all well and good, but I need to have my fun, too.
Later
My trunks are packed. Raven has been kind enough to help me get them into the van one last time. She and Ümlaut took pity on me and agreed to drive me home. Not that I can’t drive, but I tend to get pulled over an awful lot on suspicion of being about three years too young for a license.
Am now hanging out in front of the hotel thanking Schneider for the research that led me to discovering that Ümlaut is the 13th Shady Uncle.
ME:
If you like, I can make you a copy of Aunt Emma’s diary—the nonprivate stuff, I mean!
SCHNEIDER:
I would love that. By the way, congratulations. Looks like Attikol is going to be spending some years in prison. Not bad!
ME:
Thanks, man.
S:
Heard you freed Raven, too.
ME:
It was kind of a mutual thing.
S:
Sure. Let her be Ümlaut’s problem for a while, right? Hey, but aren’t you concerned that Attikol’s engineers still have your blueprints? You don’t want to wipe their minds of that knowledge?
ME:
No, see, there’s a bit of hero worship there—the team agreed to delete the blueprints, out of professional courtesy.
S:
Hey…are we having a wrap-up chat, here? Is that what we’re doing?
ME:
You know it. I think this is the part where the mayor rewards you for your…umm…courageous…research…by appointing you Seasidetown’s new City Planner, and asking you to reverse the aesthetic damage her predecessors inflicted on the town with their tourism campaign.
S:
No, I think this is the part where the mayor rewards you for your girlish pluck and determination with a commemorative plaque for your treehouse.
ME:
This would definitely be the part where, as a final gesture of trust, I high-five Dottie. IF I were the kind of person who ever high-fived anyone.
DOTTIE:
[Wandering over to interrupt.] Isn’t it actually the part where you give me a working DuplicatoDevice of my very own?
ME:
But only after you convince me you would never, never use it for evil?
D:
Only…the sequel reveals that I lied?
ME:
And I have to cobble together some kind of truth-seeking contraption to discover your real intentions—a plot to take over the local movie theater for a whole day and play nothing but historical documentaries?
D:
Ooh, nice touch. Can we also use the truth-seeking contraption to reveal that you and I are distant cousins?
ME:
Of course. Gotta get your money’s worth out of Ye Olde Gadget Device.
D:
Ye Olde Device Device.
Later
Have seen Jakey off. He has had an emotional reunion with his mother and they are both thrilled to be on their way home. (Duh+Duh=Duh.)
When we said our goodbyes, he handed me the following priceless piece of entertainment:
* * *
To a Lady Loved
(From Attikol’s poetry diary)
Your heaving sighs, your raccoon eyes,
You fell into my arms.
I’ve got a manly chest and a heroic quest:
To win over your charms.
To a Lady Loved
You’re my attractive dove
Though your name is Raven
It is thee I am cravin’.
Your skin so pale, my voice so male,
My handsome beard, chin, forehead, eyes, eyebrows,
cheekbones, and lips.
Your synthetic hair, your ears so fair
And pointy at their tips.
To a Lady Loved
Give my heart a tug
I need all your love
Don’t forget that I am very rich and good-looking.
* * *
Later
We are on the road! Raven and Ümlaut are in the front seat, making lovebird eyes at each other and causing me to gag periodically with their ridiculous conversations. I am hiding out in back under a pile of cats, headphones on, listening to Mom’s punk-rock mix tapes, and reading Dark Girl diaries!!!!! Just the thing on a long road trip.
Later
Back at home! Almost morning. Have said hi to Mom and called a cab for Raven and Ümlaut (couldn’t wait to get those two out of my hair).
ME:
Now, don’t forget, golems can live on indefinitely if kept out of the damp!
ÜMLAUT:
[Tired.] Yes. I got it. GOODBYE! GOOD NIGHT!
Am quite exhausted myself. Posse and I are going straight to bed!!!
May 26
Life could be wonderful if people would leave you alone.
—Charlie Chaplin
It is SOOOO good to be home again! Have unpacked trunks.
Took a lot longer without Raven’s help. Am laughing at myself for packing all these empty jars and miscellaneous containers…I guess I really thought I would need THEM to bring home my black rock, when the reality is so much better!
Later
What do you know—this evening over dinner Mom told me that Great-Aunt Millie disappeared! Turns out, it was the same day I found my black rock. I offered to search the attic and basement for her, or call that ghostbuster dude we’ve hired in the past—but Mom stopped me with a sad, meaningful glance.
MOM:
[Gently.] Emily…I don’t think we’re going to find her this time.
ME:
[Snorting.] What is she, a young fawn I’ve raised by hand, who must at last return to her wild nature? Don’t be silly. I ALWAYS find her!
M:
No…she told me to let you know she and Aunt Emma were going on to the Great Beyond…and they’d see you when you…um…y’know…
ME:
Kicked the bucket? Bought the farm? It’s OK, Patti, go ahead and say it.
M:
…Arrived.
So yeah. No more Dark Aunts on this side, I guess. No more late-night sessions on the Dark Girls with Aunt Millie. No more little chats with Aunt Emma via golem.
No, it’s just me now.
Carrying the Dark Girl torch into the future, all by myself.
Alone at last!
AHAHHAHHAHAH!
APPENDIX
My A+ documentary film for Mom…a few key scenes, just to give the general flavor.
About the Author
Emily the Strange: 13 years old. Destined for a life of infamy, maybe, if she feels like it. More likely to end up sequestering herself with her four black cats, knitting bizarre cozies for esoteric laboratory equipment, painting intricate portraits of imaginary monsters on grains of rice, and building a teleportation contraption out of twine, trucker caps, and tarantula eggs.
Visit if you dare . . . emilystrange.com
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.
Also Strange:
Emily the Strange: The Lost Days
Emily the Strange: Stranger and Stranger
Emily the Strange: Dark Times
Credits
Jacket art by Rob Reger © 2012 Cosmic Debris Etc., Inc.
Copyright
EMILY THE STRANGE: PIECE OF MIND. Copyright © 2012 Cosmic Debris Etc., Inc. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, no
ntransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN 978-0-06-145238-3
12 13 SCP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
FIRST EDITION
EPub Edition © OCTOBER 2011 ISBN: 978-0-06-209923-5
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