by R. G. Angel
He looked at me up and down with a sleazy look in his eyes before concentrating on the road again. “Oh, believe me, I’ll try you soon enough, I’ll try you good.”
I crinkled my nose in distaste. “You’re a disgusting pig.”
“Oh yeah? Believe me, If I’m forced to marry you, I will use you in all the ways I see fit. You’re only good at destroying my life, you and your mother are only good at destroying people’s lives.”
I turned sharply. “What does my mother have to do with this?”
Caleb looked at me in shock, decelerating more, as if he couldn’t believe he said that.
“What?”
“You said my mother. What does she have to do with anything? You were a kid when she died.”
“I don’t know anything about your mother.” He stopped the car in front of my gates, but kept the doors locked. “This conversation is over, Esmeralda. I just want to warn you, I’m not the guy who will fall in love with you, I’m not the man you can subdue with a smile, an attention or a wink or a fake notion of love, I know better.”
“I never pretended to be in love with you Caleb, actually it’s quite the opposite. I hate you with a passion.”
“Good!” He nodded. “Keep this hate, it might help you survive us a little while longer. And I will enjoy destroying you, Esmeralda Forbes.”
He unlocked the doors. “Goodbye Esmeralda,” he dismissed me.
I nodded. “Goodbye Caleb.” Go to Hell, Caleb Astor, go to fucking Hell.
As I walked down the path, I let go of my fake smile and let the despair fill me. There had to be a way out, a way to fix it all. How could I settle for being the wife of a monster and having the life I could see Sophia having with my father? It was not the kind of life I could settle for; it was not the kind of life I wanted. Not after reading some of my mother’s words, I couldn’t let myself be smothered this way.
When I reached the safe haven my room was, I locked the door and, as if fate had its hands in it, the next entry in my mom’s journal was about James Astor.
The night I met William was the night I met James, and I didn't know at the time how important that night would turn out to be. My debating team from my small University in Kansas made it to the finals of the national debate tournament. It was an achievement in itself, you know – my school never made it further than the regionals and we were now in the final four, going to New York. We were against Cornell, Harvard and Georgetown! Schools I never even thought I could get close to. James and William were there – they were much older than us, they were not competing, but they were there with Havard as Maecenes (Maecenes, seriously!) and when their eyes zeroed in on me, in my cheap and over-worn little black dress, I was lost.
How this night would be emblematic of my, I’d like to say demise, but it wasn’t my demise, not really, it was a different life. A life I, to be fair, made a mess of. But let me go back to James for a minute. James was charming and fun and smiley, everything your father wasn’t. James with his beautiful blond hair, striking eyes.
I rested my hand on the journal, thinking about how Caleb looked like James, a lot, too much really. They had the same pale blond hair and vibes. Their differences were subtle, James’s lines were softer, giving him a deceptive air of friendliness. Caleb was all sharp edges and clean cuts. Caleb and his cold eyes, Caleb and his sharp features, Caleb and his straight, aristocratic nose which he inherited from his mother. I took a deep breath and shook my head, trying to forget what had happened in the car. It was not the time or place to think about this. I went back to my mother’s words.
Yes, William and James – they couldn't have been more different in looks and yet here we were, darkness and sun.
Darkness and sun – it was the same comparison I made the first time I saw Archie and Caleb together. I guess history did have a way of repeating itself.
Your father, oh God your father, he had a charisma that turned every head in the room, women, men – anyone. And I have to admit I was shallow enough to fall for it, to fall for it all. But you have to understand, Esmeralda, I was 20 years old, I was young coming from a family that was, well, I couldn’t say poor per se, but money had never been a commodity we had. And these two men came out of nowhere and seemed to want me and, I'm not going to lie, my immediate attraction was for James’s bonhomie, his kind smile, twinkly eyes. William was much darker, more placid and yet when he was looking at me, he looked like he wanted to devour me alive.
I winced at the thought. Thinking about the attraction between my parents, no matter how unfamiliar I was with them, was really not something I wanted to think about.
And then, I'm not sure what happened but James took quite a relative step back and William asked me out, I’d like to say that money and power didn’t play a part in all of this but it did and maybe that’s why I'm paying now – maybe that’s why I had to tell you goodbye, maybe that’s why I lost you, some kind of karmic revenge. But within days I was accepting, relishing, your father’s attention, his presents, dinner invitations – everything. He was coming to see me all the time in my little corner of Kansas - He was so out of place there, this powerful well-dressed man. I didn’t know why he was so insistent, I never really questioned it. He was just so much more than me on so many levels, he took me on weekends away and really just swept me off my feet.
This is where I faulted, every now and then I found myself thinking about James. James, who was sending me messages; James, who was calling me in the dead of the night just to talk. I knew it wasn’t right, it felt like I was cheating on your father and in some ways it was true, mentally at least. James and I, we were connecting or at least I thought we were, and then one day, out of nowhere, William asked me to go home with him. I was surprised, it had only been a month since we started to date steadily. Again, I didn't understand the implications of stepping into his world, I was so naïve – much more than I gave myself credit for. I didn't understand why a man so powerful, with the world at his feet - a man who could have anyone in the world wanted little old me, Victoria from Prescott, Kansas. So of course, I went home with him and I had to admit that a little part of me – a sinuous, treacherous part – hoped to run into James.
I met your father’s family, and it was awkward at best. I felt so out of place and James appeared out of nowhere, he made me feel better with his words and then we became secret friends. He was coming to see me every day - every night. Nothing happened, you know, Esmeralda (not even a kiss), but part of me was conflicted. I came to love your father but I felt connected to James and I was thinking that maybe it wasn't too late, your father hadn’t really committed to our relationship yet, we were not engaged, I was growing so attached and then something happened during my last night at your father’s house. It seemed so innocent but in retrospect I think your father had planned it all – the last nail in the coffin of my heart. I know now he was smart, heartless and conniving enough to have orchestrated everything from the moment he invited me to step into his world.
I was feeling like a princess that night, in the stupid pink dress your father bought me for an outrageous amount of money. James asked me to dance, and I accepted, not really seeing anything wrong in that, and then out of nowhere your father appeared with a woman looking at me like I was poison, not worth the excrement under her shoes. I was taken aback by such hate, and then your father introduced me to James’s wife, the mother of their son! I was disheartened, Esmeralda. If I’d known he was married and had a child, I would have never even contemplated anything. I am a lot of things; I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I’d never be a homewrecker. Remember something, daughter, you will never build your happiness on another woman’s misery.
I closed the journal and lay back on the bed. Was this why Caleb hated me? Because he thought I was the reason his parents were at war? Did he blame me for his bad childhood?
I frowned…Childhood? The math didn’t add up. Caleb was only four months older than me. There was no way he was born by then.
I opened the journal again to finish the few lines left for this entry.
I was so disappointed and sad that I jumped into a marriage with William, ignoring the signs of what I was signing up for. In retrospect I am pretty sure William did it on purpose, to break my spirit. Don’t let him do that to you Esmeralda. Pretend, fake it – let him believe he won but don’t let him break you, you’re stronger than that. You’re my daughter, Esmeralda – he only has the power you give him. Be strong, daughter, always.
It was impossible to stop the tears this time. I did feel broken, part of me felt helpless, but I had to fight harder. She was right – he could take my freedom, but he couldn't break me if I did not allow him to, and I would fight him, Archie, Caleb and anyone else who wanted to break me.
“I’ll make you proud, mom,” I vowed.
Chapter 10
I was finishing my homework when Taylor burst into my room followed very closely by my stepmother.
“Taylor?” I jumped from my chair. “You said you’d never come here.” My heart hammered in my chest as dread filled me. “Is everything alright?”
“No, nothing’s alright. Having my friend spend her evening doing…” she looked at the book on my desk and scowled as if it had personally offended her, “math on the Friday night of her 18th birthday? Not happening.”
“It’s good to have you back here, Little T.” Sophia smiled rubbing her own arms. She was doing that often I noticed, as if she was looking for the comfort and care she was not getting.
Taylor shrugged; “I’ll do it only once.”
I looked at her and she was dressed in a purple midi-length dress featuring all-over sequin embellishment, cape-style sheer sleeves and flattering wrap front. The figure-hugging dress and black stilettos were perfect for her curves. Her hair was also out of her usual high ponytail and styled in a rose-shaped braided bun. Her makeup was also flawlessly done, the charcoal eyeliner made her jade green eyes even more mesmerising.
“Are you going out?”
She smiled, “We are. Maxine?” she called, and a woman walked in with a rolling suitcase and a black dressing bag. “We’re going to your birthday party and I got you the best make-up artist and stylist on the East Coast. Happy birthday, my friend!”
I frowned. I understood her words, but it made no sense. My father left a note for me with a black box from Tiffany’s. It contained a diamond bracelet - I was happy with this, it was more cash in my college fund, but I didn’t have a party. “I don’t have a party.”
She chuckled, “Of course you do. It’s at the Astor Manor.”
“Oh!” My eyes widened. I’d seen Archie leave dressed in a stunning tailor-made black suit a little over an hour ago, he passed me on the stairs as I was hunting for a snack. I’d shouted ‘Happy Birthday’ at him, but he kept going without a look back. The sad part? I took it as a win because at least he didn’t glare or flip me off.
“This party is not for me, Tay. It’s for Archie.”
She snorted. “And you’re his twin. I swear to god I’ll get you to that party –”
“But you don’t do parties.”
She nodded. “True, but to wipe that smug smile off their faces? I’ll do it.”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea,” but I was so tempted to go. I was fed up with being disregarded, ignored, and with what happened with Caleb and Ben I deserved to blow off some steam.
Taylor grinned. She knew she had won.
I turned toward Sophia who I hoped would be the voice of reason in this impending disaster.
“I think you should do it, sweetheart. You only turn 18 once and you staying here and doing homework is not right. I told you to choose your battles, but this one deserves a fight.”
I looked up. “Oh, what the hell.”
“Yes!” Taylor beamed, throwing her fist in the air. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the vanity table.
“Hello Esmeralda. Working on your face will be an honour,” said Maxine.
“Thank you?” I said quizzically. Ah, she was a weirdo all right.
“You’re welcome,” Maxine said, settling behind me, her hands on my shoulders as she detailed me in the mirror.
I met Taylor’s eyes, raising an eyebrow questioningly. It was now crossing the weirdo line and into Creepsville
“She is studying you, to get a feel of your face.”
“I see…” I was about to ask what was in the bag, but Maxine clapped her hands and turned me toward her.
I looked at the blood red dress Tay had got out of the bag.
“Where is the red of the fabric?” I asked, looking at the small piece of silk she was holding.
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous! You’re 18, rocking a body that most of us would die for. Flaunt it my friend, at least once.”
Sophia chuckled. “She’s right, you know. People pay to try and get your curves. Just be grateful your father’s not here tonight; it would give him a coronary.”
Our eyes met and for one second I was sure we were sharing the same thoughts – maybe it wouldn’t be a drama if he was gone.
“Done!” Maxine clapped. “You are absolutely stunning.”
Sophia helped me into the dress and turned me toward the mirror.
I was completely speechless, that woman was really a magician, the smoky eyeshadow made my eyes steely, the foundation gave my skin a golden hue, and with the plump red lips I looked like a pin-up from the Fifties.
She braided my heavy hair in a Dutch fishtail and finished it in a low bun.
The dress was a spaghetti-strap, deep V neckline, backless, pleated slip mini dress that stopped just at the line of decency, a few centimetres under my bottom, showing the full length of my shapely legs, all finished with a pair of silver-heeled red stilettos.
I hated to admit it, but I loved the femme fatale look I had tonight. I also hated to admit I was quite looking forward to seeing Caleb’s reaction.
Why do you care, idiot? I thought angrily before concentrating on the three women standing in front of me in different stages of awe.
“God, you’re absolutely stunning.” Sophia commented with pride, resting her hand on her chest as if I was her daughter, and the sentiment made me feel some warmth.
Taylor chuckled. “Oh we’re going to stir some shit, alright.”
“I didn’t peg you for a shit-stirrer,” I admitted as Maxine packed her stuff and disappeared as suddenly as she’d arrived.
“Usually I’m not, but tonight I say let’s raise hell. Deal?”
“Deal.”
I was trying to hide my apprehension at everything I was doing. The clothes weren’t me. I worked out a lot for my body but never to show it off, that wasn’t me. I also couldn’t imagine how my brother and my sociopathic new appointed fiancé would react at both me crashing the party and the way I looked.
“Your brother’s gonna die when he sees you,” Tay gushed. “I’ll get my phone out and make a video.”
I snorted, her evilness taking some of the edge off.
When we arrived at the mansion, the guard stepped in front of the gates with a clipboard in hand. Ah, of course it was an RSVP douche party. I sighed, somehow disappointed at not being able to show off.
“We’re not on the list,” I whispered as she opened her window.
She chuckled. “But darling, I am the list,” she exclaimed, haughtily reaching for dark sunglasses despite it being night-time. It was such a contradiction of the girl I knew.
“Name?”
She slid her sunglasses down her nose. “Excuse me? Don’t you know who I am?”
I turned away to hide my laughter.
“Umm…”
“I am Taylor Oppenheimer. Are you refusing entry to me? Really?”
“I- umm…” he looked down at his clipboard, visibly flustered. “You’re not on the list,” he repeated, his voice breaking.
I felt bad for him, he was in the worst spot possible.
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br /> “Of course I’m not on the list!” she scoffed, throwing one hand up dramatically. “I don’t belong on any list, as if I need to RSVP like some poor peasant.”
That made me break into a chuckle, I tried to hide with a cough. She’d got the act down to a T, she really was the funniest.
“What’s your name? I’ll speak with your security company – my father might very well own it.”
“No, no, there’s no need, Miss Oppenheimer.” He rushed to the gate and entered the code. “Have a good evening.”
“Thought so,” she snorted, putting her glasses back on and driving slowly past the guard.
I burst into laughter when we were out of sight. “Where did that come from?” I asked as I wiped the tears from the corner of my eyes thanking the waterproof mascara.
She removed her glasses and grinned at me. “You liked it?”
I nodded. “Unbelievably so, yes.”
“It was my impersonation of Bethany Oppenheimer, AKA my grandmother.”
“Damn she’s –”
“A bitch?” Taylor nodded. “Yep. Still looks at my mother like she’s the help.”
I rolled my eyes, but any humor I felt morphed into apprehension again at all the luxury cars parked in front of the Astor Estate and the music coming out from it.
Taylor stepped out and threw the keys at the valet – who even has a valet at a home birthday party? Patricians, that’s who.
“Come on, take a deep breath my friend.” Taylor came to stand beside me, taking my arm and intertwining it with hers. “I’ve got your back.”
I looked at her curiously as she stared at the door like a woman on a mission. “You never go to parties. Why aren’t you even a little bit anxious?”
She shrugged. “What these people think or say about me is their business, not mine. They only have the ability to affect me if I let them do it and I’d rather die a thousand painful deaths than let any of them affect me again.”
Ah, ‘again’… the key word I expected, a word I could bet was linked to my brother.
“Lead the way, Tay.” I gestured with my empty hand.
